So, my ex's wife emails me the other day asking if I'd be willing to drop the support if my ex will stay out of our lives forever. She was laid off a couple of months back and so money is tight around their house. She says that if I don't he'll have no choice but to pursue visitation as he "feels it's ridiculous to paid this agreed upon amount of $300/month when he never sees or has contact with" my son. FWIW, I have never once denied any visitation requests or any other contact between the two of them. My ex has had myriad possibilities over the last 10 mos since he's seen my son to request to see him again, or to call and talk to him, or anything. He has done NONE of this. I know that support/visitation are two totally unrelated things, he's the one tying them together. Also, yes, I do realize he really should be the one contacting me about this, not her, just laying the story out as it happened.
We do have an order in effect since Mar '06, I have sole custody, visitation is "as agreed upon". Since that time he has seen my son probably a total of 3-4 times, the most recent being back in February 2008 when he was in town and I had to bargain with him that he could borrow my car during the day if he'd spend 2 1/2 hours of time in the presence of my son 2 nights during the week he was here. Other than that any visits during the past almost 3 years (and really almost 6 1/2 years my son's been alive) have all been initiated by me. I've said I was bringing him out to see him or begged and pleaded with my ex to come here and paid for his trip out, ex lives in MI we're in NY, and I pretty much have had to force him to spend a total of 3 or so hours over a 3 day weekend (on average, sometimes longer trips) with us when either he's here or we're there. The only contact the ex has had with me since May 2008 (when I finally officially ended the long dead relationship) regarding anything was a late birthday card in August 2008 for my son and sending the support check every month. I have not changed my phone number, address, email, anything in that time (and longer) so I've definitely been able to contact regarding seeing my son if he felt so inclined as to. Not to mention he was just in town for a few days over Thanksgiving and never even bothered to ask to see my son. I didn't even hear about the trip until he'd already gotten back to MI.
My question is this, what's the average visitation schedule in this situation, assuming he were to pursue something? I know that if he does try to pursue something he will want it "set in stone" this time rather than when the order was done and we "agreed" on that wording so that nothing would be set in stone. Also, what's "normal" as far as who would be required to pay travel expenses? Our current order states that also is "as agreed upon" but again this time I would like something set in stone as far as that goes. Ex has always lived in MI and I've always lived in NY so this is not a situation where either of us chose to move away from the other parent.
I am fully intending to call and schedule a consultation with a lawyer Monday morning, but thought I would look for some BTDT advice from the board first.
We do have an order in effect since Mar '06, I have sole custody, visitation is "as agreed upon". Since that time he has seen my son probably a total of 3-4 times, the most recent being back in February 2008 when he was in town and I had to bargain with him that he could borrow my car during the day if he'd spend 2 1/2 hours of time in the presence of my son 2 nights during the week he was here. Other than that any visits during the past almost 3 years (and really almost 6 1/2 years my son's been alive) have all been initiated by me. I've said I was bringing him out to see him or begged and pleaded with my ex to come here and paid for his trip out, ex lives in MI we're in NY, and I pretty much have had to force him to spend a total of 3 or so hours over a 3 day weekend (on average, sometimes longer trips) with us when either he's here or we're there. The only contact the ex has had with me since May 2008 (when I finally officially ended the long dead relationship) regarding anything was a late birthday card in August 2008 for my son and sending the support check every month. I have not changed my phone number, address, email, anything in that time (and longer) so I've definitely been able to contact regarding seeing my son if he felt so inclined as to. Not to mention he was just in town for a few days over Thanksgiving and never even bothered to ask to see my son. I didn't even hear about the trip until he'd already gotten back to MI.
My question is this, what's the average visitation schedule in this situation, assuming he were to pursue something? I know that if he does try to pursue something he will want it "set in stone" this time rather than when the order was done and we "agreed" on that wording so that nothing would be set in stone. Also, what's "normal" as far as who would be required to pay travel expenses? Our current order states that also is "as agreed upon" but again this time I would like something set in stone as far as that goes. Ex has always lived in MI and I've always lived in NY so this is not a situation where either of us chose to move away from the other parent.
I am fully intending to call and schedule a consultation with a lawyer Monday morning, but thought I would look for some BTDT advice from the board first.