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I believe a modification of parenting time is where I would start.  But be wary, because father has not made consistant attempts to see children the judge might be hesitant.  Mother could possibly state that father has not showed for visitation so far so why should mother drive two hours for father not to show.  Personally there is no distance to far to see my children.  I used to drive eight hours one way for visitation of my children before I had them.  Every weekend i did that for over a year.  Anyhow my point is that if your children are important to you, you will do whatever it requires to make sure you spend as much or as little time as you are allowed until you are able to have it modified.

Thank you all!!!  This whole situation has opened my eyes up more as well.  I have opened up to allow a few more things to let my little girl grow up.  I have allowed eye shadow and a few other things. I have asked her more of her opinions on things.  Letting her do her own mistakes.  I have allowed her to set her own standards that I can live with, that way she can only be upset with herself for going outside those standards.  She is upset with me because her mother keeps telling her that the mother is going to prison for five years, and that is is all I fault.  I strictly state that I had no decision in the arrest and or conviction of her mother I was mearly asking for my daughter to be returned to me.  I am upset that the mother did not abide by the law and decided to act of her own and is know facing her consequences.
I know that like my son my daughter will hopefully see that I am just doing what is best for them.  I could see where it would be very hard to be put in the middle of something such as this, being told my one parent about all the "issues" with the other parent and the other parent never discussing anything about the situation and loving and trusting both parents.  It is very tough to listen to some of the things the ex tells my daughter.

Davy, ex was not thrown to ground, harrased or anything. the officers quietly cuffed ex and put ex in car.  I do assume ex said or did something on way to or during processing to officers because a three hour lockup wound up being a three day lockup,  Ex informed me "no one will listen to her side" that ex was only going to keep daughter for an extra day.  but the emails ex sent me stated ex would not return daughter until ex and I agreed on a new parenting plan.  That was her mistake.  Now she is facing a felony 2 with 3 to 5 years. 

Shaden3,  Daughter has asked ex to live with her yes.  Daughter has asked me to allow her to live with ex.  I have stated no and reasons being that 1.  Mother has no stable home, Fifth house in three years, 2. mother has no job. 3. mother does not make sure daughter makes it to school, does not attend school functions, etc.  I have stated if mother could provide a stable safe home I would have no problem reevaluating our parenting arrangement.

I do have to say that I have spent over 44k in legal fees over all this in the last three years and would do it all over again if I had to.  (although a new truck sure sounds nice).  The things we do for our kids. 

Just an update, she was hauled off to jail, only after she did it two vistations in a row. She is now facing a felony 2 custodial interference.  She had emailed me her intentions so from what I hear from the DA its an open and shut case.  She is now facing five years in prison for it, which seems pretty severe to me but I guess you make your bed and you have to lie in it. 
The funny thing is it took three offenses and the officer that finally wanted to put his neck out to make it happen.  As we all know if this had been the other way around, even though they say it wouldnt, I would have been put into jail the very first time I did anything stupid such as this. 
Equality, isnt it great.

WOW,,  that case sounds so familiar with my case.  All I can really say to your friend is to hang in there and make sure he trys all he can to make sure the child knows he is thinking about him.  I was in a similar situation and the only thing I can say is that it finally took the ex lieing to enough judges and the judges remembering the lies to save me.  I spent over forty grand in legal fees in the last four years and to this day I still am always letting my children know they are number one. 
So I know im not much help with any of it but I just wanted you to know that your friend is not alone and as tough as it may seem in the end the rightful will prosper.

Im not sure what the solution is. 

She doesnt physically hurt the child,  she tells the child things that arent true or things that a 12 yr old should not know.  SHe tells my daughter that I dont love her and that I never wanted her.
My ex was diagnosed Bi-polar in 2001 when we she tried to take her life while she left the kids in the backyard, she again tried in 2002 to take her life and again.  She wants the kids to call me by my name not by dad.  She doesnt allow them to call me when they are with her unless she is allowed to listen in.

I have had to do lots of research to find my daughter. My ex doesnt want me knowing where she is living. 
This is her seventh relationship in two years, fourth engagement.

We are about forty miles away, I meet the ex about ten miles from her place.

I have hired a lawyer to move my CA order up here but so far after two weeks it still has not been transfered.

My daughter wants to live with mom lately.  mainly because mom treats her like an adult, allows her to wear makeup, stay up late, not shower, all the fun and none of the rules.
How do you combat against that?

Well,, not one week after the police had to retrieve my daughter for me, my ex wife did it again, sent me an email stating she was going to keep my daughter.  I had to contact the police and they retrieved my daughter and unfortunatily arrested my ex wife.  So now,   I am not sure what I do.  Am I still obligated to send daughter over for regular visitations until I can get a court date to modify visitation?  Thank you!

Yes I did get my daughter back,  after four hours, the school having to notify DHS to make sure no abuse cases were on me, an officer checking with DHS and the district attorney.  which is funny,   because you are right,  if it had been the mother I know they would have said oh ok sorry,  but that is the breaks right?  same reason it has taken two and a half years for them to establish child support.  I was the bad guy up until the ex told my daughter " I have to let him take you because you wouldnt press charges" then of course everyone finally believed me. 

Thank you very much davy,  I went to the superintendant of the school where my ex had enrolled my daughter armed with divorce judgement and the statues, police where called, school admited wrong and my ex was warned about custodial interference.  Thank you again.

Oh and both the Ex and I live in Oregon, have for almost eight years now.  Never realized I needed to move the  Divorce Order to Oregon just for inforcement.

NO newer order.  She is just a really good talker I guess.  I was at the school Thursday morning telling them the school they  did not have my permission to enroll my daughter.  I thought the vice principal and I were on the same page but I guess not.  I am going in today to try to get my daughter back.  Thanks for the info.