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Dh and ex are to meet this Monday at 7pm per the CO to exchange the children for summer visitation. CO states that the DH gets the kids exactly one week after school is out. They were released on 5/20/05, but Memorial Day is ex's holdiay this year so that puts excanage to Mon at 7pm.

We suspect that she isn't going to show (long story and there is a history of problems). Since the meeting place is 2 hours away I told DH that he needs to go into the gas station, buy something with a credit card so his name is on the receipt and time/date stamped, wait for an hour or so, then go buy something else at the gas station to get a time/date stamped receipt to show the elapsed time.

1) Is this enough to prove contempt that she didn't show? If not, what else could he do?


Thanks!

Soc,

DH's divorce in SD in 1999. Per decress ex wife has 7 years to refinance the marital home and remove DH's name from the existing mortgage. Ex remarried and has been renting out the maritial home as she moved in with current spouse. There are renters in the marital home now. Of c

Recently DH applied for an car loan and when they pulled his credit he learned that ex has been deliquent on mortagage payments...60 days late a few times, 30 days late a few times and apparently there is an arrerage of approx $1.5K on the loan as well. Due to his he was able to get a loan, but at a much higher interest rate thanks to her financial negligence. Of course, he now realizes that he never should have given her such a lengthy period of time to refi the home, but he didn't want his kids to lose the only home they ever knew and he knew that at the time of the divorce she most likely would not have qual'd for the loan.

So, my question to you is

1) Since the ex is adversely affecting his credit and costing him financially does he have any legal recourse on this, or is this just the cost of a bad divorce? Divorce was in SD

Thanks so much for your help!

Pagan

Dh's daughter who is 14 has no interest whatsoever in reading at all unless it is assigned for school, and then she will but under must protest.  We have tried lots of things to spark an interest, but with no success.

She will be here in a few weeks for the summer. Does anyone have any ideas for us on how to get her to read. Her father, and I as the step-mom feel that if she doesn't read that this will potentially be problematic for her in high school and down the road in college as the required amount of reading increases with each grade level.

Has anyone else had this problem with their children? It is difficult for DH and I to understand as we are both avid readers.

Thanks!

As most of us here all know, especially us Step Mom's or Step Dad's dealing with their spouses ex can be a challenge and cause conflict, anxiety and a host of other things. I am learning to disengage by using the mantra, not my kids, not my ex, not my problem. While I still support DH in the background I have given up being on the frontline.

What has helped me to do this you ask? I made DH change the password to his email account (we both used it) and got my own. That way I don't have to deal with any correspondence from the PBFH and I don't have to worry about DH responding, or not responding to her in a timely matter or what he is going to do or not do.

Guess what? This was the best thing I ever did in regards to this. I feel liberated! I just wanted to share what is working for me. Granted, I still have my moments as it is too easy to get caught up in the drama, but it is much better for me now that I have done this!

I posted here last week explaining that our therapist had informed both DH and BM that parenting time precedes children's acitivies. She acknowledged that and agreed during our meeting with the therapist.

Well, now that it comes down to my weekend and her having to drive 1/2 (4 hours one way) she is attempting inerference! I should have known better! DH's daughter called earlier this week to request they be able to go to a dance a school on that Friday night. They are to meet 10/28 in the evening and be here for the 29th, 30 and 31st. They only have a 1/2 school on 29th so all agreed it was ok to miss. DH informed the kids that they would not be able to go to the dance (13 and 12 year olds) and boy did he get some objections even after he informed them that if he were in town they could go, but they are scheduled to be here that weekend. His daughter's objections were EXACTLY the same as what Mommy dearest said during their meeting with the therapist last week. She sounded like a parrot!

We both understand that at this age the kids want to do those things. However, this is the first time EVER that she has agreed to drive them 1/2 to our home for a weekend during the school year and the therapist says it should be onex per month. So, we feel that we can't change already before we get a pattern established. If we allow a modification now then she will use any and all actitives to do this again so that she doesn't have to drive. She has already complained about that so we know that is the real reason. THe dance came up and she worked it to her advantage.  DH feels like the proverbial "bad guy" as he is saying no to them and not getting any back up support from their Mom in this decision. Mom should have called DH to discuss instead of having the kids do it. So now, once again, they are stuck in the middle! Indirectly, she is telling those kids that it is not important to be at Dad's house. DH feels if he says "no" then with their Mother's help they will decide that they will not meet us 1/2 for visitation next weekend. Why is it her way or the highway, always?

URGGGG! Everytime we get something worked out that seems like things will finally settle down for a while she pulls this crap again. Can she ever stop? I feel like there are days I could have a heart attack and I am only 37!

I truly feel this woman will NEVER get it and I have to find a better way to deal with the unlimited amount of stress I will have to endure from her for the next 11 years until the youngest is 18.  Any ideas anyone? Lately I feel as if there is an elephant sitting on my chest, my back is full of knots and my jaw hurts. I know exactly why; just don't know how to get rid of it! I had a massage this week and even the massage therapist told me I had knots she couldn't work out and she even gave me an extra 20 minutes FREE!

So, now we have a phone call and email into the therapist to ask his advice and see if he can get BM to see the light so to speak. Impatiently waiting for a response here.

Just venting!
Thanks for listening once again!

Today was an excellent day for my DH and his children. He and the ex met with the therapist to work out a visitation schedule, among other things, for the balance of the school year. EX didn't like what the therapist had to say, but we sure did! A little background...3 kids 13,11,7 and we are 4 hours driving distance away one way. DH has always driven back for his weekends. Well now, EX has to drive 1/2 one weekend per month so they can be at our home. EX balked for 2 reasons  1) children's acitivities that they would miss and 2) dh's cs was lowered due his transportation costs ....

Therapist said parenting time ALWAYS precedes any actitives and it is only fair that she drive this 1/2 too since DH does it during the summer for her weekends. Secondly, DH says to her it is only $20 that I am compensated for transportation so if it is that big of deal then I will pay you the $20 on those weekends you have to drive.  The therapist said, ok, fair. She still didn't like it. Ex also mentioned she now wanted to use said therpist to resolve their differences and DH is open to this, too, but mentioned he wanted to go to court to get it all in writing. She didn't like that, and the therapist told her, "you need to understand he has to protect himself" give the previous problems! He didn't see the kids all last Fall due to her visitiaton denial.

She also brought up that DH wrestles with the kids and he shouldn't do that as it encourages them to be bullies. The kids like to wrestle with their Dad and like the kisses monster, duh? Ex has a "no touch" policy at her house and thinks we should have same. Whatever! Well apparently DH's middle boy is having difficulty with violence (news to us and no problems in school) at ex's home regarding his relationship with his step-brother who is a year younger. So, once again, because she has issues in her own home that she is unable to be responsible for she has to blame it on DH wrestling with the kids. DH told the therapist he wasn't going to stop this, but would temporarily halt it until they can figure out what is going on with the boy and step brother. Hmmm... Child will be meeting with the therapist by himself to see what we can determine. This just brings to light that there are issues at her home, as we never have problems with the kids like this when they are with us. And if there was truly an OVERALL problem don't you think it would show up in school? He excels academically and there are no disipline events at school, nor any problems on the sports teams he plays on. Hmmmm....

So, today was a good day for the children!

I am looking for some advice.

I will try to paint a brief history of the situation.  My bofriend has been divorced for nearly 5 years and has 3 children who are ages 13, 11 and 7. The oldest being a girl and the younger two both boys. Since the divorce his ex (Sybil is my nickname for her due to what I think is a multiple personality disoder) has taken him to court numerous times in an effort to reduce his parenting time to nothing. And it has worked because at the time of the divorce he had every weekend, every other holiday and all summer. We also live 4 hours and one state away from Sybil  and the kids. BF drives back 4 hours to see the kids for his parenting time.

The most heinous of the court battles began in the Spring of 2003 and at that time Sybil alledged abuse of both a physical and sexual nature. Judge saw right through her crap; however he still managed to eliminate some of his summer parenting time with his daughter. That got reduced to 4 weeks. That summer was HELL as Sybil pulled multiple stunts that i won't expound on as it would make you want to vomit. Then beginning in the Fall 2003 Sybil began denying weekend visitation. This went on until the Decebmer 2003 court date. BF missed 10 weekends with his children including his Thanksgiving holiday that year. In court in Dec the Judge again reduces pareting time to one weekend per month, and orders BF and kids into counseling to repair their relationship. The one good thing was the Judge did rip "MOTY" a new one in court and did threaten to change custody if this crap kept up. We tried to get her for comtempt, but that didn't fly which is no big surprise give the favored status of women in family court.

BF and kids start couseling in Jan 2004 and he begins to see them one weekend per month. The kids behave like nothing ever happened and are all love and hugs for their Dad. Go figure! The counselor did discover that Sybil and BF are not able to communicate so wants to meet with them together. I do have to add a funny in this...counselor told BF that he thought Sybil was "crazy". The biggest problem with her is that she is afraid of BF for whatever reason (can't think of a reason why?) and since the kids spend so much time with her they pick up on that and act in kind. The counselor has made things better for us, and this past summer was great. During the Spring when Sybil and BF met with him to do the summer schedule Sybil even said she would give BF his weekend back that he lost in court last Dec. We were shocked by this, but kind of thought that it would only be so that she could get her weekend parenting time during the summer months. The therapist also mentioned that those children need to spend at least one of those weekends per month during the school year here and that Sybil should meet BF 1/2 to facilitate this.

This brings us to this fall and my dilemma. She did give him is EOW and things have been going well thus far. However, she has those kids involved in so many damn activities that she is now balking on them coming her one weekend per month, but did tell BF that if he wants them here one weekend per month he will have to do all the driving. Grrr. that would mean that he would have to drive 16 hours in 3 days by himself! And she is also hinting toward reducing the summer parenting time for the 11 year old now, too. The kids are he are meeting with the counselor next weekend to do a post summer follow up and then the two of them are going to meet with counselor too. After that meeting, which BF thinks will be ugly, he plans on meeting with his atty to file more court papers. Thus my problem....every time they go to court she tells those kids, esp oldest daughter, everything and they react to her anger etc... etc.... refuse to see their Father and so on. Since things have been going so well (ok as well as we can expect with her) I am not sure this is a good idea as it will impact his relationship with his children yet again. And I CAN'T go through the living HELL I went through last Fall for a second time. It will kill me!

This is what he wants to file in his papers (some of which I agree with because if you don't have it in writing it will bite you)
1) to use the counselor as binding aribitration for their disputes

2) to get his eow back into the court order (he has been getting it again since August)

3) to get one of his weekend per month at our home and have her meet him 1/2 (normally he stays at his Mom's as she is in the same area as Sybil)

The things I don't agree with because I feel he is just waging a war to get back at her for the false allegations etc....

4) his weekends back that he lost last Fall

5) more time with his daughter in the summer ( I feel ex will use this to get less time with the son for the summer as if we ask for 7 weeks and get it then she will say son to only have 7 vs the 10 now)

6) ex to pay expenses for all his driving last Fall and he didn't get to see the kids, and for her to pay for his atty and court fees and reimbursment for all the couseling since we now know that it wasn't his fault for all the problems during 2003

7) if her crap keeps up he wants the kids in foster care and a home study to be done etc...( I think this was just him venting, but you never know)

How do I get him to see that he needs to tread carefully, as it is about what those kids need (more time with their Dad) and not about putting her through the wringer even though she deserves it. I know that I can't make those decisions for him as they are not my children, but as the psuedo sm of those kids I feel completely caught in the middle. Some days I wonder if I shouldn't just walk away from the realtionship as I am only along for the ride stuck in the middle not being able to do a damn thing. Frustation! I feel so stuck because I am under undue stress just because I choose to fall in love with someone who has 3 great kids and is a great father, but a psychommy? How do you disengage and still keep your sanity?

DH' s daughter is now 15.  We are 4 hours away from the kids. Per the most recent court order her visitation with Dad is 4 weeks during the summer, while her brothers who are 13 and 8 are here for all but 3 weeks.

Well, daughter wants a job and got one. However, they told her she can only have 6 days off during the summer (amusement park type seasonal place), and PBFH is the one who told daughter it was ok. So, now this means Dad won't see her one lick this summer if she accepts the job.

Anyone for any ideas? DH has talked to daughter about this at length, as they have a GREAT releationship despite years of PAS. DH is willing to work around it if he were to get other make up time during the school year, ie days off school, but the problem is that PBFH will never agree to something like that, as it isn't convenient for her. It is all about the court order with PBFH, as long as it only applys to what benefits her.

So, we are looking for some suggestions on this one.

Thanks

DH's son has a church retreat on his next parenting weekend. BM emailed and informed him of this telling him, not asking if it was ok for the son to go. DH emailed her stating he would like a make up weekend for the time lost since he only gets EOW during the school year and his time with the children is limited. He won't see son for the next two weekends after this one as Easter Falls in there and it is BM's holiday this year.

Do you think his request for make-up time is unreasonable? DH drives 4 hours EOW to see his children, as BM will not meet him 1/2 way.

Well no response from BM yet on the make up time, but she did say something to the said child, as son is now angry with his Dad. Once again, she is putting the child in the middle. DH told son that this was between his Mom and him. We will see what happens.

1) She will cave an give the make up time (least likely)
2) She will tell son he can't go to the retreat and blame Dad so son is angry with Dad
3) She will send the child anyway and then she will be in contempt

Opinions, advice?

ThankS!

We had court on Tuesday this week. It was another one of  PBFH's (Sybil as I call her) attempts to reduce DH's parenting time with his children. This time it was the 12 year old son. Guess what???? It didn't work, and the child will still be here for the 10 weeks in the summer per status quo.

The negative part about this was that she had subpeonaed her own son. He was so upset by the time he got into that court room he was sobbing uncontrollably when he had to speak to the Judge. And no one had prepared him for what would happen when he didn't get (or should we say PBFH) what he wanted which was less time with Dad.  What mother would even THINK to put their child through such a stressful situation and then no even prepare him for ALL potential outcomes. She must have been really convinced that she was going to get her way.

We had subpeoned the counselor who was court orderd back in 2003 per Judge and PBFH's request. Counselor was our godsend stating that he could not determine whether this was truly the child's wish, or Mom's. The Judge concured based on the fact that we were in his courtroom in 2003 for the same problem with his older daughter when she was 12.

Of course, we have no learned from oldest child that PBFH is done with this counselor (she had told DH that earlier this year) because he wasn't fair. Well, that is because counselor has always been about what is best for the kids and so has DH but NOT PBFH.

At any rate, DH didn't lose any more parenting time. PBFH finally lost one in the courtroom. I hope her losing puts a stop to her initiating battle after battle for no reason other than her own insecurities.

So, overall this was a good week despite the stress of being in court, and of course, worrying sick about how son was going to handle it.

This is all so weird. DH's atty informed him there was a court date on 6/27/05. Dh's atty learned this after talking with BM's atty about a month ago. As of today, less than a week away from the court date, DH's atty has YET to receive any paperwork regarding the motion BM is filing. However, we did get a subpeona in the mail fo his middle son (12) to appear in court that day.

The kids are here for summer visitation. We suspected the court date was another attempt to reduce his parenting time as that is her modus operandi. Still no paperwork from her atty to DH's, though?

Then, yesterday, DH receives an email from BM regarding summer parenting time and it is pretty much what DH had emailed her back in the beginning of May with a few exceptions. Now she is going to comply?

Why are we still going to court? I just plain don't get any of this; it is all so weird. The only thing I get is that this just goes to prove she is a lunatic!

1) Why didn't she respond to his email sooner, instead of serving him with court papers (which we don't yet have, but allegedly must exist if there is a court date).

2) Why all of a sudden does she want to agree?

DH talked to his atty via email and today got a response stating he STILL has no paperwork whatsoever from her atty. I am so confused.

Today DH heard from his atty that we are going to court again on 6/27/05. DH's atty had spoken to the PBFH's atty this am. He had called to let DH's atty know the court date, but he doesn't have the paperwork yet, so we are not quite sure what PBFH is requesting.

Based on things we know today, and past history, we suspect she is once again attempting to reduce his summer parenting time. She successfully did it 2 years ago for their now 14 year old daughter. Now she is asking for the 12 year old son, and I suspect there will be a request to have the 7 year olds time the same as his siblings as it is too burdensome for her to have them all on different schedules and she can't do all that driving. We are 4 hrs apart and during the summer they meet 1/2, but during the school year DH drives all they way there.

The woman is just NUTS. In 2003 the Judge told her he didn't want to see her in his courtroom again for the same problem with the boys. I hope he remembers that, as here we are because PBFH doesn't know how to listen or behave. And this is the same Judge that threatened to change custody if she kept denying visitation and pulling all her crap. I doubt that will happen, but it sure would make my day if it did because that would mean all her BS had backfired on her for once.

The good news is the boys are here for the summer and sissy will be here in two weeks. We just fear that after her scheduled weekend of June 25-26 she won't return them due to the court date on 6/27. Oh well, if she doesn't then she is in contempt of court!!!!!

This isn't going to end until the youngest is 18, is it?

Please send good thoughts our way! We need it!

Thanks for everyone's support.

DH left about 30 minutes ago to go meet the PBFH 1/2 to get his boys for their summer visitation with Dad. Based on past history and recent current events I am afraid she isn't going to show up at all. They are to meet at 7pm 1/2 between each home. Keep your fingers crossed that she holds up the court order this time! DH thinks she will show, but I don't! I hope he is correct and that I am wrong.

Will be back in a few to let y'all know the outcome of the exchange. If she doesn't show looks like we will be calling our atty first thing tomorrow morning.

Thanks for the support!

Just when you think the PBFH is no longer going to pull stunts and that she may have learned it is better for the children if she behaves herself you learn that you are wrong. I have come to the conclusion that you just need to always expect the worst with this woman.

Brief history: she and DH divorced in 1999, and they share custoday of 3 children who are now 14 (girl), 12 and 7 (boys).  Parents live 4 hours apart in two different states. DH drives RT EOW, but is lucky enough to stay at his Mom's  house with the kids while in town for his visitation. He also gets the standard holidays in alternating years, and all but 3 weeks of the summer vacation. During summer PBFH is required to meet DH 1/2 for exchanges. This is all per CO.  Well, in 2003 Judge reduced daughter's summer time to 4 weeks due to PBFH's request (I won't go into the ugly details).  You name it, this woman has done it all the way down to the false sex abuse allegations. This is why I call her Sybil!

This brings us to today. DH sent her the summer schedule with the kids activities and so forth. This schedule included the 5 weeks of time for his daughter (co states 4, but daughter wants 5). The good news in all of this is that daughter at 14 has started to figure her Mother out, and doesn't like some of what she sees. I can only hope the other two children figure this out sooner than later, too. This was done via email, as it always has been done in the past. DH got no response from her until this week when he got a letter in the mail from his atty. Interestingly enough, DH's atty had been trying to contact her atty months ago to resolve some things and her atty never got back to DH's EVER. Now, with one week to go before the kids are to be here for the summer, PBFH sends this letter via her atty stating

1) Son should have only 4 weeks with Dad because that is what sissy got when she was 12, and DH isn't allowing him to participate in bb camp, or football camp in Mom's town. Of course, she doesn't mention that both of these things conflict with son's baseball her that he has already stated he wants to play, and that he is going to bb camp here this summer too. Her other reasoning for him only having 4 weeks at Dad's was because son has a girlfriend...OMG the child is only 12!!!! Is she NUTS! Funny thing is, when DH is back there for his weekends he always asks if the kids want to invite friends over or to do things with them, and son ALWAYS says no.

2) She no longer thinks she needs to drive 1/2 during the summer. She is basically flat out refusing.

3) She no longer wants to use the counselor she and DH were using to resolve problems as he is too difficult to get in to see. BS, the real reason she doesn't want to do this, is because she NEVER EVER liked what the counselor had to say to her, and she didn't want to do what he suggessted. At one point she told counselor the he and DH were ganging up on here. Well, I am sure that it looked like that because DH, and the counselor have the kids' best interest in mind at all times, unlike their Mother.

Also, in this letter it states that if she doesn't get these  things then she is adamant about going to court to resolve it. The kids are supposed to be here in a week!!! She is unbelievable.

DH's atty is going to send her atty a letter stating the CO needs to be followed for the summer visitation etc etc..

So, the question of the hour is will she show up at the meeting point on Memorial Day per the current CO?  DH thinks she will show up, butI say no. She will be in cotempt if she doesn't show. However, when she denied DH's visitation during the fall of 2003 the Judge didn't find her in contempt then.

I am totally convinced that this woman will do whatever she wants, and that she won't be happy unless she gets what she wants. There is never any negotiating with her on any level. And then, when she gets what she wants via court she still isn't happy.

Thanks for letting me vent. And I know in 5 more years when youngest is 12 we will have the same problems.

DH spoke to his children tonight (dd 14, ds 12, ds 7) and was asking about camps etc they wanted to attend this summer. The 12 year old asked for less time with Dad (he currently gets 10 weeks with the boys and 5 with daughter) as that is what his sister got 2 years ago after court. DH said, 1) you are not your sisiter, 2) the Judge made that decision and I didn't agree with it, and 3) I am the parent I get to make the decisions and I want more time with you.

The killer is son's next comment to Dad was F you and some other expletives and he hung up on DH. Then DH tried to call back an no answer. The kicker is that the entire family was in the car, Mom and step-Dad included. They allowed him to be this disprespectful to his Dad.

I knew the summer time was going to be another battle like 2 years ago with DD, so here we go again. Although, last time, PBFH was the one that intiated the court date to reduce DD's summer time with Dad, and now PBFH doesn't have the money to try to do the same for her DS. We know this from some info we learned about earlier this year.

How we ever get through some of this crap is BEYOND me! I will say that DH and I have mush have made some progess though, as we are laughing about it this time around knowing it was coming. Two years ago we would have been crying and not eating.

BM is dragging DH back to court in one of her already numerous attempts to reduce his parenting time with his children. Two years ago she attempted to reduce the summer visitation with his older two, then 12 and 10. She kept the youngest who was 5 out of it. The Judge allowed the oldest to go from 10 weeks down to 4 at that time. Daughter now wants an extra week with Dad than her 4 and Mom won't allow it. That is just part of this puzzle.

She is now attempting the same BS with her oldest son who is now 10. We go to court on 6/27/05, and today (this is why I am sick to my stomach) DH received a subpeona in the mail for his son. Can you imagine, she is asking the boy to testify against his father. We are sick over this imagine how that child feels.

He has been here for 3 weeks now, and is enjoying playing baseball with his team, and doing family things with us. However, everytime we ask him if he wants to invite some of his friends over he puts his head down and looks depressed (in the past BM has told him it is not ok to have friends at Dad's).

DH and I are just sick sick sick over this. The youngest child is now 7, and we suppose that when he turns 12 we will have the same problem again.

I just hope the Judge remembers that he told BM back in June 2003 that he didn't want to see her back in his courtroom for the same problems with the boys. Well, gee, lookie, here we are.

It will be toss a coin..heads we lose, tails we lose....DH always loses out on something when she drage him to court. It is so not fair. They have been divorced nearly 6 years and this will be his 5th time in court. What does that tell you?

We need thoughts during these next few weeks as they are going to be difficult. And of course, we aren't saying a thing to the kids at all.

Thanks!