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Topics - awakenlynn

#1
Question: Do we stick with our guns and try and make ex follow the court order and meet us at the court ordered times/days or do we cave (again) and try and compromise to ensure we get SD for the holiday? Letting ex drop SD off a day late and then flying SD home.   (I kind of hate caving because this is the judge's punishment to her for interfering and refusing the Christmas visit last year (we were supposed to have split the holiday a week each but ex pulled a stunt and we didn't get SD at all)

We emailed ex 2 days ago and haven't heard anything yet.  Ticket we need dropped in price this morning and has started to go up again this afternoon, we can't buy it until Friday unless I can borrow it somewhere tomorrow.


Background: order says ex is to notify DH no later than 11/1 of each year to let him know if she is flying or driving the SD for the Christmas visit.  If she choses to drive then they meet the day after school lets out for the holiday (Sat) at noon at (city) and pick up is the day before school starts (a Sunday) at noon at (city).  If ex choses to fly SD, once DH is notified he is to purchase tickets for SD.

Ex notified us on 11/1 that she was driving up here for the holidays, BUT would not be able to follow the court order since she could not get Friday off work and she would have to drive overnight.  She would meet at the (city) sometime on Sunday AND we would have to give up another day and she would pick SD up a day early so they could drive back to ex's state OR we could fly SD.  Ex did not give us a specific like she was supposed to.

We emailed ex back that day after looking at tickets (the court ordered flight was way after the family started driving up here) and told ex that since she was driving anyways she had to follow the court order and we would meet her at the court order appointed days and times.

Ex called Sunday (11/15) yelling about how dare we make her drive overnight and she can't get off of work on Friday (she has had 7 months to request the day off).

Hubby and I thought about it overnight.  We don't have the money for a round trip ticket, frankly we don't have money to even buy a 1-way ticket, but we emailed ex and said that IF she SWEARS we get a make-up date then we will meet ex and SD on Sunday at 9am in their hometown (we had planned to be there for his family's Christmas anyways) and we would then fly SD home on Sunday.

We don't have money for the attorney right now, and we document everything, so we will re-retain our attorney and see if we can get her on contempt early next year.  We only have 18 months to go!!!
#2
Hubby went to court in March this year to deal with stuff ex pulled last year.  Now its Thanksgiving again and she is starting her c**p again for the Christmas holiday.

Court order states SPECIFICALLY that ex is to decide if she is going to fly or drive SD NO LATER than November 1st of each year.  So this year she got the November 1st right but said while she is driving the family that is she was to drive SD she would be dropping SD off a day late and picking her up a day early and by the way they won't be there at the court ordered noon the day later when she does finally make it to the area.  OR it was DH choice and he could fly SD.    So ex put it out there with absolutely no decision in there.   

DH emailed her back and said the court order said she was specifically to let us know what she was doing in order for us to know to buy the ticket or not and to email us back with her decision.  If ex was driving then she had to be at the court ordered time on the court ordered day in the court ordered city or she had to let us know if we were flying SD either way or both ways.  We looked into flights, none of the flights that came from the court ordered cities met the time needs ex would have.  (the airport is 3 hours away from their home and the flight is late afternoon, they would have been 3/4 of the way here by the time they left in the morning and ex would have the excuse of why SD missed the flight. 

It is now November 15th.  SD called to talk to dad about the arrangements.  It is not SD's place even at 16 to be put in the middle of it.  DH asked to speak with mom.  She got on the phone and said she has nothing to do with it, SD is 16 and it is THEIR visit not her's.  DH tried to make her understand that the court order is specific and that it wasn't fair putting it on the daughter, but it goes completely over ex's head.  DH finally said since ex is driving then she will drive SD to the court appointed place by the court ordered time and date.  (The court order says visits are to start 6pm the holiday vacation starts, if the ex is driving then they are to meet at 'X' city by noon the first full day (which is Saturday) and we are to drop off in the 'X' city at noon the day before school goes back into session (sunday Jan 3rd). 

Ex called back again later and wanted to discuss the arrangements again.  This time her excuse is that in order to be here by Saturday then she would have to drive all night.  (Nothing new for her) and how DAREwe ask it of her (her kids are 10, 11 and 16 and she would be driving with her husband, she has done it MANY times in the past and in fact lives 12 hours closer than what she was living before(still 14 hours away) and it is something WE have had to do many times in the past (in fact hubby did it in the spring to be there to pick SD up for spring break and court).   Then she moves onto the fact that she has to work and just can't take days off.  1st she does volunteer work for her best friend, 2nd she has known since MARCH of this visit, 3rd all she has to do is show the court order to her 'boss' to get the needed time off.  It is something DH has had to do every year he needs to take time off of work to pick up SD for visits.  HE actually SUPPORTS his family and HE actually pays the child support ex splurges on instead of using it on the SD.  By the time she got this far in her actually ranting, he finally just hung up on her.  She was no where in the world of where he could speak rationally with her.

Now we wait to see what she pulls next.  She hasn't called back, SD hasn't called back.  DH did text SD (on the off chance she would get it) that he was sorry that she had been put in the middle and it wasn't fair to her and that he loved her.  He knows ex will be ranting and raving and blaming him for everything and SD has to deal with her mother's extreme and inappropriate behavior, she is going to get the backlash from it and its not fair.

As to us, Monday we go speak with both of our boss's, see if we can get an advance on our paychecks, and pay attorney fees from the court in spring and an a retainer for this part of the case with a promise of another amount straight from any tax refund we MIGHT get.

We hold onto the thought that SD will be 18 and we won't have to deal with ex in 18 months!!!!!   and in the meantime we hope and pray we will get our family complete for Thanksgiving and Christmas.


P.S. hubby and I did agree that is ex would notorize a statement and have it added to the court file that she agreed to 48 hours make up time we would allow ex to drop off SD a day late--Sunday at noon and she could pick up a day early--Saturday at noon.  It didn't go over so well  (ex has absolutely gone back on her word everytime she has promised make up time so it is time to follow the court order strictly and to the letter, what else could we do?).
#3
We had our summer visit and it was a great time.  Our family was finally complete for a short time.  SD is a great girl and we all so much fun together.  She of course fried her phone.  She dropped it in water for the 3rd? time and this time it was DOA.  We have teased her about getting a waterproof phone (they do have them, I had to get hubby one for his work).  But since it is a flip phone and she couldn't get away with texting in class....... she got one she could.

Anyways, hubby called her Tuesday a few days after she got back to her mother's state.  She was in a bad mood.  Her school registration was 8/11 but she and her mother didn't let us know.  It's not like hubby could register her anyways since he doesn't have custody.  Anyways her mother had told her at one of their phone calls and told her daughter she would go.  No surprise, she didn't go and then blamed hubby since SD can't get all the classes she wanted.  If we had known, hubby could have tried to have SD and him call the school and try to let SD register over the phone, but kind of doubted it would of worked because of ex.

SD was upset at dad and he talked to her again tonight.  He wanted to talk to her about registration and let her know away from mom (ex either tries to listen in on the calls or grills SD about her calls) and SD had told dad that she was going to a friend's house to call back later tonight. He did and they discussed it.  She said she was sorry, that after the first time he had hung up with her, she had realized her dad wasn't at fault it was her mother lying to her AGAIN.  I am glad we have such a smart girl.  She has been realizing over the last few years how much mom has lied to her, she told daughter that dad hadn't bought her Christmas ticket  when they were supposed to drive to the airport.  SD had known about the ticket and when dad called he had reminded her we had had the ticket for 3 weeks.

Really wish since she knows how much mom lies to her that should would move here, but she has 2 younger siblings that she takes care of (not mom--her) so she said she has to stay.  She also said she can't wait to leave mom's state, she absolutely hates it there, and she is moving as soon as she graduates (and goes sky diving....she's a teenager and that's what she wants for graduation).  We'll help her out as much as we are able.  Counting down the years/months until she is 18.
#4
Visitation Issues / Heading to Court ...... long
Mar 12, 2009, 11:23:40 PM
Well, hubby made it to TX midday today.  It was a long drive for him.  He met with his attorney and has court tomorrow (3/13) afternoon.  We are taking ex to court for his non-compliance with the current order.  She did not notify us by the date ordered by the court to let us know Christmas transportation.  Even when she did notify us, we had already let her know that the court ordered cities for Christmas (Dallas to Moline) did not exist.  With that being the case she was really supposed to drive SD up to our court ordered meeting place.  She kept insisting a flight so we found the next best thing keeping her airport the same and us driving 5hrs out of our way each direction to the airport that did have a non-stop flight (court ordered), keeping to the spirit of the order.  We already have heard from the judge (unofficially) that ex was supposed to drive SD for Christmas visit.  So we lost the money from the flight + gas for the drive + (the blown tire that would not happened since if we knew she was not putting SD on the flight we would not have been on that highway and driven over something);  we did not find out ex was not putting SD on the flight until an hour away from our airport when we called to ask her a question.  [She told SD that hubby did not buy a ticket and that the airline info we sent (as court ordered) was made up].

So we are asking for make-up time, some expenses to be recovered and to have ex bond every flight.  Ex decided 4 days before the flight she did not want the one we had reserved and had one she choose that had to get SD out of school early and it was not an early release date.  It would have been another $800 to change the flight.  VERY cost prohibitive!!!

Now with spring break coming up, we let ex know last month that hubby was going to drive down to TX and pick SD up.  Court order says hubby gets visitation Friday 6pm if he is in the area.  SD was supposed to have her last soccer game on Saturday, but that was moved this last week (and we verified everything with the school).  Coaches of both teams were upset, they had agreed to play Saturday because they were losing alot of kids to spring break when they played during spring break, but the school district notified them that they could not play on any Saturday before spring break.  Why should they care if the coaches both agreed the date was better.  So now the game is Monday.  But anyways, ex kept insisting hubby could not have SD until after the Saturday game which is against the explicit orders.  So the 3 day visit is now 7 days.  Thank God for tax returns!!!!  That and his mother went down withy hubby and she is helping with the costs.  Our attorney added the ex's threats to the petition showing her blatent disregard to the order that she had initiated last year.

Hubby went to his appt today with attorney and ex's attorney called and said by the way, have you gotten our petition, we are suing you too for child support.  Saying we owed like $3500.  LOL!!!!  That would mean ex hasn't gotten child support for 15 months!  We have our bank records, SDU records (which are somewhat questionable).  Attorney has not gotten the paperwork and hubby has not been served, we think they will try to do it at the court house.  We do have arrears of about $730 to $1300.  Hubby has been laid off for 11 wks now and while we have made little payments they haven't been full payments (hubby is getting about $200 less a week) and then when TX was taking over jurisdiction we actually had a credit, but it took them so long to get things started with the employer that we owed about $450 but that amount was based on an old order (hence the small arrears) and we have never heard back from the child support office except to get the withholding notice which did not include arrears.  So if they changed the original arrears to the current order (and didn't notify us) then that is the larger arrears amount.  We did pay some with the tax returns and are hoping that one of the conversations with the CS office will stick and they will send us a new withholding notice including arrears.  One thought is that the CS office which has been collecting the money has either not cleared out their records from when TX took over from IL (alot of errors for about 6 months and both states were taking support and not notifiing the other state) and its possible that they have been collecting and have not paid ex out (especially if she did not file the correct paperwork--she has a habit of picking and choosing whatever she thinks with get her more and the state has caught on that alot she has sent in has been inaccurate, out dated or just plain wrong).  She has already been caught in a few lies.

Just needed to get it all off my chest, with him gone and conversation limited, I don't have anyone to really work things through with.

Thanks, awakenlynn
#5
SD is 15 now.  We got our CO finalized in TX in June 2008.  It states we get visitation over the Christmas holiday from 6pm the day the child gets out of school until Dec. 28th on even years.

Ex has until November 1st to let us know if she will be flying or driving SD.  If she drives we are court ordered to meet in a specific city in IL at noon.  If she chooses to fly then its the first available flight after 6pm the day school lets out for the holiday and it must be non-stop.

Ex didn't notify us until 11/3 that she was going to fly SD.  We have been notifying her that the flights that we are supposed to use Dallas to Moline have not been avail for months!  So we picked the next closest airport.  It still leaves from Dallas, but it flies into St. Louis.  Ex finally agreed to the flight saying SD had to fly (ex's husband is coming home from overseas).  So we bought the ticket the same night she agreed.

So we send the ex the flight information as court ordered 10 days prior to the flight.  She waits until Monday--now 4 DAYS before the flight and says she found one Dallas to Moline and if we don't change the flight she won't put her on the flight.  What is the big deal!!!  Either way SD is flying out of Dallas!!!  We had found a flight on the 19th, but ex would have had to pull SD out of school to make the flight and we as NCP's are not allowed to do that.  The second flight is the last flight of the day and according to the airline rules, children cannot fly out the last flight on any day.  She waited so long it will cost at least $500 extra to change the flight and pay the difference.  I don't even have money for Christmas, where am I supposed to find an extra $500!!!

So we contacted our attorney and he told us to mail a letter to ex stating she had agreed to the flight Dallas to St. Louis and that she needs to put SD on the flight.  We also reminded her that the court said she is required to either flyor drive, so if she doesn't put her on the flight, she had better start driving (its a 16 hour drive and usually she drives because ex's family is in IL). 

Ex called throwing a fit earlier wanting to know what we were doing.  DH isn't supposed to answer, but let the voicemail to pick up the message.  He just told her that we mailed (overnighted) a letter to her (it was supposed to be delivered this evening) and reminded her to either fly or drive (nicely).  She doesn't have any other option.  And he hung up when she started her bigger hissy fit.

Now we wait and see.  Our attorney is going to have to go back to court, we don't see any other choice, we have to have some consequences built in when she does this again.

Thanks
#6
Its been awhile since I posted here, so I will give a bit of background first:  Ex moved to TX a few years ago and had jurisdiction moved from IL to TX last year.  And then she wanted the entire IL court order over turned.  We went to court in Feb. and the judge made her order, but TX is the state where the attorneys fill out the order and the judge signs off.  Well ex and her attorney drew one up that went against most of what the judge determined and then tried to have the judge sign it behind our backs. Since judge accurately figured out ex's personality at the trial, she immediately called our attorney and we said we had no idea, so the judge drew up her own order and signed it.  That was in June 2008.

The order is we get every spring break (we pay for the ticket with flights from Austin to Chicago). 
We get 8 weeks in the summer and we must contact her with the dates no later than April 1st of each year.  Ex will then let us know if she will fly SD from Austin to Chicago or drive and meet at the court appointed city. 
We get every other Thanksgiving (from Dallas to Moline) on odd years and the 2nd half of christmas odd years and the 1st half during even years (this year) and ex MUST contact us NO LATER than November 1st each year as to whether or not she will again be flying SD from Dallas to Moline.

I forgot to mention SD is 15-1/2 now.  And that takes us up to the present.

Ex did not contact us on November 1st as ordered.  She emailed us late on the 3rd--2 days late.  Her excuse was she didn't know on the 1st, she knew on the 3rd.  OOOkkkk, not like that really is an excuse to us.  So we contacted our attorney to see what we were supposed to do since this is a new order and new state.  So our attorney contacted her attorney. 

Next problem is that the flights are court ordered to be non-stop and the Dallas to Moline flight has been sold out and unavailable since before June (and we have told her this repeatedly).  So now what to do?  We looked at flights from Austin (closer to ex) to Chicago, but we asked the judge to keep the flights out of Chicago for the fall and winter due to the weather (flights have been cancelled, delayed and held in hold patterns for hours-- so it hasn't been the best airport for SD) and the cost was like $1000.  So we checked all the airports around ex within a 4 hour radius flying into Moline trying to find a non-stop flight.  There are none.  So we started looking opposite.  The court order does state Dallas so we checked what airports the airline flew into from there and we found Chicago, which are trying to avoid and can't afford.  The only other city is St. Louis, 4 hours away from us, but we do have family so if stranded, we have a place to stay.  The flight is very affordable and ready to purchase the ticket.  We also did find a flight from Austin to St. Louis but it is alittle more than double the Dallas/St Louis ticket, and unaffordable.

So our problem is ex thinks she can excuse her lateness with no consequence and states that if the flight is any other than Dallas to Moline than we were breaking the court order and that she refuses to fly SD any where except out of Austin.  So our frustration level is up there.

Any advice?  Is she right?? 
Thanks,
Lynn
#7
Texas State Forum / Bell County
Sep 12, 2006, 10:02:41 PM
Is anyone familiar with Bell County?  We are looking for an attorney, how the county court system works, what our chances are?  We have an active order from another state, what will Texas do with it?  Father's Rights groups that can help with information.
#8
Child Support Issues / IL vs TX
Jun 13, 2007, 10:41:48 AM
Well, TX finally admitted that they used fraudulent material from the ex and that they were illegally taking child support.  Will it do anything? No, but I guess it was a step somewhere.

We found out IL was holding us in arrears since TX never notified them that they were taking out child support.  IL cannot accept TX pay history unless it is cerified and an IL judge allows IL to accept the payment as credit.  IL circuit clerk said a judge will do this on a good day, and refuse to on a bad day-making us go to court again to get the pay history accepted.  

TX said they were contacting ex and telling her she had 48 hours to either decide to set up an interstate case, in which IL will be able to accept our payments, or for ex to start proceedings to change legal jurisdiction to TX.  Hhhmmm, which do you think she'll take.  If she doesn't respond in the 48 hours, then they will drop our entire case and ex won't be recieving child support because it will be being paid to IL to cover the arrears AND they will refuse to be involved again.

It is a pity they won't sue her for fraud.

The problem then is that TX statutes clearly state that unless the NCP has specific ties to TX (there are 8 listed) then ex MUST create an interstate case in the state the NCP lives.  We now live in IA.

TX says that even though the statutes are there, that is not how they do it anymore and that since ex and child live in TX, then TX will have jurisdiction of child support.

To me, that still makes it illegal.  They choose to willfully violate statutes that are spelled out specifically.

Well, back to court again.  We also have to try to keep our IL visitation order legal (as ex is trying to vacate it) and see if TX courts will give us joint legal custody, because it wasn't set up to handle the different TX laws.

Lynn
#9
Child Support Issues / Texas child support
Mar 03, 2007, 12:21:53 PM
Texas has completely screwed up our support.  The state with jurisdiction is IL, but ex moved to TX in 2003, in the mean time, IL has kept jurisdiction.

Ex decided she wanted TX to collect support, not IL.  Fine, that means opening a interstate case-fine.

BUT ex opened a case in 2003 incorrectly and did not close it.  So TX has kept an invisible finger in it until ex went back to open the request in 2006.

IL has sent a pay history showing no arrears.  TX came up with odd numbers here and there, put arrears here and there, and came up with arrears of ovre $2500 still!  They also didn;t take into account the 8week summer abatements I was ordered.

They have also sent a letter to the credit bureau stating I was in arrears.  They sent this after they were informed NUMEROUS times it was incorrect.

How do I get TX back in line?   I live in IA and do not have the money to go to TX.  I also found out that Texas has standard language in its petitions and I cannot find it.

Can I file a petition to clarify against TX CSE and the Attorney General's office?  Can I request the hearing over the phone?

I guess I am really going to need to see how much it is going to be to involve an attorney.

Totally frustrated!
Lynn
#10
I received a letter from the State of TX Attorney General's office this weekend.  It said that in 30 days it was going to notify the credit bureaus that my child support was now $320 monthly and that I have an arrears of $2200.

IL has jurisdiction for the child support.  The SDU office said they have control over the child support issue unless an interstate case is opened or until TX notifies them of the change in jurisdiction.

TX said they cannot speak with IL and IL said they cannot speak to TX.  TX pulled child support for 3 weeks from my second job in the amount of the child support order from 1994.  The TX office said they needed a certified copy of the most current child support withholding notice to update the amount.

TX said they had an arrears because when ex tried to get support in 2003 from TX, IL still had full jurisdiction of the whole case and ex was told to resolve the TX issue.  Apparently she didn't.

1.  Can TX notify the credit bureaus?

2. Can TX be held liable since the information they have, they know is inaccurate?

3. Can ex be held liable if we found out she gave inaccurate information?

Thanks,
Lynn
#11
I received a letter from the State of TX Attorney General's office this weekend.  It said that in 30 days it was going to notify the credit bureaus that my child support was now $320 monthly and that I have an arrears of $2200.

IL has jurisdiction for the child support.  The SDU office said they have control over the child support issue unless an interstate case is opened or until TX notifies them of the change in jurisdiction.

TX said they cannot speak with IL and IL said they cannot speak to TX.  TX pulled child support for 3 weeks from my second job in the amount of the child support order from 1994.  The TX office said they needed a certified copy of the most current child support withholding notice to update the amount.

TX said they had an arrears because when ex tried to get support in 2003 from TX, IL still had full jurisdiction of the whole case and ex was told to resolve the TX issue.  Apparently she didn't.

1.  Can TX notify the credit bureaus?

2. Can TX be held liable since the information they have, they know is inaccurate?

3. Can ex be held liable if we found out she gave inaccurate information?

Thanks,
Lynn
#12
We live in IA and our case is being transferred to TX.  We have spoken to a few attorneys. He has a large law firm and family law is his specialty.  He has told my husband that because we live out of state and TX has never been a residence, that the ex cannot ask for a support increase unless she comes to IA.  If we ever wanted to ask for a decrease, we would have to go to TX.  

He said it was done in order to help stop the 'unfair" portion of the statutes where it states that the jurisdiction must be in the state in order not to cause an 'unfair advantage".  (Part of the UCCEJCA-sp?)

I have never heard of this.  Does anyone know if its true?  Also, the child support is going from IL SDU to the Texas version.  Are they allowed to make changes to the support?

No one has sued for a change and there has been a review every year.  There has been no increase in pay, just an decrease(company is reducing hours, trying to put off layoffs).   Unless ex actually transfers the whole case and try for a modification, the state must uphold the IL law until someone tries to modify.

Thanks,
Lynn
#13
Child Support Issues / Texas child support
Aug 30, 2006, 04:34:12 PM
Our case has just moved to Texas.  How is child support determined in that state?  How is it figured?

Thanks,
Lynn
#14
My husband currently pays child support weekly, but he is getting a small raise later this year(cost of living raise).  Anyways, we told the State's Attorney that we would pay the 20% on any raise he got, and we have been paying quarterly for the months that he must pay support(the summer months are abated).  Well, with this new raise and paying quarterly, it is a pain.

Can we ask the ex(CP) to sign a stipulation agreeing to raise the support a certain amount?  For example(not real amounts) we pay $50 a week and we are sending in $30 quarterly.  Can we ask that the support increase to $52.50 weekly?

I know its hard to answer, but based on your experiences: Do you think she would agree or take us to court to try for a bigger increase than she should be allowed?

I would prefer to do a quick stipulation and have it signed by a judge before we go to court on other issues.

If we were to write the stipulation ourselves, where would we find a template to work with?

Thanks.
#15
Child Support Issues / SDU modifictions
Dec 17, 2005, 08:17:47 AM
We received a note from SDU(we think) the first week of October asking if we wished for a review and possible modification.  We didn't fill it out because we modified only last year this same time.  It said if we didn't wish to then to ignore it.

Now last week we received another form from (IL Dept of Public Aid) [The 2 have recently split or something and are still using the same letterhead]  This time they ask for a new financial affidavit to modify our child support.

I asked my sister and she got one too.  Her case is in a different county than ours, but she didn't fill it out and recieved a notice it was closed.  She had called them afterwards and said it was a computer generated letter/form the same as SDU.

I haven't responded or called because I want to get through the holidays first without having to worry about it.  Ex, husband and state's attorney reviewed my husband's pay, financial affidavit and agreed to keep support where it is.  We said any raises we get, we would pay quarterly.  He got a 20 cent raise(something close).  It comes out to about $20 a month when added up and we are paying quarterly for it.

I am afraid SDU or IL Dept will step in and arbitrarily decide we aren't paying enough since they don't have to go by the court order or any agreements.  

What should I do?  Do nothing and see what happens?  Call them and ask about the form and tell them that we modified a year ago and to review the current financial affidavit(it is slightly out of date-we have alot more bills than we did then and only that slight increase in pay--but he did work more overtime this year)

We were under the belief that a case could only be reviewed and modified every three years unless there was a substancial increase in pay.

Any thoughts about this case?
#16
Dear Socrateaser / Going to court
Jul 05, 2007, 11:57:32 AM
The jurisdiction is now currently TX.

Ex recently moved jurisdiction from IL to TX because my husband got out of the military.  (Because my husband and her husband were both on active duty, IL kept a firm hold on the jurisdiction for 13 years).  The current order was made in 2000 with modifications in 2003.  SD is 14 years old and we only have 3 years + one spring break of court ordered visits.

1st issue: ex filed and registered the IL court order for visitation as a foreign order in TX.  No problems there.  But now ex is argueing that there have been a substantial change in circumstance and wants the entire IL order on visitation to be vacated.  If the judge does not agree with vacating the order, then she wants the TX standard order to be put in place with changes she wants.

Under the current order we get every spring break (we pay for transportation), 8 consecutive and uninterrupted weeks in the summer (ex pays for transportation) and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks (we pay for transportation).

Ex wants it to be every other spring break, 6 weeks in the summer, alternating Thanksgiving and breaking the Christmas break in half.  She wants us to pay all the transportation.

2nd issue: Ex has never moved jurisdiction from IL to TX in regards to child support.  It is a seperate issue that she has never addressed.  She was getting Child support thru the IL SDU, but made them close down the case and opened a case thru the TX child support office.  TX finally admitted that they had no legal standing to issue the child support withholding notice and they did not communicate with the legal state of IL.  They created about $1000 in arrears because they did not keep IL appraised that they were taking child support.  They also are not following the court order that ex registered that stated that the 8 week summer visitation child support is court ordered abated.  TX and ex now owes us $1590.  The only way for IL to accept the $1000 that we have paid thru TX is for a judge to ok and order it to be counted.  IL wants the 2 District attorneys to talk and have jurisdiction to be moved to TX.  TX has pretty strict statutes that can move a child support case from one state to another, but I have been told "they really don't follow them".  Because ex is the one on record as having moved TX, according to the statute is supposed to make ex go to the state we live in and have an interstate case started.

Questions:

1. Will TX abate a foreign order?
2. What consists of a substancial change of circumstance in TX?
3. Can 2 states just decide who gets jurisdiction without going to court or having either party involved?
4. Can TX just "decide" it doesn't want to follow a statute?
#17
Dear Socrateaser,

In July, in IL, I filed papers to clarify the current court order and to hold my ex in contempt on some issues of that current order.  Ex's attorney filed a petition to dismiss the case since ex lives in TX.  

I currently live in IA, but IL has had jurisdiction for the last 13 years (my daughter is 13 and a half).  Ex moved to TX in March 2003 and our current court order is July 2003.

Anyways, because of the UCCEJCA(I know the initals are alittle off), the judge dismissed our case without predjudice.

I am looking for an attorney in TX, and I still need to get those issues clarified.  One such issue is that ex refuses to put our daughter on a plane unless it is the flights that ex wants and refuses all flights that have a stop-over.  

Currently that means I drive 3 hours to Chicago and 3 hours home again, twice a visit.  My family has limited funds and it always strains us to come up with the extra $200 needed. I have always caved until this year, because I have always agreed that our daughter should fly non-stop until she turned 13.  That allowed our daughter to get some flying experience under her belt and both ex and I could get to know the airline our daughter flies better.  

Our daughter will be 14 soon and the next court ordered visit is spring break.  I have realized that on the fly back day, there is something planned with my son(with my current wife) and I cannot drive 3 hours to Chicago.  This means either a stop-over flight or ex drives 3 hours each way and our daughter flies into my home airport(20 minutes away).

This is the court order portion if you need it:(I am the Plaintiff)
[The Plaintiff shall have alternating Thanksgiving  
  and Christmas holiday visitation, to coincide with the school  
  calendar, commencing with Christmas 2003, at his residence.

The Plaintiff shall have visitation every "spring break" holiday, to  
  coincide with the school calendar, commencing in 2004, at his  
  residence. The Plaintiff shall provide all transporation for these  
   visitation periods. ]


Ex has filed for TX child support office to withdraw child support instead of IL.  That is fine.  The problem is now support is getting withdrawn from 2 different states.  I spoke with IL and they said they can't do anything because it is not an interstate case.  TX said they reimburse the overage when this happens.

Also, one attorney I spoke with stated that because I have no ties with TX, then my ex cannot ask for an increase of support in TX, but must do it in IA(my home state).  The TX child support office said they are going to send me financial affidavit papers to fill out and send ex a set of  papers to fill out too and then the office would determine the child support amount.


1.  Is there anyway to get TX to enforce the current IL court order?

2.  Can I ask TX to clarify the needed issues?

3.  If ex files for a modification of visitation, would TX vacate the current order and put in place their standard order?

4.  Is it possible to successfully fight this as there are no substantial changes in circumstance?

5.  What is an interstate case?

6.  Is it true that ex must come to my state to ask for any change in child support?

7.  Can they unilaterally do this?

I hope I filled this out right.  Any help would be great.

Thank you, Socrateaser!
#18
Dear Socrateaser / Christmas break
Dec 16, 2005, 08:14:14 PM
I hope I remember all of your guidelines.

My husband's ex wrote us today that she is not putting her daughter on the flight we purchased for the Christmas stay back in October.  While she notified us today of this change of plans while walking out the door, she notified friends last week that she was leaving today.

We purchased a round trip airline ticket, from the day Christmas break starts until it ends.  We purchased the ticket in October after we had verified the dates and flights with the ex.  We notified her before and after we purchased the ticket.

I contacted the airlines and they have told me that we can not use the return portion of the ticket because the outbound portion was not used.  They will cancel, but there will be a fee to re-issue a ticket at any later time.

According to the visitation order, we get all of Christmas break on odd years(such as this) and Thanksgiving on even years.  We also get eight weeks in the summer(not using the 1st week after school lets out or the week before school starts).  

We are responsible for the winter breaks, and spring break transportation.  She is responsible for the summer visit.  There is nothing in the order that spells out what happens if a party changes plans.

We reside in Iowa, ex and family resided in Texas, ex's parents live 3 hours away in Illinois and the case jurisdiction is in IL.

1.  Is my husband's ex now responsible for the travel expenses since she changed agreed upon plans?

2.  Will we have to give the daughter up early during break if ex decided to drive back?

3. Can we take her to small claims court to get reimbursed for the unused ticket?

Thank you.  I hope I met all your requirements.
#19
We live in IA, case is in IL and BM lives in TX.  IL retains jusrisdiction due to military service.

SD is now 12.  When DH was in military he was told he would have no chance at joint or primary custody(12yrs ago).

He is now out of the service.  We cannot argue mother is unfit(not the best mother, but not unfit).  

BM has 2 children, we have 3.  All are younger.

1)  Is DH able to file change of custody for joint custody or primary custody due to having a more stable environment?

2) Can we argue change custody to allow father equal parenting time and to allow sibling bonding among this half of SD family?

Thanks,
#20
General Issues / Laid off
Sep 14, 2007, 09:02:56 AM
My husband was laid off almost a month ago.  We are scheduled to go to court in about 2 weeks, our attorney is going to ask for a continouance(sp?).  We had the money saved up for the flight to TX, but it came down to the tickets or paying our bills and keeping a roof over our head.

My husband came home yesterday and found a job.  It's 54 cents less than what he was making, which comes out to be about $20 a week less. So do I not pay the insurance, electricity, phone or mortgage?

My main concern is whether the judge will be likely to grant it, hopefully so, since we won't be there.  We have looked at airplanes, driving, bus and train, they are all way out of our price range right now.

My other concern is for the child support.  We have been paying faithfully, but ex played some games and 2 states are saying they have jurisdiction and neither will back down.  So we pay support to one state the other creates an arrears and vice versa.  IL made some errors with the child support so we are trying to get those corrected and the judge will not allow the TX receipts to be counted for support, he wants us to go to court there and tell him why we haven;t been paying IL and to walk him through every payment.  When we have that corrected, ex actually owes us about $400!!

Then in Tx, they won't abate the summers which is in the court order because, even though it is registered in TX they refuse to look at it.  IL doesn't give signed judge's orders and haven't for years.  They hand you an "Order" which is found online that TX considers to be judge's notes not an order and refuses to accept it.  TX then was pulling child support from 2 employers at one time (husband was working for a temp agency to keep our income to match what it was last year) and once they have it corrected, when we finally DO go to court, ex will owe us close to $600 there!!!

When we do go to court we should be able to get a reduction in support.  I looked at what my husband's yearly income is and we have been paying about $40 a month too much.  I know that doesn't sound like alot, but when you live paycheck to paycheck and only have $50 a WEEK (for a family of 5) for grocery bills and your son is being tested for learning developmental disabilities, that $40 is alot.  On top of that, we have to find the money for SD Christmas visitation, which will be about another $500-$600 we need.  I keep my fingers crossed that the judge will continue with the current court order and allow our summer child support to be abated, given the HUGE difference in ex's yearly income and ours, it is the onely way we are able to pay for summer activities for the SD and her siblings, and make up for the difference in our taking care (food mainly, clothes, and medical) of SD instead of ex.  We are also hoping the judge will take into consideration the travel costs for flying SD here twice a year out of the 3 times she comes to visit (Christmas/Thanksgiving-alternating and spring break).  Ex pays for the summer visits which is usually by visiting her mother and making her mother keep SD until hubby picks SD up and drops her off.  Last summer ex flew up to her parents the day after visitation ended, refused us any extra time (grandma had to pick SD up) and then payed for 2 tickets to fly them both home 2 days later.  Would be nice to have that kind of money.

I am so frustrated with it all.  We have followed the orders and everything, now ex wants to vacate the IL order and have TX put in place.  If they do that we will lose 3 weeks of visitation.  We only have 3 years of visits left before SD is 18.

Thanks
#21
General Issues / Sort of had a hearing
Jul 11, 2007, 07:27:42 PM
Ex filed a petition to vacate a foreign order that she registered and to put in place the visitation that she wants.  We received those papers.

Ex then filed for a temporary hearing, which was sort of today.  Ex never filed a petition for a temp. hearing, nor did ex answer the interogettories they we sent.  We had no idea WHY we were going to court today.  Actually we didn't go, just attorney went.

The main reason our attorney informed us was for the temp hearing, was because even BEFORE visitation started, apparently we weren't allowing ex to stay in contact as much as she wanted with SD (she is 14).

(make sense?)

What ex WANTS is to impose her rules on us, which we won't allow.  We have 3 rules:
1, SD cell phone is off when we are home, we have a home landline and ex can call as often as she wants.
2, SD can take her phone with her if she goes out. (but she has to remember to keep it charged, on and take it with her)
3, SD has to let us know she is going to call her mom (this is only because the phone line is also the computer line and you can't do both at once.

If we are not home (which is often, for some reason ex thinks we spend our entire 8 weeks, sitting and twiddling our thumbs) and ex calls and leaves a message, we ALWAYS tell SD and SHE chooses if she wants to call back, sometimes she doesn't want to and we are not going to force her to.

Ex wants to know friends #'s so she can call there, she won't even do that for us!  If SD wants to speak with her mother, she can use her cell phone.
Ex wants MY family information because when it gets really hot (we don't have a/c) we spend the night there.  SD is welcome to call on her step-grandmother's phone and has done numerous times, and if SD wants she can use her cell phone, she just chooses not to.

So the 2 attorneys talked (basically our attorney, asking why he was even there) and they agreed to reschedule for it next week.  Ex talks with her daughter AT LEAST once a week if not twice, just like we do.
Ex says she is SD's mother and should be able to talk to her more.  (oh, the meaning of logic)

So we get the details down better with our attorney tomorrow along with 3 swimming lessons, golf lessons, work, running errands and trying to purchase a new, used car (ours was totalled last week in an accident hit and run, thankfully we weren't in it at the time!!!)  Where am I supposed to find more time?  I can't wait for school!!!!

Lynn
#22
General Issues / Have a question
Jul 05, 2007, 11:31:38 AM
We have a relatively decent size house, but when we are home we do work on it, you know general chores and then also actually fixing it up.  When ex and SD talk we generally try to give them some privacy, but once in awhile we do overhear part of conversations.

We heard a couple things that concerned us and that is what I have questions about.

Ex was questioning SD about if my husband was going to be at the court hearing that is being scheduled?  She is asking SD for information about our family.  We have never spoken to SD about our court cases or anything of a legal nature to her.  SD is now 14 and now we know ex is discussing it with her, we are thinking of sitting down with SD, explaining what goes on this house stays in this house and not for ex to be nosy about.  We also want to speak with SD about the case.  Not in specifics necessarily, just a conversation about what SD knows is going on, what are her thoughts, and ideas and concerns and to have an opportunity to explain our side so she has a more rounded idea of what is going on.

Ex also mentioned about SD about them possibly moving and that SD wasn't to say anything to anyone.  We don't pry into SD's conversations and would never usually ask.  They did have severe flooding in the area they live in, so we did ask if everyone was ok through the bad weather.  We keep it general and "social" chatting.  I do feel that if feels like ex is asking SD to "keep secrets" and that that is helping ex put a wedge between the relationship of SD and her father.  I and her dad want SD to be able to come to dad about anything and feel free to talk if she has questions.

Should we be talking to ex, how should we approach our talks with her? How do we get her to understand her maternal family and her paternal family stays seperate.  Information here doesn't go there and vice versa.

And yes, I know eavesdropping however unexpected does usually result in information you don't want to know.  And I think that is what makes this worse.  We have always tried to be good parents, never putting SD in the middle, not treating her as a babysitter for the younger siblings, giving her input, treating her equal and loved.  Ex doesn't do any of that and SD is 100% loyal to her mother.  On one hand I don't want SD to grow up, we love having this time together that we know we will get yearly, but on the other hand, we can't wait until she is 18, out of her mother's house and into college where she will have a better chance and an older mind to figure out what really went on for all these years.

Lynn
#23
General Issues / Vacating orders
Jun 11, 2007, 12:29:00 PM
Ex has filed in TX for us to go to court.  She registered the IL visitation order in TX as required and is now asking the judge to vacate the entire order (that has been in effect since 2003).  She has been living in TX since 2002.

She wants to be solely responsible for determining all visitation.  If the judge doesn't go for that she wants the TX standard order applied with some changes made.  That means we would lose 2 weeks every other year and 3 weeks the other years.  We only get to see SD 9-11 weeks a year as it is (spring break, 8 wks in summer and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks)  We would agree to splitting the Christmas vacation since there are only about 3 years left until SD turns 18.

Does anyone have any idea what TX considers substantial changes to allow such a drastic change in a court order?

Thanks,
Lynn
#24
General Issues / School information
Jun 01, 2007, 10:28:57 AM
SD starts high school in the fall.  We have contacted them to get their school information.  They flat out refuse.  They say to look at the website, but it doesn't answer some of our questions.  We have asked for a registration packet, and they have said we have to go to the school to get the information, they cannot "waste paper" mailing it to us because then they won't have copies for the parents that come in.

Is TX different?  What do we need to do to get the information we want?  We know they will fight us on every peice we want-grades, extracurricular information, anything.  We want to be made to be a point of contact, just like SD's mother.  Apparently they said we can't be because we live out of town.  What do we need to do to put a halt to this now?

Thanks,
Lynn
#25
General Issues / Case moved to Bell county
Sep 06, 2006, 11:14:26 AM
We are unfamiliar with the TX laws regarding visitation and child support.  We already have orders in effect from another state, but mother moved again!

Does anyone know Bell County?

Thanks,
Lynn
#26
General Issues / Court Jurisdiction?
Aug 16, 2006, 12:42:17 PM
Background:  Ex resides in Texas(her husband is in military).  My family resides in Iowa(but we keep our residence as IL).  The case jurisdiction currently resides in Illinois.

SD is 13, and court has had jurisdiction since child was born.  The ex's family has moved 6 times within the 13 years because of the military.  They are currently moving across state(TX).  

We have gone to court over different issues 4 times over the 13 years with a hearing for court again now.


Problem: Ex's attorney has asked for a 2 week delay in order to file a motion for a change of jurisdiction to Texas.  He told the ex that she should file in Texas(hasn't done yet) and told her what he would do.  We have to go to a hearing in 2 weeks to try and fight the move to Texas and to keep it in Illinois.

Questions: Is there anything we need or can do to make our case    
                     stronger?  
                Has anyone done this and won before?  
                Are there any sites to check for drivers license or voters
                    registration to prove ex still has some semblence of
                    residency in IL?
                We have an email chain letter thing, that asks a question
                    about home and her answer is that she still considers IL
                    her home.  Will this help or even be admitted?
                 What are our chances?

Judge wants husband to go and testify.  All pick-ups/drop-offs for visitations are in IL.  Ex goes to visit family at least once to twice a year.  Ex's parents, in-laws, my husband's parents all live in the same county that has the court jurisdiction.
#27
General Issues / Medical information
Nov 18, 2005, 02:48:01 PM
We have been asking ex for dental and vision information.  We just want the doctors names and phone numbers.  We already have the medical center information to get an updated copy of her medical record.
Step-daughter is coming for a visit soon and we want to make sure everything is up to date on this end.  I am going to be sending out a certified letter to her.  What else can we do?  December is coming up fast. Thanks
#28
General Issues / Letters?
Aug 18, 2005, 02:59:45 PM
I have pulled up the medical request letter and the denial of visitation letter.  Do these letters both work?  I know the privacy stuff has changed when it comes to medical issues.  Ex's husband is in the military and we need a copy of SD's medical records for her doctor here.  Is there anything special I would need now that we have to sign that privacy paper and do we need to do anything different since SD is seen on a military base?

Thank you.

#29
My husband is going to court next month.  Here is the background.  Ex moved to TX in 2003 (her husband in military).  My husband was in military until 2004, so IL kept jurisdiction until 2007.

In 2007, ex had visitation jurisdiction moved from IL to TX.  She has now filed a petition to get the visitation order that she registered in TX to be vacated. (The current order says every spring break--we pay tranportation, 8 weeks in summer--ex pays transportation, and alternating Thanksgiving/Christmas break--we pay).  We have had this order since 2003.  Ex states that if judge will not vacate the order then she would like the TX standard order in place with changes. She wants every other spring break(a change from TX standard order), 6 weeks in the summer and alternating Thanksgiving breaks and splitting Christmas up.

We don't have a problem splitting Christmas up.  But we would ask that ex pay for the transportation on the years we are paying for Thanksgiving, since we can't afford 2 tickets that close together.We would ask the judge to more clearly define the transportation issue.  Ex refuses to allow daughter to fly on a layover flight (SD will be 15 in a few weeks).

SD has flown with a layover before.  We purchased Christmas tickets and ex drove her from TX to our house and then kept SD out of school even when we gave SD up a day early in order for her to drive back to TX.

Anyways, as the for Devil's Advocate.  Ex is claiming a substantial change in circumstance.  I am looking for what everyone would think to be a substantial change.  I want to make sure we have everything cover that ex could possibly be thinking of.

Thanks,
Lynn
#30
Visitation Issues / Not sure what to do
Dec 28, 2007, 04:33:15 PM
Quick update first.  Ex dropped of SD on the 22nd, a day late.  She decided she HAD to drive to IL instead of putting SD on the plane, even though she had us get tickets to the airport she requested.
Anyways, after some more games about where she would drop SD off, she finally came to our usual spot at the local McDonald's.

Ok.  The court order states that we are responsible for the Christmas visitation.  That is spelled out.  Then it is spelled out that Christmas visitation follows the school calendar.  We have copies of both the school calendar and the district calendar.  The dates are 12/21 to 1/2/07.  School starts 1/3/08.

SD is 14 years old and talked to her about the pro's and con's of flying.  She has already flown with lay-overs and this one is short at 1 hr 15 min.  She has no problem.  Our attorney asked what we thought was in the best interest of the child.  So hubby and I sat down and discussed it, asking questions of SD when they came up for her input.  SD would rather fly.  We would rather she fly.  She would leave about 10am and get in to her city about 3pm (about 5 hours total with layover)vs 20+ hours driving with her mother and siblings.  This way, she doesn't have to get up ungodly early, makes the flight, is home in time for dinner, get ready for school and chill out for a few hours.

Ex called.  She is throwing a FIT!!! She said if SD is not there when she comes to get her on 1/31 (3 days before the court ordered visitation is to end) she will bring the police.

Should we cave in and have SD ready on the 31st or should we stay firm and let her know this is all court ordered and she is violating it?  What can the police do?  We have copies of the court order, the 2 calendars and plane ticket.  We had plans to go out of town to visit family for the New Years.  Not sure what to do?  She is definately ruining the holiday.

Any advice??
Thanks,
Lynn