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I should have posted this a week ago, Guess I was trying not to think about it, but now that Spring Break is over, I have to decide if I am going to follow through or not.

DD was over the weekend before last. Saturday I was getting ready for my ODD baby shower and went out to the mailbox to hang balloons. Just so happen the mail person delivered the mail while I was standing there.
I went back in the kitchen and DD (Who has lived with BF and SM for almost a year) says, did you get my progress report?
I looked at her and said why would I get your progress report, you don't live here.  
DD said, well you get a copy too don't you?
I said only if I request it.

Of course at this point my mind starts going like crazy, wondering why she would ask me something like that.

You see, back in January I contacted the principle of her school by e-mail and explained who I was and that I needed to know what the school would need from me in order for me to receive her report cards and ARD review records. I told her I understood that I may need to provide documentation or sign something, I just needed to know what, and what was the best way to go about getting it to the school. I mentioned in my e-mail that the principle could check my daughters records and see that my name was on all her records prior to August of last year when she was enrolled in their school. I also asked that she not confuse me with my DD SM who has the same first name as I do.

Two days later I had a message on my phone at work from the principle stating that she had given my e-mail to the registrar who would be contacting me about getting my daughters report card and had also given the information to the Diagnostician at the school for the ARD records............. I Was Shocked!! I called my sister and asked if I should be concerned that my DD new school would release records so freely. After 1 email to the principle and 1 e-mail the the registrar I have both the report card and the ARD records mailed to my home.

Okay... back to the conversation with DD about receiving her progress report.

After thinking for a minute, I said ... so since you brought it up, I'm guessing you know I have requested your report card before?
DD said yes...
I said, how did you know that I requested your records?
DD said, cause the school called and asked SM (by name) if it was ok....

Okay.... Bad mom alert!!! I couldn't stop myself... I have been keeping my mouth shut about many things over the last few months and I was not going to let this one go.

I told DD that it was unbelievable to me that the school would call someone who doesn't even have a legal right to the records I was requesting to get permission to release them???????
I told DD that, that REALLY pissed me off and that I would be contacting the school and the school board to file a complaint. I said I don't care how many people tells she is your MOTHER.... she will never be. I said her name is NO-WHERE in our custody papers and the fact that not only does your school mail your school information directly to your SM they call her for permission to release records to your REAL MOTHER!?!?!
(DD report cards are not mailed to the parents of (child) they are not mailed to the BF... They are addressed to DD SM.....UGH!!!

Sorry for venting... what do you all think???
Should I follow trough with filing a complaint? Am I right in having a serious problem with the school not only contacting SM about releasing records to me but that they are allowing her to give permission for anything  at all??? If they had asked for a copy of the CO, or my ID or anything I would have fully expected that and provided it with no problem.



Thank for any imput you may have.
KB

P.S. SM called DD later that evening to let her know that her progress report came.. I only know the two worst grades.. an 11 in English and a 63 in Algebra. (She is doing so much better with them...don't you think)

Is there any way to reverse PAS that has been going on for years unrecognized? I read the guidelines last night of identifing PAS and although I knew my daughters BF and SM had turned her against me, I didn't realize that the things they had been doing all these years were actually PAS. They have made me an outsider in my daughters life when up to 10 months ago I was the one who did everything with her and they did nothing. She rarely talks to me now and when she does she lies constantly. I don't know how to change it, does anyone have suggestions or know what articles I should be reading?
BTW, my PAS situation is different then what I have read about. This PAS was done by BF and SM while my duaghter has been living with me for the last 14 years. So just because you have custody, doesn't mean that the OP can't do this to your child. I helped them and didn't even realize it until it was too late and now I have lost custody and have only standard holiday visitation. I kick myself everyday and now I can see how they have been doing this for the last 14 years. I wonder what I could have done to change it. I think any attempts on my part to change what was happening over the last 14 years would have only gotten them what they were after earlier.

K

Hi Soc, sorry to jump in with another question while I have one pending .

I live in Texas and that is where my custody and support order are filed. In our court order, a withholding from earnings was filed. Because there was a change in our order, from my ex paying me to me paying him there was some confusion with the payments.

My employer never received the order, so after waiting about a month I thought I should go ahead and mail in the two months payments that would have been due by that time. About a week after I mailed them they were direct deposited into my account as payments from my ex to me. I contacted my ex and told him what had happened and that my employer never got the order and that his attorney never made the necessary changes with the state.

About a month later I got a letter from the state saying that the account had been set up to receive payments from me. My ex received a letter at the same time and called me complaining that my employer had not sent him anything. I explained to him that my employer never received anything from the courts and that my payments had been returned.

Ex has a letter from the courts stating that the order was delivered to my employer on Oct 25th? Yet my employer never recieved it. I have been making my child support payments myself every pay day. Paying through the state of course.

What I would like to know is..

1) Since the withholding was never received and I have been paying myself, when my DD turns 18 and Graduates, do I need to go back to court to stop the CS obligation?  

2)Or since I am paying it can I just stop when that time comes?

My Ex does not know that I am paying and not my employer.

Thanks!

I am the NCP and per my custody order have full access to my DD School and medical records. I had custody for 14 1/2 years up until Oct 2004. I live in Texas and the court order is also in Texas.

I sent an email to the principle of DD school, stated who I was and that I wanted to know what information they needed from me in order to get current and future records sent to me. I explained that she could look in my DD records to see that I was listed in her records up until this school year. I also asked that she not confuse me with my DD's SM as we have the same first name.

The principle contacted me by phone and told me that she had given my email address to the Registrar and that she would be contacting me by email to get my mailing address. She stated that I would be provided with the records I requested.

I was glad that the records were being released to me, but I was a little concerned that they did not ask for any identification or a signed request. About a month later, my DD accidentally (I assume) told me that the school had contacted her SM to get permission to release the records to me.

Today I received a letter from BF (CP) in which he also mentions knowing I contacted the school. I have no problem providing the school anything they need from me in order to release records. I do have a problem with the school calling DD's step mother for permission. I don't know everything that her BF or SM discuss with the school and don't feel they have a right to know about every request or conversation I have either.

So here are my questions.

1) Can I prevent the school from calling SM every time I contact them?

2) Do I have privacy rights concerning my personal communication with my DD school?

Thank you
KB

I will try to make this as short as possible but please bare with me.

I have a 16 year old DD who I had custody of for the first 14 1/2 years of her life. My DD has mild cerebral palsy and when diagnosed I was told the doctors weren't sure if she would ever walk. BF and I separated and divorced when DD was around 10 months old. BF was not present when DD was diagnosed, he never attended any of her Dr or therapy visits he wouldn't even take us when I didn't have a car for 2 years.

I on the other hand, left my job, went on welfare, lost my care and had to move into government housing so that I could spend every moment working with her and making sure she got the treatment she needed and deserved. Her BF never carried insurance on her (not one day of her life even now) Yes it was court ordered. He always sent letters stating he couldn't get insurance on her because she had a pre-existing condition. Kind of Ironic since I have never had a problem getting her covered.

So BF remarried when DD was around 3 and new wife has no problem completely supporting him financially with the exception of having to pay his child support. He doesn't like to work but may 6 months at a time here and there. For over 11 years I have dealt with constant attempt by them in alianating my daughter from me. Always telling her they were going to do things for or with her, but they couldn't because it was not their weekend and I wouldn't let her go on my weekend. I was stupid and over the years gave them more and more time with her. She was gone nearly every weekend and almost the whole summer because they would constantly make plans for trips and parties during what should have been my time. Then they would tell her I didn't love her and was being mean to them and her by not letting her do things with them.

Things got worse and worse over the years to the point that when we had plans such as trips or family coming into town, they would offer up something really fun to get her to come to their house. I started saying NO because we had plans and they new it. My daughter started coming home with her hair colored and being told that if she lived with them they would get her in acting like her little sister and stuff like that. Her BF has been telling her all these years that when she turned 13 she could tell the judge that she didn't want to live with me and she could live with them.

Well at 14 1/2 I offered to let my SD move in with us during a separation from her husband and DD got really pissed. She said she didn't want any other kids living here. Shortly after that her grades dropped from A B to D's. I grounded her and while she was grounded at home, her BF and step mom were letting her have her friends spend the weekend at their home. Then they told her that if she lived with them, she would have a car and her license when she turned 16. (something I had already told her wouldn't happen with me.) Remember my daugher has Cerebral Palsy and we had already been told she would need special driving instruction in order to drive. The instruction course is 3 to 4000.00 dollars and then you still have to pay to have modifications done to a vehicle. I can't afford that. So then, while she was at her BF's her report card came in, now she even had an F on her report card. DD came home from BF's that weekend with a new cell phone. BF and SM made sure to tell her that I would probably take the phone away from her because of her grades.

So lets move ahead. DD is a patient of Shriners Hospital and after mulitple surgeries, all of which required my being off work for months at a time, lots of therapy, and lots of visits, she now only has to be seen once or twice a year. I have worked very hard to get my daughter where she is today. Most people can't even tell anything is wrong with her until they get to know her. They may notice a limp but even that is mild. I told her BF when she went to live with him that I have done 100% of her medical care her entire life and he has never had anything at all to do with it. I told him when she went to live with him, that he needed to be the one to take her to her Shriners appointments but that I would still want to be a part of those visits.

By the way, a week after she got the cell phone, DD told me she wanted to move in with her dad. It was supposed to be a trial move until the Christmas break, but BF went straight to a lawyer and the custody papers were finalized in Oct. Shriners contacted me to schedule her appointment the year after she move in with her dad because they didn't know about the changes. I notified her dad and he said I could set up the appointment and he would take her. I also found out that my daughters leg brace had been rubbing blisters on her foot and when she told her dad, he told her not to wear it. She had gone several months without wearing it and her leg had gotten much worse. Well the appointment was scheduled and BF said he would take her. I was in contact with the hospital because after over 10 years I know the staff there very well, and I was told that BF didn't take her to the appointment. Her SM took her. Because her SM took her my duaghter couldn't be treated  because only her parents can sign for treatment.

My daughter had to have injections and be casted for 3 months because she hadn't been wearing her brace. SM first told them that she had been DD SM for 12 years, then when they told her how bad DD had gotten because she hadn't worn her brace, SM said we had NO IDEA about any of this. (WHAT A LIE!!!) DD had to go several times over the next few months and only because Shriners told them they would not treat her unless she was with her father or me, BF actually took her to like 2 or 3 of her visits. I also took her to one of them.

Well it is time for her next appointment. As expected BF called me last week and told me he can't take her to her appointment. No surprize there. He said that if I couldn't take her SM would take her knowing that Shriners has already told her she can't approve treatment. BF told me that if I could take her, that SM would bring her to my house the night before so that I would not have to drive the 40 + miles round trip to go get her. That is on top of the 60 + miles round trip to Shriners.

When I called BF and told him I could take her I ask what time SM would be bringing her over. BF spoke to SM for a minute while I was on the phone then came back and said SM would have to see what she could do. She would have all the kids (3 kids- ages 11, 16 and 16) and she might not have time to bring her. I reminded him that he had already told me she could bring her over and he said she would have to see. (let me mention at this time, that SM tells everyone that she is DD mom. All my DD's school records are mailed to SM. Not to the parents of or to BF, DD school records show her parent to be SM's name. She takes DD to all her other dr appointments and when I have called to ask questions of the Dr office. They tell me they will only release information to DD's mother. I said I am her mother and they say our file show SM's name as the mother.

So DD calls tonight and tells me that SM told her to tell me that she can't bring her to my house the night before her appointment. Now I'm expected to drive over 100 miles round trip to pick her up and take her to an appointment that BF should be responsible for. On top of that, I just got a bill from them requesting my 50% of DD birth control pills. (Something I totally disagree with but SM took her and got her on)

So do I be a bitch and tell them if SM can't meet me half way then I can't take her? Do I tell them they wanted custody, so along with all the hair color, body peircing and fun stuff, they need to deal with the real stuff too? Do I tell them SM had to take her when I know they won't be able to treat her? Do I tell them SM has to take her then just show up to the appointment. (The appointment is only about 15 or 20 minutes from my job) I will have to leave work at 11:00 to make a 1:30 appointment if I have to go get her from their house or school.)

I know I'm rambling, but as you can probably tell I am highly ticked off! They have never participated in her care, I have done it all. Then they buy her away from me and still expect me to take care of the serious stuff. Do I just continue to give in like I have done for years and quietly go get her and take her so that she gets the treatment that she needs or do I make them take responsibility for this? I'm so upset, I am trying not to act totally on my emotions.

I really am sorry this is so long, and I know I probably left out some important parts but I had to vent. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Thanks
KB

DH and his ex divorced in 1999. DH was the sole bread-winner in the household. Ex fosters and adopts kids to make money. At last count she has 8 or 9 kids in the house.

At the time of the divorce DH and Ex had 4 minor children that he pays support on. In 2001 DH ask Ex who doesn't file because she has no taxable income if she would sign the 8332 form and allow him to claim the 4 minor children. DH told Ex that he would split the refund with her.

Ex refused to sign the form and told DH that she had somthing else figured out about taxes.

We had been told by some that we should go ahead and claim the kids because the worse that could happen is if she does claim them, we would have to pay back what we got. However, if she doesn't claim them because she doesn't file then no one would be the wiser.

DH is worried about doing that and will only claim the kids if she signs the 8332 or if the court order is changed. (Yet he wont take her to court for anything either) So to our knowledge no-one has claimed the exemptions for his children since 1998 tax year.

Now, we do suspect that when OSS turned 16 and went to work, BM has had him claim the kids on his taxes. I don't know how we could find out if she has someone else claiming them illegally.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

KB

I got a letter from my ex yesterday. One of the subjects he mentioned was the summer visitation dates I gave him before April 1st as court ordered.

My daughter has been talking about going to summer school all year so that she can try and graduate a year early. I have asked her several times what the summer school schedule will be. She said she thinks there is one session in June and another in July. I told her that I was planning my summer visitation with her in July so she needed to go to summer school in June.

Well about 3 days ago, DD calls me and ask if she can come to my house from June 12 to June 26 because her step mother is taking a two week vacation to California without the kids. I said, you don't want to stay home with your dad? DD said that Dad may be working out of state again in June. (Dad has already been working out of state since Jan, and just got back home about a week ago.

I told DD that I didn't mind her coming over but I had already requested the time I wanted and I was not going to change that and substitute for June when that is not what I wanted. DD said that she would be spending both two week periods with me.

I then asked her about summer school, and how she could go if she was at my house for two weeks in June and two weeks in July. DD said she may not be able to go to summer school because they would be too busy this summer.

Back to the letter I received today. BF says that he is okay with my request, but that DD will be going to summer school this summer and I may have to drive her back and forth to school every day. My daughters school is 35 or 40 miles away from my home. That would mean me driving 140 or more miles every day during my summer visitation with her.

I have reason to believe that if BF is going to working out of state in June and SM is going to California they will purposely schedule her in July so that I am forced to provide her transportation.

Can they do that? Can I prevent them from putting her in summer school during my summer visitation when I gave them notice in March and they have not yet scheduled her class. Also, I gave them my notice before they made their plans.

Any suggestion?

Thanks
KB

Hi All

I need information on FERPA laws in Michigan. I looked in the articles section and read what info was in the article. The article had links for Michigan and none of them work. I went looking myself and can't seem to find what I need.

Here is my situation.
DH has 3 minor children in Michigan. Last time we requested records from the childrens Dr's we sent a copy of the court order to show that DH has a right to the records. One of the providers wanted more info then that before they will release records.

Through this site I have found out that Medical providers are required by law to provide requested records to parents unless they have been provided with a court order stating that parent has no legal right to the records. I do not feel that my husband should contantly be spending the extra money to copy the court order for all the Dr's.

From what I have read the laws are different for each state. Can anyone direct as to where I can find information on Michigan laws pertaining to the release of medical records. Rather then sending a copy of the court order with our request I would rather reference the law in our letter.

Thank you in advance for any info you can provide.
KB