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Topics - dadof4

#1
Dear Socrateaser,

I am a divorced dad with two kids involved in Idaho.  My divorce was back in 1998 and the decree says we have joint legal and joint physical custody, her having primary physical custody.

About two years ago my ex moved about 500 miles away, but still in Idaho, giving me one weeks notice.  I was upset but thought it might be good for my kids.  

They've lived with my ex's mother most of their lives (my ex was in jail and wouldn't allow them to live with me and, honestly, my living situation wouldn't have been good for them at that time, not enough space).

My youngest son, age 11, has a cosmetic deformity on his genitalia that has been there since birth.  I have entreated my ex thousands of times over the years to take care of it (it's an in office surgery and my son is on Medicaid) with no results.

My oldest son, age 13, has wet the bed since he's been potty trained and my ex refuses to take him to a doctor to see if it's something that can be helped or what the problem is in the first place.

Then, this past Christmas my 11 year old informed me that his mom and stepdad had gotten him a .22 rifle and a pistol for Christmas.  I was furious because I was never told about it and my ex still won't talk about it.  Also, it is illegal in Idaho for a minor under age 12 to own a gun, plus, my son hasn't even taken Hunter Safety or anything similar.

The time I have with my sons is so short that doctor's visits are out of the question since I usually only get them for holidays.  My ex will tell me, and them, they can stay for a certain amount of time, then change her mind.

Also, my ex won't let me keep them all summer, she usually says they can and then arrives out of no where and picks them up sometimes 3 weeks early.  The divorce decree says I get them on Mondays.

Furthermore, yes there's more, even though I have asked hundreds of thousands of times, she will not send me copies of report cards, reports of parent teacher conferences or even to sign a release to ask the school to send them directly to me.

The last thing, and this disturbs me the most, last summer my sons were visiting and my wife went to get on our computer and my oldest son had left an email from his mother up that talked about how he needs to stop looking at porn and if he needs to he could ask his stepdad for some magazines.  When I asked her about it she said that it wasn't serious and that she had "only" caught him typing in the word "boobs" to search it.

After yet another fight with her I have decided that I want to take her back to court to get the divorce decree modified. I haven't flat out asked my boys if they want to live with me so I'm not sure if they do or not.

Questions:
1) Would it be wise to try to get primary physical custody of my boys?

2)If not, what are my rights in this situation as far as visitation for summer months and holidays with the 500 miles between us?