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The child is now 13 and as of right now she is keeping her other children from her ex and also assaulted her ex's Mother and Sister in a church parking lot trying to take the girls from him while they were in his care.  All the while she took her 13 year old with her while doing this.  She has hit the ex with a RO as she has done to my DH in the past.

Just came by to look for some opinions on  our current situation.  BM and DH have joint custody with DH having primary and BM getting visitation every other weekend.  BM and her DH are going through splitsville and have their own complicated situation going on.  The concern is that BM has lived in 4 different homes over the past 5 months and none of them have had the proper living arrangements for everyone living in each home.  It states in the CO that there has to be a 60 day written notice, but DH has never gotten any notice from BM.  The child refuses to see or spend time with the BM, but we have to make him see her due to the court order.  He has lost all respect for BM over the past 5 months.  Her current living arrangement is her 5 kids in a two bedroom house with 2 other adults and 2 or 3 other children.  Plus she is having some kind of 3 way relationship with both of the other adults in the house.  Her son caught her making out and confronted her, but she said it was okay because the other adult knew about it. What would you do to get the child out of this situation?  DH is wanting to file contempt.

My DH has the right to request the BM take a drug test within 24 hours of the request due to her past history with drug use around my SS.  It was brought to our attention she might be using.  In the court order it states my DH is to pay and that she has to go to a certain place to have the testing done.  My questions are the following:


1.  Do any of you have this right within your court order and if so how did you go about requesting the other report to take the test?  I told my DH he could send her an email, fb message, and text her to show proof she was contacted.


2.  Who would get the results being as DH pays for the testing and is allowed to request she take the test?

It's been some time since I have been on here, but here I am with another question.  Let's say the BM is to select her vacation visitation prior to today and have priority over the BF via written notice, but the BM never submitted her selections.  Where would this put her as far as having visitation during the summer?  There is nothing that states what should happen shall the BM not select her vacation prior to the date.  I'm not getting to the point she shouldn't be able to still have the visitation, but would you select the dates for her and if she doesn't like them then it's oh well for her as she had her chance to pick her dates.  We are needing to plan our vacation as well as birthdays for the children and have waited to receive her picks, but can not wait any longer.


One other question...if the child's birthday is listed under holiday visitation and the order states that if any holiday shall fall on a Friday or Monday it will include the nearest Saturday and Sunday would this include the child's birthday?

Court Order states: Vacation visitation: Resp. can pick 4 wks of visitation each summer to spend with the child.  2 wks for each month, but no more than two consecutive wks at a time.  Resp. must give pick their wks by a prior date and have priority over the Pet. and each is to give written notice to the other of the vacation visitation selected.  Holiday takes priority over wkend and vacation visitation and vacation visitation takes priority over the wkend visitation.

Now here is my question...If you were reading this order once you had been given the Resp. 4 wks would you take over the Resp. normal wkend visitation as your vacation visitation or would they still get their normal wkend visitation along with whatever vacation time they pick and you not pick any vacation time during the summer?

I understand that whatever is not changed in a modification order remains in effect from the original order.  My question on this is the original order for the Holiday Schedule includes both Mother's/Father's Day as well as Mother's/Father's birthday, but when the order was modified the birthdays were not put into the Holiday Visitation.  So since it was in the original order do both parents still get visitation on their birthdays or since the Holiday Visitation got modified and it was left out do they not get visitation?  What is your thoughts on this?

Thank you, both of you.  I have been to that site and saved some forms from it to include.

In my state there is a modification form for visitation but is that what you are really doing? Sounds like you want to keep the parenting plan the same but add clauses to the order..(still would be the same form here though.... you want specifics so the parents wont interpret the order differently) . Our family court is pretty good and will type if for you as you sit there...it is a few hour process. Can you call your family court and ask them? Or is it online already?

Yes, we need to also modify the visitation part because what they have been doing is Sun/Sun exchanges and the court order states Tue/Tue and for holidays they have been doing every other year when the court order states whoever has SS they get to pick an a.m. or p.m. visit.  Well this past year after she was reported to dfs she started to become difficult and always saying it's not in the court order or it's her year when there is nothing to back it that it officially legal.  So we are wanting to have a more detailed parenting plan which in the past she agreed to most of it and now she says it's not in SS best interest.

We live in Clay County Missouri and didn't get much help when I went to the court house.

let me repeat this back you to.....

She's objecting or not agreeing to that list of stuff that gives more detail to the order?

Yes, she will not agree to a more detailed parenting plan.  It only causes for them to disagree on just about everything.  If it's not in her favor then it's not right and she throws out open ended threats.  I would say the only thing in this modification that would not have been good for her is that he suggested a lower CS and to claim SS every year on taxes and not every other year.  It doesn't do her any good to claim SS on her taxes because they already have enough to zero out their totals.  But we could really care less about that and continue to go about that without any change all she needed to do was say no change, but no.

let me repeat this back you to.....

I say keep the documentation that you tried to work this out and if Dad really really feels that this additional clarification is necessary, to avoid future arguments, the file a motion to change and clarify the current parenting plan.

Whenever you write BM about the situation, make sure that Dad won't be embarassed if the Judge reads those letters (major major mistake someone I know made -- not one single degrading word, adjective, nothing, k?).

I have all documents to show we tried to work on this issue along with documents about everything else.  I try my best not to be degrading but if there is anything degrading or rude it's a response to her being the same way.  So it wouldn't look good on any of us.

Then when Dad files, be sure to be able to support that the change is in son's best interest -- mainly in the form of "Mom and Dad won't argue because plan is more detailed and defined, and less tension is better for son."

And then let the process take it's course.

About that, I went to the county clerk today and asked for the paperwork to file a motion for modification but the clerk said they don't have anything.  Is there a way you have to ask for this stuff to get it?

My SS's BM had visitation EOW from Tues to Sun as agreed in mediation.  However she didn't fill out her paperwork and turn it in to get it in the courts.  Original order says 50/50 custody EOW from Tue to Tue, however for many years they have been doing Sun to Sun and in December the week of Christmas my DH went back to the Sun to Sun at the request of the BM since she didn't sign the papers through mediation.  2010 came along and once again we sent her an offer that we think would be in my SS best interest.  The Sun to Sun visits would stay as is and Holidays would continue as even/odd rather than who has him that day picks am or pm to exchange at 3pm as in the original order.  We also included a stipulation for siblings birthdays, family birthdays, every other year to have SS for his birthday, extended 2 weeks in the summer for vacation reasons, contact and communication, expenses/support/financial planning, healthcare & medical expenses, and basic agreements.  She responded this time stating she agrees the original order which was made when SS was 2, now 10, is "somewhat incomplete and does not allow for his ever changing needs" and feels that it's in SS best interest to follow the original order as closely as they can.  She also states the changes we suggest are in my DH's best interest and does not wish to make changes to the original order.  She says they shall continue the Sun to Sun 7 day exchange and that if there is a non-compliance to the court order one can file a motion for family access for the child to be placed with the other parent.  Basicly, this was a threat towards my DH that if he doesn't follow the original order blah blah.  We know, or should I say I know, the law and what can happen and that is not the only thing.

Anyway we sent her a response to this letter that tells her in order to continue doing the Sun to Sun exchange and sharing holidays even/odd she would need to agree to have that part only modified and made legal within the courts or we will go back to following the original order exact  since she is being difficult and at any minute could say my DH is not allowing her her parenting time with my SS.  I know they have done things not by the order for many years and have also signed agreements that are not binding by the courts, but with her being so dificult this past year do you think it is only right to suggest this be done and we follow through with it.  And when I say follow the original order to a T I mean it.  She would have to come pick him up EOW which she doesn't like to do and have to share holidays every year.  We have tried everything to come to an agreement with her yet she just will not work on fixing things and becomes more and more difficult. 

What and how would you deal with this?