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Messages - tclouser

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1
Custody Issues / Re: BM agreed in custody mediation and now doesn't
« on: Dec 25, 2008, 01:54:12 PM »
In PA and have been told it's a tough one...commonwealth...thanks tho I will try and see what I can come up with!!

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Custody Issues / Re: BM agreed in custody mediation and now doesn't
« on: Dec 24, 2008, 11:57:40 AM »
I'm pretty sure that it will be a court ordered agreement now...if that matters.  Where can I find the statutes???  I'm assuming that it will be difficult to over turn something that was agreed on..just worried that we will loose the 50/50....no real reason I can think of that we shouldn't have it other then why ever she feels so.  We think it has a lot to do with support...she had us for $500 a month but agreed on $350, so she held the $150 over our heads...now it can only go to $400 with the 50/50 so she only has $50 to hold over us.  It's always been about her and what she wants...we are trying to make it more about the child but it is difficult when it's one sided.  I think with rules to follow that aren't her rules she has lost control and doesn't like it....all in all it has been about the control with her.  We have bent over backwards to keep her happy so we didn't lose out on time with the child.  Now she doesn't have a choice in any of it and has to abide by someone elses rules.  If anyone could help with where I could find the statutes that would be very helpfull...look on the computer for a lot but don't think I'm looking in the right places..keep coming to dead ends or sites that want money...which we are saving for our attorney incase anything else comes of this.

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Custody Issues / BM agreed in custody mediation and now doesn't
« on: Dec 23, 2008, 09:50:02 PM »
BM agreed to the custody arrangement my fiance proposed without batting an eye...it gives them 50/50 custody.  Is almost what it was...fiance was about 4 overnights shy a month of 50/50 due to BM not allowing them.  About 3 hours later, after everyone had signed off on it and left, she decided to change her mind.  My fiance tried to work with her by adjusting pick up and drop off times (our attorney said to absolutely not give up any overnights) so she could spend more time with her son.  She begged the first day and then got nasty the next.  Has upset SS by saying things to him that shouldn't have been brought up.  He's only 3 and would adjust quite fine, but she was hystarical and told SS all about it.  I guess my biggest concern is that if she takes us back what are our chances of losing the 50/50???  My fiances biggest worry is loosing time with his son!!!  He looked like he hit the lotto when he walked out of the mediation!!!  We are willing to pay what ever support is needed, just want to keep 50/50.  Any advice????

4
Father's Issues / Re: Child Support Help.
« on: Dec 23, 2008, 09:28:32 PM »
She can drop the case at any time.  You will never prove her tips....just went through the same thing with my SS BM...she's a waitress!!  Good luck there...nothing to prove other then tax return and pay stubs.  As far as the journal, keep excellent records, dates, times, locations, people.....even take pictures if that's what it takes.  I also agree that you should get something in writing....my fiance paid BM support out of the courts for three years...she got upset with him and took him to court...none of it matter other then what he paid her the month she filed.  If you can keep it civil great, but if not you are taking your chances giving her anything.

5
Pennsylvania State Forum / Re: PKPA not enforced
« on: Nov 30, 2008, 08:57:15 PM »
Am in PA....not sure how that would work.  Know that someone can file for temporary custody if they think the child is in danger or neglected or something on those sorts.  You may just have to go to the courts and file to regain custody.  Not sure but I know my SS's BM got a public defender for a custody case invovling her daughter, maybe you could check into that if the funds are tight.  Atleast attempt it until you can put some money aside for an attorney.  Have been doing a lot of research about custody in the sate of PA....will let you know if I come across anything that may help you!!!  Good Luck and God Bless!!!

6
My fiance is court ordered to attend a Co-parenting class, it's a four hour session at a facility call Life Steps.  When we filed for custody it was put in a court order that him and his ex must attend.  It's $50 a person....I'm attending since we are also a blended family, I'm not required but am interested in hearing what they have to offer.  Apparently his ex went through this with her daughter and her father so she is saying that she doesn't have to do it again....not sure on that one.  Don't know if there is a time limit on how long its good for or not.  She will need proof that she attended so hopefully she has checked into it.  Good luck with what you are going through...I plan on posting what the class we are taking is like.  We attend Dec 6.

7
Father's Issues / Re: What can I do to get "Fair" Treatment
« on: Nov 29, 2008, 10:10:51 AM »
Not sure what state your in but in PA it is strictly on #'s.  The only time the past checks or what ever proof you have of paying her will only matter in the month that she filled.  They will simply tell you you were just being nice with all the rest.  My fiance has paid his ex for three years and has the canceled checks to prove it and it didn't matter one bit.  All the diapers and toys and such aren't taken in to consideration either...we have SS 4 days shy a month of 50/50 and that didn't even matter.  They are going off what he makes and what she makes...and since she won't do anything with her life we are being punished.  They have pretty much cripled us from being able to spend the time we do with SS.  The only hope we have is custody mediation in a couple weeks and hope that we can get 50/50 and get meeting places and such fair and not have to bend over backwards for BM so she won't threaten to not let us see SS.  I hope you have a better experience with the support but I'm affraid you may not.  Prepare yourself for the worst.  She can also agree to a lesser amount then they calculate if that means anything to you.  We were unaware of that prior to going.  If your income is substantially greater then hers be prepared to pay.  Least that's the way it works in PA.  Good luck and God bless.....it's not easy but keep the best interest of the child in mind!!!

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Father's Issues / Re: This is all new to me....need some advice
« on: Nov 25, 2008, 08:40:04 PM »
Havent been on in a while and just read the responces.  He filed for a custody order and has mediation set up for Dec 18.  I've heard the status quo thing before but after just going through the support conference I am concerned!!  We are 2 nights shy in a 14 day period of having 50%, that's only 4 nights shy a month.  We give him back at 8pm on Sundays at the BM's request, so we miss 50/50 by 4 hours for the extra over night.( only for the fact that the BM won't allow us more time.)

 Domestic relations could care less how much we have the child, they are just about giving her money.  I understand that the child needs supported but they have made it next to impossible for us to afford to pay her and still have him as much as we do or more.  I have been told that the custody part will be much different then the support part.  I can only pray that it is.  She agreed on a lesser amount but am affraid that if she doesn't get her way she will take us back for the full amount, which will criple us.  I just wish these things weren't about money, it really takes away what is best for the child.  We would be more than willing to take custody of Jay and not ask her for a dime, but that will never happen. 

She has a daughter from a previous relationship, the dad is a true "dead beat" dad.  Doesn't ever see his daughter and tends to fall off the face of the earth every so often so he doesn't have to pay support for the time being.  Another thing not in our favor is last April she moved about an hour away and into a different school district.  So now we can only hope that we can get as much time possible before he goes to school.  Once he is in school we won't be able to keep him during the week.  She treats my fiance like it is his duty to cater to her needs, and her daughter is used in every excuse she has.  We drive twice as far to get J, and meet her when ever and where ever she chooses. 

The time he refused to give J back earlier then scheduled because she didn't want to drive around all day is when the next day she filed for support.  I understand the support but I don't understand how they expect father's to be able to afford the child when they do have them.  So far he has been treated like a paycheck, not a father.  I don't know what else to do to ensure that we get rights to this child.  We have a call into our attorney, can only hope he has good news for us.  If anyone has advice for us to prepare for the custody mediation please share!!!!  We are affraid that we will loose this child!

9
Pennsylvania State Forum / Re: What happened...
« on: Nov 08, 2008, 10:55:14 AM »
in Pa.....not to happy with what I've been finding out aabout laws in PA!!!

10
Father's Issues / This is all new to me....need some advice
« on: Nov 07, 2008, 01:09:17 PM »
I am engaged to a wonderful man who has a three year old son.  His ex moved out when his son was 6 months old, they had been split up prior to that she was just using him for a place to stay. (they were never married)  We have been together over two years now and are trying to get things right.  He has paid her whatever money she has asked for and has bent over backwards to help her out, but it is a one way street.  He finally put his foot down to her taking time away from us with his son and now she has filed for support through the court.  Prior to her filing we had told her we wanted to get what we had in writing, and she agreed.  Now she is saying that she won' t agree to anything but primary custody, and we want shared custody.  We have Jayden (his son) every Friday thru Sunday and every other Thursday.  We would like more time with him but she will not allow us to.  John has tried to keep a journal of things that have happened but we only have about a years worth.  He tried very hard to keep his family together and it took him a long time to realize that she was only out for herself.  He goes to domestic relations on the 24th and we have a mediation set up for next month.  I have been trying to find info on shared parenting but I don't feel I have found enough.  I would like some advice on how to prepare for all of this and what we need to do to convince the courts that it's in Jayden's best interest to have equal amount of time with both parents.  Somethings you read say courts are more for shared custody now and some say they aren't.  We are terrified to loose anytime that we have with him and need shared custody to prevent that.   

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