Topics

It's been a while since I've posted.  BM has been relatively quiet due to airtight custody agreement signed by the judge a couple of years ago, and also she has been distracted by drama with her new BF's wife.  (Yes, her new boyfriend has a wife.  And she's fighting with her.  I'm just glad to be off the radar.)


A couple of things have happened over the last 9 months or so that have been concerning, but we haven't had enough info to do anything about it.  In the first instance, SKids had a sleepover with a friend while at BM's house.  When they got back home they tell us that the girl's parents had called after she went home because some pills (vicodin) fell out of her sleeping bag.  There was some question as to who's pills they were... never could pin down anything, so we let it go and just made notes in our journal.


Then a couple of months ago SKid #2 comes home from BM's house, and tells us that while she was over there she accidentally took some pain medication.  (Haha, real funny.)  Apparently BM was keeping prescription meds in the aspirin bottle, and 13 yo took one.  Again, can't prove it, and no point trying to pin down a compulsive liar, so just noted it in the journal.


So this weekend my husband gets a text from BM asking him to call her at her work number.  She is an RN, and can't talk on her cell at work, so he called her.  Apparently she thought she texted someone else, and thought that's who was calling... and she asked him for drugs before she realized who it was.  Once she did, she promptly hung up.  But he called her back and got it recorded.  Of course, on the recording she is lying through her teeth saying she thought it was something else, etc, but it is clear on the recording that she is lying.  She is VERY nervous and changes her story multiple times.


So my question is - what should we do with this information?  My first thought is that we should take it to her supervisor at work because (1) she used a work phone to call someone for drugs, (2) she's obviously using drugs, probably while at work, and (3) she was in a patient's room when she was making the call.  That's who's phone she called from.


My concern is that going to her work is kind of one of those lines that I think you should never cross.  And I know that if we cross it, she's going to think that kind of thing is fair game and we'll have no end of drama at our workplaces. 


But on the other hand, I feel like I have an obligation to the patients in her care to protect them.  I also know that we would have a hard time getting concrete proof that she's using.  But if we take it to her employer and they do a drug test - that is something we can use.


Any thoughts?

It's been a while since I posted - been overwhelmed with my course load at school lately.  But something recently came up with our girls that I thought was really weird, so I wanted to get others opinions.

My stepdaughters were at their mom's for a few hours after school this afternoon.  I dropped them off at school, then they took the bus to their mom's and she brought them here after dinner.  When I asked the youngest (11) to take a shower before bed she said she already had. Of course I argued with her because she hadn't taken one this morning before school, and she said she had taken one this afternoon with her mom.  After a few more questions we found out that the girls both shower with their mom fairly frequently, and that their mom is the one asking them to shower with her.  The girls are 11 and 14.  The oldest said she feels weird about it and hasn't done it lately (about 3 months).  The youngest doesn't know why we seemed bothered by it.

I didn't really know what to say.  I personally would not shower with children that age, even if they were my biological children.  My parents were a bit prudish, and I have never seen them naked, but I know that's not the norm for everyone.  My sister lives in another country where public bath houses are the norm - but I think there's a difference between soaking in a pool sized bath with some other people and showering in a small space where there's no way you can get around touching each other.  Their mother is very large, 300+ lbs, so I know that have to be bumping into her in an apartment sized shower. 

I just can't help but feel weird about it.  Especially since she's seeking it out, especially in the middle of the day when they are visiting her house.  It's totally creeping me out.  SD said that her mom doesn't touch her in the shower, and they wash themselves.  But still...

Thoughts??

My husband and BM have had a 50/50 joint physical custody plan, with dad having 1 extra week during the summer, for the last 15 months.  BM has worked an overnight shift on and off for a little over 2 years (she changes jobs frequently, so far 8 months is the record), and DH has ROFR when she works overnight.

BM and DH live about 15 miles from each other, and children go to school in her district.  They have been in that district since BM and DH seperated.  Since we now have the 50/50 schedule and ROFR, we drive the children back and forth to school 5 days during our weeks, and drive them to school 3 days a week on her weeks.  During our weeks it's 64 miles a day, and 32 on her weeks since we're just driving them to school and not picking them up.  With gas prices being what they are, it's been really expensive.  Not to mention we still pay CS (since he makes more than her).

She's been fighting the ROFR since she now has a live-in boyfriend but, so far, we've successfully won on that issue and she hasn't taken it to court (yet).  Her biggest complaint is that the kids "hate" the drive back and forth.  I don't think we have to worry about ROFR, since I don't think a judge will take the kids from dad to leave them with mom's boyfriend all night.  But I'm wondering how long things would have to go on like this in order for the courts to support a request for a change in school districts.  They go to school from our house 80% of the time, and we'd really like for them to go to school where we live.  As it stands, we're making the trip 13 times in 2 weeks.  She would have to make the trip here 7 times in 2 weeks.

My husband's ex recently left husband #2 and promptly had an affair with a married man.  One of his kids just happened to be SD1's best friend.  How convenient.  He walked out on his family and moved in with psycho.  Thinks he's the luckiest man in the world... oh, he has no idea what he's gotten himself into.  His kids are 14 and 18.  Neither one will have anything to do with him, which is no surprise given the circumstances. 

His wife is beyond pissed off (also no surprise there) and is doing every thing she can to make his life a living hell.  I'd be surprised if he owned a shirt after she got done with him - and he made it easy for her too.  He walked out on her and their 2 children and moved directly in with another woman.  His wife is wheelchair bound, btw.  So their kids are now caring for her.  Can you imagine what a judge is going to think of that??

So, the ex has been complaining about her on facebook, going on about how awful she is and accusing her of all kinds of nastiness.  Her post today said "She'll get what's coming to her.  Karma's a bitch."

I had to laugh when I saw that one.  Doesn't she realize that she's getting the karma back from all the things she did to us?? 

Oh, the irony.

Quick background:

My husbands ex works a 12-hour overnight shift 3 days a week, and they have 50/50 custody on alternating weeks.  She was married, but in July she seperated from husband #2.  Her mother (who was apparently homeless prior) moved in with them when H2 moved out.  Grandma watched the children while BM was at work.  Then BM had an affair with SD1's best friends dad, and he moved in with them in November.  Grandma was sent packing a week later.  The new boyfriend has a questionable background - history of drug and alcohol addiction, abandoned his handicapped wife and 2 kids to move in with BM.  His stbx has also been making some alarming accusations, but we are fully aware that these accusations could very likely be false, given the nastiness of the divorce and custody battle.   

When Grandma moved out my huband asked for FROR on her work nights and BM agreed.  This was agreed to in co-parenting counseling, but is not a court order.  Since then everything has been going pretty smoothly since BM is wrapped up in all the drama between her new boyfriend and his stbx.  She is also trying to maintain the appearance of being the complete opposite of his stbx, which means all of the BS she usually aimed at us stopped dead as soon as they moved in together.   

Recently, BM has started asking for "make-up time" for the nights that we have the kids while she is working.  Her argument in counseling last time was that she's losing time with the kids, and she wants it to be "more even".  Her work schedule is 7P-730A, and she drops the kids off at 6:30P, and we bring them to school the next morning.  If there is no school she picks them up at 8A.  What she wants is to be able to get extra days during our weeks to make up for the days that we have them for FROR.   

So my question is, do we have to give make-up time for FROR? 

Quick background:   

BM had an affair with my husband's best friend.  He and the "friend" were both military.  When my husband found out about the affair they decided to work on things - but they continued to see each other anyway.  They moved in together while my husband was deployed, after taking out a large loan in his name to finance the move.  When my husband returned from deployment, they refused to tell him where the kids were because the friend was also military and had previously been issued a no-contact order telling him to have no contact with BM.  Since then, the "friend" had been a major factor in the custodial interference and alienation that we have dealt with.  When he moved it was greatly alleviated.

He and BM split in Nov and he moved out.  He did not speak with the kids at all since he moved, and he moved when they were at our house without even saying goodbye to them.  SD1 was really angry, but said "good riddance".  SD2 was just hurt, because she's known him since she was 2 years old.  Recently he has been coming around their mom's again, supposedly because he wants to get back together with her.  He brought the kids some expensive presents, and asked if he could spend some time with them.  Supposedly, BM is not going to get back together with him - but who knows with her.

So, last night SD1 is sitting on the couch texting away, and my husband asks who she's texting.  She replieds "(the friend)".  Apparently they've been texting each other back and forth.  My husband really lost it.  He was so upset.  He feels like that man has created nothing but hurt and hardship in his life, and it has been such a relief since he's been gone.  The last thing he wants is for this guy to have any influence over his daughters.  Plus we are wary of his motives - since he hasn't wanted anything to do with them since he left, until he wanted to get back together with BM.

Just wanted to get other people's thoughts on what to do.   

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/25/new.york.twitter.reunion/?hpt=T2 (http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/25/new.york.twitter.reunion/?hpt=T2)


I read several news articles about it, and aparently they were separated in 2000 when she went to live with her mother, from whom Morales was estranged. They moved away to California, and he moved to Puerto Rico.  He apparently lost touch with them, and didn't even have a picture of her since she was 16 (when she went to live with her mother).

She said:  "I've been trying for years to find my father," Rivera said. "I'm so happy I have my dad. It's been rough not having my father."

I have several friends who are divorced women with children.  Most of them are really good about working with their ex regarding the kids, but a few of them are not, and two of them are very vocal about what a loser they think their ex is - especially on facebook.  Recently one of my friends, who I have known since childhood, but I don't see regularly anymore because we lives states away from each other, posted the following:  "
Dear ex husband.... never call me to tell me how sorry you are and that you miss MY children everyday as you are full of s**t."

Then one of her friends posted this:  "Just remember Dawn he was just the sperm donor and you got the best parts of him! I need to remind my ex from time to time about that."

and another one said this:  "
you are all so much better off without him you are doing a great job with the kids"
I don't think I need to explain why that thread would get my blood pressure up.

Just wondering how you all handle it when someone you know is alienating their children from the other parent, or when you see alienating behavior.  Do you call them out?  Do you call them out, but do it anonymously?  Do you try to give them material?  Or do you just stop dealing with them?


I have lost more than one friend over this stuff.  I think a lot of women feel that, by virtue of my gender, I should be on "their" side.  I try to explain that I am on the side of the children, and that they suffer when they don't have the benefit of a healthy relationship with both of their parents.  But, of course, that falls on deaf ears.  Once someone has decided they are right and the other one is wrong, and that they kids "belong" to them, there is little one person can do to change their mind.   

SD1 will be celebrating a birthday shortly.  We alternate weeks, and she will be at her mom's house on the day of her birthday.  I recently asked her what she was going to be doing for her birthday, and she said she didn't know because her mom hasn't said anything to her about it.  Normally, their mother doesn't throw them any kind of party.  She usually takes them to the store to pick out a present and then takes them to eat at the chinese buffet. 

I asked her if she wanted to have a party, to which she answered yes.  So I told her to check with her mom first, and we'd plan something for the following weekend.  She said to go ahead and plan it because her mom hadn't mentioned anything to her, and I had, so it was her mom's problem if she waited until the last minute.  So I bought some things at the party store and started working on invitations.  When I picked her up from school on Thurs I asked her how her day was, and she proceeded to tell me that she had invited a bunch of her friends to her birthday party.  I asked her what day and time she told them to come, since we hadn't figured that out yet, and she said "No, to my mom's house."

So, basically, after we decided to have a party at our house, she spoke to her mom over the phone and her mom said she could have a sleep-over with as many friends as she wanted, so she invited all of her friends to her mom's.  I was upset because I know her friends parents aren't going to bring them to two different parties on consecutive weekends.  (We've been through that whole thing before, and had parties where one kid showed up because their mom had a party the weekend before ours.  So we stopped having parties for them on the years they're with their mom on their birthday. and then their mom stopped having parties for them.)

I felt slighted that she made plans to have a party at our house and then, as soon as her mom says she wants to do something - even though she waited until two days in advance - I get dropped like a hot potatoe.  But, whatever, I kind of expect that kind of thing since I'm the step-mom, and no matter how good I am to them I always play second fiddle.  I know it, so I just sucked it up.

So, last night she has a meltdown at bedtime because none of her friends said whether or not the could come (because she invited them last minute, at school, no invitation, etc), and she was worried that no one was going to come to the sleepover at her mom's, and then she would end up having no party at all.  My husband, of course, now wants me to have a party for her next weekend.

I don't think I should because I feel like she's using me and playing the two houses.  So, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a take on it.  Am I being too hard one her?  Or should I stick to my guns and let her learn that she can't play people that way?

Ok, so wording of CO states:

"Visitation for the father is hereby ordered as follows..."

In the paragraph about holidays it says "The parties shall alternate holidays, with the father having the children in odd years on _________ (lists all the holidays for odd years), and in even years on ________."  For Thanksgiving it says "which shall commence at 6:00 p.m the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and conclude at 6:00 p.m. the Sunday following Thanksgiving...."

It also states that father has children the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th weekends of the month.

This year is the "off" year for Thanksgiving with Dad because he had them last year on Thanksgiving.  But, he still gets the 4th weekend, right?

BM is saying that he doesn't get the 4th weekend because she gets Thanksgiving this year, so she keeps them until Sunday.  The way we read the CO it lists the dates and times that the father has visitation, not the mother, since she has custody and has them all the time anyway.

She refused to let him have the kids for the 4th weekend.  I know we have to file for contempt.  Does anyone see any ambiguity?

[W5, Parental Alienation Documentary!!W5 on CTV, has been working on a full hour PA documentary for several months. Pamela Richardson is highlighted as well as a father and a daughter who was alienated from before birth, now renuited. This episode will air in North America this Saturday November 7, 2009 at 7pm.]

From the PAAO (Parental Alienation Awareness Organization) newsletter:

W5, Parental Alienation Documentary!!
W5 on CTV, has been working on a full hour PA documentary for several months. Pamela Richardson is highlighted as well as a father and a daughter who was alienated from before birth, now renuited. This episode will air in North America this Saturday November 7, 2009 at 7pm.

http://www.ctv.ca/w5/ (http://www.ctv.ca/w5/)

The W5 segment will be archived after it airs at the above link.

It should be interesting to see how this plays out...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article6889036.ece (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article6889036.ece)

Someone send them the SPARC web address!

I have noticed as of late that there seem to be a few people posting on the boards that are kind of anti everything that SPARC stands for.  It seems like they are successfully hijacking the posts of people who are coming here with legitimate questions and needs, which prevents the OP from getting answers. 

Here's how it works - they reply to a post with some outlandish, offensive, inflammatory statement and then it's off to the races.  Next thing you know a whole bunch of people are involved in a debate with someone who is obviously beyond the reach of logic and rationality, and the post has been successfully hijacked.

I've been responding to a lot of ridiculousness lately, and it just dawned on me what was happening.  So, I want to suggest that we not allow this to happen.  Let's keep our responses aimed at the OP, and move debates to another thread.  I promise from now on to keep a leash on myself and not take the bait either. 

I've been doing some research on this, and have found a lot of info regarding whether or not the NCP has to pay - but nothing on our situation.

My SD is in need of braces.  Over the summer she went in for consult during my husband's parenting time.  I took her (my husband was working) and found out that her mom hadn't even gotten an x-ray of the child's teeth in 8 years.  I got the x-rays, and there was some serious malformation of her teeth.  The dentist had the ortho come in, and he said the sooner the better - and that some teeth needed to come out because the adult teeth weren't coming in because of them.  Authorized that, and was told that she needed to get the braces right away because her teeth were crowded and the hole would close up without the adult tooth coming down if she didn't get the braces.

That was 4 months ago.  Mom showed up at the dentist when she found out a tooth had to be pulled, and almost started crying over her "poor baby" right there in the room.  I gave her the info on braces that were given to me, and got a copy for my husband.  My husband sent her an e-mail outlining the costs, and what she would be responsible for - and what the monthly payment he would make to the dentist would be.  She never responded, and she hasn't taken the child in for consultation.

The teeth that the dentist was worried wouldn't come in haven't.  You can't even see them starting to come in - just gums.  We're afraid that she's going to have serious problems if she doesn't get the braces soon - and there's no question that they're medically necessary since her teeth aren't coming in properly.

Any suggestions on what we should do?

I consider myself to be a bit of an information junkie and as a result, when confronted with a new challenge, the first thing I do is read as much as I can on the subject.  As soon as I realized that my (then) boyfriend might end up being more than a boyfriend I realized that meant I might also be a step-mom.  It wasn't a decision I entered into lightly.  Deciding to marry my husband was easy, deciding to be a step-mom was daunting, at best.

I read a lot of articles and books on step-parenting.  The health and happiness of my family is one of the most important things in my life.  Being a step-parent is difficult no matter how low-conflict the divorce was - but since my husband has a high-conflict ex, I often feel like I'm navigating white water in a leaky canoe with no life vest and a waterfall roaring in the distance.  I comfort myself by learning as much as I can.  Which is how I came across this article.

http://www.siskiyous.edu/class/engl12/stepmom.htm (http://www.siskiyous.edu/class/engl12/stepmom.htm)

Several quotes resonated with me:

"The father wants to be the kids' best friend and so the stepmother ends up being the disciplinarian" (Misrach 90).  As a result, the stepmother is left to disciplining and assigning household chores to her stepchildren. To an outsider this often appears as cruelty. However if those were her biological children, those same outsiders would be praising the mother for instilling responsibility and manners in her children

"Much of the available research on this topic seems to indicate that stepmothers should supply all the needs of the children and home, yet have no voice in the discipline of the involved children

I often feel like step-mom's get all of the blame and none of the credit.  We're expected to love and nurture our step-children just as much as we would (or do) our own, yet we're not supposed to want (or sometimes even accept) any love, respect, or time in return.  I sometimes feel like people expect step-mothers to be saints.  If the love of a parent is unconditional, certainly the love of a step-parent is as well.  Being a parent is a tough, but rewarding job.  Being a step-parent is tough too - but there's very little reward.  Any credit for how well the children are doing goes to the parents, almost as if it is in spite of the step-parents that the kids are doing so well.  No credit is given to the step-parent, regardless of how loving and nurturing they are.  If the step-kids are having problems it's often blamed on the step-parents.

You're expected to love your step-kids and form and emotional connection with them, but you're not supposed to care or feel anything if that relationship is severed - whether by divorce, or by your spouses deployment or job commitments.  If you have a relationship with your step-child you miss them just as much as the parents do when you don't see them, but if you acknowledge it you're a bad person and "over-stepping your boundaries".

Children are set up to believe that step-mom's are bad.  A couple of years ago I went to read to my step-daughters kindergarten class.  My husband and I were engaged, and the wedding was in two months.  The teacher asked my SD to introduce me to the class, and she introduced me as her step-mom.  (I think it was a much easier explanation for five year olds than "this is my dad's fiancé".)  The teacher interrupted her and said, "Well, let's just say for now that she's your friend."  Then she address the class and said "This is ______, SD's friend."  What she did was immediately stripped me of any significant relationship with my SD - and send a message to my SD that the relationship was somehow inappropriate.  The following year I went to her class to read again.  SD introduced me as her step-mom again, and one of the first graders said (with typical child-like innocence and honesty) "That's your step-mom?  But she's so pretty!".  The child obviously thought all step-mothers had warts and green skin and carried poisoned apples.

I wonder how other step-mom's feel about these things, and how they have handled them.  What I want more than anything is for my step-kids to grow up healthy and happy, and be successful adults - and (selfishly, I guess) I want my marriage to withstand the whitewater and not end up sliding down the waterfall to be bashed to pieces on the rocks below.  But sometimes, especially when BM is being especially hostile and the kids are acting out, it's hard to see how that will ever happen.

This issue has come up with us before, and last time we were able to get it resolved through the intervention of the court ordered counselor.  We have no longer been going to counseling, after yet another violation of our privacy and trust.  The counselor told her that she needed to seek counseling for her own issues before anything could be accomplished regarding co-parenting.  That was about six months ago.

So, here we are again, and she has accepted a job working 3rd shift.  She told my husband that a neighbor would be coming over (after the kids went to bed) to watch them until the morning, and then they would go off to school.  According to her it would only be 2 days a week, and the other days would be over the weekend.  Found out from the kids that it would actually be 4 weekdays and one weekend day.

We do not have first right of refusal.  We live 20 minutes from the kids mom.  My husband has joint legal and she has primary physical.

My question is do we have a good chance of getting first right of refusal if we have to take this to court? 

Background:  husband and his ex divorced after her 2nd affair.  This 2nd affair was with his best friend.  Upon seperating ex moved in with husbands friend, and now they are married.  So my husbands ex-best friend is now his children's step-father.  (Oh, the tangled webs we weave...)

Up to this point, whenever the kids ask why they got divorced, my husband has always gone with the generic "mommy and daddy were fighting a lot and couldn't stay married".  He felt that it was best not to involve the children and, since the oldest was old enough at the time of seperation to remember what happened, figured they would come to their own conclusions when they were old enough.  A few months ago he was riding in the car with the kids and a couple of their friends, and one of their friends said something to the effect of "Mr _______, you're so nice.  I don't know why Ms _____ ever divorced you."  (Her parents were getting seperated at the time, so I guess she was thinking a lot about that sort of thing.)  Before my husband could say anything his oldest says "It's because mom ran off with ______."  My husband was shocked, and just didn't say anything, and that was the end of it,

Since then his oldest has been asking pretty regularly why they got divorced.  Because of her age, and the fact that she's been getting the same answer every time,  we think that she knows what's up and is either looking for confirmation or needs to talk about it.  We also don't like being put in a position to have to lie to cover up someone else's bad behavior.  We believe in honesty and being truthful.  So my husband decided to tell her the truth.  He didn't villify his ex, he just said that her mom and the friend decided they wanted to be together, so mom and dad couldn't be married anymore, and that's why they are divorced and mom and friend are married now.  He told her that it was something that happened between him and her mom, and that it didn't change how much her mom loved her.  She said that she thought her mom was a hypocrite because her mom always says that you shouldn't cheat, and my husband said that sometimes people realize after they've done something that it wasn't the right thing to do, so her mom isn't necessarily a hypocrite.   

(Mind you, we have had massive problems with ex and alienation, and we do think she's a lying hypocrite, but the kids don't need to know that.  He was trying his best to protect her relationship with her mom without lying.)

So, of course, she goes back and confronts her mother with it.  Mom, instead of handling it like a grown up and talking honestly to her daughter, proceeds to tell her daughter that her father lied, and that the "real" reason they got divorced is because my husband used to "beat her".  Step-daughter is now here for the summer, and she just told me this.  She said she was "so confused because she doesn't know who to believe".  I just told her that when I am trying to work through a problem I look at the facts and use deductive reasoning.  I told her to think about any times where she's seen her dad hit her mom (none), or her dad has hit her (none), or that she's seen her dad hit me or anyone else (none).  Then I asked her to think about whether her mom and dad and step-dad used to be friends (yes), and where did she and her mom live when her mom and dad got seperated (with the friend), and did her mom and the friend sleep in the same bed (yes), did they act like boyfriend and girlfriend - kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. (yes), and are they married now (yes).  After we did that I told her that I thought she had enough facts to make her own decision, and that she didn't have to worry about believing mom or dad, that she could believe herself and what she thinks about what happened.

Of course, my husband and I expected that the ex would somehow try to blame the situation on someone else, but we didn't expect that she would stoop to this.  Although we should have, since she has a history of false allegations.  My husband feels like he should have told them the truth from the start so we wouldn't have this situation now.

I'm wondering if we did the right thing, or if we should have handled it differently.  I'm sure that other people out there have dealt with this sort of thing before, and I am just wondering how you handled it and what the outcome was.

We were recently informed that my husbands ex will be starting overnight shifts at work four days a week.  She has not yet informed us of her child care plans.  His order does not contain first right of refusal.

Our concern is that she will be having the children cared for overnight plus an additional five hours (it's a 12 hour shift with a 30 minute drive each way) - then on top of that she will be sleeping for at least 6-8 hours during the day, so really no one will be watching the kids then either.  That really only leaves a few hours that she will be available to the children.

I think that she is trying to find a way that they can stay with one of their friends while she is working, and then will leave them unsupervised during the day when she is sleeping.  She does not want to pay for child care and, so far, has managed to find a way around it for several months now.  I don't think this is best for the kids because they never know where they will be when, and the youngest is very nervous about it.  She is constantly asking if her mom will be home when she gets there, and who will be watching them at their mom's house.

As far as I know this is not a temporary situation.  She is taking a new position in order to get higher pay.  What is temporary is her husbands situation.  He has been working out of state for over a year and, from what the kids are saying, may be gone for another 6-9 months.  When he comes back he will be there to watch the kids overnight, but no one knows when that will be.

Do you think that we have a case to ask for the children during the days that she has to work?  What about child care during the day when she is sleeping?

We just got word that my husbands ex is planning to move with the children.  The good news is that they are not planning on moving out of state.  The bad news is that, instead of being only 15 minutes away, they will now be close to 45 minutes away, almost an hour during rush hour traffic.  That means an hour and a half round trip to pick them up for visitation twice a week, and it will be much harder for my husband to be involved with their schools.  Plus the kids will have to change school districts.

As it stands now he is very involved in their schools.  He goes to parent-teacher conferences, volunteers at the school, takes the kids to dances, etc.  We also have visitation on Wednesday afternoon, and now there's no way he will be able to pick them up on time on Wednesday because he won't be leaving work in time to get there.  Especially with rush hour traffic.  On Friday he will have to drive there and back during rush hour, which is an almost two hour round trip.

There is no good reason for this move, except that they want to be closer to her husbands mother so she can watch the kids while BM is at work.  (Which my husband has been doing up to now whenever she has needed it.)  The kids will have to change schools, their father will have much more limited involvement with their schools, definitely won't be able to be involved in any extra-curricular activities, and it will make visitation much harder.  In fact, Wednesday's may not even be an option.

My question is, do you think my husband can fight this move?  It's only two towns over but, when you consider how close we are now and how much involvement my husband has, it would have a major impact on his relationship with the kids.  Is there anything that we can do?

Happy Mother's Day to all of you step-mom's out there.  We kiss boo-boo's, make sure homework gets done, teach manners, give advice, wash clothes, comfort kids after a nightmare, buy clothes, books, toys, get haircuts, drive kids to and from school and extra-curricular activities.  We do everything except give birth - but that doesn't make us any less of a mom.

Here's to you and all you do!

My husbands ex had an affair with his best "friend".  While he was deployed she moved into an apartment with the "friend", took the children, and filed for divorce.  The children were four and seven at the time. 

Fast forward to now, and the kids are nine and twelve.  The twelve year old has been asking my husband why he and her mom got divorced.  This has come up a few times in the past, and my husband has always dodged the question by saying that he and their mom couldn't be together because they didn't get along very well and argued a lot, and that this was the best thing.  Recently she's been asking more questions, and being more admant about a more concrete answer.

About six months ago my husband was driving her and some of her friends to Lazer Tag, and overheard his twelve year old say to her friend that her parents got divorced because her mom "ran off with" (ex-friend).  He was shocked, but pretended not to hear it.

My question is this - she obviously knows what happened - because of what she said, and because she was old enough to remember moving from the marital home into the friends apartment and seeing them together.  I think that she keeps asking because she wants to talk to my husband about it.  I dont' think a twelve year old knows what to think about things that like.  Should my husband talk to her about it?  I can see both sides.  I know it's a grown up thing that kids don't need to know about - but she already knows because she lived it.  How can she know how to deal without her parents guidance?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

My husband has been ordered by the court to attend "co-parenting therapy".  He has complied, and has attended for the last 18 months.  His ex picked the therapist, the dates, and the times.  He asked for two times a month, she would only agree to go once a month, so that's what they did.

Long story short, it hasn't really gotten us very far - just has cut back on the amount of nasty e-mails we get from her.  Other than that, she lies in every appointment, doesn't stick to agreements made in the appointments, etc.  More than anything it's added stress on our part.

During our last appointment she confessed to (yet another) violation of our trust and privacy.  We have decided that the sessions are useless because there has to be a foundation of trust in order for them to work together, and she is completely unable to maintain that.  So we are going to discontinue.

My questions are:

1.  If the court order didn't specify how long, do you think we've fulfilled our obligation?

2.  Is there anything we should do to wrap up loose ends - such as request copies of notes?  I'm worried that we won't be able to get them if we need them at a later date.

If anyone has had experience with this I would appreciate the advice.

This case, where the mother took the child on vacation to Brazil, then refused to return and divorced the father.  Father has not seen the child since.  Now the mother has passed away and the child, now 5 years old, is being raised by his step-father. 

Hillary Clinton has spoken out in defense of the father.  Thanks Hillary for standing up for the fathers rights!!

Here is a link to the article:  http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gFqln3RGanfHgICfC2ZZOv7e0K6gD96N93D80

I came across this article in the news recently.  A Tennesse father, also an attorney, is challenging the courts decision regarding custody of his daughter under the 14th Amendment. 

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=87398 (http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=87398)

I was amazed that I could find only two articles, by relatively unknown news sources, covering this issue.  This decision will be, in my opinion, bigger than any other civil rights action in decades.  There are thousands of divorce actions initiated daily - and this decision could affect each and every one of them.

The case is in the briefings stage, with the next hearings scheduled in April.  It's still in the very early stages, but it's a beginning, and definitely something to watch.

I read his story in people magazine while in the doctors office this morning.  He is a single father, who's wife died shortly after the birth of their child, and is raising is baby daughter on his own.  His blog tells the story.

http://www.mattlogelin.com/ (http://www.mattlogelin.com/)

What I find most interesting is that the child was/is an infant.  She was born premature, and he has raised her alone since they left the hospital.  If mom had decided to divorce dad instead of passed away, he would have been told that he was incapable of raising an infant, and would have gotten a couple of hours a week to "bond" with the child. 

I totally support what Matt is doing - it just irks me that Matt is being treated like a hero.  Because it means that society in general feels that a man raising his own child is a heroic feat.  Is it?

Birthday's are always big problems for us.  It's always a competition for the ex.  She plans birthday parties for the day before we are going to have one (she'll do this 2 weeks before the actual birthday if she has too - just so she is first), plans the same activity, plans a party during my husband's visitation, intercept invitations if possible - the list goes on.

Of course, this year is the same.  Kids just got here, all excited because they are going to be having a BIG GIANT DINNER early (right before she drops them off for the cook-out we had planned), and before that they're going to do the EXACT SAME activity we have planned for the party.  No other kids, just them, but they'll be exhausted and stuffed to the gills before our party.

Sometimes it's SO hard not to hate her.  It is SO hard to be excited along with the kids when you know the whole charade is to spite your husband - who would never do something like that.

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th Parental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th Parental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th as Parental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th asParental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)