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Messages - joecandy@vvm.com

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Wisconsin State Forum / RE: manipulating mom
« on: Aug 03, 2007, 07:21:14 PM »
We are dealing with a similar situation.  Begin to do research on Parental Alienation Syndrome.  It is highly likely that you and your children are victims of this and if you have equal placement rights in the state of Wisconsin, you have a better chance of gaining sole legal custody and primary physical placement if you can learn to begin to document correctly.

Good luck

Unless you have specific language in a court order as to which days you have the child(ren), it will be difficult to have police enforce the placement (custody...whatever your state calls it).  If the language is specific, they still may not enforce the pick up.  They will tell you to file a contempt of court and wait for a judge to decide if a warrant is needed.  This just happened with my DH in Wisconsin.  I would say that your best bet is to IMMEDIATELY go to the court and file a contempt of court (use voice mail as evidence of intent to defy a court order).  Also, be there with the cavalry to document her NOT turning the child over.  They may not do anything, but it will document her uncooperativeness and intent.  Consistently confirm you will be there for the pick up, regardless if she continually says she will not be there.  Also, get a neutral spot for drop off...such as police or sherriff's dept.  That way she has to make a concious and deliberate effort to not show up and it is documented by authorities and it takes the drama away from her of having you show up to house and she make a dramatic scene before neighbors or not show up and have the neighbors call police, etc.   Most importantly, BE RATIONAL.  If you freak out and get irate, etc....they will think her fleeing you is warranted due to domestic violence.  Get things in court IMMEDIATELY...there is no enforceable federal parental abduction charge.  If she leaves the state with child the other state may choose not to cooperate.  Don't make the mistake of thinking this kind of person will have the lights turn on and realize she is wrong.  That is what you call denial, and it will cause you to lose precious time to have an order before a court.

Good luck and God bless.

Father's Issues / RE: Find other advocates
« on: Aug 06, 2007, 08:19:50 PM »

Thanks for the input.  We tried the school contact last school year, but ex interfered with the records and told them not to send anymore...with drs. and with school.  He has joint legal cutsody and full access to all records, so for them to do this is in violation of the court order in place, but due to the distance problem it is difficult to enforce their cooperation without an attorney.  She also went against advice of pediatrician to stop medication 10 year old was on and just switched dr.  We cannot get disclosure as to who she is now seeing, are they in therapy, etc.  She just stops sending them when he gets documentation and switches care.  Then she refuses to disclose new drs.  The 10 year old has had expressions of suicidal ideation after being put on Paxil.  She reacts badly by becoming more depressed and Mom has dr. then up the dosage...which causes more adverse reaction.  Finally DH sent a statement of non-consent to the pediatrician and consent forms for her to view all therapy records that show the pattern I just mentioned.  Pediatrician told mom that she was giving child her last prescription for Paxil and mom must take child to child psychiatrist.  We have been unable to get documentation or any further informaiton past that point.  Is it just me or is WI 20 years behind the times as far as what is in the "best interest of the child"???  While he was up there for the scheduled placement that did not occur, I suggested he contact a Children's Advocacy Center or CASA and to my shock and dismay, there are no such systems there.  Who stands up for the children??  Do they expect an overworked, underpaid, understaffed, overwhelmed CPS and DHS to do that with no support systems in place?  It is as though a woman in the state of WI is encouraged and practically given a license to abuse.

Father's Issues / Something I forgot
« on: Aug 04, 2007, 11:45:22 AM »
I want to clarify, that my fiancee has not been accused of physical or sexual abuse towards his children.  Her statements to drs. have been that he "bipolar" and "doesn't work".  (He is a disable vet on a pension.)  Also, I have spoken with the exwife and monitored conversations between him and her, so I am informed as to where the problem actually lies.  I have also spoken with the girls and listened to conversations that took place between them and their father.  As I am aware from my own experience, people can twist reality.  So I made it a point to see things for myself.  One other thing I might suggest, if you have joint legal custody and have phone conversations with your daughter...go get recording equipment for your phone (you can usually find it at Radio Shack).  As long as your ex-wife is not on the phone in the conversation, the tapes could most likely be admissable in court because you, as a legal custodian were consenting to your daughter being taped (and of course yourself).  Also, even though tapes between you and your ex-wife may not be admissable in court as evidence, the conversations could be played for a CPS investigator or Guardian Ad Litem to support your claims.  the other thing, do your best to communicate with the ex-wife in varifiable means for court, i.e. e-mail and certified mail.  There is little point trying to hold a phone conversation with an unreasonable person that will not behave rationally.  You might as well communicate in a manner that can be presented in court.

Father's Issues / RE: Father in need of help desperately
« on: Aug 04, 2007, 11:20:53 AM »

I am going to give you some of my background so that you can understand where I am coming from.  I am a divorced mother of 2.  I came from a marriage of domestic violence and my daughter WAS sexually abused by her father, who is still currently in the navy.  His criminal trial regarding the rape and sodomy of my daughter is beginning the end of this month, after a nearly 3 year fight for justice.  I have a preponderence of documentation, physical, dr. documentation, therapy disclosures, and pictures of her battered body and my son's eyewitness testimony.  Now, without going into extreme detail on my own case, I want to make a statement to you.  It makes me completely enraged when I hear stories of false allegations, because it is the women (and men) making these false allegations that make it that much harder for people in our circumstance to get protection and justice.  

A legitimate case of sexual abuse will begin like this:  If the abuse began while the child was young (preschool), there will be instances where the child expresses knowledge of sexual acts or parts, etc. that are not appropriate for their age.  I missed these signs, because they will be disturbing or shocking accounts that you know could not have happened because the people or person described in the tale may not even exist.  However, it is not the actual specifics that are important, it is the inappropriate knowledge.  There may also be inappropriate sexual behavior.  Also, look for symptoms such as unexplained anxiety, inability to concentrate, violent outburts for no apparent reason...especially toward you (a sexually abused child often feels or is even told that you know and don't care), night terrors, scared around a certain person or certain types of persons (such as scared around men or people that fit a certain description), frequent genital itching, frequent urinary tract infections or yeast infections.  These are just some of the signs and symptoms.  Also, a child will usually exhibit one of 2 extreme behaviors: fearful and withdrawn, or overly friendly with no inhibitions.  There is rarely a middle ground.  Also the child may exhibit destructive behaviors with themselves (hitting themselves, cutting themselves, pinching themselves) or others.  If none of these symptoms exist, then a CPS worker that is citing sexual abuse has not investigated properly.  I would also suggest that you begin to have your daughter checked out by a third party, such a a dr. or nurse, at the beginning and ending of each period od time you spend with her.. This will provide documentation of her physical state when she is with you and documentation if abuse is occurring while with your ex-wife.  When she is with you, YOU MUST take lots of pictures and video, as it will go to establish a pattern of her behavior around you...whether or not she is fearful and anxious, or relaxed and happy, etc.  Enter family counselling with her, so there is professional documentation and opinion.  If you have not already, attend every parenting class available to you, including classes about recognizing the signs and symptoms of abuse.  Check out books on these subjects from the library and submit printed a printed copy to the court of the books you have checked out and read.  The key: document everything, I mean EVERYTHING.  Contrary to many people's popular beliefs, it is very, very difficult to make a sexual abuse charge stick.  A woman that is only trying to manipulate and lie for the sake of custody WILL NOT report to police authorities and pursue under the law.  WHY???  Well, several reasons.  It takes a lot of evidence to even get a DA to agree to put out a warrant, and it has to be more than the testimony of the child.  Also, if there were enough evidence to prosecute, the father going to jail means no more child support or benefits for mom.  Most women that are alienators are very motivated by money and see the child as their possession and means of financial gain.  My fiancee is going through a case of parental alienation right now.  It is unfounded with no evidence or grounds for abuse.  In fact, the evidence of abuse is against her, but because of her gender, CPS and authorities are refusing to investigate properly.  Again, the key to all of these situations is WHO HAS THE PROOF.  DOCUMENT< DOCUMENT< DOCUMENT!  After 3 years, I have finally been able to obtain a protective order for my children and we are finally able to be seeing criminal charges and a trial occurring.  The truth will always prevail...it just takes more time than we want it too sometimes.  The only way to win in the courts is to have hard evidence on your side.  It is not enough just to know what the truth is, you must prove it.

Father's Issues / Help for Father's Rights in Wisconsin - Desperate
« on: Aug 03, 2007, 07:59:23 PM »
Hi, I'm writing on behalf of my fiance who is at this time driving back from Wisconsin to Texas WITHOUT his daughters, instead of with them on the scheduled placement.  The girls have been victims of abuse and parental alienation for some time.  We filed a CPS report in January after his 15 yr old disclosed several violent attacks by their mother against her and her 10 year old sister, involving dragging the 10 year old by the hair up the stairs and the 15 yr old physically fighting mom off of the 10 year old.  Also an altercation where she was doing her homework at the computer and mom attacked her by grabbing her hair and punching her.  This woman has a history of drug abuse, as well.  If that weren't enough she has also repeatedly put the 10 year old in situations where she has been sexually assaulted by a cousin and uses this as punishment for the 10 year old when she misbehaves.  After daughter disclosed this to Dad 2 years ago, Dad confronted mom and trusted she had taken care of the problem and was no longer sending the child over to this cousin's house.  We found out that is not the case.  This was also reported to CPS, after consulting with 10 year old's therapist and pediatrician and being advised to report to CPS.  CPS talked to the girls at school and then at home and they were to afraid to disclose.  The day after CPS came to the house, ex-wife files a bogus restraining order to further alienate him from the children and prevent them from talking to each other.  She dropped the restraining order on her own, after admitting in court to a prior drug history and that she refuses to answer phone calls meant for him to talk with the girls over 60% of the time.  We have begun to compile a large amount of documentation, but are frustrated by lack of finances for an attorney and the blatant bias in the courts of Wisconsin against fathers.  My fiancee is a disabled vet on a tight pension and I have 2 disabled children that we also care for, which makes the finances tight.  She takes full advantage of this situation, telling the children that the money from his VA pension is "extra money from the government" and that their father does not pay child support.  3 times this summer he has worked to arrange summer "placement" (as termed in Wisconsin), and after her refusal to drive them to the airport, he finally resorted to setting a day, notifying her, and driving up to meet her at a designated point for drop off.  She did not show.  He informed the family court and showed the verification that she had received notice of the placement time, as well as the sherriff and police department.  He was given forms for contempt of court and sent on his way.  Then as he was going to get a bite to eat before driving back home, the police stopped him and told him his ex had called the police department and told them she was afraid that he was going to come take the children from the home.  They told him he could not go to the home to even see his daughters and that in Wisconsin, if he doesn't have primary placement he has to go by what she "agrees to".  He has not seen the 10 year old in a year and only got to see the 15 yr. old 3 days at Easter in the past year, at which time she made her own CPS report, which was ignored.  Does anyone out there know how we could get some help?!?!!?  It is ridiculous that Wisconsin CPS will not protect these children and that the courts sit on the sidelines while a low-income father tries to get his children in a safe place.  Since March, the 10 year old had a broken arm in 2 places, that was supposedly broken while alone at home.  Mom did not take her to the dr. for 3 days and left her by herself in pain during this time.  15 yr old has had a knee injury that is unexplained as to how it occurred ("walking downstairs and it started hurting") and could not walk on it for 5 days.  Mom only took her to the dr. 5 days after the fact when she told mom she had called dad and told him about her knee.  The medical facility that treats them is refusing to provide any further medical records without demand from an attorney, which is in violation of the divorce decree, as he has joint legal custody and the school is refusing to send records or reports so he can know how they are doing.  Please...someone out ther reading this have some answers for us!!!  We cannot afford to continue to pay money to advocacy groups that can do nothing for us but agree with our complaints.

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