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Messages - proudofmyboys

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Father's Issues / RE: Right of first refusal clarification
« on: Jun 24, 2008, 03:15:19 PM »
This forum has kind of died down so I thought I'd leave a quick note to thank everyone for all of your great input. I just know that our conversation will help someone out in the future.

I think the huge lesson I got here is that I need to be more on top of planning time with my boys. I believe that would have prevented this whole thing and made for a seamless week. However, at the same time I also learned that the ex and her parents will try to "slide" one by me if given the chance.

So, what I'll do in the future is to cordially come to an agreement on time with my boys with my ex so that she can inform her folks. Hopefully that will prevent any more events like this. I also hope that they learned a lesson that I am not going to just allow them to monopolize time with my boys, but I'm doubtful.

So in short, I think the lesson here is Communication, Communication, Communication.

Wasn't one of the reasons why we got a divorce? Hmmmmmmm, it's like deja vu all over again.

Thanks everyone.

Father's Issues / RE: Urgent!! I think my ex is going to flee!
« on: Jun 19, 2008, 09:31:46 AM »
Time for some quick action on your part and your lawyer's part. The clock is ticking quickly now. You clearly should be the custodial parent since she doesn't want anything to do with the kids. Is she taking her meds?

Do all you can to keep them (which you obviously are) and then look into some kind of support group for them. They're going to need some counseling so they don't feel like the reason mom doesn't want them is their fault.

I want only the best for you and your kids. Ya'll deserve it.

Father's Issues / RE: Right of first refusal clarification
« on: Jun 18, 2008, 04:15:30 PM »
Ok, I politely disagree but what if the non-custodial parent doesn't get the first refusal offer? Then what? Is it just lost then and whomever the caretaker is gets bestowed custodial parenting rights?


Father's Issues / RE: Just for the sake of discussion....
« on: Jun 18, 2008, 12:59:46 PM »

1) I did know that she was going to be gone all week.
2) She told me she was leaving Sunday evening - she left Sunday morning
3) Her parents kept them all day w/out notifying me
4) Right of first refusal is in our plan
5) I am the father
6) I work during the day
7) I live 30 miles away from the ex
8) The grandparents live 3 miles away from my boys

Nowhere is it listed in our plan that I have to be mindful of the grandparents convenience. Nor is it listed that I have to be thankful that the g-parents are "generous" in giving me time with my boys. Last I checked they were given to me by God, not them.

Besides, it's really more of a convenience because she wouldn't have to fix them dinner or clean up. And it's not like I would come flying through the door and demand the kids come with me. I would call during the day to tell them that I would be there at 6 and have them back by 8:30. A whole 2.5 hours. Not exactly what I would call putting them out nor be at my beck and call.

This is just another example of me having to fight for any extra time with my own kids. I am a loving and responsible father who is a great role model for those 3 boys and I believe that the ex and g-parents should be grateful of that. Instead of pushing me away I would think that they would welcome that.

Just turn on the news or talk to some friends who wish their ex husbands would even call their kids.

I don't believe for one minute that a court would have any problem with the boys and me being together for 2.5 hours M-F after I get off of work. Besides, 2 of those evenings involved a baseball game and baseball practice.

I appreciate your response to this forum DSM. I hope this discussion continues and I hope that it helps out anyone who reads it.

Have a great day. :-)

Father's Issues / RE: Right of first refusal clarification
« on: Jun 16, 2008, 09:07:19 AM »
So do I understand correctly that I had every right to have my boys every evening after work while their mom was away for the week and that the grandparents could not refuse that?

This is going to come up any day now and I 'd like to be prepared. She's going to try and tell me that  I had no right to have them every evening but that I needed to stick to the original parenting plan. That means that I would only have them Monday and Wednesday.

BTW - I let the grandparents have them Wed. evening to prevent any kind of scene because the grand dad thinks that since he and his wife were the care takers that he could deny me seeing my boys. We had a disagreement in the definition of right of first refusal of course. Why they would even argue this is beyond me.

Father's Issues / RE: Right of first refusal clarification
« on: Jun 12, 2008, 12:38:10 PM »
Well I work during the day so I'm fine with them staying with g-ma but I believe that they need to give them up to me as soon as I get there after work and keep them until it's time for them to get ready for bed.

Isn't that correct?

Since she just got remarried this would apply to her new husband as well I think.

Father's Issues / Right of first refusal clarification
« on: Jun 12, 2008, 11:25:18 AM »
Hello and thanks for reading/replying to this post.

I have the right of first refusal written in the parenting plan and my ex-wife left for a week for her honeymoon. She told me she wasn't leaving until Sunday evening and I found out from my 8 yr old that she left Sunday morning. So her parents kept them all day without telling me. They are staying in my ex-wife's house and are being cared for by the g-ma.

Question #1: I know she was obligated to notify me so that I get first dibs on the boys, but were the grand parents obligated as well? They said that they didn't have to.

So the boys and I were shafted out of a day.

In addition, the grand parents say that I have no right to come over every evening this week because they are caring for my boys. Last night they said they already had "plans" and that I couldn't come get them. I said they needed to notify me first.

Question #2: Do I have the right to go get the boys every evening after work since my ex is out of town and return them for the night?

My ex told me that while she was gone that the parenting plan would not change. I submit that I should be able to keep them all week if I didn't work during the day.

What are your thoughts?


Father's Issues / RE: Urgent!! I think my ex is going to flee!
« on: Jun 12, 2008, 11:08:37 AM »
I agree with Davy. You need to get that agreement in writing ASAP. Don't wait around any longer and keep up the good fight. I completely know what you mean about fighting for your time and if she leaves it's just going to make life that much for the worse for you and your girl.

You should ask the court or an attorney about how to get this done.  

TIP: Use a different attorney than the one you currently have cuz he/she certainly does suck. Davey's right on that one.

I have that kind of arrangement in my parenting plan thankfully. I'd NEVER allow her to move away from me but IF it ever happened I'd follow and I'd move right across the street too.

We're pulling for you bro!!

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