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Messages - Stanford

#1

My state is in Illinois.

Hello all, I'm wanting to move to Indiana to be closer to work. My ex, 8 year old daughter, and divorce decree are in Illinois. I DO NOT wish to interupt my child's school schedule or pull her away from her hometown and community so I'm not filing for joint custody. The judge said if we couldn't agree on joint custody, she would get sole custody.

Which she has now because she can't agree on anything and has to be in control of everything. Basically, I'm just asking if my fiancé and I have a shot at getting this visitation (I'll list in a moment) or if we should wait until we're married first. My ex wife won't settle without a court battle because the ball must always remain in her court.

She is remarried, a stay at home mom, and three other children live under the roof (2 step and 1 biological). Our decree now states that I have her half the week and her mother has her half the week, we have a set holiday schedule, right of first refusal that she abuses, each parent shall pick up the child at the end of visitation, and 15 minutes on the phone every night and the child has the right to talk to the other parent whenever the child wishes.

Since my work schedule has changed, we have decided to do every other weekend with me, kept the same holiday schedule, and we are doing all the driving which is about 70 miles and 3 hour drive (because of a time change). She abuses the right of first refusal because me and my fiancé both work. One of us is always home though as our schedules are opposite. She won't let us have any time if I work because she says she has the right of first refusal because she doesn't work!

I'm a volunteer firefighter and one night when I was on a call, I left our daughter with my father, and since I was gone for more than two hours, she just came and picked her up! Without even telling me! I just came home to no child. I don't get any phone time except maybe two nights a week and for five minutes. Her mother is always yelling in the background for her to hurry up because she can't stand that my our daughter misses us (my fiancé and I). She also refuses to give us any more time in the summer because I work and "she's tired of catering to our work schedule."

I want to know of this schedule sounds appropriate for an 8 year old and a long distance visitation. I would like to keep the same holiday schedule because she's used to it. I want every other weekend, every spring break, and one week of Christmas break in the school year. I don't want to interupt her schedule or pull her away from her comfortable community as much as I would like joint custody. In the summer, I would like visitation to swap.

Giving me her all summer and her mother every other weekend, with giving her mother the option of two weeks of vacation within a certain notice of course. I would like have guaranteed phone time, as we miss her through the school year. I would also like to meet halfway for the exchange which is approx 40 miles for each of us. I would like to claim her every year on our taxes because her mother doesn't work. I would like to be able to buy her new sports equip, horse lessons, karate lessons, and new clothes, etc.

I would at least like to claim her every other year if every year isn't possible. I would also like to get of the right of first refusal because my fiancé and I both work! She is a stay at home mom, of course she is always going to use that as an excuse to keep our daughter from me. Any advice is welcome. Again, I don't want to interupt her home life, I just want to see her more without her mother having the option to say "no." It's not near as much as I would like, but it's more than I'm getting now.