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Topics - Kitty C.

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Father's Issues / Here we go again....
« on: Jun 23, 2016, 12:10:01 PM »
Here I thought that when SS graduated and got married, DH and I were done with this kind of crap.  Now my granddaughter is caught in the middle between DS and GD's BM.  I've had concerns about her since practically Day 1.  A couple months after GD was born, BM had to be hospitalized because she thought she might hurt GD.  Just a hospital stay for a week, no follow-up, no other intervention.

It's an incredibly long story, but suffice it to say that on Father's Day, she refused to allow DS to see his daughter.  My brother and SIL are involved and they shouldn't be, as BM is playing DH and I against them because my brother has a grudge against DS for something DS did when he was TWELVE. (Convoluted, huh?)  Needless to say, the BM threw our whole family under the bus Sat. night.  And she's either deleted her FB page or unfriended everyone in connection to DS.  DH is absolutely livid, partly because of all the problems he had with SS's BM in the past and partly because GD's BM lied to him once before and he told her that was her only chance.  He now says he's through with her.

And we're supposed to have her this weekend....she got a no contact order on DS a year ago and a temp. custody order was included for EOW.  And there's a court date next Tuesday because she wants to extend it (even tho she and DS have had NO contact except for a phone conversation regarding GD's ear tube surgery).  DH and I facilitate the exchanges.  I don't know if that's going to happen tomorrow night, but all I can do is pray.  God, how I love that little girl!

MB:  I'm keeping this off my FB page.  :-X

Custody Issues / Guidelines for leaving kids alone...
« on: Jun 26, 2015, 03:01:58 PM »
Found this on Facebook...thought it might be valuable here....

General Issues / New must-see documentary on the divorce industry!
« on: Jan 02, 2014, 06:31:19 AM »
Just found this out from National Parents Organization:
This is a new documentary highlighting how corrupt the divorce industry has become.  There are select screenings across the country and a book about it.  You can also request to have a screening.  If anyone lives in any of the screening areas, please try to see it.  NPO also has a 'label' that you can print off and wear to the screening:
If anyone does see this in its entirety, I would appreciate any feedback here....I live in rural Midwest and probably won't get a chance to see it.   :(

Father's Issues / Abby gets it wrong again....
« on: Jun 11, 2013, 08:23:25 AM »
A letter in Dear Abby's column today just pi$$ed me off.  The writer got it right, but it was Abby's response that was seriously lacking:

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand divorced women and the restrictions they put on their exes about what they can and can't do with their children. ("You can't let him go to the pool party; he might drown"; "She can't visit with your mother; she has a cat"; "Don't make him rake leaves; that's your job!") Instead, they should be grateful these fathers are active parts of their children's lives. Too many fathers simply walk away. Unless the dad is actively harming the child, they have no right to dictate what their ex does with his kids on his time.
Remember, ladies, you made a baby with him. He is their dad and he has every right to parent as he sees fit, even if it differs from your own philosophy. And dads, don't let your ex try to tell you that you are a bad parent because you let your kid go roller skating and she broke her arm. It is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time, even to kids whose parents are still together. So stand up for your right to be a real dad! -- UNSYMPATHETIC MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOM: If I were you, I'd keep my head down and not get caught in the crossfire. It's not that you lack sympathy, but you obviously don't relate to the women you hear complain. While some of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective, others may have valid concerns about their children's safety while they're with Dad.

Seriously, Abby??  'Some' of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective?  It made me mad enough to fire back a response to her:
Dear Abby,

I am appalled at your response to 'Unsympathetic Mom', who complained about women who try to control what their exes do with the children.  If you only knew what the atmosphere is regarding post-divorce child-rearing, you would never have said that.WAY too many women try to dictate and control what the fathers do with the kids.  Proof of that is when she says 'MY kids'...it should be 'OUR kids'.

I am a step-mother of a 19 y.o. and have been in his life since he was 3.  And his mother tried to control almost everything we did with him during the FOUR minimal days a month we had him when he was little.  Believe it or not, we only lived 2 blocks away in a very rural town, but since that was the minimum the court would allow, that was the MAXIMUM she would allow.  She tried to control the holidays we spent with him, she even tried to control how we CLOTHED him!  And she's not the only 'neurotic' parent out there...I am a moderator on a web forum for non-custodial parents and the stories I've seen there would curl your hair.

I'm happy to echo Unsympathetic Mom's sentiments:  Ladies, if you were willing to get in bed and/or marry this guy and have kids with him (and you cannot PROVE he has abused them), you have no choice but to allow him to parent as he sees fit.  You will be co-parenting with him until that child reaches the age of majority, so it is in the best interest of the child that you make an effort to get along.

My step-son's mother is now 'reaping the rewards' of her interference.  He still loves his mother, but he tries to have as little to do with her as possible.  He remembers what happened and she's tried to control his life, too.  So she only has herself to blame if she doesn't have the relationship with him now that she'd like to have.  More's the pity and from what I've seen on the forum I moderate, my stepson is just one of many this has happened to.

Been there, seen that...wished I hadn't

Father's Issues / Drum roll, please!!!!!!!!!!!!
« on: Jun 07, 2013, 07:04:10 AM »
DH and I will be gaining a daughter-in-law!!!!  SS came by just as I was leaving for a meeting last night and told me he HAD to show me something, then opened up a box to show me a beautiful engagement ring!  He looked at me and said 'L, I love her!'  I told him 'I know you do and you know we love her, too!'  SS and her have been together since SS was a sophomore and he turned 19 in Feb.  They broke up for a while last year but DH talked SS into getting back together with her and they are SO much happier!

My future DIL is a wonderful girl, I've known her parents for a long time and they are wonderful, too.  :)  I told SS that they shouldn't be in any hurry to get married, to just take their time.  It's just wonderful to see him so happy!

When I got home last night, I mentioned to DH about wondering what BM's reaction would be and he said that SS was going to see her after he told us.  That made me feel good, too!  I just pray that she doesn't try to stick her nose into their plans....I have a feeling that after all that has happened, both SS and FDIL will be telling her to butt out!   ;D

I was stunned when I read this article….not just that court ruled that a child should be returned to her father after an illegal adoption, but that it happened in Utah, of all places!  The quotes from the judge are priceless!  But it sounds like the only story the adoptive parents were listening to was the birth mother.  I’m sorry, but if the father is in the military and gets transferred from TX to SC, the mother would have had options through the military if she would have had limited resources. In my opinion, her story of having no other option but to give the child up doesn’t fly with me!


Father's Issues / Just got some very sad news....
« on: Jul 12, 2012, 07:17:12 AM »
Some of you 'oldtimers' might remember another fellow Iowan on this forum...he went by 'Hawkeye'.  I just learned that he passed away on Monday.  I hadn't heard from him personally for quite a few months and I don't know the details.  I do know that his son, whom he was so devoted to, is either graduated or a junior or senior.  He must be so lost right now...
I guess this is hitting me hard because I had another dear friend pass away suddenly last week.  Starting to feel my mortality very keenly.....

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