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Messages - Mamacass

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Virginia State Forum / RE: custody
« on: Feb 21, 2007, 03:46:53 PM »
quick question for you- what part of Virginia are you in?
This doesn't seem right to me.  Who told your sister they would just throw her in jail if she doesn't bring the child to visitation?  From what I understand, you have to have a charge against you in order to be put in jail.  And in your situation, the father would have to take you to court on a show cause in order to get you charged with contempt.  Contempt charges are hard to prove, especially if the mom can show a good reason why she didn't send the child.  Also, I've heard of people getting a contempt charge for withholding visitation (but it wasn't the first time, it had become a long pattern), and even then they didn't get jail time, bust a slap on the wrist and a warning.  
My advice at this point would be to put the child in therapy.  The therapist can then testify to the court how the child feels about her father.  She can also recommend supervised visits.  
Also, if the situation at the dad's house is that bad, call social services/ child protective services.  If I remember correctly, you said there were drugs at dad's house, and if that proves to be true, it will be very difficult for him to get any visits unless supervised.  

Virginia State Forum / RE: Custody
« on: Feb 09, 2007, 02:49:08 PM »
Does your sister have a lawyer now?  If not, she really needs one to sort out what your her options are now.  I know that attorneys will usually tell you you need to follow the court order, like it or not.  However, our attorney has also told us not to leave my SS in a situation that could put him in danger.  (For example, if BM comes to pick up SS and she is drunk, don't let him go whether its court ordered or not.)  

Personally, I wouldn't let my kid go over there.  Between what the child's therapist has to say and what social services has to say, I would think that should be enough to keep you from getting a contempt charge.  But that's just my personal opinion, you would definitely want to ask an attorney.  

As far as the GAL, what has she done?  It sounds like she hasn't done much of anything.  That might be something your lawyer would also want to bring up to the judge.  If the GAL isn't doing anything, she really isn't being a good advocate for the child.  

Also, just a bit of advice- this board doesn't get a whole lot of response.  You would be better off posting to one of the main forum boards.  And Socrateaser is really good for legal questions you have.  

Child Support Issues / RE: Update...on the activist..
« on: Mar 15, 2007, 10:58:33 AM »
Sunshine- that's ridiculous that you should have to jump through so many hoops just to get BF to pay what he is supposed to and to make DCSE take care of business.  Sounds like you got DCSE to finally take some action though.  

Mistoff- Funny, what you just described (NPD) sounds a LOT like BM.  I feel like she somehow gets off on trying to make our life difficult.  I never thought about it until reading your post, but its not just us, she tries to make everyone's life difficult, which is why people don't stay around her long.  The woman LOVES drama.  

BM decided several years back that she wasn't getting enough money.  She told DH that she knew he was making more money so she was going to get more money.  

Long story short, after getting it recalculated through DCSE then again through the courts, and both BM and DH having to get attorneys....  BM goes from getting $80/wk for CS and also having DH pay the $80 daycare bill to Dh paying BM $98/wk and BM paying the daycare bill.  In the end she lost $62/wk b/c she opened her big mouth.  DH didn't realize that he didn't have to pay the daycare, until his attorney told him that the child supprot was calculated to include BM paying for day care.

I always look at it as, what goes around comes around.  BM has been a perfect example of that.  

Anyways, if the court order doesn't designate a date, the courts can't punish you.  The order states that you pay $X each month, and you do pay$X each month.  You can't be in violation of not paying by a certain date that has never been designated.  If she goes to court the only thing they can really do is make the order more specific to designate the date the money should be paid each month.  I can't see that her going to court is really going to do much but make her look really petty.  

Child Support Issues / c/s ugh
« on: Feb 16, 2007, 02:50:10 PM »
Quick question, if anyone knows.  BM lives with her parents.  Now we got custody 6 months ago and have just filed for CS.  I have a feeling she's going to lie on her paperwork to get out of paying money.  

Right now she gets disability but doesn't have any household expenses that we know of since she move back in to her parents house.  If she claims to pay rent, is there some way to make her prove that she has to pay rent there?  Do her parents have to claim the rent $ on their taxes?

We don't want to be petty, but when it comes to child support we've been screwed harshly in the past and we will be paying for that for years to come.  I just want to make sure we've put ourselves in the best position to make sure my SS has everything he deserves, (even if most of it ends up in his savings account for when he turns 18).

Child Support Issues / I'm with ya Ref
« on: Feb 08, 2007, 10:37:00 AM »
when my DH was the NCP he paid CS, and would listen to BM threaten  she would file to get more money when he switched jobs to a company that paid more.  Funny, he never filed a decrease when he was unemployed or got a job makin less money.  For a long time he paid more than was required b/c he also paid child care expenses which were already calculated into the CS amount.  

When DH became the CP last September, his attorney told him he needed to file for CS.  He didn't want to, but he finally did.  Also, my SS gets a check from social security each month because his mom is in disability.  DH didn't want to have that sent to us, b/c he could care less about the money.  Dh was willing to allow BM to keep getting SS's check.  The attorney had to tell him to file for that too.  My DH was just happy to have SS living with us, and was afraid that if he filed for CS or the SS checks that people would think he was in it for the money.  

You are right, it seems society is more accepting of a BM getting CS than a BF getting CS.  

Child Support Issues / Is she on disability?
« on: Jan 16, 2007, 12:53:54 PM »
So you may not get child support, but from what it sounds like, the BM is receiving a disability check, right?  In that case, the government also gives a check to BM's dependants.  Now since your child isn't old enough to be responsible for the check, someone has to be appointed as the payee.  Social Security prefers that the parent with custody is the appointed payee.  All you have to do is go to your local SS office and bring with you your ID, the child ss# and the original court order giving you custody (a copy is not sufficient, trust me, we wasted hours and have to go back b/c we brought a copy the first time).  

A little tip, call ahead of time and make an appointment, otherwise you may be waiting for a few hours.  

I'm not sure, but they may give you back pay, since you've had the child for several months.  It is supposed to be fraud for someone to get benefits for a minor who they are not caring for, and I think the BM may have to pay back any benefits that should have been going to you since you got custody.  Not too clear on how that works, but since we're in the same boat as you, I guess we'll find out.

Child Support Issues / RE: Why looking to keep c/s low?
« on: Nov 27, 2006, 08:42:13 AM »
Well lets look at thinks from another perspective.  My DH paid child support, and still had his son 50% of the time.  Sometimes he made more than his ex, sometimes he made less.  But he always paid.  And not only did he pay the support, but he paid daycare expenses as well, even though those were calculated in the support he was already paying.  Why?  Because he felt it was the right thing to do.  At one point he was laid off and couldn't pay his bills, but he still paid her child support from his unemployment.  He also continued to pay the daycare bill.  When his income went down, he NEVER asked for a decrease.  However whenever his income went up she asked for an increase.
A couple years ago, DH and his ex made an agreement outside of court to officially split SS time 50/50 and for each party to take care of expenses when they had SS.  Part of the agreement was also for DH to carry health insurance.  Now even though we took care of ALL of SS needs when we had him, we also bought his shoes coats and many clothes to send over to BM's house so he wouldn't have to wear the worn out hand me downs she had for him.  (Apparently it was more important for her to look good than to make sure SS had clothes and shoes that fit and didn't have holes in them.)
Little did DH know, that the agreement didn't mean anything since it wasn't done through the courts.  Now BM is looking to have DH repay 2.5 years worth of CS.  Whats really sad, is we have SS most of the time now, because of the poor choices BM made.  (She gets him 1 month through the courts, but we allow her to see him every other weekend.)
The problem with the c/s system, is it assumes that NCP's don't want to do whats best for their kids.  My DH would go without, and I would go without at times to make sure cs was paid.  Now it looks like our whole family (DH, me, SS and our 2 sons) will go without to pay c/s to a woman who doesn't have a child to take care of.  Can you explain that one to me?

Child Support Issues / Disability tidbit
« on: Sep 28, 2006, 12:05:44 PM »
Thought this was kind of neat.  As a stepmom sometimes I feel like a glorified babysitter.  I called SSI the other day, because now that we have custody of SS we want to make sure that his mom isn't misusing the check she gets for him.  She is on disability and as you know, she gets a check for her and one for SS.  

Anyways,  I wasn't sure if she needed to let them know that she is no longer taking care of ss (she gets 6 weeks of visitation a year), or if this was something we could do.  I'm pretty sure that if we wait on her, it'll never happen.  Well the lady I spoke with said all my husband needs to do is bring the custody papers down there and apply to be SS's designated payee.  And she suggested that if I'm the one who handles our paperwork and affairs that I be listed as the designated payee.  

This kind of caught me off guard, because as a step-parent to actually be in charge of anything for SS is unheard of.   I filled out all of SS paperwork for school and soccer, but I couldn't sign any of it.  In fact there's a spot for Dad's info and a spot for Mom's info, but no spot for me.  I'm just the emergency pick-up person.  

It's nice that SSI will actually recognize me as someone who takes care of SS.  But you want to know something weird- even though it makes sense for me to be the designated payee, I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with it.  I'm afraid it will look like I'm trying to get his money.  and I guess years of not being able to sign anything for my SS, a part of me feels like that lady couldn't have been right.  Didn't SSI get the memo that apparently everyone else got? the one that tells them to treat step parents like babysitters? Sure, we can take care of the child, but don't let us actually make any parental decisons.  

Sorry, I guess this kind of turned into a vent.  I just meant to put some info out there about disability since I saw a few posts about it.  Hope you guys don't mind.

Moms Without Custody / RE: NCP moving out of state
« on: Feb 21, 2007, 10:31:08 AM »
I think you should have a pretty good shot.  Even though you are the NCP, you are much more than EOW which is usually the standard.  The calendar you have kept is going to help as well.  
Also, as you have already pointed out, there is plenty of family, from both sides, where you will be moving.  That is another plus for you.
What you need to be able to show is how this is a good change for your child.  How will he benefit from the move?  Stability and family are benefits, are there any others?
What your ex needs to be able to prove is that the change will not benefit the child.  And since you have the child such a significant amount of time now, the ex is going to need to show his back up plan for who will care for the child when he can't (b/c now you can't be the back up).  He needs to show that he can provide the same stability that has been provided up until now.  
But all of this doesn't mean much if you don't have an attorney.  Your attorney will know what is important to your case, and what is a waste of time.  Also, they know all of the court room rules, which the normal person doesn't.  It is well worth it to spring the money for the attorney so that the judge can concentrate on hearing the facts rather than correcting your court room errors.  This is even more true if your ex gets an attorney.  Try to go pro se against an attorney and you'll end up getting railroaded.  

Also, go online and look up relocation case information.  See what the courts are looking for in your state.  We had a relocation case in September in Virginia (we were fighting the BM from taking my SS out of the state, but there was also much more involved), and it was helpful for me to have done a bunch of research.  That way, when we went to the attorney, we had most of the info she needed already.  

What area in VA are you moving too?  I live in central Virginia and if its near there, I may be able to offer some suggestions or answer any questions you might have about the area.  
Good luck!

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