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(deleted to protect posters constitutional rights)


i was charged with disorderly conduct, possession of an immitation firearm, and possession with intent to distribute.

what can i do?

am i required to provide the other parent with access to our health insurance account. the children are covered under this account secondary to insurance that is court ordered by the other parent.
it is thru bcbs federal and they cannot assure me that if i give him access that it will be limited access... meaning access to only the children's information.

the other parent says he needs this info to receive EOBs for the children. however i have a copy of every EOB and have offered to send him anything he needs.

our divorce agreement states that i am required to provide him with copies received from teachers, doctors, etc...
nothing about insurance other than he is to provide the insurance.

i only signed the children up under our insurance to save us all money since we already had family coverage.

the OP unilaterally changed dentist offices (we have 50/50).

i have called today to get billing information so that i may make a payment to the account.

they told me that they cannot give me any information until OP gives them consent, because of HIPPA.

she said that since he signed all the paperwork and that my name is not listed anywhere .... all they have is stepmoms name.

is that true?

the newest in the days of our lives..

DD has been struggling with middle school. she is in all advanced classes and in a school for the arts. she is having trouble dealing with the criticism of her work. the class is really hard. the teacher even told us that if they get a C they are doing great.

DD is losing text books, gym clothes, putting off assignments to last minute.

we have been trying out a swim team that she wants to join. when i became aware of an assignment that she put off for a week and a text book that had been lost for two weeks, i realized just how much trouble she is having.
she is not normally like this. she loves school and is eager to do school work.
in her last year at elementary school she received a trophy for the highest GPA and another for honor roll all year.

because of these adjustment issues i was beginning to feel that adding an extracurricular activity may not be a good idea at this time. i spoke with BF and suggested we wait two weeks to give her a little more time to gain some stability.

he has responded by saying that he will be taking her to swim and that 'well, if you don't take her that's your responsibility'
'you can disappoint her if you wish'
oh, and that my reasons are not 'valid'. but that is what he says about concerns or what i have to say.

so now, what do i do for DD?  do i go ahead and take her to swim?

or do i help her focus on her schoolwork and overcome her struggles with this new school?

(we have a 50/50 rotating schedule)

i am afraid her grades will suffer based on what i have been seeing so far.

school has just begun here.

on 8/12 i received an email from SM stating that she would like me to send the supplies list for DD the day it is received so that she has time to get the items, rather than waiting until the weekend. no problem there.

before school started i found some of the lists (3 of 8) on the schoolnotes.com website. so i forwarded that to SM as soon as i found it.

school started 8/18. DD came home with lists. BF called to talk to both children so see how their first day was at school. a bit unusual, but still no problem.

DD gave me her lists and told me that it needed to be sent to BF and SM. looking at the lists, i realized that two of the lists had already been sent to them.

so i emailed them lthe additional information on the hard copy lists.

8/19 5:35am i receive an email from SM stating that she already had those items and would need the lists in order to separate the items per class. NP again.

8/19 7:39am  "I am not really sure the reasoning as to why you did not have DD do as I requested. However, it was extremely disrespectful that you did not have her do that simple task. If she is able to send you an email she is able to simply copy her list to an email and send it to us. There was time to play in the pool so I am sure there was time for her to complete a task for school. She is now in middle school and should be responsible for taking care of these matters herself.

Also, please provide me with DD's email address. This is unless you plan on refusing to allow this type of contact between a father and daughter. Your reaction will be very telling."

i have no idea where this is coming from. unless he just wants to pick a fight on my birthday?

so i responded that
1. SM requested the info from me. and the parents are responsible for communication of information.
2. he has received the information in a prompt manner
3. DD has not written me any emails. the email address i used to send her a photo was an address BF set up, so he should have that address.

BF responds:
"When I spoke to DD yesterday I specifically told her to email us the information. Did she not tell you this? If not then you need to punish her for lying to you. If you don't then I will.

I did not make the request to you but to DD. As a middle school student she should be able to handle this responsibility. If she cannot then she cannot be expected to be treated as a middle school student.....and DD told me of the lists that she received at school prompting the request. She seemed a bit too busy trying to get into the pool to take care of it."


my response:
"i don't feel we can decide anything about what happed until we have spoken to DD and have more information.
in reading your email below, i feel that you are saying that it is only your decision whether or not DD is punished. is that what you are saying?"

BF:
"You either ignored the fact that I gave DD specific instructions on how to handle the situation or she lied to you. Which was it? No other facts are pertinent. If she did not do as instructed anything offered is just an excuse, which is unacceptable. She is now in middle school and they are not interested in excuses anymore so please do not encourage this behavior."

me:
"i don't believe it is only a black and white issue. can you tell me exactly how you told her to do this?"

he would not answer this. he just said it was clear.

DD says he only asked the info to be emailed and since i usually do that she didn't think it would be a big deal.

he called to speak with her and she got really upset.

she maintains that she misunderstood. that if he wanted her specifically to email it, she did not realize that. but that she did not lie.

he yelled at me on the phone "shut the h*ll up"  "she is lying"

he wants me to punish her saying that i am taking her word over his ('an adults word')
i explained that i in no way am saying that he is being dishonest. that there is a third option..... being a miscommunication.

in the future if the parents would communicate to each other changes in things like this, the miscommunication could be eliminated.... conflict as well.

i talked with DD this morning. encouraged her to send BF a text to reach out and make up.

Our 11 year old daughter has a physical coming up. i told dad that for this particular appointment i would like to take our daughter to it as she and i had some questions for the doctor (private female issues).

he has now demanded that i get our daughter to share these things with him.

even if we were still married, these are things i would not be discussing with him.

she was uncomfortable when he made the subject of her wearing a bra an issue and has expressed that she does not wish to discuss these issues with him or in his presence.

the doctor has mentioned it is about time for the hpv shot. and i would like for our daughter to have an opportunity to discuss it with her doctor first. this does not mean that i would make the decision without her dad's involvement to let her get the shot.

what do you think?

about public humiliation?

i'm referring to extracurricular events and at school.

when the other parent tells  other parents bad things about you.... technically, since this isn't IN FRONT OF the children is it bad?

ignoring you in front of other parents if you are talking to her/him or asking a question. refuse to accept an item, when you are trying to hand them your child's batting helmet.

complain to the school about your volunteerism because of your exposure to her/his SD and request that you not volunteer in that department... and the school responds by requesting that you no longer volunteer.

it is difficult enough to deal with the daily verbal garbage. (ie accusations, references about my past and my abuse as a child etc...)   and i realize that my response to this is deep rooted in our history or the history of the dynamic of our marriage and our divorce.

so the public situations just ad to the anguish.

so how do you respond to public situations like these?  
is this just another way to push me out?

Diane Sawyer interviewed Alec Baldwin about PAS and his divorce/custody battle.
it was moving.... and describes what many parents are going thru both mothers and fathers. though they do not have 3.5 million for a legal battle of that magnitude.

i really loved his comment:
"The judges are like pit bosses in Vegas casinos. Their job is to make sure everybody stays at the table and keeps gambling."