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Messages - speciallady

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Second Families / A returning "oldie"
« on: Aug 02, 2009, 09:45:58 AM »
Hi all! I used to be oneandonly and still read here but our whole court stuff ended last year at this time. "Waves" to everyone!
Oh boy so much has happened and I am checking in and sharing to give hope to others...
My husbands twins are now 21--boy (man) just got out of the army and is living with us in Vegas. Girl (woman) is still in army but getting out soon.
Immediatly upon graduation, both kids left their mothers and joined the army. Dad was and is quite proud since it seems so many youths have no direction at that age. Both served in Iraq. Both are in the states now safe and sound.
The boy (man) got out and chose to live with us. I'll say from an observers standpoint, the minute they both left their mothers, communication went through the roof! Dad and son have built this bond I always knew would happen if there was NO interference. Hes been here over three weeks now and I am just amazed at how much he is like his dad! They are true friends and companions.
My husband and myself were looking through some old papers to find something for our car and there were all the old court papers. Son asked to see them--now mind you, the entire 12 years I've known my husband and been around his children, never ever ever once were court papers or negative things shared with them. He read them and commented that he never knew his dad was so involved (or tried to be) that whole time. He was surprised we had his school records and reflected on some memories during that time.
Currently the father/daughter relationship is not the best but they still talk once in a while. She's shown some characteristics of her mother which my husband ignores. I have an issue with her as I paid a debt for her last year and she has yet to acknowledge or pay back. She's an adult now and should be held accountable. Never a thank you either.
Son is going to visit his mother soon and then back here. I've lined a job up for him via some connections I have.  His mother is working on husband #5 (maybe 4 as we're not sure if she married #2...). She still stalks me on the net. I am sure this arrangement with son is not to her liking but her area is suffering more economically than we are.  I was driving to the store with son the other day and she called him--asked who he was with (what does that matter?) and he said me..she said some snotty things and he rolled his eyes. Let it go already!
SO, it can happen--a light so bright at the end of the tunnel that it blinds you! We are living in it now and I could cry every day at the happiness I see in both their eyes!
Always keep the faith!

California State Forum / RE: opposite sex siblings sharing a room
« on: Oct 22, 2005, 04:12:44 PM »
Not in any law I've read, however, you might want toplace a call to CPS just to make sure what they say about this....but, please know, most folks do the best they can to provide a roof over the families head and with times being as tough as they are, this might not be a hill worth climbing.
Do you suspect something else is going on here?

California State Forum / What exactly are you looking for?
« on: Sep 30, 2004, 05:10:04 PM »
Is this in regards to visitation/custody/child support? Jurisdiction?

because you obviously haven't.

You approached this subject a bit ago when I posted my initial thread about support and interest in CA--you, at first, defended the system based on your own experience, (rightly so) and then did your research. You asked for facts and data to back up my claims and I told you to research for yourself. In this internet age, you can google anything to fit your needs (hence my research I posted).

CA would NOT have a BILLION dollar debt for arrears if your system worked.
You've skipped over so many facts from real folks on here. You state the system is flawed and not perfect but that's just a cop-out. AS is your statement, "If you pay attention to the data and don't read too much into it..."
OY--you just back-tracked again.

I'll say this again--while the system you are currently defending is working for you at this time, (if this is true), I sure hope you never ever get sick, see a period of umemployment, etc....because you will be back here seeking advice from the very people you have
 been nasty to-me included. Re-read some of your posts to me. I have yet to return the comments.

Child Support Issues / Read this then...
« on: Nov 07, 2007, 01:52:59 PM »

pay close attention to the California data and yes, like yours, Mist, it's from 2003.

IF the system you so defend worked, why are there arrears to begin with? Look at those numbers..that is not an 89% success rate like you posted from  your article.

Having taken several stat classes in college, info can be skewed.

Child Support Issues / Mist..serious flaws in your data...
« on: Nov 07, 2007, 01:16:44 PM »
9 states with data taken from 2003-2004?

ONLY 9 states??
come on now, that is seriously skewed data.
The article was interesting though. But I did notice a lot of "mays" in there, like this "may" be the reason or that "may" be the cause....

Why do you keep saying that we, as in responders to your posts, DON'T think about the kids??? So you're saying caring about your kids only comes down to money???

Perhaps that is why you'll not get any to little support on your side of this issue.

Child Support Issues / RE: Responses--since my thread was locked.
« on: Nov 02, 2007, 03:25:34 PM »
 "She's being reimbursed for past expenses that she incurred and were not reimbursed in a timely manner."
What do you consider a timely manner? When the other parent does NOT work, thereby NOT following the system of both parents supporting the child/children, then how can she be reimbursed for that?
When you miss even one payment in CA, you are in arrears. Eventually, the order will include the arrears. Most I've seen it take is about 6 months. That is a timely manner of making up missed payments. SO, you advocate for going back 10 plus years or more, after an order is finished and reimbursing? That is just so wrong.
But it is what it is.
I would like to see your statistics of this system working then.

And for many, like you've been told, it's not matter of not wanting to pay, it's a matter of not being able to pay. Hogwash on that, "go file then" thing. Reducing child support is not an easy thing.

I guess you also support that measure of taking ones licenses to get one to pay?

Child Support Issues / Responses--since my thread was locked.
« on: Nov 02, 2007, 02:34:22 AM »
I don't want to keep an arguement going but do want to respond. I contacted Waylon and he said he did not lock this but one of the moderators did?

I was in the process of looking up child support stats but felt that is something that one can do on their own. There are many  articles, reports, etc... on how the system is failing in California. The system is NOT based on the needs of the child/children but rather a complex formula based on income. Of course, income has to play a part as that is what this is all about. But seriously though, look at those in jobs of means, like actors....40K a month for a child? come on now...

Be that as it may, I know personally of folks just trying to do their best. Move on with their lives, provide for not one family but two. Let's not even add that in..another family. I know of one man that was hit with a large amount of support, insurance, etc....and had to sleep in his car. Any increase in his income resulted in an increase in support. Not right.

Personally, I know of two men who have custody in California. The first did not want to file for child support. He was urged to do so for the childs sake and the childs future. He brought this to the CSE agency and was told, "well, she doesn't make very much so you'll get very little". He decided against it as his focus was not to financially cripple the NCP but to make sure money was never an issue for the NCP to see her child. I don't know of many women that would do that.
The second, support filed for, not paid for a while. Hearing scheduled and delayed and delayed and delayed...finally get to court. Woman NCP basically cries in court and gets arrears reduced.
Try doing that as a man....**

My husbands situation was not fair at all. He paid, was paid off in current and arrears and now the CP (is she still considered that when the kids are 19?) gets a winfall. I stated before he got behind; he also got tagged with backdated support payments for a whole year. Unemployment happens. I don't think this particular woman has worked a total of 1 year full time. Why should she be rewarded for her sloth?

My solution, (you asked Mist...)...
50/50 split custody with NO support exchanged. It can work.

Mist, you stated you pay a lot in support. I hope you're always healthy, always working and never ever have to go through this. You miss one payment, just one, and you'll be in the same boat.

On a side note, my husband and his children have never been closer. THey call from Iraq all the time. It's a shame and a blessing this only happened since they left their mothers.

I don't care how much you defend the child support system---when a state is rewarded with federal money for collecting, it is never about the children.

** not intentionally slamming women here just using personal examples.**

Child Support Issues / NO Mist, that's what the CSE agencies do...
« on: Oct 30, 2007, 07:07:19 PM »
forget about the children--on both sides.

I'm wondering why you're defending this obviously flawed system?
In CA, both parents are responsible for supporting the children. But it's way too easy to cheat the system and I'll say, on both sides.
I've sat in on many many hearings and let me tell you, child support is rarely about the children.

What is your experience?

Child Support Issues / okay then...
« on: Oct 30, 2007, 09:47:51 AM »
While this order was from CA, neither party live in CA anymore. In fact, the kids during the time of this audit, lived in Oregon. So, rightly so, the cost of living goes down and therefore, child support should automatically go down?  I know I've seen this arguement before on here but lets look at a couple of facts in my husbands case.
BM collected welfare from 1988-1995.
SHe also got child support, worked for cash, had others supporting her.
She also had free child care.

DH had to pay back each and every penny of that. ON top of child support.

SHE gets free legal although she's made mistakes with all that many times.

These agencies are suppose to be opperating under the representation of the "children".

My husbands children are grown and not even in the country.
I see no fairness nor equity in this situation at all...

Now that this new order has happened, taking money from DH to give to BM--again--dh won't be able to do things for his kids. He'll be referring them to their mother when they want help with weddings, flights, etc....things he could be doing directly for them and not supporting the leach that is their mother.
Sadly, the other father also has had to endure financial havoc by this woman.

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