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Messages - ocean

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This site is has quieted down and you only have to post on one board. Most of the regulars are just people who have been through many years through the family court system and help each other. I responded to your other post but...1. Merry Christmas- could have been for your son.2. Present- nope, he gets gifts for his son but from your other post maybe step mom is not allowing gifts and he was trying to go through you?3. Until he starts using his visits, limit the amount of communication until he makes an effort to come and see him. Maybe offer to meet him at a public place between the two of you so child can see dad...fun kid place maybe and you can go read a book and let them have a few hours together, especially since step mom seems to be controlling the amount of time away from him.

Do not answer any communication unless it is a direct question concerning your child. Text ex that you will answer questions regarding child only. Friendly communication is fine and if he wants to see child without new step-mom so be it. Stay out of it.
Is he now seeing child? Encourage communication and visits and how dad wants to use his visitation is up to him (bringing him home or out to public places instead). It is actually good that son gets 1:1 time with dad and not thrown into a mixed family. Maybe in time things will change.
Keep texting dad about son's activities/school functions as you are co-parenting with him.Good luck!

How long has he been back?You should not have to get him gifts from dad especially when he is that close. Is child comfortable going with dad? Maybe offer a few times in public places so you can stay around until child is comfortable again and then offer a day each week he can come get him? Since it is Christmas, offer a few hours tomorrow or this week for him to spend time even if it just going to fast food place and back so start the communication again.

Playing devils advocate maybe he had to leave his game for appointment, work, or pick up another child (if he has second family). Always encourage child time with dad but you both should not drop everything/plans if he can not plan ahead. Door should always kept open for dad but at same time tell him that consistency for children is key and can he come up with a day a week that he can see him regularly. (even if work gets in way , can be planned a month ahead and have days on calendar).

Good luck!

Father's Issues / Re: Can't find my kids!
« on: Dec 09, 2018, 11:56:58 AM »
Few questions:1. How old is chid(ren)?2. Why did child support court hold ex address?3. Do you have a visitation schedule?

Have you tried going to the court house for all copies of your file? Maybe on there there.One option can be to request court ordered counseling with children so you can start to form a relationship outside ex and with a therapist that can guide the conversation.

Also, if you still have rights to children, you can request your child's school records to be mailed to you. You can mail the request letter to the district office of the few school districts your kids may in. Not the individual schools, the district so one letter to whole district. You can then request parent portal to get school records , info, grades, attendance from there.

Do you know grandparents or other families information. Can send something to kids through them? Be careful about harassing any family members, one time letter asking them to forward info to your children.
Good luck!

Child Support Issues / Re: Child support for school aged kids?
« on: Nov 26, 2018, 04:03:56 PM »
Some people include it in their divorce to split activities but it is not included in child support in my state. Half of medical (copays, insurance prem, dental, eye glasses) are usually included with a child support order. It is usually very hard to go back and ask for changes but you could ask for a COLA increase in child support every few years. If your order is through the state you can ask them to do it without court. Your ex can ask for a hearing to explain why COLA should not be allowed. If you do not use state to collect child support you can ask for a COLA hearing. You can find out how much that is and talk to your ex and agree to it so not court or any other amount. Or maybe you wont ask for COLA increase if ex will agree to half activities.

He really can not lower it with a very good reason at the same time you can not ask for his it be adjusted more than COLA unless you have very good reason. Him owning things, getting a second job to better his lifestyle is not your concern. Is he paying child support through the state? If so, you can ask them to do a a COLA review. In my state, you can request this and they will adjust it if it has been long enough (goes by COLA increases and most be a certain number before they adjust). You do not go to court for this, he can request a hearing why the COLA should not go into effect. If you support is not through state you can file a modification for a COLA increase as you have never had an increase since original order.

How long as father not used his Sundays? If he just showed up after years then you can suggest a few weeks of getting to know him first, shorter visits, you there in a public place.

Custody Issues / Re: Legal authority
« on: Nov 26, 2018, 03:52:10 PM »
Is the child study team through your local school district? They should do full testing that included a connor's scale for ADD/ADHD. What did the pediatrician say about going somewhere for testing?
Technically you have to inform the other party and then agree if you have joint legal. Maybe ask the judge for sole medical and educational custody as mother is interfering with any/all ways to get child help for ADD/ADHD. What does the Gal say? She may be able to help?

The child study team can make a decision without parent consent. It is a team decision not parent. What was decided at end of meeting?

Not worth it, but you could send him a certified letter stating that if he plans on using his visitation time, please let you know at least 2 weeks before so you can make arrangements. This way you are not waiting around each week to see if he shows up.

Why is your lawyer not filing in family court to get custody back? Maybe file paperwork with strong statements with dates/facts in the petition that states something like "petitioner has passed drug tests and jumped through CPS hoops for the last xx weeks/months and the case is now closed. Petitioner is asking the courts intervene and allow petitioner  to regain custody. Tell your lawyer you want petition to be strongly worded.How old are the children? If they are in school are you in the same school district? Custody is in the best interest of the kids so just because you are clean now does not mean they should have to change schools/friends midyear. How often do you see them now? Are you allowed more time at your parents house? Go to the kids school and outside activities/sports events if you are allowed.

Few questions:1. Is there a current court case and a future court date?2. Who is this investigator ? From CPS- child protective services? If yes, call and ask to speak to supervisor. Ask for supervisor name/email. Send letter overnight or email supervisor with detailed time line with dates and what happened. Ask that they intervene or get assigned a new case worker.

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