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Messages - ekj85

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Father's Issues / Bad Situation - Need advice
« on: Jul 18, 2015, 08:47:06 AM »
Hello, last year, I had a one-night stand with a woman. she contacted me via facebook 5 to tell me she was pregnant (she waited until she was 19 weeks in). I was obviously upset and told her off. She had a friend fake being her OBGYN and we went over the possible dates of conception over the phone and basically they lied to me and told me I wasn't the father based on the dates. She didn't like my initial reaction I guess. During that whole process, I had taken a loan from my 401k to start buying things to prepare for my child. After being told I couldn't be the father I went on vacation... A week after I got back, I received another message stating that I was lied to, I was the father and how she couldn't live with the guilt of the situation - I had no relationship with this woman and no feeling towards her so I didn't understand how she felt.

Anyways, over the next few months until he was born I became supportive of the situation. She was accepting of the help but made it known that she had a boyfriend who wanted to be the father and if I wasn't in the picture, my son would have a father figure and they would be happy regardless. Basically, they didn't want me involved to complicate things. Its been 7 months since my son has been born - I see him every other weekend, I give her about $500/mo in money orders and supplies - she has not taken be to court yet.

I've seen pictures of her boyfriend holding my son, seen posts of him calling my son his own. She even admitted that my son will be taught to call this other guy dad. She has even said her and her family doesn't want me there. we're cordial to each other, but I see the animosity inside her. I'm new to parenthood and because my son is only 7 months and I have no experience with this, I'm not comfortable keeping him to myself on the weekend yet.

Recently, his mother said she and her boyfriend have plans to move to florida by the end of the year - its not definite, but its a possibility. Her parents live down there and have money and live in a far nicer neighborhood then where my son is now.

I'm torn with what to do because it looks like all possible outcomes point to me not being able to be a strong influence in my sons life. If I let them move, she doesn't take me to court and I'll get to see him maybe 2-3 times a year. If I take her to court, establish legal and partial physical custody, I can keep her in state - She's sure to take me to court for support and based of PA guidelines and what we both make, base support will be $725/.mo for me plus daycare. If this happens, I'm entitled to have my son every other weekend but the sheer amount of support I owe will require me to work 7 days a week - making it impossible for me to take him.

Do I let them go to FL and see him when I can, do I take her to court and work 7 days a week and still not see him just to keep them in state? Do I sign my rights over and let them be a happy family (that's what they want). Im torn and could use some advice. Thanks.

PS: I love my son, but I just want whats best for HIM, even if it means I'm not there.

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