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Topics - mango

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We rotate every other year, and in our legal paper work it states father get's even years mother odd. Well for 2006, mother decided to claim the deduction and submitted her taxes before we did.

We e-filed and it bounced back, that XXX social was already claimed. So we had to mail it with a copy of the legal plan stating it was our right for the child deduction. A week later we got our full refund.

But now I wonder, what happens to the ex? Do they notify her? She obviously had submitted her papers early to get the deduction before we did. And I'm sure she already got her check and spent it. Do you suppose they will revoke it or make her pay it back? Anyone had this happen to them?

We just didn't want to stir the bee's nest if  you know what I mean.

My DH works, and I work. I make slightly more then he. We have 3 kids of our own together. Right now we share 50/50 of his 10Y old SD from previous, and have no CS support order. We think the BM will file for full custody when she turns 12, and start asking for CS.

Realistically do they calculate my income into the formula?? Because they have asked for my W-forms many times in the past. Plus they look at our taxes which show our incomes combined?

Also, his ex has 2 masters degrees and 2 bachelors degrees, but hasn't worked in over 3 year?. Does that go against him since her average income in none? (Incase you were wondering, her mother has been paying her rent and car, and living expenses, along with help from student loans)

Any know, I have no idea.

Shrink Rap / Is there a relationship between PAS and weight gain?
« on: May 07, 2004, 10:47:38 AM »
My SD is gaining weight quick. She is age 10 and 110 pounds. You can't notice it much, but if not addressed it may develope into a weight problem. My DH addressed the issue with EX, and she said she would "grow into" her weight. But she is at the age of approaching puberty soon, and may get  worse.

She seems to go out to dinner a lot, eat school lunches, and her grand-dad (from ex) takes her to pastry shop after school and she gets 2-3 pastries!!

It seems out of our control since it's a 50/50 plan, and no one recognizes the problem.

If we practice good eating on our time, it gets und-one on mothers time.

Dear Socrateaser / To play the same game or not?
« on: Jul 17, 2006, 08:28:09 AM »

This is so petty, but I am curious what you have to say about it.

OHIO. We have had the same 50/50 shared parenting plan for over 4 years, two other shared plans previous. Recently the BM tried to dissolve this plan and requested sole, and the case was dropped by GAL. BM intends on taking us back to court, (in hopes for a new GAL) at least as she has stated verbally. (But I don't think she has any valid reasons to do so.) SD is age 12.

We have a split summer schedule and rotate weekend during the summer. We have the first half which ends this week. Typically throughout the plan all the exchanges are done afterschool etc. So there is not too many direct exchanges for Holidays or visitations, but since this is the summer there are some. So far over the past several years, the parent exercising the visit has always done the pick-up and returns for the stipulated times in the plan, but the actual transportation is not spelled out in the plan, it only lists the times of the Holidays & visits.

However, this summer the BM had the 4th of July holiday during our half. She picked up her daughter and after the visit ended the next day she did not return her. My DH had to call and go get her, as the BM had left for work and his daughter was home alone. That night the BM called SD at our house, and asked her if there "Was there any 'grumbling' from your dad over the pick-up?" So obviously she was doing this on purpose. It was not an innocent "i forgot". We believe this is intentional to aggrivate us.

This weekend was another weekend visit from BM, and she again, did not return her this morning for the end of the visit at 7:30, as written. So, DH drove to get her. Again BM not home just SD.

My Q's:

1.) Is there a "standard" assumption (unwritten rule) when a parent exercises a visit that they are responsible to pick-up and return them after the visit at the set time to the CP home?

If so, is she in contempt?

2.) The summer switch is this week and it will become BM's half now, and we get the "visits". We get our first weekend on July 21st to 24th on her half/this coming weekend. Should he do the same thing and only pick her up for his weekend, and not worry about the return? Assume that she is picking her up?

If he does this, does that give her ammo to take him back to court, and try to make him appear as the "uncooperative" parent or something?

3.) What do you suggest is the appropriate action to take to this nonsense? As he does not want to be the one stuck doing "all" the driving, as it is 40 minutes between homes.

Thanks Soc.

Dear Socrateaser / The beat goes on and on....long
« on: Apr 18, 2006, 03:11:38 PM »
Shared parenting order, ohio. 50/50 plan. BM school. Child now 12 -1/2.
3rd shared parenting plan, thick file at court, many rounds of custody.

BM filed for sole custody Feb 05, used a swim club as a way into court, and said father was uncooperative with taking child to swimming club. When in reality the parenting plan states parents must agree on all activities and he did not agree with this one. She already filed contempt prior, and lost, and then 2 months later filed for sole custody to terminate his rights.

BM also stated that it was the childs wishes to live with her and not see the BF anymore.

Requested a GAL be appointed to the case to research it.

Seeing that we have been through court 3 previous times and always resulted in shared parenting, BF did not counterfile, instead maintained position that he wanted to keep the same 50/50 parenting plan with no changes. But he stated that he feels BM wants sole for the purpose of eliminating his rights and that BM desired to move away, since she has a track record of moving every couple years (out of state). The current order states if another move from BM and BF gets custody. So if BM does away with current order, the statement goes away too, and she is free to move.

BF requested counseling stated BM is brainwashing his daughter. Got court order for it because BM refused to cooperate. Counselor revealed privately to us that child is PAS'd, and BF should have sole custody because the mental health of the child is at stake. (This would mean a school district change) But because BM will not sign patient doctor release, counselor can not testify in court.

Now, a year and a half later, the BF has been taking daughter to swim club during pending trial, to show "cooperation", but still not in favor of it (various reasons).

The GAL sees that the BM is the one that is completely uncooperative, and mentally manipulating the child, and likely has mental issues. The BM's case is looking grim. BM refused to pay the GAL her fees. GAL put her in contempt, or a dismissal was in order.

BM stated she wants a new GAL on case. GAL told us it's very hard to get a new GAL. However, if BM gets case dismissed she can re-file with the court and they will get her a new GAL. - Smart.

Case is now in the process of getting dismissed, as fees were not paid by BM.

GAL suggested to our attorney BF should file NOW for sole custody before she is forced to withdraw from the case. If quick she will still be permitted to stay on case, and she will support BF motion for sole. But we are looking at needing psych evals done. Those are costly and usually weak. (been there, done that)

We do not know what the best thing to do is, and do not have the money to keep this going for 5-1/2 more years. But if we go for sole maybe we can end this constant court stuff. But even then BM can keep filing.....

My Q?

1.) If BM files again, can she file on same grounds, even though it was dismissed? Or will she need new grounds?
2.) Can we still request the same GAL if BM refiles? Even if she refuses her?
3.) Can we file a civil lawsuit against the BM for financial burden to our family? Is there such a thing?
4.) I know you don't read tea leaves, but if the GAL in BF's favor for sole, realistically, what chance is there that the court will actually agree with GAL? It's still up to the legal system and a major "change in circumstances" which really there is none other then they can't seem to co-parent and it's obvious to us now that BM is mental. But the court may not see that as a big enough deal to change custody and her school.
5.) Is there a way to shut down all the motions, and leave it alone?

Dear Socrateaser / Trip Abroad
« on: Jan 06, 2006, 08:21:42 AM »
Dear Soc,

Franklin County, Ohio. Minor child is age 12. Currently shared 50/50 plan. BM school district. No CS.

We BF & I, (I'm SM) are in the middle of a custody dispute with BM. Brought on by the BM in an effort to terminate the 50/50 CO and obtain sole-custody. BM says SD doesn't want to visit with us anymore. BF suggested family counseling or just for SD, but BM naturally rejected the idea. BF knows mother is brainwashing/PAS. With court approval BF was able to get counseling for SD. During court BM's attorney (in hallway) asked for BF signature on passport. BF reluctantly signed as he didn't want to seem uncooperative.

Little history on BM.:
BM has strong history of state-wide move aways/even France (her desire is to return to France and live), unemployment and perpetually a student. She is age 40 and on her 4th degree, this one is a Masters in French. Current order states if BM moves once more BF gets automatic custody without hearing before a court. She is almost done with her degree in French, no ties to Ohio except by way of her child and courts. We strongly suspect she plans on moving to France and wants "sole-custody" so she can have ability to move her daughter with her.  Currently, she has her own apartment in rich area of town, financially supported by her mother or other family, still unemployed. Not sure how she always has lots of money with no job.

OK, Now in counseling, counselor said to BF daughter is PAS'd, and afraid of her BM. She also advised BF to rescind his signature on passport as she felt BM is a flight risk.

Recently SD mentioned that her and BM were going to France with SD's school French Club, and they were going to stay longer after the trip was over (likely using this extended time as a job search). Nothing was ever mentioned to BF about this trip whatsoever by BM.

I e-mailed the French teacher and asked about the trip. She said the trip is in the summer and her and her mom were already signed up for it. (without consent of BF?)

The dates of the trip were clearly during BF half of the summer break, and BM did not discuss this trip abroad with BF. They have a joint parenting plan and joint decision making. BM continues to make unilateral decisions and "informs" BF. If he objects he is perceived as uncooperative.

He is not in favor of her going out of the country to France for various reasons, nor do we have money to (likely) have to pay for half of the trip. (Not sure how she has it either)

He just doesn't know the best way to handle this? As of right now the BM has not mentioned the trip to BF, and does not even know that BF is aware of the trip taking place. She is likely planning on dumping it on him later.

Ok, finally my Questions:

1.) Is he obligated to consent to this trip?
2.) If not, how can he prevent it? Should he write the school a letter stating that he does consent to the trip, and he has joint legal decision making. Then the school will inform mum that they can't allow trip without his consent? Rescind his signature on passport?  
3.) Since this is school-related is he stuck having to allow this trip, and pay for half, based on the activities portion of the plan? (see below).
4.) Write letter to BM stating her lack of consultation with BF is a continuous problem, etc. Trip is not convenient or affordable at this time, thanks.

Relevant to this is 2 parts of the plan:


Each Parent shall have the following rights and obligations:

A. To participate and consult in all major decisions affecting the welfare of the minor child, including matters affecting the health, social development, morals, welfare, education and economic environment of said child. This right shall include but not limited to consultation with any treating physician, dentist, psychologist, health care provider, teacher, counselor, tutor, coach, or any other persons who significantly impact the minor child.

Each Party hereby assigns the other Parent the authority to consent to any necessary emergency medical, surgical, hospital, dental, institutional, psychological or psychiatric treatment for the minor child. Further, the Mother and the Father shall each be entitled to obtain a second opinion from a competent professional at their own cost with respect to any and all medical related issues pertaining to the minor child. If there is any disagreement after any second opinions are obtained, the Mother's choice shall control.


The parties will cooperate in facilitating extracurricular activities. During the time each parent has said child, each parent will be responsible for taking the child to her extracurricular activities.

The cost of school-related or school sponsored said extracurricular activities will be equally divided between the parents, each paying 50% of the same. However, should either parent enroll the child in a non-school related extracurricular activity without the agreement of the other parent who did not agree for the child to participate in said extracurricular activity shall have no obligation to pay any of the costs of said extracurricular activity and shall be relieved of any obligation to transport the child to said extracurricular activity. The purpose of this clause is to ensure that neither parent enrolls the child in an extracurricular activity without the express agreement of the other parent.

However, either parent may indicate that while they do not agree with the enrollment into the extracurricular activity, they may agree by written notice to the parent who is enrolling the child in said extracurricular activity, that they will not agree to pay for said activity, but will transport the child to said activity and in that manner, the parent who is enrolling the child shall not be in violation, that an entire agreement must be entered into prior to enrolling the child in any extracurricular activity.

Dear Socrateaser / Discovery & Interrogatories
« on: Nov 29, 2005, 11:50:43 AM »
Dumb question - easy one for you.

Background info:
Franklin county, OH court.
We are Defendant (BF) pro se.
BM suing for sole custody based on childs wishes. She just reached 12. Case open since Feb 2005. Currently 50/50 joint plan, BM school district, no child support order. Plaintiff asked for finacials and Discovery etc. (probably for support order)

So far he has only been defending his position to stay in the current plan.

1.) Can he request financials/Discovery and Interrogatories from the otherside even if he is not counter filing for custody? Reason being, we would like to be able to argue back her inability to support herself over the past years, and she is in no position to have sole custody. Plus would like to request her school schedules as she takes night classes and leaves child home alone repeatedly. Which we feel is valid in court.

2.) To request Discovery does he need to file it through court, or can he just request it through her attorney? Is this considered a motion?

Dear Socrateaser / evicted
« on: Oct 11, 2005, 09:09:42 AM »
Hi Soc,

SD is 11. Shared parenting plan 50/50. BM residential.

BM has been proven unstable over the years, but BF allowed BM school district at last custody battle to avoid lengthy court battle.

BM is now filing for sole custody for reasons of "childs wishes" etc.

We are pro se. Did not counter file for custody, because we just want to keep what we have. 50/50.

So far the court ordered counseling with suspicions of PAS towards BF.

BM is unemployed, and financially supported by her mother, she is a perpetual student to keep her student loans in deferrment. She is 40.

She is now a Graduate Teaching Associate as part of her Masters degree which earns her very little money, but some. (not enought ot live on) It's called a stipened, of a max $1000 per month. Her rent was $775 alone.

BM has not had a good track record to staying in one location, lot's of moves, states, and countries. etc...

We just saw an eviction notice on her old apartment door, and we found out she was evicted from the apartment for not paying rent. But she did find another one. (no clue who would rent to her without a job, and being evicted...but...)

Meanwhile, BF very stable, works, owns home, etc. (has provided health insurance for child entire time)

My questions:
1.) Is any of this relevant to the court that BM has no ability to provide? Over 10 years in school, lot's of degrees, but no work experience.

2.) Would we have a valid case to go for primary custody based on her unemployment record, and support by her mother, and eviction from her apartment? I mean "someone" is providing a roof, but it's not her....

Dear Socrateaser / GAL question
« on: Sep 26, 2005, 01:28:46 PM »
We are in the midst of a custody dispute, and a GAL has been assigned to the case.  

DH is self-representing. Ohio court, childs is 11, mother is residential, and the parents have shared custody 50/50.

Mother is seeking sole-custody, and want sto terminate fathers rights to make decisions because he will not agree to (1) activity. He has agreed in 6-8 (all other) things mother has wanted, but is not in favor of this one thing. The childs grades are starting to go from honor roll student to C-'s. The father thinks she is overscheduled, the mother and now the GAL disagree.

They all appeared in front of the magestrate for a review of findings and the magestrate said she will likely not change the parenting order from what it was. But had no time to hear the case. Continuance.

Meanwhile, the GAL is trying to force DH to do things without court by telling him he has to do them. She made him give up his Wednesday visits only because at the findings review he mentioned he would be willing to give them up if necessary (as a compromise) But nothing ws determined that day or written. But then she made him hold his words the next time he went to pick her up, he was refused his daughter and the GAL supported this witholding. Now, she is trying to force him to participate in the activity that he is in disagreement with (which he has gone to court previoulsy last year, and was found in NOT in contempt of this matter.) DH thinks it's fishy or that she is bullying him because he is self-representing. He thinks she is trying to pull something over because the magestrate stated that she will unlikely change orders.

1.) Does the GAL have the right to terminate orders and force parents to do things without a hearing? I thought they could only make recomendations to the court, not make binding rulings.

2.) Did she have a right to get rid of his Wednesdays without it being in writing? He was trying to negotiate to settle....but it is not settled because there still seems to be a trial scheduled.

Dear Socrateaser / counseling
« on: Jun 15, 2005, 01:47:32 PM »
We (father) are going pro-se. Ohio court, 50/50 plan. Child is 11.

BM wants sole custody based on child's wishes. (which is influenced by the mother)
Child has been interviewed by GAL and she has stated that she only wants to see father 12 DAYS per year. (no clue where that number came from) GAL states she MUST address the wishes of the child, she will not reduce his time to 12 days but will reduce it considerably based on childs wishes. The child states she feels like an outsider. This has been instilled by her mother constantly telling her she should not be with us, and we "don't care" about her etc.

This is our 4th time in court with BM trying to get sole custody, and court has always recomended shared parenting because there is no drugs, abuse, or neglectful parenting.

We told the GAL there is heavy programming/manipulation, and she said it was somewhat "obvious" but she still needs to address what she "says" she wants.

She recommended some family counseling. But the mother is strongly against it. We feel it's needed, but the parenting order states "both parents need to jointly consult in medical etc etc)

1.) Can the father request a motion by the court that the GAL's recommendations be put on hold until the child has some counseling. Then have to GAL re-asses the child's wishes later?

2.) can he file a motion to force counseling?

3.) If so, ...can you help us word it?

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