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Messages - dadadvocate

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The current CS is based on our two children living with mom.  Now one child is living with me and the other with mom.  Not really sure what happens with CS here in NYS with that circumstance.  Any suggestions from anyone?

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Moms Without Custody / Re: How do you cope mentally/emotionally?
« on: Mar 07, 2012, 07:45:38 AM »
marif7 has great advice.  It is helpful to re-focus your vision of "parent" in order to cope as well.  What I mean by that is work to not get mired down in the feelings of loss.  Make the best of what you have in order to keep your sanity.  Do whatever you can to let them know you are there and that you love them and want to be with them.  Build independent relationships with health care professionals, school, spiritual outlets, and any other place or people who connect with your children.  By doing this, you show both the kids and the other people in thier lives that you care and that you want whats best for the children.

Most importantly though, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!  You will be of little use to your children if you are stressed out and disengaged emotionally due to the strain the separation causes.  So, eat right.  Stay away from alcohol and drugs, they will make your situation far worse.  Exercise, the endorphin's created from exercise will help you tremendously!  I also tell people to re-connect with a hobby or a passion you once had.  Distracting your mind is helpful.  Taking one day at a time is a benefit too.  The wheels of "justice" turn painfully slow.  It is rare to get instant gratification on an issue of conflict, you are in it for the long haul.  Just take it a day at a time.

The last bit of advise I would give is don't stress over things that are out of your control.  This is wasted energy.  You cannot control what your ex will do or how a Judge will see a situation.  You can't even predict how your children will react to a situation.  So, focus on what you can control; and that is YOU!

Best of luck to you!

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This is good information.  Thanks for the input!

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My former spouse is the custodial parent of our teenage children (ages 17 and 14), she is re-married and voluntarily unemployed, as she is raising her toddler that she had with the current husband.  She is taking me back to court for more child support.  Trying to find out if her new husbands income is factored into the calculation of adjusted support and also if imputed income can be applied to my former spouse.

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