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Dear Socrateaser,

I am divorced and have joint legal custody of 2 teenage girls in Utah.  I have specified visitation of 8 days per month which I am allowed to schedule.  I have been compliant with all of the requirements of our agreement.  My 16 year old daughter has refused visitation for about 1 year.  My 13 year old daughter just recently started refusing.  For the sake of brevity, I won't go into details but the refusal is purely emotional and is simply a battle the girls are fighting on behalf of their mother.  Their mother refuses to force them to go for visitation if they don't want to go because they are "young adults" and she says this is between the girls and me.  

The mother and I have been to mediation, and she agreed to start a series of punishments (per the mediator's suggestion ie:  taking away cell phones) to get the girls to come to my house.  This lasted for 3 days and the girls chose the punishment rather than coming for visitation.  I have been told by the girls' counselors to not pursue a court decision to force visitation because this will alienate the girls further as they see this as me further "hurting their mom".  I feel that court is my only option.  The 16 year old recently told me that she is trying to legally eliminate me from her life for "leaving her".  I am not sure what this means but am guessing that I will be sued for full custody by the mom or maybe emancipation.  There has never been any verbal or physical abuse of any sort.  

Here are my questions:
1.  Can a 16 year old convince a judge that it is in her best interest to eliminate her father from her life?
2.  A Guardian Ad Litem was recommended by the girls' counselor.  Would this be useful?
3.  Is it likely that a judge will enforce visitation when the girls adamantly refuse?
4.  If visitation is enforced by a judge, are there any consequences when the Mom fails to comply?

Thanks very much for your help!
Lawless

The Ex has petitioned the court for a guardian ad litem claiming that she is "powerless" to help my fiance's 2 teenage girls resolve their issues with their father.  Both girls are refusing visitation due to all emotional reasons (anger because of the divorce).  I am wondering if anyone has experience with a GAL?  We are hoping that this might actually be a good thing.
Thanks for your help.

Lawless

2 teenage girls refusing to visit Dad.  Wondering if anyone has been to court to enforce visitation when it is the children who are refusing.  The BM says that she "encourages" them to go but will not force them.

Lawless

Hello Everyone,  

I want to report a happy story.  About 2 years ago, I started posting on behalf of my husband.  At the time, he was completely alienated from his 2 teenage daughters - no visitation, no phone calls, nothing.  We did extensive research on parental alienation, went through multiple counselors, and even spoke via email to Dr. Richard Warshak and considered hiring him to help.  I won't draw this out except to make a few very important points:

1.  EVERYONE told us not to fight legally.  They said that we would not win and would further alienate the children who were 13 and 15 at the time.
2.  We knew in our hearts that our ONLY hope was to fight legally and that it was important that at least some day, the girls would know that we did whatever we could.
3.  We fought legally.  We slowly and methodically chipped away at the legal process.  This meant mediation (failed), a commissioner telling the girl's mother that visitation is not optional (twice), and eventually an actual court date to hold her in contempt after it was supported by the commissioner.
4.  Of the 5 counselors that we went through - only 1 was supportive of actually telling the girls that they must see their father.  We methodically interviewed each counselor, spoke to them often, and fired them if needed.  The last counselor was at least 1/2 of the reason why the girls returned.
5.  We now have the girls on full visitation.  They go on vacations with us and speak to us regularly while they are with their mom.  

So don't get me wrong, it isn't perfect but the fact is that the girls have a father again.  After this last year of visits, it is obvious that they are both happier, healthier, and thriving.  Their mom continues to be angry and difficult but her ability to keep the girls from coming on visitation ended when the girls finally believed that going on visitation was not optional and that their mom would be held responsible.

A few more things that helped us...
1.  We NEVER involved the girls in any of the legal discussions, documents, etc.  Unfortunately, their mom did the opposite but this changed when the commissioner told her how damaging this is in open court.
2.  We NEVER speak badly of their mother to them.  NEVER.  Nor do we EVER comment on anything she does, etc.

So there you go.  A success story.  We are fortunate to be able to afford the fight and to have the stamina that it required.  It took a lot of money but more than that it took a tremendous amount of time and effort and going against what most people said.  We were not willing to wait until they grew up to have them back.  Time is precious and we are thrilled that we don't have to lose any more of it with our girls.

Sincerely,
Lawless