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I am a happily married mother of 3 boys. My oldest boy (lukis) is 5 and visits his biological father every other weekend. I have tried to get his father to go to mediation and parenting classes but he refuses and is 900 dollars behind in child support. My son has been coming home telling us that his dad says he doesnt have to listen to us and that we are not his family. My ex and I were never married (in fact) he didnt even want to be in his life until my son was 4 yrs old. Just recently my son told us that if he calls my husband dad then his dad will spank him and take his toys away. He has also been extremely violent to my 2 yr old and tells me that if he doesnt hurt his little brother that the "bad guys from jail" will come "kill" him. I dont know what to do. Ive contacted state, they wont help and lawyers tell me i have no case. What am I supposed to do, just sit around while my son is being mentally and emotionally attacked by his father? Anybody been through this that can give me some insight in this? I lose sleep, getting depressed  I just feel alone....

Today was the psychologist meeting that my son's BF took him to in attempt to prove neglect and abuse. My son told my husband yesturday that his dad told him to say mean things about us and that he is not allowed to call me mom at his dad's house. He is forced to call my ex's GF mom. He started crying telling my husband that he did not want to call his dad's GF mom and that he didnt want to say mean things about me and my husband. If anybody that wants to could say a prayer for my son's well-being and his safety that would be very much appreciated. I have realized that this is God's part to take over since obviously I cant prove or do anything. This is the most helpless I have ever felt but I know God will take care of this situation. Prayers are greatly needed. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart......

That is a very good point I hadnt looked at. And I can almost guarantee she is tainted. Ok, Thank you for the reply. I guess my husband and I need to look at this a little deeper.

My son's BF wants my son to get a 2nd opinion from a psychologist but refuses to use his medicaid so that he doesnt need me to show up. He told me that I am not allowed to go but a lawyer told me he can not do that but I am afraid if I go anyways it will cause a scene and upset my son. I dont trust his intentions but i have nothing to hide. I am afraid he is going to mess with my sons head and I cant stop him.... What do I do?

I have 3 boys (2 old enough to hit) and I put my oldest in karate bc of his rough tendencies. It has helped alot. my son loves the karate motto and repeats it all the time and that helps him remember to not use it on other kids. Try it if u want, it worked with my 5 yr old. It is "I will always respect my parents, I will listen to my teacher, I will never misuse my karate" It worked great with my son. Instead of karate you could say, " I will never hit or get rough with my friends" or something like that.On top of that just keep telling him that it is not good to hit or get rough. Eventually he will understand. Hope this helps....


WorriedMom

3 children- 5yr boy, 3 yr boy, 3 mth boy
Hubby and Me
2 dogs, 1 cat

My ex is very unpredictable. There has been more stuff that has been happening but all that is on a different post. I am worried about it but nothing can b done right now bc my husband and I are in the middle of an adoption case (my middle son). My husband is adopting him. We dont want to ruffle any feathers right now with the state bc our adoption could be affected (as I was told by my lawyer) When that is said and done then we are going to work on my oldest son. Trust me there is no wall high enough to keep me from protecting him. I was just wanting to know if he could take him from school without my consent and I do worry all weekend. At times I have driven by his house to make sure he is still there. I have a post in Visitation Issues "Innocent Victim" and Custody Issues "Question about custody order" if you want to check those out to get a better mental image of whats going on. I am currently reading a book called "Joint Custody with a Jerk" to see what I can do to get him to cooperate with me so that at least I am not the one fighting. Only he is. But it doesnt cover the extent that he goes. I tried mediation with him and the outcome of that is posted in Parenting Issues and Visitation Issues. It wasnt very good. The mediator was fishing him excuses like "well I bet you were at work, right?" and "well you do have another baby to tend to." Of course he agreed, she would do this when i brought up a point that he didnt have an excuse for. If he stayed quiet then she would speak for him. It was very frustrating. But anyway if you want to check those posts out, I wouldnt mind at all. Maybe you can shed some light on something in there that no one else has mentioned.

Also on #3 the court papers say that the respondent (my ex) has to pick my son up from my residence and drop him off at my residence unless I move from the Belton, Raymore area (cities where I live) He doesnt get him during the week at all unless it is a holiday week (e.g. Thanksgiving Break, Christmas Break, etc)

1. My papers were reviewed and signed off by court.
2. Parenting Time- My son resides and uses my address for mailing and educational purposes. His BD takes him friday at 6p and returns him Sunday at 6p every other weekend.
3. BD picks up from my residence and drops off.
4. Decision making- medical care (both unless emergency), Routine/Minor decisions- "each parent shall decide all routine and minor matters concerning the child's welfare occuring while in that parents' custody" , mostly the person he is reciding with makes the decisions, thats what I am getting from it

Me and him were never married We just have parenting plan papers but it doesnt say anything about him being able to pick him up. It says (related to school)

1.Has to have complete access to school records and I have to give him notice of special events at school
2. I have to provide copies of report cards, progress reports, and other communication from school.
3. He goes to school where I reside

I have a quick question, if I may ask? Me and my ex have joint custody but i didnt put him on the list to pick up but his name is listed in his papers, can he stillpick him up w/out my consent. I also put a note on the papers that he is not allowed to pick up my son UNLESS i tell them in advance in Person. No notes or phone calls. I wouldnt put it past him to b a flight risk with my son. Thanks

I sent off today for the book Thanks again I also found another book that will b great Its called Joint Custody with a Jerk: How to deal with an uncooperative parent ...it was on the same site as the book you told me about Lets see if i can gain something through these books