Okay I have a 1.5 yr old daughter. I found out I was pregnant AFTER I filed for divorce from her father, and he and I agreed, due to the circumstances of our divorce, the stress of having him too involved in the pregnancy was probably not going to be good for anyone involved. I did call him regularly just to keep him informed as to how the baby was and doc appointments and such. When she was born I called and gave him all the information. He lived 3 hrs away at that time and didn't make it up to see her. I get into a relationship and ended up moving for it, that put me closer to my childs father. He met her when she was 3 months old for about 20 minutes in a parking lot. After that the man I was (and am now married to) with and I got a house together and up until we moved into that house my daughters dad didn't call or visit at all, I left it alone because I didn't want to force anyone into anything. Once we moved w/in a 15 minute drive of his apartment he came to our house a lot to visit and he was welcome anytime he felt the urge to visit, there were no restrictions. He asked to take her to his family when she was 6 months old over Christmas, I agreed to let him have her for the weekend (the first time he had her alone at all) and we agreed that on Christmas day I would come so that she would have both her mother and father there for Christmas. It was uneventful (which is always a good thing) and she had a good time. I went home the following morning and then he took her again over night for new years eve upon my request. After that he moved and was a little farther away and didn't come by quite as often but still visited sometimes. He and his sister invited us again for Easter and when I went home I let our daughter stay, as she had fallen asleep. He moved again and now lives about 5 minutes from our house. He was coming over rather regularly though I stopped allowing him to take our daughter when I sent her to his house (he didn't ask, I offered, he didn't even know what day it was...) for Father's day and when I called a couple hours after her normal bed time to see if he was going to bring her home or not he said he was but that it would be a while...When he got her home he smelled of alcohol and said that he was sorry it was so late but he "needed to sober up a little first..." If he'd have said that on the phone I'd have told him to let her stay or I'd have found a means to pick her up...When I told him I didn't want her at his house anymore with all the parying, he agreed and has never again asked to take her home with him. He still visited fairly often, some months more than others, but he came around quite a bit. Once he moved his girlfriend in with him he visited a lot less, but again, still came around from time to time during the course of a month. I invited him to go meet up with an old mutual friend of ours, I was taking our daughter and thought he would enjoy the trip up with her as well as visiting with an old friend, he did go along and it was fine, no problems at all. That was late sept. on a wednesday...He came for a half hour or so that following weekend and has not called or seen our daughter since. Nothing about Thanksgiving, nothing about Christmas...Not his family not him...no one.
He is not on her birth certificate because he'd originally stated he wanted a paternity test, I obliged but he refused to take the test. I didn't push the issue because I didn't see a reason to. He doesn't pay child support and I've never once asked him to. He has bought some diapers and formula when she was younger, but that's it. His family bought her xmas gifts last xmas, not this year, as well they got her birthday gifts, he didn't but I assumed he was tight on money while he was in school. In any case, I am looking at a 1.5 year old calling her step father Daddy (which she ONLY does because he has full custody of his own children and she hears them talk to him, she calls me by name sometimes for the same reason-I do not call him anything but his name to her and I don't allow anyone else to call him anything but his name to her, though I don't correct her when she says 'daddy' to him...) She really has no bond with her own dad and I worry that it will have a negative effect if he just comes and goes as he pleases like this. I've not talked to him because in the past I was the one initiating everything. I'm not sure I should do that so much, anymore. There is no declaration of paternity, he's never supported her and she's never lived with him...My question is this:
I intend to move out of state, it has always been the plan and now that we're getting the money together to do so, I don't know what my ex's, if any, rights are in that respect. I do NOT want to keep her from him. He has my email address, my mother and fathers phone numbers, my in-laws phone numbers and my husbands cell phone number as well as our home number and address. He can contact any time he likes, he's even been invited to my inlaws house for celebrations, holiday and birthday and such-he's come once but did miss our daughters birthday. I just want to do the right thing by our daughter and by him, my problem is that I have no idea what the right thing IS...
Any advice or help would be GREATLY appreciated and feel free to email as I check that more often than I probably will this message board because I have never used one before...
Thanks in advance for any help...
He is not on her birth certificate because he'd originally stated he wanted a paternity test, I obliged but he refused to take the test. I didn't push the issue because I didn't see a reason to. He doesn't pay child support and I've never once asked him to. He has bought some diapers and formula when she was younger, but that's it. His family bought her xmas gifts last xmas, not this year, as well they got her birthday gifts, he didn't but I assumed he was tight on money while he was in school. In any case, I am looking at a 1.5 year old calling her step father Daddy (which she ONLY does because he has full custody of his own children and she hears them talk to him, she calls me by name sometimes for the same reason-I do not call him anything but his name to her and I don't allow anyone else to call him anything but his name to her, though I don't correct her when she says 'daddy' to him...) She really has no bond with her own dad and I worry that it will have a negative effect if he just comes and goes as he pleases like this. I've not talked to him because in the past I was the one initiating everything. I'm not sure I should do that so much, anymore. There is no declaration of paternity, he's never supported her and she's never lived with him...My question is this:
I intend to move out of state, it has always been the plan and now that we're getting the money together to do so, I don't know what my ex's, if any, rights are in that respect. I do NOT want to keep her from him. He has my email address, my mother and fathers phone numbers, my in-laws phone numbers and my husbands cell phone number as well as our home number and address. He can contact any time he likes, he's even been invited to my inlaws house for celebrations, holiday and birthday and such-he's come once but did miss our daughters birthday. I just want to do the right thing by our daughter and by him, my problem is that I have no idea what the right thing IS...
Any advice or help would be GREATLY appreciated and feel free to email as I check that more often than I probably will this message board because I have never used one before...
Thanks in advance for any help...