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Topics - awakenlynn

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Visitation Issues / To buy an airline ticket or not?
« on: Nov 18, 2009, 04:32:51 PM »
Question: Do we stick with our guns and try and make ex follow the court order and meet us at the court ordered times/days or do we cave (again) and try and compromise to ensure we get SD for the holiday? Letting ex drop SD off a day late and then flying SD home.   (I kind of hate caving because this is the judge's punishment to her for interfering and refusing the Christmas visit last year (we were supposed to have split the holiday a week each but ex pulled a stunt and we didn't get SD at all)
We emailed ex 2 days ago and haven't heard anything yet.  Ticket we need dropped in price this morning and has started to go up again this afternoon, we can't buy it until Friday unless I can borrow it somewhere tomorrow.
Background: order says ex is to notify DH no later than 11/1 of each year to let him know if she is flying or driving the SD for the Christmas visit.  If she choses to drive then they meet the day after school lets out for the holiday (Sat) at noon at (city) and pick up is the day before school starts (a Sunday) at noon at (city).  If ex choses to fly SD, once DH is notified he is to purchase tickets for SD.
Ex notified us on 11/1 that she was driving up here for the holidays, BUT would not be able to follow the court order since she could not get Friday off work and she would have to drive overnight.  She would meet at the (city) sometime on Sunday AND we would have to give up another day and she would pick SD up a day early so they could drive back to ex's state OR we could fly SD.  Ex did not give us a specific like she was supposed to.
We emailed ex back that day after looking at tickets (the court ordered flight was way after the family started driving up here) and told ex that since she was driving anyways she had to follow the court order and we would meet her at the court order appointed days and times.
Ex called Sunday (11/15) yelling about how dare we make her drive overnight and she can't get off of work on Friday (she has had 7 months to request the day off).
Hubby and I thought about it overnight.  We don't have the money for a round trip ticket, frankly we don't have money to even buy a 1-way ticket, but we emailed ex and said that IF she SWEARS we get a make-up date then we will meet ex and SD on Sunday at 9am in their hometown (we had planned to be there for his family's Christmas anyways) and we would then fly SD home on Sunday.
We don't have money for the attorney right now, and we document everything, so we will re-retain our attorney and see if we can get her on contempt early next year.  We only have 18 months to go!!!

Hubby went to court in March this year to deal with stuff ex pulled last year.  Now its Thanksgiving again and she is starting her c**p again for the Christmas holiday.

Court order states SPECIFICALLY that ex is to decide if she is going to fly or drive SD NO LATER than November 1st of each year.  So this year she got the November 1st right but said while she is driving the family that is she was to drive SD she would be dropping SD off a day late and picking her up a day early and by the way they won't be there at the court ordered noon the day later when she does finally make it to the area.  OR it was DH choice and he could fly SD.    So ex put it out there with absolutely no decision in there.   

DH emailed her back and said the court order said she was specifically to let us know what she was doing in order for us to know to buy the ticket or not and to email us back with her decision.  If ex was driving then she had to be at the court ordered time on the court ordered day in the court ordered city or she had to let us know if we were flying SD either way or both ways.  We looked into flights, none of the flights that came from the court ordered cities met the time needs ex would have.  (the airport is 3 hours away from their home and the flight is late afternoon, they would have been 3/4 of the way here by the time they left in the morning and ex would have the excuse of why SD missed the flight. 

It is now November 15th.  SD called to talk to dad about the arrangements.  It is not SD's place even at 16 to be put in the middle of it.  DH asked to speak with mom.  She got on the phone and said she has nothing to do with it, SD is 16 and it is THEIR visit not her's.  DH tried to make her understand that the court order is specific and that it wasn't fair putting it on the daughter, but it goes completely over ex's head.  DH finally said since ex is driving then she will drive SD to the court appointed place by the court ordered time and date.  (The court order says visits are to start 6pm the holiday vacation starts, if the ex is driving then they are to meet at 'X' city by noon the first full day (which is Saturday) and we are to drop off in the 'X' city at noon the day before school goes back into session (sunday Jan 3rd). 

Ex called back again later and wanted to discuss the arrangements again.  This time her excuse is that in order to be here by Saturday then she would have to drive all night.  (Nothing new for her) and how DAREwe ask it of her (her kids are 10, 11 and 16 and she would be driving with her husband, she has done it MANY times in the past and in fact lives 12 hours closer than what she was living before(still 14 hours away) and it is something WE have had to do many times in the past (in fact hubby did it in the spring to be there to pick SD up for spring break and court).   Then she moves onto the fact that she has to work and just can't take days off.  1st she does volunteer work for her best friend, 2nd she has known since MARCH of this visit, 3rd all she has to do is show the court order to her 'boss' to get the needed time off.  It is something DH has had to do every year he needs to take time off of work to pick up SD for visits.  HE actually SUPPORTS his family and HE actually pays the child support ex splurges on instead of using it on the SD.  By the time she got this far in her actually ranting, he finally just hung up on her.  She was no where in the world of where he could speak rationally with her.

Now we wait to see what she pulls next.  She hasn't called back, SD hasn't called back.  DH did text SD (on the off chance she would get it) that he was sorry that she had been put in the middle and it wasn't fair to her and that he loved her.  He knows ex will be ranting and raving and blaming him for everything and SD has to deal with her mother's extreme and inappropriate behavior, she is going to get the backlash from it and its not fair.

As to us, Monday we go speak with both of our boss's, see if we can get an advance on our paychecks, and pay attorney fees from the court in spring and an a retainer for this part of the case with a promise of another amount straight from any tax refund we MIGHT get.

We hold onto the thought that SD will be 18 and we won't have to deal with ex in 18 months!!!!!   and in the meantime we hope and pray we will get our family complete for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
P.S. hubby and I did agree that is ex would notorize a statement and have it added to the court file that she agreed to 48 hours make up time we would allow ex to drop off SD a day late--Sunday at noon and she could pick up a day early--Saturday at noon.  It didn't go over so well  (ex has absolutely gone back on her word everytime she has promised make up time so it is time to follow the court order strictly and to the letter, what else could we do?).

Visitation Issues / Summer is gone, School is starting
« on: Aug 21, 2009, 07:17:02 PM »
We had our summer visit and it was a great time.  Our family was finally complete for a short time.  SD is a great girl and we all so much fun together.  She of course fried her phone.  She dropped it in water for the 3rd? time and this time it was DOA.  We have teased her about getting a waterproof phone (they do have them, I had to get hubby one for his work).  But since it is a flip phone and she couldn't get away with texting in class....... she got one she could.
Anyways, hubby called her Tuesday a few days after she got back to her mother's state.  She was in a bad mood.  Her school registration was 8/11 but she and her mother didn't let us know.  It's not like hubby could register her anyways since he doesn't have custody.  Anyways her mother had told her at one of their phone calls and told her daughter she would go.  No surprise, she didn't go and then blamed hubby since SD can't get all the classes she wanted.  If we had known, hubby could have tried to have SD and him call the school and try to let SD register over the phone, but kind of doubted it would of worked because of ex.
SD was upset at dad and he talked to her again tonight.  He wanted to talk to her about registration and let her know away from mom (ex either tries to listen in on the calls or grills SD about her calls) and SD had told dad that she was going to a friend's house to call back later tonight. He did and they discussed it.  She said she was sorry, that after the first time he had hung up with her, she had realized her dad wasn't at fault it was her mother lying to her AGAIN.  I am glad we have such a smart girl.  She has been realizing over the last few years how much mom has lied to her, she told daughter that dad hadn't bought her Christmas ticket  when they were supposed to drive to the airport.  SD had known about the ticket and when dad called he had reminded her we had had the ticket for 3 weeks.
Really wish since she knows how much mom lies to her that should would move here, but she has 2 younger siblings that she takes care of (not mom--her) so she said she has to stay.  She also said she can't wait to leave mom's state, she absolutely hates it there, and she is moving as soon as she graduates (and goes sky diving....she's a teenager and that's what she wants for graduation).  We'll help her out as much as we are able.  Counting down the years/months until she is 18.

Visitation Issues / Heading to Court ...... long
« on: Mar 12, 2009, 11:23:40 PM »
Well, hubby made it to TX midday today.  It was a long drive for him.  He met with his attorney and has court tomorrow (3/13) afternoon.  We are taking ex to court for his non-compliance with the current order.  She did not notify us by the date ordered by the court to let us know Christmas transportation.  Even when she did notify us, we had already let her know that the court ordered cities for Christmas (Dallas to Moline) did not exist.  With that being the case she was really supposed to drive SD up to our court ordered meeting place.  She kept insisting a flight so we found the next best thing keeping her airport the same and us driving 5hrs out of our way each direction to the airport that did have a non-stop flight (court ordered), keeping to the spirit of the order.  We already have heard from the judge (unofficially) that ex was supposed to drive SD for Christmas visit.  So we lost the money from the flight + gas for the drive + (the blown tire that would not happened since if we knew she was not putting SD on the flight we would not have been on that highway and driven over something);  we did not find out ex was not putting SD on the flight until an hour away from our airport when we called to ask her a question.  [She told SD that hubby did not buy a ticket and that the airline info we sent (as court ordered) was made up].
So we are asking for make-up time, some expenses to be recovered and to have ex bond every flight.  Ex decided 4 days before the flight she did not want the one we had reserved and had one she choose that had to get SD out of school early and it was not an early release date.  It would have been another $800 to change the flight.  VERY cost prohibitive!!!
Now with spring break coming up, we let ex know last month that hubby was going to drive down to TX and pick SD up.  Court order says hubby gets visitation Friday 6pm if he is in the area.  SD was supposed to have her last soccer game on Saturday, but that was moved this last week (and we verified everything with the school).  Coaches of both teams were upset, they had agreed to play Saturday because they were losing alot of kids to spring break when they played during spring break, but the school district notified them that they could not play on any Saturday before spring break.  Why should they care if the coaches both agreed the date was better.  So now the game is Monday.  But anyways, ex kept insisting hubby could not have SD until after the Saturday game which is against the explicit orders.  So the 3 day visit is now 7 days.  Thank God for tax returns!!!!  That and his mother went down withy hubby and she is helping with the costs.  Our attorney added the ex's threats to the petition showing her blatent disregard to the order that she had initiated last year.
Hubby went to his appt today with attorney and ex's attorney called and said by the way, have you gotten our petition, we are suing you too for child support.  Saying we owed like $3500.  LOL!!!!  That would mean ex hasn't gotten child support for 15 months!  We have our bank records, SDU records (which are somewhat questionable).  Attorney has not gotten the paperwork and hubby has not been served, we think they will try to do it at the court house.  We do have arrears of about $730 to $1300.  Hubby has been laid off for 11 wks now and while we have made little payments they haven't been full payments (hubby is getting about $200 less a week) and then when TX was taking over jurisdiction we actually had a credit, but it took them so long to get things started with the employer that we owed about $450 but that amount was based on an old order (hence the small arrears) and we have never heard back from the child support office except to get the withholding notice which did not include arrears.  So if they changed the original arrears to the current order (and didn't notify us) then that is the larger arrears amount.  We did pay some with the tax returns and are hoping that one of the conversations with the CS office will stick and they will send us a new withholding notice including arrears.  One thought is that the CS office which has been collecting the money has either not cleared out their records from when TX took over from IL (alot of errors for about 6 months and both states were taking support and not notifiing the other state) and its possible that they have been collecting and have not paid ex out (especially if she did not file the correct paperwork--she has a habit of picking and choosing whatever she thinks with get her more and the state has caught on that alot she has sent in has been inaccurate, out dated or just plain wrong).  She has already been caught in a few lies.
Just needed to get it all off my chest, with him gone and conversation limited, I don't have anyone to really work things through with.
Thanks, awakenlynn

SD is 15 now.  We got our CO finalized in TX in June 2008.  It states we get visitation over the Christmas holiday from 6pm the day the child gets out of school until Dec. 28th on even years.
Ex has until November 1st to let us know if she will be flying or driving SD.  If she drives we are court ordered to meet in a specific city in IL at noon.  If she chooses to fly then its the first available flight after 6pm the day school lets out for the holiday and it must be non-stop.
Ex didn't notify us until 11/3 that she was going to fly SD.  We have been notifying her that the flights that we are supposed to use Dallas to Moline have not been avail for months!  So we picked the next closest airport.  It still leaves from Dallas, but it flies into St. Louis.  Ex finally agreed to the flight saying SD had to fly (ex's husband is coming home from overseas).  So we bought the ticket the same night she agreed.
So we send the ex the flight information as court ordered 10 days prior to the flight.  She waits until Monday--now 4 DAYS before the flight and says she found one Dallas to Moline and if we don't change the flight she won't put her on the flight.  What is the big deal!!!  Either way SD is flying out of Dallas!!!  We had found a flight on the 19th, but ex would have had to pull SD out of school to make the flight and we as NCP's are not allowed to do that.  The second flight is the last flight of the day and according to the airline rules, children cannot fly out the last flight on any day.  She waited so long it will cost at least $500 extra to change the flight and pay the difference.  I don't even have money for Christmas, where am I supposed to find an extra $500!!!
So we contacted our attorney and he told us to mail a letter to ex stating she had agreed to the flight Dallas to St. Louis and that she needs to put SD on the flight.  We also reminded her that the court said she is required to either flyor drive, so if she doesn't put her on the flight, she had better start driving (its a 16 hour drive and usually she drives because ex's family is in IL). 
Ex called throwing a fit earlier wanting to know what we were doing.  DH isn't supposed to answer, but let the voicemail to pick up the message.  He just told her that we mailed (overnighted) a letter to her (it was supposed to be delivered this evening) and reminded her to either fly or drive (nicely).  She doesn't have any other option.  And he hung up when she started her bigger hissy fit.
Now we wait and see.  Our attorney is going to have to go back to court, we don't see any other choice, we have to have some consequences built in when she does this again.

Visitation Issues / Ex refuses to follow court order (Long)
« on: Nov 12, 2008, 04:42:59 PM »
Its been awhile since I posted here, so I will give a bit of background first:  Ex moved to TX a few years ago and had jurisdiction moved from IL to TX last year.  And then she wanted the entire IL court order over turned.  We went to court in Feb. and the judge made her order, but TX is the state where the attorneys fill out the order and the judge signs off.  Well ex and her attorney drew one up that went against most of what the judge determined and then tried to have the judge sign it behind our backs. Since judge accurately figured out ex's personality at the trial, she immediately called our attorney and we said we had no idea, so the judge drew up her own order and signed it.  That was in June 2008.

The order is we get every spring break (we pay for the ticket with flights from Austin to Chicago). 
We get 8 weeks in the summer and we must contact her with the dates no later than April 1st of each year.  Ex will then let us know if she will fly SD from Austin to Chicago or drive and meet at the court appointed city. 
We get every other Thanksgiving (from Dallas to Moline) on odd years and the 2nd half of christmas odd years and the 1st half during even years (this year) and ex MUST contact us NO LATER than November 1st each year as to whether or not she will again be flying SD from Dallas to Moline.

I forgot to mention SD is 15-1/2 now.  And that takes us up to the present.

Ex did not contact us on November 1st as ordered.  She emailed us late on the 3rd--2 days late.  Her excuse was she didn't know on the 1st, she knew on the 3rd.  OOOkkkk, not like that really is an excuse to us.  So we contacted our attorney to see what we were supposed to do since this is a new order and new state.  So our attorney contacted her attorney. 

Next problem is that the flights are court ordered to be non-stop and the Dallas to Moline flight has been sold out and unavailable since before June (and we have told her this repeatedly).  So now what to do?  We looked at flights from Austin (closer to ex) to Chicago, but we asked the judge to keep the flights out of Chicago for the fall and winter due to the weather (flights have been cancelled, delayed and held in hold patterns for hours-- so it hasn't been the best airport for SD) and the cost was like $1000.  So we checked all the airports around ex within a 4 hour radius flying into Moline trying to find a non-stop flight.  There are none.  So we started looking opposite.  The court order does state Dallas so we checked what airports the airline flew into from there and we found Chicago, which are trying to avoid and can't afford.  The only other city is St. Louis, 4 hours away from us, but we do have family so if stranded, we have a place to stay.  The flight is very affordable and ready to purchase the ticket.  We also did find a flight from Austin to St. Louis but it is alittle more than double the Dallas/St Louis ticket, and unaffordable.

So our problem is ex thinks she can excuse her lateness with no consequence and states that if the flight is any other than Dallas to Moline than we were breaking the court order and that she refuses to fly SD any where except out of Austin.  So our frustration level is up there.

Any advice?  Is she right?? 

Texas State Forum / Bell County
« on: Sep 12, 2006, 10:02:41 PM »
Is anyone familiar with Bell County?  We are looking for an attorney, how the county court system works, what our chances are?  We have an active order from another state, what will Texas do with it?  Father's Rights groups that can help with information.

Child Support Issues / IL vs TX
« on: Jun 13, 2007, 10:41:48 AM »
Well, TX finally admitted that they used fraudulent material from the ex and that they were illegally taking child support.  Will it do anything? No, but I guess it was a step somewhere.

We found out IL was holding us in arrears since TX never notified them that they were taking out child support.  IL cannot accept TX pay history unless it is cerified and an IL judge allows IL to accept the payment as credit.  IL circuit clerk said a judge will do this on a good day, and refuse to on a bad day-making us go to court again to get the pay history accepted.  

TX said they were contacting ex and telling her she had 48 hours to either decide to set up an interstate case, in which IL will be able to accept our payments, or for ex to start proceedings to change legal jurisdiction to TX.  Hhhmmm, which do you think she'll take.  If she doesn't respond in the 48 hours, then they will drop our entire case and ex won't be recieving child support because it will be being paid to IL to cover the arrears AND they will refuse to be involved again.

It is a pity they won't sue her for fraud.

The problem then is that TX statutes clearly state that unless the NCP has specific ties to TX (there are 8 listed) then ex MUST create an interstate case in the state the NCP lives.  We now live in IA.

TX says that even though the statutes are there, that is not how they do it anymore and that since ex and child live in TX, then TX will have jurisdiction of child support.

To me, that still makes it illegal.  They choose to willfully violate statutes that are spelled out specifically.

Well, back to court again.  We also have to try to keep our IL visitation order legal (as ex is trying to vacate it) and see if TX courts will give us joint legal custody, because it wasn't set up to handle the different TX laws.


Child Support Issues / Texas child support
« on: Mar 03, 2007, 12:21:53 PM »
Texas has completely screwed up our support.  The state with jurisdiction is IL, but ex moved to TX in 2003, in the mean time, IL has kept jurisdiction.

Ex decided she wanted TX to collect support, not IL.  Fine, that means opening a interstate case-fine.

BUT ex opened a case in 2003 incorrectly and did not close it.  So TX has kept an invisible finger in it until ex went back to open the request in 2006.

IL has sent a pay history showing no arrears.  TX came up with odd numbers here and there, put arrears here and there, and came up with arrears of ovre $2500 still!  They also didn;t take into account the 8week summer abatements I was ordered.

They have also sent a letter to the credit bureau stating I was in arrears.  They sent this after they were informed NUMEROUS times it was incorrect.

How do I get TX back in line?   I live in IA and do not have the money to go to TX.  I also found out that Texas has standard language in its petitions and I cannot find it.

Can I file a petition to clarify against TX CSE and the Attorney General's office?  Can I request the hearing over the phone?

I guess I am really going to need to see how much it is going to be to involve an attorney.

Totally frustrated!

Child Support Issues / TX child support completely wrong!
« on: Jan 15, 2007, 05:09:49 PM »
I received a letter from the State of TX Attorney General's office this weekend.  It said that in 30 days it was going to notify the credit bureaus that my child support was now $320 monthly and that I have an arrears of $2200.

IL has jurisdiction for the child support.  The SDU office said they have control over the child support issue unless an interstate case is opened or until TX notifies them of the change in jurisdiction.

TX said they cannot speak with IL and IL said they cannot speak to TX.  TX pulled child support for 3 weeks from my second job in the amount of the child support order from 1994.  The TX office said they needed a certified copy of the most current child support withholding notice to update the amount.

TX said they had an arrears because when ex tried to get support in 2003 from TX, IL still had full jurisdiction of the whole case and ex was told to resolve the TX issue.  Apparently she didn't.

1.  Can TX notify the credit bureaus?

2. Can TX be held liable since the information they have, they know is inaccurate?

3. Can ex be held liable if we found out she gave inaccurate information?


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