« on: Nov 10, 2007, 08:06:23 am »
I have 4 kids by my first husband he died 4 years ago, we were still married and fairly happy. After 2 years my kids brought home thier friends father for me, he had custody of his daughter. Yeah sounds funny but the kids set us up. His daughter had been to my house several times, mine to his, we met and the kids pressured us to go out so after some hesitation I gave in. We dated and both him and his daughter moved in with us. I actually like his daughter she behaived well with me and enjoyed doing things like helping me cook (stiring things etc) that my kids just got board with doing. She had previous behavior problems but for the most part she was doing well in therapy and doing well in my home. Mom had every weekend with the child and wens. as well. The main problem was mom.
Mom after they moved in started pulling some nasty things. She would pull up in front of my house and yell at my boyfriend, curse in front of the kids, and one time had her boyfriend get out of the car to have a fist fight with my boyfriend in front of the kids. Then she started with filing stuff in family court to get custody back and she kept losing so she got cps involved by saying her child was being sexually abused by mine. First time it didn't fly, second time they wanted to open a case, third time I hired a lawyer and cps sent the kid to mom's with out giving dad any visits at all. My daughter went through all sorts of nonsense with therapist and evaluations etc and everything was coming back she had not been sexually abused nor was she abusing anybody else but I kept her in therapy to deal with things. I went to therapy myself. In the mean time his daughter was cut off from dad and her behavior went back to what it was she was out of control.
Now fast foward almost 2 years. Cps is still insisting my daughter did something to this other child but there is no real proof and we think if something happened it was probably some stupid kiddie thing if that. Dad now has theraputic visits with his daughter with a therapist and the kid is saying it was nothing. This kid is completely out of control in school and at home even the social worker now recoginizes this and ordered mom some parenting in home services. Last time we all met (thursday) we were informed this child is now pulling out clumps of her hair, is abusive towards her mother, is violent towards other kids, scratches herself and picks the scabs, picks her nose so it bleeds, is KILLING small animals, calls home from school to come home with various excuses, faking illnesses and the list goes on. This was told by moms lawyer with mom conferming it as he spoke. The mom was trying to blaim all this on dad but the social worker knew it wasn't him he only has 1 hour a week with the child in therapy. Now it appears that cps is recoginizing that mom can't handle this child and wants an eval on both homes to decide which is the better place for this child. They also want a medical eval on this child for psyc meds and a psychological eval. on the child.
Now maybe I am being selfish but in this time I also have a now 10 month old son, and with her being so violent and killing small animals etc I don't want the child here. I mean I know the child did well here and it is probably the better of the two homes but I now have 5 kids to consider. We won't even focus on the hell the ex put us through all this time but this kid is a danger to mine period why would they even think I'd have her back? My boyfriend is in a catch 22 situation because he feels the same way I do. He wants his visits and his time with his daughter but he fixed this situation once things were going good, when the child was doing well mom wanted her back and pulled every nasty in the book to get her, distroyed her and now wants to give her back. It took a lot of effort to get this child to where she was and he is burnt out and can't do it again. He loves his child but he loves the other kids too and does not want to endanger them to fix her. I know I can't do it. I can't go through the last 2 years again I'm burnt out on it. And how the hell does cps think having a child like this around my 5 kids is in thier best interest? It may be in his daughters best interest but my five come on? Are they nuts.
Would you take this kid back, would you even consider it? Thinking of all we have been through and this post only just scratches the surfice. What can we do to help this child with out endangering the others? That is the big question. I mean the parenting for the mom should help and the therapy and evals and maybe meds might help as well but we have a feeling that mom can't handle this child and no parenting class in the world will make her do anything if she doesn't see she did anything wrong. (she had she doen't pay any attention to the kids hence the behavior. It is a case of I don't want the child but I don't want you to have her either and I certianly don't want you to move on and be happy when I'm not) I could just scream like the post title I'm at my witts end and I just don't know how to proceed to help this kid.