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Hi Soc (and merry Christmas and happy new year),

You have helped me several ways this past year and I am greatly indebt to your assistance.

This new (or old) problem is just a continuance of the same issue, however with some twists. While I am troubled (emotionally) by what continues I am looking from you what legally I need to either be prepared for or should do in potential someone using the legal system to their advantage.

Divorced (IL) in 2002, 50/50 visitation, no CS, only maintenance (now expired) with two children, now one is 18, the other 16. Have been in court almost monthly for the past three years until Sept, where BM stopped appearing (BM also moved to an unknown location).

Have enlisted the efforts of GAL/Mediation/Counselor(s),lawyers (last year pro se) and even thou BM is mentally unstable, best interests of the children have not been compromised in a way that have threatened the children, according to the courts.

Alienation is a definite (in my mind) but with a BM who has a criminal mindset (details I am with-holding since they do not involve custody/children but would gladly email you if you felt the need to dig a deeper) there isn't anything I can do given the age of the children.

I write them weekly at the prior address (these are forwarded to a post office box in IL) to either reach out, or have a diary of my life when we ever get a chance to be back together. Not sure if they get them, or how long this will be forwarded or even how long the Post office box will be available (say to do lack of payment from BM, or just not picked up).

I have never felt that I have moved on, but continued my life regardless of someone who uses the children to hurt me. I will continue to do things that hopefully will allow the children back into my life once the control is somewhat lifted and they begin to realize the things they were put though (probably more consoling and allot of love and whatever God can provide).

Legally our case for visitation interference/abuse was never closed. Just left after the last two times she stopped coming. Interference was becasue BM just stopped allowing the children to leave when I arrived to pick them up (while in counseling it became clear why). This was the 2nd multiple occurance event, police were alerted, court ect.

While I understand that certain current motions (VI) will expire due to lack of prosecution ect, my question is:
(Question 1) Legally is there any time-table that the BM can wait and then attempt at looking to request new CS or ?? (Again I am not sure legally what else she can do thru the court system). What harm am I doing to my legal stance if I do not push at this time and waiting if she reapears out of no-where.

(Question 2) Should I file for any contempt motions even though she will not respond? (This would be used to support my case if we ever got back in court for some reason) or just let it go (legally).

By realizing the BM won't change (again three years of court is my baseline) and given the fact that no money in the world can affect the way the judge will view this case (quote from Judge "Now I guess you'll have a hard time submitting any additional motions to her won't you") I have sat on my hands for the past 3 months.

While I would love to have a magic wand that would resolve this, given the age of the children, the mentally of court systems, the lack of financial abilities, as well as a BM to have no fear to any of her actions I am left to travel this path.

In addition, by forcing myself into my kids life, I felt that the BM continued to hurt the kids even more; the more I tried to build a relationship with them. the harder I pushed, the more the BM held on tighter and did more to destroy any future relationship. They know where I am, where I live and how I feel about them, and I can't force them to do anything at this time.

So emotionally I have decided what I can do, but legally I need to understand what this does to take this route.

Thanks for always being there for all of us, and providing some light in a otherwise dark situation.

Thru my faith, my network of fathers that continue to struggle with these issues, that they will be back in my life, so I am trying hard not to be vendictive or respond with trying to hurt someone else at the expense of my kids. Not sure what else to do.

Thanks again (and sorry for the lenght of the text).

Hi Again,

Synopsis: (sorry but this is pretty messed up)

Been in court pro se for 16 months fighting a visitation issue in Il (motioned her for contempt). Parenting plan calls for 50/50 parenting time with two minor children (15/17 yro currently). I have received excellent advice from you on two previous occasions, now new developments.

During court status, found out that mother took both children for counseling, and placed them on depression medicine (w/o my knowledge or consent). This counselor/therapist refused to meet with me even though once this was found out the court ordered her to, however she wrote very disturbing/damaging comments about me personally (I have written the APA ethics board recently on this to review).

GAL suggested that we have another family counselor meet with children and me as a solution to other counselor's refusal (counselor sighting the children's confidentiality and best interest of the children).

This 2nd counselor met with 1) BM, 2) myself and 3) with children and me together and appeared to make some break-thru on children reluctance to be with me (false information provided by BM and her boyfriend). BM did not like what she saw and began to refuse to bring children to 2nd counselor, only allowing them to go to original counselor (the one who refused to meet with me).

GAL suggested that we (in the best interest of the children) allow this, and that I continue to see 2nd counselor as in individual, and have both counselors discuss the issues, reporting back to court. In addition, GAL temporally allowed the children to have authority to pick when they wanted to see me. The intent was to take the pressure off of them and feel they have some control on the relationship and not a court ordered one.

Status during court last week: Neither BM or her attorney were present. Judge indicated the attorney is no longer representing BM (when I asked if this was official, he indicated he didn't see any paperwork, but he felt like he was released, nothing in the court folder). It has been mentioned that the Judge/Attorney speak in the court house in the past and is reasonable that this release was mentioned in passing at another day.

I indicated the following: The children have not continued counseling as ordered, the BM has moved, no forwarding address/phone number and they are not enrolled in the high school that they were enrolled in last year (I have not been notified of any of these changes).

As prescribed by GAL/2nd counselor, I write the kids letters weekly (to the old address assuming it is forwarded). Since I do not have a current phone number, ordered phone contact has not taken place. Nothing in the original 50/50 parenting plan has been placed to change the original agreement.

I requested to the judge to move from status to a hearing on the original motion for visitation interference but he refused, indicating this current temporary motion needed to be addressed (the one temporally allowing the children to control visitation, and ordering counseling).

Judge also seemed fine that the attorney was not present w/o any official document. He's only real concern was if she moved out of state, indicating he would take a motion on that (I do believe currently she is local just another city at this point).

1) What type of motion is required to close the latest order, to allow visitation interference to be addressed (Would this be another contempt order for failing to follow counseling and access to the kids?)? He seems not too quick on comtemp charges so far.

a) How do I file if I don't have her new address or aware of where she lives?

Judge indicated even if I place another order, since I do not know where she lives that I wouldn't even know where to send it to, and if she is no longer represented by a lawyer that I couldn't contact him either (Note: his reply was almost like that of someone watching a good chess game, and liking the moves that were made).

I have heard in the past this judge indicate to send a notice, register mail, and then appear in court, indicating she has not picked it up, send it again with a new court date and appear again to hear it without the BM being present. Is this normal process, or are there other efforts that can be placed.

3) How do I get the BM attorney to officially make notice that he has dropped from this case? I was going to call, or write letters, but he has not responded to me in the past and official rules I have read indicate he has to appear somehow to request closer and give notice.

   a)  Is he in violation (he has not appeared at the last two status motions),

   b) If so what motion / sanctions can be placed on him (ok is it a good thing to get the other attorney mad). Not my intention, just want clarity to this case.

   c) How do I gently get him to release himself, like all others in this case, he is just another victim of the BM.

The judge appears to not like pro se attorneys (or maybe it's just me, or the length of this case).  Do I just give up at this point and say good-bye to my kids?? (Not an option I am willing to do however but I am pretty frustrated).

Any help you can persribe would be helpful.

BTW: I have written the new visitation interference task force. I have received a follow-up indicating they would like to potentially speak at the hearings. Not sure if will happen but hope it is good opportunity to support this issue. Your feedback if any would also be appreicated.

My son, who lives with his BM, was involved in an auto accident.

According the BM the police ticketed the son, number of cars were involved, his being totaled. She had not provided me any additional information, she has also recently moved (still in the state I am assuming) and not provided new address / phone information so that I can contact them to find out how he is doing. I have another court date Mid-September to potentailly address this.

Note: We do have joint physical custody (50/50), however I have not had visitation with my son for two years, as we continue to address a visitation interference court motion (I filed against the BM).

1) Who is liable if she has failed to provide insurance (she was the parent that provided the car and I have not been successful in having him in my physical care for two years, nor any information that he even had a car or driving)?  

2) In addition, in IL, is there any expiration to a Visitation interference motion?
There have been monthly follow up motions (the same motion but update to status on counseling ect) with the same Judge that this original motion was heard and continued to be heard on, however currently this has not moved from status to hearing.

3) The BM had been represented by an attorney in the past divorce and current interference motions (2nd one). However he has not been present during many recent status updates (GAL was in attendance which the Judge saw as sufficient to motion).

During the last meeting with the Judge (a separate motion hearing) the BM indicated she is no longer represented by this attorney. Can an attorney walk away from a motion that he has been involved without the Judge releasing him?

4) Can the Judge release her attorney without notifying me (represented pro se) or do I get notified somehow (ie, motion to be released)?

Dear Socreates,

History:
I have been divorced for 3 years, have a shared parenting plan for 50/50 visitation with the standard worded divorce degree on 55/45 percentage of medical coverage percentage. I am currently pro se due to continued visitation issues from the BM. We currently live in Will county Il.

Reason for my request:
My last year tax return was rejected since the BM claimed both children as dependants, which violates the Divorce Degree that indicated each party shares the dependants (2) equally for tax related purposes. I have notified her and her attorney of a motion for (which they both failed to attend). The judge then requested that I send a motion for a hearing (which I have also completed).

Originally (in May) I approached the BM attorney and provided a form from the IRS to correct this condition (without the courts assistance).

One month later, we returned to court (on the other matter) where her attorney indicated (to me only) that the BM is requesting for funds (unsubstantiated medical costs that was never disclosed to me previously) and that is the reason she was compelled to file both kids on the IRS tax return. (The medical cost issue has not been entered or motioned currently by the BM).

I have requested that her attorney provide me with details of the medical costs (Dr. names, account information, documentation providing what the BM has spent) to address what I understand currently as a fraudulent claim against me (no response to this request for this "Informal" discovery from her attorney).

Please note:
She has recently moved, and not indicated to me her new phone number or address (a new violation of the DD/PP).  Her attorney may also be unable to contact her.
 
Question: What can I arm myself with to address this correctly within the court system for Medical costs?:

IRS:
What can I do to help enforce the IRS tax return form to be signed to close this issue?

Can the Judge enforce / provide official motion that the IRS would accept if she contiues to refuse (even on contempt).

If her attorney (and the BM) fail to show up for court, can the judge rule on this without the defense since the Decree could be viewed as on-point and not modified at this time?

I am not sure on the effectiveness of the "Contempt" process since both the BM and her Attorney have been threatened on other occasions only to have it dropped after compliance or applogies to the court (but resulting in numerous delays and frustration to me).

If contempt is assessed, what if any action is processed?' Fines for the court and Jail time do not address the continueing issues.

Thanks for your continued support, and my applogies for the lenght of this reqeust.

Hi Socrateaser,

I have been invovled in a custody dispute for about 16 months (2nd one in three years, first one represented, this one pro se). My kids are 17 and 15 at this point, we have been in counseling (with kids), GAL, mediation ect, long story but the kids have been feed allot of misinformation which has skewed there perception of things. Long story, and very messy without little hope at this point.

The reason I am writing however is about a false order of protection recently placed on me (we had it quashed during a status order with our regular status judge, motion dismissed) and now 30 days later I have been in contact with DCFS that had an additional Hot tip placed against me. Meeting with the DCSF, they have been in contact with the counselers ect. as well as myself and strongly believe this case is unfounded (have not received this from Springfield Il as of yet, but that is what he indicated as I left).

Talked to the states attourney (Will County Il)  to address this, however they indicated they do not get involved in this???

What can I do to "Present this to the court", file a harrasement suite or ??. If you look at my records, lots of police activity (trying to pick up the kids I have requested their assitance), now OOP (although dropped) and DCFS reports (also unfounded). Without getting into detials it looks like I am a real problem, when I (actually the kids) are the victums here.

Looking for what options I have regarding the use of false police reports ect. and how do we fight this, cause her to stop this.

Sorry so long,

Thanks for anything you can provide.

The DM continues to harrass me including OOP (order of protections) which the lastest one I have successful had dropped during our visitation status court date. However it remains on my record (I now need a lawyer to have it expunged?).

What action can I take (States Attourney??) to file a false police report ect to push back on this constant harrasement?

We have been imbattled in a visitation issue, she continues to file false charges to  impead any progress on correcting this.

I had heard once before that the PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrom) was up before the court system for review during the past 12 months, but I have been able to find anything (rules/approval ect) on this.

My ex is a classic example of what I have read, in mutiple books, however when I approached the Judge (Will County Il) two years ago he refused to consider this since it was up for review and not accepted within the DSMIV' as of that time.

Can anyone help me with this information, or how to approach a Judge that has not moved on a visitation interfernce issue now going on over two years (My original Court Parenting agreement' indicates' 50% of' the' time I have Physical Joint  Custody).

Motions have been filed but no results, just conintued status which has not broken down futher.

Thanks

Hi, sorry in advance of the rambling on to follow:

I have received great advise from many of you on this site (Soc is an awesome resource) and thanks for all that you continue to do.

Not sure if this will be asking for advise or just something to think about.

I have been separated/divorced now about 5 years (after a 15 year marriage). While I wasn't perfect (we all are not) the marriage ended due to multiple infidelity on my ex-wife's part. The attorney's however encouraged (for the benefit of the two teenage children) a no-fault divorce and somehow I requested and received a 50/50 joint parenting agreement (had the both kids every weekend plus extra days).

That lasted only 6 months, and we found ourselves in court (visitation
interference from the BM) After an additional 6 months of court, and GAL; Counselors; Legal; Mediation; while I lost countless days, she did not get a slap on the wrist. The entire event read like many of the Alienation studies I read, but the Judge (Illinois) did not want to allow that and even threated me with "Do you want to see the kids at all??" type of statements.

One year later I found myself fighting the battle again. This time the PAS
behavior had a greater affect.

After another 2 years in court/GAL/Counselors and dragged thru numerous false DCFS (Children and family services) and false police reports (Orders of protection), she just picked up and moved.

The only judge comment, "Looks like you'll have a hard time serving her with any more motions" (current motion was just left open).

After speaking with a number of attorney's, they indicated with one child
almost at 18 and the other one at 16 all the money could not change this in time. It seem to make sense that after a certian year kids could not be forced even if the paperwork did not change. Cases were sited very close to this type where the dad won but still lost since the kids refused to follow any orders (and the BM played down the situation).

I decided to just let go, but it has been hard. During this entire time, the
more I pushed the more she used the kids as a shield. During counseling they seemed very confused and hurt, but blammed me for all the confusion. I became the bad guy since I was causing the BM all the pain and suffering as well as forcing them to therapy.

I have wrote them weekly letters, just saying hi and while these were forwarded to a local post office box, I am not sure how many they received (I am now getting some returned).

Be careful what you think you may have (as to agreements). no CS just some recently expired maintaince. I thought I had a pretty good agreement (very clear dates ect), but if the other party doesn't play nicely then it becomes your issue. I documented everything but laws don't seem to be affected. The "Best interest of the children" continued to be used (regardless of any laws).

In my case she had no fear of who she lied to (currently she is in hiding not just from me, but the Government, Police, Mortgage Lenders, County collections, family, and her even her ex-boyfriend who tried to be the saving knight and now is has his names attached on many of these areas.

I miss my kids but sometimes there is nothing you can do. While I hurt today, my only hope is that we will be back together after the dust settles. I have faith in that.

I've looked for them, but so far she has used bad addresses and have left to a dead end so far. I hope one day that some of these laws will have some teeth that when broken will have some consequences and not just looked the other way. The jugde indicated if I could find that she
had moved out of state the laws get alittle harsher, but in my experince so far that it'll do me more damage than any good.

Advice and or thoughts??

Thanks for listening -