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Messages - ninapook

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1
Well, wait, Michigan is one of those states that has a shared custody/income model. How much time did the children spend with their father prior to the latest evaluation?

If he was getting credit for spending time with the kids that he was not actively using, and the custodial parent was covering that time, whether those funds were put towards extracurricular activities or not, this sounds pretty fair to raise his obligation.

2
Moms Without Custody / Re: Mother without full custody
« on: Jun 20, 2011, 02:42:37 AM »
I agree with ocean, unless you are infringing on some order that bars you from interacting, you can still be there for your kids and show them that you are there for them.

You did what you thought was best at the time for them. Don't let your troubles with your ex keep you from continuing to mother your sons. Yes, you let him take over primary physical custody, but you still have a right to take part in parenting your children.

3
Most states, including NJ, are first filed. Point being, law enforcement, judges, etc. are not family therapists, they are not in a position to decipher "who shot John" for lack of a better term (old fans of Dallas might get that reference).

Even if you have a situation where a child was fathered by a man who is already married, if he has older children through that marriage, most state guidelines do not even allow for those children to take precedence over the child who has been fathered out of wedlock. Even with the most die-cast prenup, that's a person-to-person contract, most states do not allow those to take precedence over state's presumption of responsibility.

Reason being: the state does not want to pay for that child, if that child were to ever end up on state aid of some form. The state presumes the father will either stay married or at least financially support the children he fathered within wedlock. Unless the wife files for divorce and requests child support before a paternity suit is filed, her children with her husband will be "next" in line, if a paternity suit is filed against him, thereby initiating the "first files first" process.

The only thing that absolves a man of this in NJ is a prenup. Even with a prenup, the wife will get set amount of agreed upon assets, but only after the child support obligation for a prior dependent is deducted, IF the custodial parent in that case files first.

Most states presume that, if/when a summons is served, then that given NCP knows (s)he has a dependent in this world. The presumption is then put forth that any future child(ren) are in addition to, and not instead of, existing child(ren).

4
I agree with you, if both parents choose to bring forth the blessing of another child, in new families, then their circumstances should be taken into consideration equally.

Given Michigan has a shared time/income model for support, if the NCP and CP both bring additional children into the world, then I think it's only fair for the support order to be recalculated. That does seem reasonable.

If NCP decides (s)he wants to keep bringing kids into this world, and CP does not, CP and existing children should not then bear the brunt of NCP's decision. NCP should find another job and/or his new spouse should to equally shoulder the responsibility of the total family.

5
I'm reading from bottom up, but why would you expect that half of your paycheck would be on the table? In NY, isn't it 25% of the combined parental income for two children?

As far as fighting for joint physical custody, you have 17 years on the job, but what exactly is your role in the NYC police department? Are you on a stable, secure schedule? On your days off, which may not always be weekends, are you spending them in court? Who is watching the kids with the same flexibility that a teacher's schedule can offer? Even if you do prove that your schedule is stable, your ex can still get right of first refusal, which means you'll have to take the kids to her before you leave them with ANY sitter (whether it's your new girlfriend, your mother, the kid who lives down the street, whatever) and if she can bank enough of that time, she can take you right back to court to prove she has the kids most of the time. Sure, you can try that with her, but is her family going to be able to prove with documentation that they babysat like she can do with your time cards, overtime and court? Not likely. And at the end of the day, what it will cost you in lawyer's fees to even vet this is going to take years to shake out even.

The most important (keep in mind, I'm reading bottom up from your post) is the likelihood that your kids are used to a routine (karate, dance, not to mention school), is moving them into a new home, with a new girlfriend and her son REALLY the best move you can make right now? Most courts, when the children are not babies, are concerned with status quo, and honestly, come on, you're a NYC cop, you know this, you need a more compelling reason to act than this flimsy evidence you're presenting.

If you were so concerned about the ex-wife or grandma's drinking, why would you wait so long to act on it until it was hitting you in the pocket? Sleeping in the same bed is not going to do anything but prove that your wife doesn't have the means to buy them their own bedroom furniture, I wouldn't bark up that tree.

Every parent has the right to go on vacation every now and then. You can't prove who paid her way, and unless you can prove she put the kids' in a traumatic tailspin in her endeavor to or as a result of, another road I would caution you against crossing.

Finally, kids who just spent no more than 30 minutes playing with their friends outside running bases or doing cartwheels are probably going to be dirty and yeah, a little smelly. Do you expect their mother to cut short their playtime for showers and cleanup (as kids are so inclined to do) JUST so they can come see you? I have 3 boys, they can take a shower the night before and STILL somehow wake up smelly and I swear on Mother Mary they are sneaking out and digging in the ground with as filthy as their nails can look sometimes, even after I've just cut them.

It HAPPENS. And if you had to parent them, 24/7, each day and every day, you would know this.

You don't have issues, and no one is going to take 50% of your paycheck. Not only is it not NY law to do so for 2 kids, but taking that much is
against federal guidelines unless you have an existing order and are in arrears.

You're a cop. Do some legwork.

6
A reasonable mother has no fear of another woman who might just have fallen in love with her children, other than to fear that THAT woman might be a better parent. Do NOT give in to supervised visits, what you might set is "status quo" which, in a lot of states is as good as gold. Don't give them a reason to question you, don't allow her to paint your wife in any other circumstance as supporting her husband, in good and bad, til death til us part, those were your vows with your wife. I'm not saying you have to initiate any further discomfort, but certainly don't take this lying down. You are both dealing with a system that deems a "mother no matter what" - better than a "family that can help her". (her being the biological mother because she clearly cannot handle it). Figure out where you want to be and how much that will cost you. Mother's Day has just passed, and your wife deserves to be acknowledged. Fathers Day is coming up, make sure you're on the radar.  No one has ever said it has to be an "all or nothing" situation as far as the kids are concerned. But when you're dealing with less-than-mature-mindsets---just make sure your kids know you did all you and your wife could do to  be there. And no matter what, you'll always be there.

7
Child Support Issues / Re: Asking for more child support from BM
« on: Apr 24, 2011, 02:18:09 AM »
I'm a newbie here, but I have to say, that is a very low amount of support for 3 kids. If I work OT, that money goes to my kid, it's usually because of things my kid wants to do that I have to work OT to begin with. So if she's working more hours, depression or not, let the kids benefit.

Hang in there.

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