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Just wanted to know there are many out there with the same situaiton, I have emailed you in case you want to talk more, not from a legal sense but more of just a fellowship and hope.

Thanks
Tony

While I understand that certain current motions (VI) will expire due to lack of prosecution ect, my question is:

(Question 1) Legally is there any time-table that the BM can wait and then attempt at looking to request new CS or ?? (Again I am not sure legally what else she can do thru the court system). What harm am I doing to my legal stance if I do not push at this time and waiting if she reapears out of no-where.

(Question 2) Should I file for any contempt motions even though she will not respond? (This would be used to support my case if we ever got back in court for some reason) or just let it go (legally).

(Question 3) Given there is one remaining child (age 16) would the court allow the BM to request back CS (say if this get requested in another year), even though the original order did not indicant any CS at that time due to 50/50 parenting time which is not being allowed since the BM has moved and has withheld the children from seeing there BF.

(Question numbered 1 and 2 were included within the text but not at the bottom,,,, sorry).

Additional information, while I have 50/50 parenting time (never changed) GAL/Consolers have offered up temporary changes to see if this would improve the relationship between BF and children.

At the present time I have not seen/spoken to the children since May/June when they stopped going to court ordered counseling. About 30 days later they moved without any information to where ect.

Hi Soc (and merry Christmas and happy new year),

You have helped me several ways this past year and I am greatly indebt to your assistance.

This new (or old) problem is just a continuance of the same issue, however with some twists. While I am troubled (emotionally) by what continues I am looking from you what legally I need to either be prepared for or should do in potential someone using the legal system to their advantage.

Divorced (IL) in 2002, 50/50 visitation, no CS, only maintenance (now expired) with two children, now one is 18, the other 16. Have been in court almost monthly for the past three years until Sept, where BM stopped appearing (BM also moved to an unknown location).

Have enlisted the efforts of GAL/Mediation/Counselor(s),lawyers (last year pro se) and even thou BM is mentally unstable, best interests of the children have not been compromised in a way that have threatened the children, according to the courts.

Alienation is a definite (in my mind) but with a BM who has a criminal mindset (details I am with-holding since they do not involve custody/children but would gladly email you if you felt the need to dig a deeper) there isn't anything I can do given the age of the children.

I write them weekly at the prior address (these are forwarded to a post office box in IL) to either reach out, or have a diary of my life when we ever get a chance to be back together. Not sure if they get them, or how long this will be forwarded or even how long the Post office box will be available (say to do lack of payment from BM, or just not picked up).

I have never felt that I have moved on, but continued my life regardless of someone who uses the children to hurt me. I will continue to do things that hopefully will allow the children back into my life once the control is somewhat lifted and they begin to realize the things they were put though (probably more consoling and allot of love and whatever God can provide).

Legally our case for visitation interference/abuse was never closed. Just left after the last two times she stopped coming. Interference was becasue BM just stopped allowing the children to leave when I arrived to pick them up (while in counseling it became clear why). This was the 2nd multiple occurance event, police were alerted, court ect.

While I understand that certain current motions (VI) will expire due to lack of prosecution ect, my question is:
(Question 1) Legally is there any time-table that the BM can wait and then attempt at looking to request new CS or ?? (Again I am not sure legally what else she can do thru the court system). What harm am I doing to my legal stance if I do not push at this time and waiting if she reapears out of no-where.

(Question 2) Should I file for any contempt motions even though she will not respond? (This would be used to support my case if we ever got back in court for some reason) or just let it go (legally).

By realizing the BM won't change (again three years of court is my baseline) and given the fact that no money in the world can affect the way the judge will view this case (quote from Judge "Now I guess you'll have a hard time submitting any additional motions to her won't you") I have sat on my hands for the past 3 months.

While I would love to have a magic wand that would resolve this, given the age of the children, the mentally of court systems, the lack of financial abilities, as well as a BM to have no fear to any of her actions I am left to travel this path.

In addition, by forcing myself into my kids life, I felt that the BM continued to hurt the kids even more; the more I tried to build a relationship with them. the harder I pushed, the more the BM held on tighter and did more to destroy any future relationship. They know where I am, where I live and how I feel about them, and I can't force them to do anything at this time.

So emotionally I have decided what I can do, but legally I need to understand what this does to take this route.

Thanks for always being there for all of us, and providing some light in a otherwise dark situation.

Thru my faith, my network of fathers that continue to struggle with these issues, that they will be back in my life, so I am trying hard not to be vendictive or respond with trying to hurt someone else at the expense of my kids. Not sure what else to do.

Thanks again (and sorry for the lenght of the text).

No additional orders were placed. The judge kind-of smirked and said, well Mr. "X" I guess there is nothing else at this point (indicating that I should "now" get an attorney).
The status remains open, I guess I kind-of freaked out and appealed to the Judge, indicating I am just a father wanting to see his kids, something that agreed to in court (original decree which was never changed). Not much of a response from him, almost like he was satisfied that it had stalled and would love to see this activity expire without any other motions (at least from me as pro se).

Thanks so much for all of your assistance. What you have replied adds much clarity at this point, and I will continue with an additional motion and see what can be addressed.

Three additional areas if I can:

1)   In family court can you request a new judge during a proceeding?? (and does the judge have the ability to veto this request?). What would be that motion to change?

2)   We had mediation sessions during the first Visitation interference motioned (closed with only day's changed, not the amount that the BM had requested). During those mediations the BM walked out and did not come to any agreement and we had the GAL work with the judge to close that issue (this is now a repeated of a similar situation, however we never went to the mediation). Should I request to go to mediation or is this too far gone (been an issue for 16 months without resolution). My understanding would be no, since I believe that the BM would not go, or if she would she not agree to anything the mediator would suggest.

a.   Would this be a waste of time, or good to at least document another effort? (Mediation is outlined in the divorce decree as a method to resolve conflicts).

3)   My current family counselor and the GAL are both in agreement that the BM has caused the issues, yet both have hesitated to place anything in writing to the Judge with any real teeth (they seem hesitant). They option to focus on the best interest of the children, which is ok, but they are always looking to provide work around's to the latest interference ect which doesn't really address the root cause (A BM that just doesn't abide by any of the court orders ect.)

I don't really know what (if anything to suggest to them but would like them to provide some written documentation indicating this (everything written seems on the edge but staying a short distance away without holding her accountable).

a.   Should I request that from the GAL and family counselor to present to the Judge (a written / or in attendance) or is this not there responsibility and would not assist me during my pleadings with the Judge? Seems like they are afriad to push, and just allow things to continue and look for other alternatives (which have not resulted in any agreements or accountablity for actions).

Hi Again,

Synopsis: (sorry but this is pretty messed up)

Been in court pro se for 16 months fighting a visitation issue in Il (motioned her for contempt). Parenting plan calls for 50/50 parenting time with two minor children (15/17 yro currently). I have received excellent advice from you on two previous occasions, now new developments.

During court status, found out that mother took both children for counseling, and placed them on depression medicine (w/o my knowledge or consent). This counselor/therapist refused to meet with me even though once this was found out the court ordered her to, however she wrote very disturbing/damaging comments about me personally (I have written the APA ethics board recently on this to review).

GAL suggested that we have another family counselor meet with children and me as a solution to other counselor's refusal (counselor sighting the children's confidentiality and best interest of the children).

This 2nd counselor met with 1) BM, 2) myself and 3) with children and me together and appeared to make some break-thru on children reluctance to be with me (false information provided by BM and her boyfriend). BM did not like what she saw and began to refuse to bring children to 2nd counselor, only allowing them to go to original counselor (the one who refused to meet with me).

GAL suggested that we (in the best interest of the children) allow this, and that I continue to see 2nd counselor as in individual, and have both counselors discuss the issues, reporting back to court. In addition, GAL temporally allowed the children to have authority to pick when they wanted to see me. The intent was to take the pressure off of them and feel they have some control on the relationship and not a court ordered one.

Status during court last week: Neither BM or her attorney were present. Judge indicated the attorney is no longer representing BM (when I asked if this was official, he indicated he didn't see any paperwork, but he felt like he was released, nothing in the court folder). It has been mentioned that the Judge/Attorney speak in the court house in the past and is reasonable that this release was mentioned in passing at another day.

I indicated the following: The children have not continued counseling as ordered, the BM has moved, no forwarding address/phone number and they are not enrolled in the high school that they were enrolled in last year (I have not been notified of any of these changes).

As prescribed by GAL/2nd counselor, I write the kids letters weekly (to the old address assuming it is forwarded). Since I do not have a current phone number, ordered phone contact has not taken place. Nothing in the original 50/50 parenting plan has been placed to change the original agreement.

I requested to the judge to move from status to a hearing on the original motion for visitation interference but he refused, indicating this current temporary motion needed to be addressed (the one temporally allowing the children to control visitation, and ordering counseling).

Judge also seemed fine that the attorney was not present w/o any official document. He's only real concern was if she moved out of state, indicating he would take a motion on that (I do believe currently she is local just another city at this point).

1) What type of motion is required to close the latest order, to allow visitation interference to be addressed (Would this be another contempt order for failing to follow counseling and access to the kids?)? He seems not too quick on comtemp charges so far.

a) How do I file if I don't have her new address or aware of where she lives?

Judge indicated even if I place another order, since I do not know where she lives that I wouldn't even know where to send it to, and if she is no longer represented by a lawyer that I couldn't contact him either (Note: his reply was almost like that of someone watching a good chess game, and liking the moves that were made).

I have heard in the past this judge indicate to send a notice, register mail, and then appear in court, indicating she has not picked it up, send it again with a new court date and appear again to hear it without the BM being present. Is this normal process, or are there other efforts that can be placed.

3) How do I get the BM attorney to officially make notice that he has dropped from this case? I was going to call, or write letters, but he has not responded to me in the past and official rules I have read indicate he has to appear somehow to request closer and give notice.

   a)  Is he in violation (he has not appeared at the last two status motions),

   b) If so what motion / sanctions can be placed on him (ok is it a good thing to get the other attorney mad). Not my intention, just want clarity to this case.

   c) How do I gently get him to release himself, like all others in this case, he is just another victim of the BM.

The judge appears to not like pro se attorneys (or maybe it's just me, or the length of this case).  Do I just give up at this point and say good-bye to my kids?? (Not an option I am willing to do however but I am pretty frustrated).

Any help you can persribe would be helpful.

BTW: I have written the new visitation interference task force. I have received a follow-up indicating they would like to potentially speak at the hearings. Not sure if will happen but hope it is good opportunity to support this issue. Your feedback if any would also be appreicated.

Thank you for your information.

Yes, there is quite more to this story (and this will continue for some time un-fortunately).

I have kept the original questions brief to allow just current questions raised, and not to elaborate too much on the messy details.

The BM is unstable (On med's, psych treatment for over 15 years, family has a long history of mental illness). This is a case of PA/PAS with the children, however IL court has not recognized an alienated parent (at least this judge dose not when I attempted to bridge that topic). Most everything I have read on PAS seems like they are writing it from observing my situation.

To be accurate, I did not see the Children (2) for many months during this 2nd visitation interference.  This slowly grew to dinners once a week and family counseling and was looking as slight improvement (Note: visitation has not changed from the 50/50, but temporary motions/orders were placed to develop relationships with the kids).  However during counseling (family) the children began to understand gaps between what they were told (from the BM) and the truth. The BM then stopped all family counseling once again (even though it was court ordered).

The BM took the children for therapy/counseling during the visitation interference (this was done without my knowledge), however this therapist refused to talk to me while documenting my "Anger Management" issues (BM and her boyfriend has falsely provided). In addition, the children were place on Med's for depression and ADHD, again without my consent or knowledge. So the court felt that it was in the childrens best interest to continue with their counsoler, providing feedback to the "Family counsoler" (I know, not much sense).

The GAL described this as a sad situation an although he understood what was going on, indicated to me: "You have moved on, and should probably just let them be (with their mother). You don't have them now anyway so what is the difference". He has since been released, allowing the counselors (both) to continue "Best Interest of the Children" directions.

I have consoled with attorneys early on in the process, they indicated they have won cases like this but the father still is without the kids. Given their ages (mid-late teens) there doesn't seem to be much that can be done.

So I am fighting this as best as I can, I write the children every week and try to find some way that the court system might take notice of this issue.

The only way I can describe this mess, is a term I call "Bleeding out". Where a victum has an object thrust into their body. To pull it out, without the correct medical attention would case the patient to die. Leaving it in is there only hope.  

To pull these kids out of this situation at the wrong time may just kill them (or any possiblity of a relationship with them). I am just hope that I am right, and have engaged the correct people in place to help them.

I do think that recent events (allot more detials) have moved this from a "status" to the next level (Hearing??), however I am very worried since the more I learn the more I realize that I do not understand the legal system at the level required (my initial thought was that if you had it documented and agreed to, the other party HAD to follow it).

I continue to appreciate all that you have to offer, you have been extremely helpful in several questions that I have raised, I will continue to ask for help and hopefully not become too much taxing to all that you do. I will try to be to the point, so that all can benefit from your help.

"God has placed me in this place so that he can use me, so I continue to be faithful, even during my suffering"

My son, who lives with his BM, was involved in an auto accident.

According the BM the police ticketed the son, number of cars were involved, his being totaled. She had not provided me any additional information, she has also recently moved (still in the state I am assuming) and not provided new address / phone information so that I can contact them to find out how he is doing. I have another court date Mid-September to potentailly address this.

Note: We do have joint physical custody (50/50), however I have not had visitation with my son for two years, as we continue to address a visitation interference court motion (I filed against the BM).

1) Who is liable if she has failed to provide insurance (she was the parent that provided the car and I have not been successful in having him in my physical care for two years, nor any information that he even had a car or driving)?  

2) In addition, in IL, is there any expiration to a Visitation interference motion?
There have been monthly follow up motions (the same motion but update to status on counseling ect) with the same Judge that this original motion was heard and continued to be heard on, however currently this has not moved from status to hearing.

3) The BM had been represented by an attorney in the past divorce and current interference motions (2nd one). However he has not been present during many recent status updates (GAL was in attendance which the Judge saw as sufficient to motion).

During the last meeting with the Judge (a separate motion hearing) the BM indicated she is no longer represented by this attorney. Can an attorney walk away from a motion that he has been involved without the Judge releasing him?

4) Can the Judge release her attorney without notifying me (represented pro se) or do I get notified somehow (ie, motion to be released)?

Wow, to use another term, I am soo busted!!! (LOL) Thanks for the great information and saying it like it is!!

Sorry about the Contempt "ramblings". It wasn't my original intent when asking for advise but was added while writing and my thoughts went adrift (I do that way too often).

To follow up on the Contempt discussion:
In several occasions, the BM refused to pay GAL and Mediator, delaying their ability to perform court ordered reviews. Held to contempt, she eventually paid, however resulted in months of delays (no judgment on the contempt since she eventually complied).

As for the 1st action of Visitation interference, my attorney (I was represented at that time) filed the motion, however when it was closed, the only result was to return makeup time (which never happened since she now again is refusing visitation).

No fines, no judgment no jail time. Even the time allotted for make up was only about ¼ of what was actually lost, and did not include my legal costs and non-scheduled vacation opportunities not able to be taken during the court review (the process went thru most of the summer, until resolved in October).

In addition, during this most recent motion for visitation interference, BM Attorney failed so show up for 4 straight court dates (one was indicated thru the BM was a date he identified as a good date) and was motioned for contempt only to show up on the next date and give an excuse that he was in another court and was detained (four times). The judge accepted his explanation and closed the motion.

Only my opinion from this case, however it seems like contempt has little or no teeth since (my current Judge) uses it only as a threat.

In my last statement I should have indicated that "IF" contempt is assessed (on the current visitation interference), what could be the result. I doubt from my experience that the BM will receive jail. Non compliance of paying fines may have only some limited affect (she has a lengthy non payment history), but will have no current affect on continuing / new court issues with a parent who refuses to cooperate.

Other than court fines and jail, have judges vacate other issues within the signed decree (anything from primary custody to revising pension allotments) or are jail and fines the only thing that usually is addressed. (I know, probably some are non comparable but I had to ask!)

Again thanks being there for us, and all that you do, your light in this darkness has no words that can desribe what you do for those of us struggling to make sense.

Thanks!

Dear Socreates,

History:
I have been divorced for 3 years, have a shared parenting plan for 50/50 visitation with the standard worded divorce degree on 55/45 percentage of medical coverage percentage. I am currently pro se due to continued visitation issues from the BM. We currently live in Will county Il.

Reason for my request:
My last year tax return was rejected since the BM claimed both children as dependants, which violates the Divorce Degree that indicated each party shares the dependants (2) equally for tax related purposes. I have notified her and her attorney of a motion for (which they both failed to attend). The judge then requested that I send a motion for a hearing (which I have also completed).

Originally (in May) I approached the BM attorney and provided a form from the IRS to correct this condition (without the courts assistance).

One month later, we returned to court (on the other matter) where her attorney indicated (to me only) that the BM is requesting for funds (unsubstantiated medical costs that was never disclosed to me previously) and that is the reason she was compelled to file both kids on the IRS tax return. (The medical cost issue has not been entered or motioned currently by the BM).

I have requested that her attorney provide me with details of the medical costs (Dr. names, account information, documentation providing what the BM has spent) to address what I understand currently as a fraudulent claim against me (no response to this request for this "Informal" discovery from her attorney).

Please note:
She has recently moved, and not indicated to me her new phone number or address (a new violation of the DD/PP).  Her attorney may also be unable to contact her.
 
Question: What can I arm myself with to address this correctly within the court system for Medical costs?:

IRS:
What can I do to help enforce the IRS tax return form to be signed to close this issue?

Can the Judge enforce / provide official motion that the IRS would accept if she contiues to refuse (even on contempt).

If her attorney (and the BM) fail to show up for court, can the judge rule on this without the defense since the Decree could be viewed as on-point and not modified at this time?

I am not sure on the effectiveness of the "Contempt" process since both the BM and her Attorney have been threatened on other occasions only to have it dropped after compliance or applogies to the court (but resulting in numerous delays and frustration to me).

If contempt is assessed, what if any action is processed?' Fines for the court and Jail time do not address the continueing issues.

Thanks for your continued support, and my applogies for the lenght of this reqeust.