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Topics - chorichori

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Shrink Rap / I am ready for staying sane suggestions.
« on: Dec 19, 2006, 04:00:20 PM »
Not sure what "shrink wrap" is, but since the subject is sanity, I'm hoping this is in the right place.  

Only 4 months into this, (I'm the nervous grandma), I'm struggling already with the anxiety component to custody/visitation/crazy BM/ scenario.  

Those of you who are experienced with the emotional rollercoaster this brings to your life must have learned to pace yourselves by now.  That is what I need to learn to do.  I'm finding the anxiety overwhelming at times, really interfering with the good parts of my life.  We have so much to be thankful for, our other 4 adult kids doing well, and other grandchildren whom we have plenty of access to.  I thank God daily for these blessings...

I'd love to hear some mental health and emotional health tips from some of you.   Maybe this subject has already been covered??    I'm ready to get this anxiety under control and LIVE my life while still being a supportive parent/grandparent.  

General Issues / Court question- winning by "default"
« on: Jan 13, 2007, 05:17:27 PM »
Hi all-  I'm the nervous Oregon grandma with another set of circumstances and a question.
Our son's attorney told him just yesterday that since exgirlfriend ignored the paternity papers that were served to her, that he is the father by defaut-  and he doesn't need a paternity test unless he chooses to.  She didn't contest it, just threw them in the trash.  
Is it possible to win in court by defaut??  

Then, exgirlfriend calls him today, saying that she got papers in the mail from State of Oregon,saying that he has to have a blood test, and that he has to pay child support to the tune of $675/per month for their daughter. My jaw just dropped, let me tell you, considering that he earns only $14/hour-  and so does she, but she has 3 nonjoints as well.

They have a hearing just for the temporary orders in early Feb, just to tell you where things are right now-- just beginning.  She also says she won't go to mediation or even discuss visitation.  My gosh, what do you do with someone so uncooperative??

Seems like he also would get some notification if this were true.  I smell a fish. Or a rat.

Our son is the legal father of little Maddy, paying support and having her spent weekends several times a month.  Her mother is now saying that she does not want Maddy to EVER attend any church.  She does have legal custody-  is there a clear-cut rule about this for Oregon residents?  We are in Portland.

 Just wondering if birth mom has that kind of control even during our son's weekends with Madison.  

Thanks so much,

Oregon gramma

ps-  Just so you know, this is a very normal little Baptist church, nothing weird.

I'm the nervous grandma who posted a month or so ago.    In the meantime, our son had a consult with a good father's rights attorney here in Portland, Oregon.   Son decided to try to get BM to sign the paternity papers and hold off on getting the attorney involved until mediation/custody.   She is cooperating because she's defrauded the state for years with false income statements to increase her welfare/child care benefits and is afraid son will say something.  

So son goes to the state and asks that they start the process for paternity.   She got served some kind of initial paternity paper by the sheriff last week.   We have no idea what it says.  She is now saying that this paper says our son must pay her $467/monthly and health insurance for daughter.  This seems odd-  he hasn't recieved anything at all yet-  doesn't the state tell a man that he has been named the father, and at least ask for verification of his income before setting a monthly child support payment??  Also, isn't parenting time established first?   She has,  well, difficulty telling truth from fiction, and of course will not produce the papers for anyone to view, so this may be a lie.

So she either is in agreement and signs the paternity papers within 30 days or the court orders genetic testing, right?  Just seems early in the game for her to announce what he should be paying per month (directly to her of course!)  In the meantime, I'm pushing for the attorney to get on board soon, and also that he put his voluntary child support (he's been paying 300/mo) in an escrow account.  Any other nuggets of wisdom?  
                        Thanks SO much--  Oregon grandma

Visitation Issues / Frantic grandma
« on: Nov 02, 2006, 06:56:58 PM »
I'm new, sure hope I've posted to the correct forum.

Our son has an almost 2-year old daughter with his ex-girlfriend, from whom he separated 3 months ago.  He has been an active dad since her birth.  When the baby was born, his girlfriend would not let him be named as father on the birth certificate because she wanted the maximum for daycare/food stamps/etc.  Now that they are separated, he is paying CS voluntarily, but has filed for paternity with the state of Oregon.  Just today his exgirlfriend got the papers about this, and she is furious.  She says now she is screwed, they will go hungry, it is all his fault, and he will never see the baby again.  They have had a verbal agreement for visitation, but she does not stick to it, and insists that he also visit/take some of her other kids, who are not his children.  He feels he must get paternity of his daughter settled to stop this, and get the court involved in helping set visitation.

My question is, if she throws away the papers she got about paternity/child support, what recourse does our son have to be named father?  The girlfriend says she will call the state tomorrow and "fix" this, probably some false accusation I would guess.  Should he wait until paternity is established to obtain an attorney?  

Thanks so much~~  falada in Oregon

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