Messages

Hmmm. Alot of things to think about. alot of information to digest and try and keep straight. I'm beginning to feel like a toddler learning to walk with all the legal complexities. :)

Okay so my questions would. And i probable wouldn't be asking so many if i was a 5 year old. They would get it the first time.  :)

1. what is the difference between a multilevel court system and a conventional jurisdiction?

2. What would be better a child pyschiatrist report on my son or a complete eval. ( my 7 year old is curently in counceling)?

3. Didn't know anything about evals until i started reading information in is site. None were done in either court case. So i assume this was a major mistake on my part?

I"m sure i have more questions they are just not registering from my brain to my fingers at the moment.

true david doesn't always slay goliath. But without hope there is nothing to risk it all for.

I realize that i am embarking on an uphill battle. But i can't give up hope that one day I will have my children back together soon. and happy.

In the first post you mentioned evaluations of the children together and others. I'm thinking out loud and typing at the same time so please bear with me here.  :)

 My kids are a mess right now with all of this especially my 7 year old.  He is completely lost without his brother. He is so mad and hurt that he is even locking myself in the bathroom and refused to come out for any one but his brother.

1 Is it pausible that i could do evals now and have some of that in the appeal process. Especially since the judge did not seem to take them all into consideration.

Thank you Soc, and have a great night

PA Mom

thank you. right now i have a strong desire to send you the entire case file.

I do feel that some things could have been better handled. and i did ask about evaluations on the kids. but it didn't go anywhere.

i appreciate the comment cheaper to let go than to appeal. Unfortunately i'm the one who sees the pain this is causing my children and i can't in good concience just take the easy road because it is cheaper.

My children come first and what is best for them is my priority.

I have been reading on some cases and it does seem that keeping children together is a major factor but i have only read a few case files at this point.

trying to find these cases doesn't seem to as easy on the internet as i would have hoped. most seem to deal with full siblings as opposed to half sibling.

I guess i could take this much better if the changes in my life had been harmful to my kids. but they weren't in fact my children had been much happier now than they were previously.

Life isn't always easy but you have to live it anyway.

once again thank you for responding. I appreciate any insight i can get...:)

1. can you give me some places to start on reading case file from the court of appeals or on a federal level so i can do more investigating. I have to keep busy on this or go crazy.

2. any other insight or advice is always greatly appreciated.


have a great night.
PA Mom

Hello Soc,

I found this site a few days ago and after reading alot of post in this forum in I decided to try myself. You recieve alot of trust and respect from a number of people. I'm taking that as a good omen for a starting over point for myself. :)

I recently went to court for a custody hearing for the second time this year for custody of my 10 year son.  The first time was in Feb. The end result was joint physical custody with myself as primary physical custodian and my son's father has liberal visitation. 3 weekend a month during the school year with one week after school lets out at summer until 2 weeks before the beginning of the next school year with me having 3 weekends a month during this summer break and sharing in all major decisions.
 
the custody agreement was mostly working out the way it was set out in the judges' orders. With a few give and takes.  I should add that my son's father lives in MD. He moved there last summer from PA

Also during the course of this year there were some major changes in my life. I did end an 8 year relationship with a man that i had 2 more children with. Needless to say i had to pick up the pieces of my life and more on after some diastrious repercussions of this break up.

Also during this time i met my current fiancee, we moved in together and i did have to switch my sons to a different elementary school. But this school is in the same school district with the same curicullum and same academic programs for helping children with help in the their studies.  

My son's father did have a problem with the school switch. But I did find out that we could keep him in the same elementary. We would just have to provide transportation. I told my x still but he said that was too much to ask of anyone. Let's try the new school.

Then out of the blue in Sept i recieved notice of  the x requesting special relief wanting to modify the custody due to compelling reasons/chances in circumstances. (My circumstances that is).

We had the special master's hearing last month. The special master recommended that the custody be reversed. I appealed it. So we went to court last thurs.

The end result was that the judge decided to reverse the custody because of the changes in my life this last year. He said I was unstable.

My lawyer kept trying to bring up the fact that there are two other children in the household and even though they are only half siblings. They have also been raised together.  The judge said that he wasn't giving them much consideration in the situation.  

When it was also brought up that my younger two's father also moved a distant away (an hour and half drive) . He takes the his kids 3 weekends a month. The judge didn't seem concerned that the kids would be lucky to see each other one weekend a month during the school year. He said that we will just half to see what Mr XXXX does about this.

Though I understand that sometimes when people have changes in their lives it might be best to move children. My problem is I did have changes in my life this year but nothing that was detrimental to my kids. My life actually inproved over this year.

My kids became happier. My sons came out of their shells more and became involved in outside activities. Boy scouts and martial arts. Which before i was not able to do for them.

I know i'm hurt and crashed by this change. I have raised my son for 10 years and i'm lost without him. But his brother is devastated by this change. I don't agree with the judges ruling.

I know i should have some kind of recourse in this situation. My lawyer is doing some research and will be calling me this week. But i can't sit still and do nothing. So have been doing research for myself. No idle hands in this household...lol

but much of what i have read especially in changing custody or separating half siblings doesn't seem pertinent in my case. Most of them seem to be extreme changes and changes that are detrimental to the children involved.

So I am in a limbo and would greatly appreciate any comments, advise or anything that will help me help myself.

!. Where to start?

2. Do i just take him back to court or appeal to a higher court?


I"m so lost at this point i don't even know the proper questions to ask

thank you

PA Mom

I'm going to add my 2 cents in here as well.

I agree there is alot that has to been done in the court system to make sure the best interest of the children are addressed. I'm not going to make a generalation that all courts do.

But there are some things that need to be fixed.

as long as both parents are fit to be parents. I agree that custody should be shared.

And bolivar. I agree it's not always black and white. and things are not always the way the are presentated. Alot of gray to weed though sometimes,.

I am a Mom who just lost primary custody of her son. And the world just turned on it's axis double time. The crux of the matter is I didn't do anything wrong.  But as we all know not everyone is honest and not all court cases are the facts presented in proper form.

okay i will better for having done some polite venting.  :) IF i had been typing so much already today. I would probably be doing more.

PA Mom

okay this one is going to take a few to read...any help would be greatly appreciated....

.twice this year i have been taken to court for custody of my 10 year old son by his father. the first time was in feb. the order was for joint custody with me being primary custodian, liberal vistation with his father and a the bulk of the summer.

 shortly after the first hearing i had ended an 8 eight year relationship and started rebuilding my life with my children. During the course of this relationship we had two children. who are now 7 and almost 3.

There had been alot of financial deficulties and other problems. I found out about an affair he had been having for a few months and i ended the relationship about a month after the first custody hearing with my 10 year old's father.

I was working two jobs and did end up losing one due to the irresponsiblity of my youngest children's father. So i started about rebulding my life.

I was in default in my student loans and ended up being accepting into a new program that got me out of default and me being able to recieve back taxes for the last two years. So even though i had lost one job and was only working part time with the other job. I was able to still take care of my bills and few off a few things. which was strenghting my financial status.

Unfortunately i was looking for a new place to live becuase i couldn't afford the rent where i was living. I ended up with two places i could move one was in public housing, and one was a small apartment in town...

.during this period my best friend introduced me to a friend of hers. we were talking for a couple of months and then started dating. We fell in love with each other. He treats me and my children like we are gold. We were discussing moving in together but were going to do this a little later down the road

when there was some bad weather that hit the area flooding alot of towns. Where i was living was under danger was flooding so my new BF was helping me get things out of the garage and my basement. he was in a safe zone so we were putting my things in his garage. we were discussing this and instead of my moving to a new place and then later into his. we decided to skip the middle place and move in together at that time.

 also duing this time he asked me to marry him and i said yes. We just have not picked a date or made an official announcement. My family lives in other states and i've asked them to give me a time frame that they would be able to take time from work to come here for the wedding before setting a date.

Me and my financee have also gone over money issues. He has a good paying good where i don't have to work if i don't want to and we both believe that me being home until at least the youngest is in school is beneficial to the kids. I love being a homemaker and mothe and not working two jobs so i can spend time with my kids and do things for them.

 another change was before my kids were not involved in outside activities. me and the ex didn't have a car or extra money for the kids to do anything. but now they can. they have joined boy scouts and martial arts. They love doing these things. My financee has a car and we are in the process of getting a second vehicle.

In the middle of this we are dealing with issue with my 7 year old who misses his dad and still wnats the two of us to be together. i have started him in counceling. during the course of this year i did keep my 10 year old's father informed of changes taking place.

when me and my children moved in with my fiancee there was a change of schools. this was an issue with my son't dad. but iit is still in the same school district with the same academic programs like tutoring and such...but because he had an issue with it. we did have the option of keeping in the same elementary we would just have to provide the transportation.

 i told my 10 year old's dad this and we were willing to do this so ease his issues with it. he said it was too much to ask of anyone and my son was willing to give the new school a try. so he went to the new school.

 the out of the blue in august i get the notice that my 10 year's dad was taking me to court again to get custody of our son. we went to the special master's hearing and his recommendation was that my son go with his dad..i appealed it.

 we went to court last thursday. his compelling reasons for requesting primary custodianship was the changes in my life and that i'm unstable. yes there have been changes but my life has been inproved since the last time we were in court. unfortunately he was awarded primary and i had to hand my son over on sun

. I"m completely crushed and at a loss on what to do get this fixed. My 7 year old is completely crushed as well. when we had to tell him friday night that his brother was moving to md he went crazy. kicking and screaming, locking himself in the bathroom. i got hit in the eye. he wouldn't talk to anyone but his brother. the rest of the weekend he was ignoring what was going on.

this morning he got to school late because he didn't want to go to school without his brother and was trying to pretend sicker than he was. he put up quite a fight. but he got there finally.

the other issue is now my son lives out of state i'm in Pa and my son is in MD. his father did live in PA until last summer. he moved to md to take a new job and move in with his GF who is now his financee. he asked me if i would let him take our son with him. and i said no. and thats when all the custody things started. of course there is alot of things involved in this.

 i just need help and a starting point. i'm reading alot of things online. but most of what i'm reading involving custody modification and separating half sibling is when the compelling reasons are detrimental changes...like alienation, or living conditions and life styles have deteriorated. abuse and such...

in my situation life improved. and my children were all happier. they were getting more involved in things, coming out of their shells and seemed to be enjoying life more. yes i'm in a new relationship with a man i'm marring who my children get along great with. i no longer have to work two jobs to make ends meet and i have more time to be involved with my kids.

i' have paid some bills off and we are on top of my finances. a car, and second one being gotten...the place where we are now i have a better family support system because we are surrounded by my fiancee's family. even a much bigger yard for my children to romp around in building tree forts and exploring the woods. well thank you if you are reading this and any help would be very much appreciated . i need to get my family back together and make my children happy again.

PA Mom

Thank you for responding. And you are right it does suck, and hurts to untold depth.

No it was a final order. and this was the second time this year i was taken to court. I won the first time. and lost the second time.

and if i'm reading everything right and there has to be a substantial change in circumstances to warrant a change in the primary custodian. Yes i had changes but none of them were detriimental to my children. In fact they had improved our life.

My lawyer did try to object to many things. but the judge didn't seem to be hearing him.  So now i also have children at home who have been hurt tremendlessly by this change.

we have been able to work out everything between us fine for 9 years. we were never married and i was raising our son. Until he moved to MD from PA to live with his girlfriend now financee. and asked me to let him take our son with him because he was his only children. because his GF had made the decision not to have children

and i had other children so me letting him take our son shouldn't be a  problem. His thinking on this matter was off.

the one thing i can say is i have bent over backwards to accomodate him and help him build his relationship with our son. the judge even comment in the first time around that it was due to me that him and his son had a good relationship.

from reading it does say that the parent who would be more accomodating in helping the relationship between the ncp and the chlld in which parent shoud be primary.

as for first refusal i live in PA and he lives in MD. we are about 3 hours apart.

I also don't understand separating the children even if they are half siblings they have been raised together and i'm afraid this may cause some damage. it has already caused major pain for my 7 year old. who has been throwing major fits because his brother is leaving to locking myself in the bathroom because he didn't want him to go

in fact he would only take to his brother. i had trouble getting him to school today because his brother wasn't here. and ended up driving him to school late. I had a talk with the principal to let him know what was going on because my son had been running the gamet of bad behavior to ignoring what was going on

I don't know what to expect from minute to the next on how he is going to react. i already have him in counceling on a different matter. and i'm hoping this will help

at this point i don't care if i bankrupt myself to fix this. i don't think this i best for my son. he had been taken from me , his home the area he has lived in his whole life, his brothers and sisters and new to a whole different place. so much for continuenty.

I know i'm rambling ...but this has been hard on all of us..

okay you said about breaking up into paragraphs. should i just repost my orginal post then?

thank you very much
PA Mom

okay this one is going to take a few to read...any help would be greatly appreciated.....twice this year i have been taken to court for custody of my 10 year old son by his father. the first time was in feb. the order was for joint custody with me being primary custodian, liberal vistation with his father and a the bulk of the summer. shortly after the first hearing i had ended an 8 eight year relationship and started rebuilding my life with my children. During the course of this relationship we had two children.  who are now 7 and almost 3.  There had been alot of financial deficulties and other problems. I found out about an affair he had been having for a few months and i ended the relationship about a month after the first custody hearing with my 10 year old's father. I was working two jobs and did end up losing one due to the irresponsiblity of my youngest children's father. So i started about rebulding my life. I was in default in my student loans and ended up being accepting into a new program that got me out of default and me being able to recieve back taxes for the last two years. So even though i had lost one job and was only working part time with the other job. I was able to still take care of my bills and few off a few things. which was strenghting my financial status. Unfortunately i was looking for a new place to live becuase i couldn't afford the rent where i was living. I ended up with two places i could move one was in public housing, and one was a small apartment in town....during this period my best friend introduced me to a friend of hers. we were talking for a couple of months and then started dating. We fell in love with each other. He treats me and my children like we are gold.  We were discussing moving in together but were going to do this a little later down the road when there was some bad weather that hit the area flooding alot of towns. Where i was living was under danger was flooding so my new BF was helping me get things out of the garage and my basement. he was in a safe zone so we were putting my things in his garage. we were discussing this and instead of my moving to a new place and then later into his. we decided to skip the middle place and move in together at that time. also duing this time he asked me to marry him and i said yes. We just have not picked a date or made an official announcement. My family lives in other states and i've asked them to give me a time frame that they would be able to take time from work to come here for the wedding before setting a date.  Me and my financee have also gone over money issues. He has a good paying good where i don't have to work if i don't want to and we both believe that me being home until at least the youngest is in school is beneficial to the kids. I love being a homemaker and mothe and not working two jobs so i can spend time with my kids and do things for them. another change was before my kids were not involved in outside activities. me and the ex  didn't have a car or extra money for the kids to do anything. but now they can. they have joined boy scouts and martial arts. They love doing these things. My financee has a car and we are in the process of getting a second vehicle. In the middle of this we are dealing with issue with my 7 year old who misses his dad and still wnats the two of us to be together. i have started him in counceling.  during the course of this year i did keep my 10 year old's father informed of changes taking place. when me and my children moved in with my fiancee there was a change of schools. this was an issue with my son't dad. but iit is still in the same school district with the same academic programs like tutoring and such...but because he had an issue with it. we did have the option of keeping in the same elementary we would just have to provide the transportation. i told my 10 year old's dad this and we were willing to do this so ease his issues with it. he said it was too much to ask of anyone and my son was willing to give the new school a try. so he went to the new school. the out of the blue in august i get the notice that my 10 year's dad was taking me to course again to get custody of our son. we went to the special master's hearing and his recommendation was that my son go with his dad..i appealed it. we went to court last thursday. his compelling reasons for requesting primary custodianship was the changes in my life and that i'm unstable.  yes there have been changes but my life has been inproved since the last time we were in court. unfortunately he was awarded primary and i had to hand my son over on sun.  I"m completely crushed and at a loss on what to do get this fixed. My 7 year old is completely crushed as well. when we had to tell him friday night that his brother was moving to md he went crazy. kicking and screaming, locking himself in the bathroom. i got hit in the eye. he wouldn't talk to anyone but his brother. the rest of the weekend he was ignoring what was going on. this morning he got to school late because he didn't want to go to school without his brother and was trying to pretend sicker than he was. he put up quite a fight. but he got there finally. the other issue is now my son lives out of state i'm in Pa and my son is in MD. his father did live in PA until last summer. he moved to md to take a new job and move in with his GF who is now his financee. he asked me if i would let him take our son with him. and i said no. and thats when all the custody things started.  of course there is alot of things involved in this. i just need help and a starting point. i'm reading alot of things online. but most of what i'm reading involving custody modification and separating half sibling is when the compelling reasons are detrimental changes...like alienation, or living conditions and life styles have deteriorated. abuse and such...in my situation life improved. and my children were all happier. they were getting more involved in things, coming out of their shells and seemed to be enjoying life more. yes i'm in a new relationship with a man i'm marring who my children get along great with. i no longer have to work two jobs to make ends meet and i have more time to be involved with my kids. i' have paid some bills off and we are on top of my finances. a car, and second one being gotten...the place where we are now i have a better family support system because we are surrounded by my fiancee's family.  even a much bigger yard for my children to romp around in building tree forts and exploring the woods.  well thank you if you are reading this and any help would be very much appreciated . i need to get my family back together and make my children happy again.

PA Mom