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Messages - tigger

Pages: 12 3 ... 53
Visitation Issues / Re: NC Mom refusing to allow visit
« on: Apr 02, 2018, 10:25:33 AM »
I'm interested in the outcome of your situation.  I'm in Wake County.

Her reaction is based out of fear.  Whatever the cause of your break up, she now has a new person coming into her daughter's life that she didn't pick, has no control over and doesn't know.  She has no idea the influence this new person will have over her daughter.  It's a scary place to be in.  Not saying she's justified, just saying what is her likely thought process.  Especially if the daughter has nice things to say about your SO. 

Is the SO out of state?  Many CO's have a standard "will notify other parent if child is to be taken out of the state" clause.  My ex routinely ignored this clause.  I knew the person they were visiting (his new wife's sister) and there was no safety concern but it was unsettling that he would feel the need to hide this and raised concern that he may leave the state permanently with them.  (He had always wanted to live in Montana and when you're fearful of something, you're not always rational or reasonable in your thinking.)

Your best defense at this point is to keep all communication "Business Only".  No accusations, no emotions, no information that's not necessary.  We tried to keep a journal that went back and forth and while I entered information that was necessary (health, medication, education, etc.) my ex's wife would include how she made OS's favorite breakfast and what fun they had when daddy cooked out on the grill and how important family time was to them.  Only purpose of that was to get under my skin.  I had no patience for the nonsense and game playing.  But definitely don't feed into her fears or insecurities.

Custody Issues / Re: Okay to Ask?
« on: Mar 02, 2018, 08:32:41 AM »
Some of that has to do with recovering physically from the surgery, some of it has to do with pain medication during the recovery period.  When my stepmom had surgery, she couldn't drive the full time she was told not to.  She was recovering properly but couldn't brake and was on pain medication.  My dad (at a much older age) had the same surgery but was in better physical condition.  He didn't drive for a week but was okay after that.  When Physical Therapy came to the house, he was already 3 weeks ahead of recovery.  His range of motion was excellent, his strength and mobility were good.  He had stopped pain mediation 3 days after the surgery.  It's different for different folks. 

Documentation is key.  It'll help with the lies (at least some of them depending on what they are).  Also, instead of just telling the children, "Your mother is lying." or"That's not true." or simply saying nothing, ask your children questions that will have them remembering things or comparing the truth of their experience vs lies they are being told and allow them to come to their own conclusions. 
For example, I know my birth mother has lied because what she has said happened doesn't match to what I experienced.  I know at what age I was taught how to properly answer the phone and that I was the primary person to answer the phone after that.  So no, she didn't "call all the time and was never allowed to speak with me".  I was the only one home in the afternoons and I answered the phone even when my parents were home because I could do it properly (my dad was hospital administration so I was taught phone etiquette as if I were an adult.)  She says that my dad had a horrible temper and she was afraid of him.  (So you left two children under the age of 6 with a tyrant?  Really?)

You don't need to draw kids into the battle between the adults and attacking your ex (STBX) is only going to make them come to her defense.  But getting them to compare a known, experienced truth with a verbal lie will shine a light without an attack.

Custody Issues / Re: Custody
« on: Dec 23, 2017, 07:55:29 PM »
But crazy can't be hidden forever. It has a way of bubbling up and out. And it looks like the judge is seeing it. He didn't make a quick, snap decision.

Visitation Issues / Re: Domestic situation...
« on: Nov 07, 2017, 10:06:43 AM »
I agree with everything Ocean said except one thing.  "Maybe put the kids in counseling . . ."   No maybe about it.  Get the younger one in counseling with the oldest or in separate counseling but definitely get them in.  His words can mess with their heads for a long time to come and they need coping skills immediately.

« on: Oct 25, 2017, 01:07:07 PM »
My son sustained a head injury a few weeks before turning 18. Shortly after turning 18 (and still in high school) he was taken to the ER in connection to this same head injury.  The hospital intake person asked for his insurance information and asked how he was going to pay.  He looked at me and she said, "Don't look at her.  You're 18.  Her insurance will cover what it covers but she's not responsible for the copay."  He said, "But I'm still a student."  She said it didn't matter because he was 18.  This was in NC.  (Just as a side note, I did of course pay the copay because he was still in high school and it was my responsibility morally, if not legally.)

In your case, I believe he was emancipated and therefore solely responsible for the copay and noncovered costs. 

Custody Issues / Re: where do i legally begin
« on: Jul 27, 2017, 04:49:32 PM »
Some places will require mediation and coparenting classes. Wake County NC is one of those places.

Custody Issues / Re: where do i legally begin
« on: Jul 27, 2017, 10:57:48 AM »
What state are you in?  What do you want?  (specifically, 50/50 custody? Joint legal with visitation/parenting time, full custody?)  Did the mom move out or you?  How long ago?  How far apart? What's the age of the child? Is there (real or false) an accusation of domestic violence?

Generally: You would petition the court for whichever custody/parenting plan you want.  You can do a search for examples.  If you give us specifics, we can try to be more helpful.

General Issues / Re: Transgender Children
« on: Jul 26, 2017, 11:04:05 AM »
Figured out how to get around it. Weird that they don't allow links. Probably due to spammers or something.

After you've posted for a while, the site will allow you to post links.  It's to prevent spammers from hitting the site.

Custody Issues / Re: Is this usual in high conflict situations?
« on: Jul 24, 2017, 06:20:30 AM »
My guess is your ex is having an overly emotional response to her "baby" growing up and moving away to college.  She may be dealing with regrets if she's been too busy getting between you and the child(ren) and not enough time teaching her how to be independent and self-sufficient.  She may realize that as the child turns 18, she'll have less control and you'll have more freedom. 

You said the older one is 17 (soon to be 18, I guess?).  How old is the younger child?  If close in age, this may be a short season of irrationality.  If not, I would expect her to double down on any attempts to get the younger to be "all hers" and none of yours.

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