Topics

State is WA

I have a 13 yr old daughter.  X left when she was one year.  We were not married.  I have raised daughter soley and X has had liberal visitation when he has chosen to exercise it.

We have no legal agreements filed.  He is not on birth certificate, nor has paternity ever been established.

He has paid CS about half the time.  The times he has paid it has been at a rate of less than half of what he would have been required by the state (I am basing this off of the CS schedule for WA).  He has always paid with cash, with the exception of last 8 months.

X now lives about 80 miles away.  He has a history of drugs and has been in treatment numerous times.  Has a few misdemeanor thefts, one as recently as last year.  He hasn't had a job in 6 years.  Supposedly due to a diagnosis of adult ADD.  He has SO that supports him.

I have no record, drug problems etc...I remarried about 10 yrs ago.  Marriage is extremely stable.  DH has stable job, provides all medical etc.. I run a small home based business so I can be at home for my kids.  We also have two sons 7 and 4 yrs.

Daughter is a 4.0 student.  Participates in a couple of sports, takes acting classes, plays in school band etc...Daughter has stated desire to live with X.  Says she is not unhappy here, just wants a chance to be with dad.

I handle all her business.  Dr appts., activities, school stuff etc... X has never even asked to help with anything has always just let me handle.

I have always encouraged the relationship between X and daughter as I believe it is in her best interest to know her dad.  Not that a I think he is the best influence.  His family is wonderful, I am close to them and daughter also spends time with them on regular basis.

X filed a parentage motion with a temporary parenting plan listing him with physical custody, me EOW, holiday etc...His reason stated is that my DH is verbally abusive to our children, which is a total lie!  When I asked X about the abuse, he says we yell at our children and that is domestic violence.  Mind you, yes we sometimes have to yell when remprimanding our children, but we do not call them names or belittle them etc....

1.  In your opinion, what chance does X have of obtaining custody given the facts above?

2.  How does the court determine the amount of back support owed when there are essentially no records on either side?

3.  Does the fact that we have no legal custody agreement hurt me and render the typical "change in circumstances" requirement not applicable?

4.  In your experience are courts willing to take the child out of a stable consistent environment into a lesser one just because the child wants to check out the other side?

5.  Will the fact that I've always allowed visitation, even thought X is not most stable individual, go against me?

6.  Will accusation of Domestic violence hurt us?  Is yelling really considered domestic violence?

7.  Can I get access to his therapy records?  

8.   If I ask for a pysch eval. will I need to take one as well?

I will apologize in advance, as my story is a lengthy one.  

I have a 13-year-old daughter.  My X left when she was 1 yr old.  I have raised her since with him having regular visitation.  Not on a set schedule, but liberal and at both of our convenience.  He has paid support about half the time, and at about half of what the state would require.  My X is not on the birth certificate and we have no legal custody/visitation agreement.  I remarried when my daughter was 3 and have remained married to dh for almost 10 yrs.  DH and I have two boys together.

Until the last year and a half my X and I have maintained a very amicable relationship.  Not to say that we didn't have our arguments and disagreements, but we were always able to put them behind us and get along for the sake of our daughter.  

I have always taken the responsibility for raising our daughter as my X has been more interested in partying.  Daughter has had a stable home her whole life.  Is a 4.0 student.  Plays softball and soccer.  Plays the flute, the guitar and takes acting lessons.  In other words she is a healthy thriving 13 year old.  Her teachers, coaches lover her!  

DH has always had a steady job, I run a small business out of our home.  I have always provided her medical, dealt with all her Dr, Dental, Teacher conferences, signed her up for her extracurricular activities, DH coaches her softball team etc.....  X has never asked to be included in any of these responsibilities.  I'm sure he doesn't even know her Dr's name though she has had the same one since she was 4 yrs.

He has been in drug treatment 3 or 4 times, I've lost count.   He hasn't held a job but for maybe a total of 3 out of the last 13 yrs and hasn't had one at all in the last 6 yrs.  He receives state medical.  According to him this is due to Adult ADD.  I think he has antisocial personality disorder, but I am no expert I have only read much about it and it seems to fit him to a T.   He has a criminal record with a few misdemeanors, one being 3rd degree theft last year and a bazillion driving infractions.  He has been in every jail in the surrounding 5 counties due to his not paying his tickets, failure to appears etc...

When my daughter was 9 he up and disappeared one day.  Left his house, his dogs etc...and no one knew where he was.  This was just after his last round of treatment and we all assumed the worse.  Of course my daughter was devastated to say the least and very worried.  She cried herself to sleep for 4 months.  6 months after the disappearance he shows back up says all is good and wants to see our daughter.  He had found himself a gf and was supposedly back on track.  

Since then he has significantly improved his life at least by his own standards.  He seems to measure his worth as an individual by what he owns and his standard of living.  Which despite his not working is rather cushy.  DH and I have a good idea of how he and his now supposed wife,  I say supposed as I am 99% sure the "Marriage" is not real, earn their money.  Daughter has told us some stories and my X has admitted much of it to me.    

We started having trouble when he became engaged and moved 80+ miles away.   We had a blow up one night and he refused to speak to me afterward.  I thought this odd since we have always had our disputes.  Anyway,  his wife/gf calls me and since we get along she has decided that she and I will now communicate.  I'm like whatever,  I don't have the time or energy to join my X's pity party.  Big mistake on my part as I now believe she started the wedge and is behind most of the turmoil today.  

Two months ago my X  decided that he would now like to be a participating parent and have his "parental rights"  legally.  At first I thought, I don't have a problem with most of his requests as really we already have such an arrangement, but if he wants all his rights in black and white then I want to establish that I have physical custody in this agreement.  Now all of  a sudden he tells me that my daughter wants to live with him.  He served me with parentage paperwork and a temporary parenting plan that would establish him as the custodial parent.  Also he falsely accuses my husband of domestic abuse because we yell in our house and my husband punched a hole in the wall 4 years ago.  We go to court in a few weeks.

I have spoken with my daughter and she says she would like to have an opportunity to live with her dad since she has lived with me all along.  While I understand her feelings, I do not think it is in her best interest.  My X's family doesn't think it would be in her best interest.  I am close to his entire family and my family is regularly invited to their family functions, weddings, b-days etc.... Nobody that knows the both of us thinks this is a good idea.  

What are the odds that the courts would remove her from my care based on the above info?  Sorry it is so lengthy but it really is only the tip of the iceberg!