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Messages - zutalurs

Pages: 12 3
1
West Virginia State Forum / RE: Out of state
« on: Nov 16, 2005, 03:03:10 PM »
Thanks.  I'd be interested to hear your story, see how you dealt with having parents living so far awya, etc etc.

2
West Virginia State Forum / Out of state
« on: Oct 06, 2005, 07:49:19 AM »
Anyone else dealing with parenting issues in West Virginia?
I live in North Carolina, but my son and his mother live in WV, so everything is handled there.
I just wanted to see if anyone else was from WV and could share some insight into the legal situation there.

3
"he is not a fit parent at this time, just a notch above a SD"

To me, this is the most damning thing you have said.  I wasn't ready to jump on the bashing bandwagon until I read this.
So single dads aren't fit parents, but single moms are?  Are you a single mom?  What makes you more qualified then as a single mom than a father who is single?

Also, you complaign about his parents being the ulterior motive behind all of the father's interest and actions.  Well, let's examine that.
You admit they are well off while your family is not.  You have said nothing negative about them, other than the fact that they want to be a part of their grandchild's life and are willing to go out of their way to ensure that their son visits his daughter.  Guess what, that's their only road to your daughter.  I don't see their actions as particularly heinous, since it's the only means of being in that little girl's life.

I personally think it's about you wanting control over the child here, which you definitely present as a possesion and not a person.  Yeah, you present a case that dad is not the best thing for the kid, but you also prove over and over that neither are you.  Given the choice between two evils, I would lean towards the evil which could lead to the best interest of the child which in this case sounds like the wealthy grandparents who are bending over backwards for that child.

And finally, I find your quote hypocritical and a little frightening.  It seems like it's geared towards taking the responsibilty of child rearing off the hands of the parents.  Guess what, you do give your children your thoughts, every minute of every day. And unless YOU TEACH them to think for themselves, no new age bullsh*t is going to raise your kids for you.

Too many of these issues are created because mommy realizes that daddy doesn't want them, but only wants the child.  Get over it.  He may not care for you one bit, and so be it.  Why does your child have to suffer just because you feel unloved by this man.  You and so many others talk about wanting the dad to be involved with the child, like that makes you some saint.  But as soon as he does just that, but it doesn't end up in the fairy tale of him loving you AND his child, you get pissed and say he's trying to manipulate you through the child.  Here's a news flash for you and every mother like you.  He may not want you anymore, if he ever did.  Get over it and let him love his child anyway.

4
Talk to an attorney.
My parenting plan says something to the effect of this:
Federal law requires a designation of primary care giver.  The primary care giver is the parent the child spends the most time with.
If you are fully exercising your visits, getting as much time as possible, I personally think you would have a case to say the children spend more time with you, therefore you should be named primary care giver, therefore given custody.
This is something I've been debating trying to get my attny to go for.  but right now, even though I suspect BM leaves son with her mother all the time, I can't prove it since I live 7 hours away.

5
Father's Issues / RE: This is MixedBag's other half.....
« on: Mar 02, 2006, 09:32:46 AM »
I can really relate, but in a different way than most probably.
BM in my case likes to post on military spouse forums.  She regularly incriminates herself on these websites, and posts things which give me a good starting place to look for other offenses.
Whenever she finds out my screen name and that I am indeed reading her posts, we always go through a series of harassing phone calls telling me that I am breaking the law by reading her messages.  But the fact remains it is stuff that she shares on a website.  She often tries to use her "righteous indignation" at my "snooping" as a lever against me, and more often than not her own anger causes her to do stupid things like deny my parenting time.  Things that will eventually cost her custody.
The only thing I would warn about, and I say this from the "devil's advocate" side, is to be careful of what you say about her, even if you don't use her name.
BM in my case has called me "animal", "a@@hole", and "sperm donor" on her chosen forums, but never used my name.  But I still make a case that someday our son will be able to find those posts, even if she has forgotten about them, and he will have to read his mother saying these terrible things about his father.  That is the same as if she said those things to him directly.  That, to me, is alienation of affection, and is a very serious offense in my eyes.
I haven't read all the stuff by MB, but it sounds like she wouldn't be guilty of that anyway, but I would be careful about what you say about your ex.  Remember, it works both ways, and what you say on here is open and public and possibly even submissable in court, and you do need to think what affect these posts might have on your son if he were to ever find them.

6
Father's Issues / RE: Background Checks
« on: Mar 02, 2006, 07:36:32 AM »
My wife is a wonder at finding background ino via the internet.  I'm not sure what all services she uses, but I do know she uses PublicData.com and intellos at times.  The good ones do require a subscription, but it can be worth it.  You can also hire a private detective to run a check, but they tend to use a lot of the same sites.  The only advantage to a P.I. that I know of, is if you get an ex-cop then they sometimes have connections still on the force who can find out things that the websites don't have yet.

7
Father's Issues / Should I fire my attorney?
« on: Mar 02, 2006, 07:23:06 AM »
Recently during an argument with BM she made reference to the fact that "my attorney even told me that your attorney thinks you are being ridiculous."  That was said about the fact that I do not answer her phone calls, and refuse to call her back if she does not leave details about why she is calling in her voice mail.  I have gotten way to many "You need to call me back" voice mails only to return the call and be subject to an onslaught of verbal abuse.
My question isn't if that is a ridiculous position, but if I should be concerned if indeed my attorney is givng away position to her attorney.
My attorney has never told me he thought I was ridiculous in that stance.  And I do know there is a good chance BM is lying just to yank my chain.
But I have felt for a while that my attorney is frustrated with this case, in particular her craziness, and I am worried that he is having conversations like this with her counsel.
Should I be concerned?  Should I start shopping for another attorney?  How can I confront him about this without offending him.  If he didn't do this, I don't want him getting his nose out of joint.

8
Father's Issues / RE: Do you also claim the EIC?
« on: Feb 02, 2006, 08:11:24 AM »
Can the EIC be taken by one parent and the deduction by another?
We have it in the CO that I have a "buy out" option each year fr the deduction.  If I choose to, I can pay her how much she would get from the deduction and then use it myself.  I'm just wondering if I also have to buy out the EIC.  I won't qualify for that mysel, but BM would.

9
Father's Issues / Mother moves
« on: Jan 31, 2006, 08:14:49 AM »
Quick question.  If the CP moves a significant distance away, 3 additional hours on top of an already 6 hour distance, does the exchange automatically move?
Right now, I pick my son up in his hometown.  It's a 6 hour drive for me to get him, and then 6 hours to bring him to my home.
Once she moves, it would be 9 hours to get him, and 9 hours to bring him home.
If she doesn't submit a change in the Parenting Plan to the court, does the exchange location automatically move to her new home, or will she have to at least meet me at the old exchange location?

10
Father's Issues / RE: Mother Trivializes my plans for x-mas
« on: Jan 10, 2006, 07:29:03 AM »
What is it about Christmas that makes these custodial parents go crazy and forget about their children's welfare.
I was suppossed to have Christmas with my son, starting at Noon on Christmas day.  That morning, on my drive to pick him up, the BM calls me and says that unless I can prove to her that I have adequate sleeping arrangements for him at my father's house for that night, there was no way I was getting him.  I told her he would have his own bed in a room of his own, but that wasn't good enough.  she wanted to see it in person.  Then, when I told her to come up to my dad's huose to see it, she got about halfway there and then turned around and left.  She claimed she decided she wasn't going out there alone, even though she already had her brother and his girlfriend with her.  She said she wouldn't come out without a police escort.  Since there is no history of any violence, I know the police will not give and escort.  Trust me, I've tried to get one for exchanges every since the BM and her father assualted me in their front yard one time.  The police just will not come unless something has already happened.
So, knowing that she wouldn't come without the escort that would never happen, I had to tuck my tail between my legs and not see my son for Christmas or the week following which was suppossed to be his time with me.  I haven't seen my son since the beginning of December because of this crap from her.

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