I am actually the stepmom here. I am married to a wonderful man who has a 6 year old daughter whom they have joint custody, mom having residential. We are in KS.
Right now the two are going through arbitration because in the beginning hubby did not have a lawyer so BM pretty much got it all her way. Hubby did not have any visitation but a few hours on Wed. evenings and Sundays. After we met, I encouraged him to take her back to court for more time with his daughter and CS reduction (she lied to her lawyer and the courts by $10,000 less on her part, more on his part, meaning she got MORE CS). He got CS reduced and a little more parenting time. But BM didn't think that SD was old enough at the time to spend the nights with us and put tons of stipulations on the visitations. We got it worked out for the most part. She is now allowed to stay with us over nights EOW, that's about it. We have screwed up holiday visitations (BM thinks that EVERY single holiday, THE DAY ITSELF, needs to be with each parent) so we have to stop what we are doing in the middle of Thanksgiving and exchange the child. Grrrr
Ok, so Arbitration yesterday was to "tweek" these holiday visitations and that went OK. Except for Christmas which was actually fine. But now according to what BM wants, we will loose 3 days with SD during our years with SD. Hubby and I need to talk about this one cuz things were fine with this holiday.
The BIG issue is this, and this is what I am here to seek advice about. We live 30 minutes away from BM. She is REFUSING to allow SD to spend 1/2 of the summers with us. No way, no how. She is saying it will cause SD (who is 6) to much trauma, she can't be away from her mom that long, and so on. The arbitrator knew it was not like this at all and even told her "I don't think it's the child being away from you, I think it's you being away from the child" and tried to explain that this is her dad we are talking about and she needs to get over all of this. This mom will not even allow her child to go to swim lessons or any camps because she can't let go of her like that. I'm surprised she lets her go to school (that's another topic though, 22 tardies in Kindergarten!!). So my questions are: How do we get mom over this, make her realize this is her dad and she has got to find a way to deal with it AND what are some summer schedules that have worked for you? I don't think with this one particular child, the one week on, one week off will work. Too much back and forth for her. I think two weeks with Dad, one week with Mom. This way Dad gets his "block" time, then she has that time with mom. I think she is old enough for this.
At our home (I run a daycare from our home, hubby is a railroader) my stepdaughter would be in the daycare everyday where we attend bball camp, cheer camps, swim lessons, go to the zoo, movies, parks, etc. I keep the kids busy. So it's not like she would be sitting around all the time. And when hubby is not working, he takes OUR kids and does things with them (always takes our son fishing during daycare hours). We have a very happy, healthy, loving home. We believe in education, discipline, but alot of family time too. Mom's house is alot of shopping and that's pretty much it (her words to the arbitrator!). Her family has a history with the law (drive by shootings, drugs, etc), mom is DX bi-polar, she has been hospitalized for her bipolar as well as anorexia. She does not believe in education like she should, the 22 tardies. She doesn't get up to take SD to school, no big deal. She has told hubby, "she doesn't have to learn anything until she is ready". This 6 year old can't use a fork, can't dress herself, can't shower herself or dry herself off. She also takes 45 minutes to an hour to eat one meal when it should take 15 minutes or so. All cuz mom does this stuff for her.
Ok, I'll quit. I get started and can't stop.
Thanks for reading if you still are. I hope someone can help me out here.
lovingdadinks
Right now the two are going through arbitration because in the beginning hubby did not have a lawyer so BM pretty much got it all her way. Hubby did not have any visitation but a few hours on Wed. evenings and Sundays. After we met, I encouraged him to take her back to court for more time with his daughter and CS reduction (she lied to her lawyer and the courts by $10,000 less on her part, more on his part, meaning she got MORE CS). He got CS reduced and a little more parenting time. But BM didn't think that SD was old enough at the time to spend the nights with us and put tons of stipulations on the visitations. We got it worked out for the most part. She is now allowed to stay with us over nights EOW, that's about it. We have screwed up holiday visitations (BM thinks that EVERY single holiday, THE DAY ITSELF, needs to be with each parent) so we have to stop what we are doing in the middle of Thanksgiving and exchange the child. Grrrr
Ok, so Arbitration yesterday was to "tweek" these holiday visitations and that went OK. Except for Christmas which was actually fine. But now according to what BM wants, we will loose 3 days with SD during our years with SD. Hubby and I need to talk about this one cuz things were fine with this holiday.
The BIG issue is this, and this is what I am here to seek advice about. We live 30 minutes away from BM. She is REFUSING to allow SD to spend 1/2 of the summers with us. No way, no how. She is saying it will cause SD (who is 6) to much trauma, she can't be away from her mom that long, and so on. The arbitrator knew it was not like this at all and even told her "I don't think it's the child being away from you, I think it's you being away from the child" and tried to explain that this is her dad we are talking about and she needs to get over all of this. This mom will not even allow her child to go to swim lessons or any camps because she can't let go of her like that. I'm surprised she lets her go to school (that's another topic though, 22 tardies in Kindergarten!!). So my questions are: How do we get mom over this, make her realize this is her dad and she has got to find a way to deal with it AND what are some summer schedules that have worked for you? I don't think with this one particular child, the one week on, one week off will work. Too much back and forth for her. I think two weeks with Dad, one week with Mom. This way Dad gets his "block" time, then she has that time with mom. I think she is old enough for this.
At our home (I run a daycare from our home, hubby is a railroader) my stepdaughter would be in the daycare everyday where we attend bball camp, cheer camps, swim lessons, go to the zoo, movies, parks, etc. I keep the kids busy. So it's not like she would be sitting around all the time. And when hubby is not working, he takes OUR kids and does things with them (always takes our son fishing during daycare hours). We have a very happy, healthy, loving home. We believe in education, discipline, but alot of family time too. Mom's house is alot of shopping and that's pretty much it (her words to the arbitrator!). Her family has a history with the law (drive by shootings, drugs, etc), mom is DX bi-polar, she has been hospitalized for her bipolar as well as anorexia. She does not believe in education like she should, the 22 tardies. She doesn't get up to take SD to school, no big deal. She has told hubby, "she doesn't have to learn anything until she is ready". This 6 year old can't use a fork, can't dress herself, can't shower herself or dry herself off. She also takes 45 minutes to an hour to eat one meal when it should take 15 minutes or so. All cuz mom does this stuff for her.
Ok, I'll quit. I get started and can't stop.
Thanks for reading if you still are. I hope someone can help me out here.
lovingdadinks