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My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation. We are in IL.

Not sure if you remember my case.  SD is 15 and wants to move in with us.  Lots of issues at her mother's house including underage drinking, abusive boyfriend (her mom's), and sexual activity.  Our attorney filed a motion to modify custody and set a court date to request a guardian ad litem.  That court date was last week.  BM's attorney showed up and first argued that he only received 13 days notice of the court date instead of the required 14.  The judge gave him a really interesting look that said "are you kidding me?"  Our attorney responded that the "rule" is that the notice be mailed no later than 14 days prior and that had been done.

BM's attorney then said that he planned to file a motion to dimiss.  The judge asked if he would like to present it to the court now.  The attorney said it was back in his office.  So, the judge set a date for this week to hear the motion to dismiss.

The judge did ask about mediation and our attorney explained that the parties have tried to work this out but have been unsuccessful.  Our attorney stressed the urgency of the matter and noted that mediation would just delay things.  She noted the sensitivity when custody is being discussed and the desire to have something settled before school starts in a little over a month.  The judge noted that perhaps after the motion to dismiss it heard and if the case proceeds, then we may want to consider an emergency temporary custody hearing.

So, what are the chances that the case will be dismissed?  Does this happen often?

We really had just hoped to get the GAL assigned and let them start talking with everyone.

Case is in IL, father is NCP, mother is CP, daughter is 15

Child lives with CP but sees NCP often...one overnight each week, every other weekend (Fri. after school-Mon. when school starts), half of days off school, alternate holidays, six weeks in summer.

If the child has started to express the she wants to live with NCP, what would need to happen?

How much weight does a 15 year old's voice have?

If CP does not agree, how would this proceed?

Would child need to testify in court?  If so, what kind of questions can be expected?

Also, what "reasons" are considered legit for the child wanting to move?

I had posted previously about filing for a child support review in IL.  CS has never been reviewed (since the original amount was set) which was over 9 years ago.

My ex had always threatened to file for custody if a CS review was done.  He had said some things recently that upset our son about custody and such.

I received an update from my attorney saying that she had received a copy of a letter that my ex's attorney had sent him along with the CS review papers that we filed.  His attorney requested a new retainer to continue representing him and gave him a deadline by which to pay.  The retainer was a couple thousand dollars which I thought sounded pretty high.

At this point, his attorney has admitted to my attorney that she isn't sure if he'll continue to retain her because she plans to be honest with him that he can't fight the CS review.  And, that custody is not an issue as there hasn't been a change in circumstances.  He's meeting with her this week.

My questions:

1.  Is it common for an attorney to request a retainer everytime an issue arises?  I've never had this happen.  I paid a retainer when I first got my attorney and then have always just received a bill for any other matters.

2.  If my ex doesn't keep his attorney and she withdraws, then does my attorney have to start all over by serving him?  Or does it count since we served his attorney of record?  My attorney epxressed that it could become a more drawn-out process if his attorney withdraws.

I'm in IL.  I have sole legal and physical custody of my 11 year old son.  My son has liberal visitation with his father...EOW, one overnight through the week, lengthy period at Christmas, EO Spring Break, half of the extra days off school (i.e., M.L. King day), and alternate holidays.  We have been divorced for over 9 years.  There was not a custody battle back then, my ex signed the papers willingly.

As our son has gotten older, his expenses have also gone up.  We have never reviewed CS in all this time.  My ex had always threatened me that if I ever asked for more CS then he would file for custody.  Perhaps I shouldn't have, but I did file for a CS review last month mainly because our son's expenses really have increased.

Our son came home last night from spending the weekend with his dad and he was so upset.  It seems his dad was pressuring him to move over there.  Our son is so sensitive anyway and was up half the night with an upset stomach.  I can honestly say that my son and I have a strong bond and that he talks very openly with me.  He is a good student (A's and B's with an occasional C on his report card), particpates in several activities, has lots of friends, and is a happy little boy.

If my ex is able to brainwash our son against me, is that enough to overturn custody?

How much weight does the child's voice carry in a situation like this?

I had posted previously about BM wanting to change how the summer weeks are handled.  My DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer and has to let BM know the dates by April 1 each year.  During that time, he gets one uninterrupted week for vacation purposes.  During the remainder of the summer, BM gets one uninterrupted week for vacation purposes.  She is saying that since SD plays softball during the beginning of the summer (and DH has always taken his summer weeks during the latter part of the summer) that she should get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it would interfere with DH's 6 weeks.  She says that then he would have to add a week to the beginning or end of his summer weeks to make-up for her vacation week being right in the middle of his "consecutive" weeks.  She has also expressed a problem with the fact that DH chooses his 6 weeks so that they overlap with the month that I am off work each summer.  Our thought has always been that it makes the most sense to have SD during the summer at a time when we know one of us can be home with her.  Just doesn't make sense to have her sit at our house by herself.

We receive a Motion to Modify in the mail last week but it hasn't been filed with the court.  It wasn't even dated.  We have scheduled an appointment with our attorney for later this week to discuss what's going on.

Since SD is now a teenager, DH asked her if it was important to her to be at our house when I am home in the summer.  SD has said that it is and she doesn't want to have to come at another time.  She even wrote a letter for us to give to our attorney so that her (SD's) feelings are known.

1.  Do you think it will help us to have this letter from SD?

We have put together an overview of the past summers to show that there have been weeks that BM could have chosen for her vacation week that would not have interfered with the softball season, but she chose to pick a week that did.

2.  Will it help for us to show what has happened in the past and that she did not choose a week when there was not games when she could have?

My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation. We are in IL.

Wow...I go on vacation for a week and come back to a completely new board.  I'm sure the boards will be easy to figure out after awhile, but right now it all seems so foreign!

Spent last week at Disney World.  What a great time!!  Couldn't believe how tired I was when we got home.  Took a couple days just to feel like I wasn't completely exhausted.

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let PB know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with PB on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to PB's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is PB's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, PB has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, PB has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. PB's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now PB feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. PB has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to PB but she can't seem to understand it.

PB has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...PB gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, PB could take a vacation at that time too.

PB insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does PB have a chance in getting her way on this one?

My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation.  We are in IL.

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let PB know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with PB on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to PB's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is PB's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, PB has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, PB has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. PB's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now PB feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. PB has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to PB but she can't seem to understand it.

PB has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...PB gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, PB could take a vacation at that time too.

PB insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does PB have a chance in getting her way on this one?