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Topics - mshall

#1
State is Georgia. Began 6 years ago as a 50/50 with Mom as the primary custodial, with full CS being paid by DH. Actual parenting time for DH has been more than 50% since beginning (gradually increased each year from 52 to 85% ytd). All parenting time has been documented since 2003, along with notes of activities/expenditures and ALL correspondence b/t DH and Mom. DH continued to pay CS.

Due to issues 9 yo was having at Mom's house, DH filed for custody modification in February w/Mom's blessing.  No longer as a 50/50, but DH with sole - again, w/Mom's blessing. Mom blew a gasket when she went to attorney's office to sign paperwork and realized she would have to pay CS. She refused to sign.

FINALLY, after 3 postponements, had mediation on Tuesday. DH is now the primary custodial with 70/30. Mom refused to pay for any of son's expenses, including any amount of CS. Though not happy about it, she ended up with small amount of CS and 50% of medical/dental expenses - nothing else.  It came down to this or going to court, and she was told by her attorney and the mediator that she would end up with full CS and 50% of ALL expenses if she went to court.  DH's main concern was custody, not the money really (though the principle of it). Mom's main concern was money, not custody. According to DH not once did she fight over the custody, only the money.

Paperwork signed on Tuesday the 21st and she's already canceled her first scheduled weekend with son.
#2
Custody Issues / Custody change without request?
Apr 12, 2009, 05:59:35 AM
Anyone here every experience the courts making a custody change without the filing of mod for such by one of the parents?

Part of my story (DH's actually) is posted under the Psych board ("stepson intimidated by men").

Mother refuses any communication with DH about anything except for requests for status of where HER money is (e.g., child support, reimbursement of medical, other expenses.....). 

This lack of two-way communication (all in writing of course since she won't talk on phone with DH...and hasn't for years) includes:

  • Questions about children's frequent and unfounded doctor appointments
  • Questions about excessive school absences for past 2 years, including oldest son's recent truancy
  • No communication from mother at all regarding major medical decisions (e.g., diagnosis of younger son's ADHD and choice of meds, oldest son's supposed stomach issues that included 3 MRI's in 1 month)
  • No communication from mother regarding school conferences. This includes an IEP meeting that mother attended without DH ever knowing that son had an IEP. DH has even scheduled conferences in the past to have mother cancel them without his knowledge. (We are in Georgia, boys are in Florida)
This is just a small insight into the non-communication (and refusal to communicate) from mother's side. Tons of documentation.

There's also proof of repeated threats to withhold visitation and interference with visitation.

Getting prepared to go to court to get oldest son help with possible depression and answers to root of truancy issues that mother refuses to acknowledge. At this point DH is only asking for help for son, however the other ongoing issues will be addressed with the judge. Is it possible (or conceivable) that the judge might make this request herself?
#3
What to make of this.

DH's oldest son is in therapy for what his high school counselor suggested is depression. He's had 2 sessions with his psychologist and it has been determined that (A) he does appear depressed, and (B) he is intimidated by men...including his father, and psychologist saying he was born being intimidated by men. Psychologist is also a man.

Therapy started only after mom rec'd her copy of filed paperwork (see below). Psychologist is telling DH he is 'wrong for taking legal action and mom has done nothing illegal' (that's what he said). Have also found out that psychologist is a patient of the dentist that mom works for.

DH was not included in initial parent session w/mom and psychologist, even though he requested. Only informed of son's solo appts. Had the above very skewed conversation w/psychologist this week after son's appt.

Short background: Stepson (14) and his younger brother (13) live in Florida w/mother. DH and I live in Georgia. DH gets report cards in late February for both boys. Oldest has a 'D' and 'F' - has always been 'A' and 'B' student. DH begins communication w/mother about grades. 3 weeks later, and after repeated requests, no communication from mother about grades. Only communication generated from mother are requests for money. All communication is via letters, email and voice mail since she won't talk to DH on phone (been this way for years now). DH contacts school directly and finds out that oldest has been truant (38 days of school missed b/t January 12th and March 4th). Mother was sent letter after 10 and 20 days. She also rec'd phone calls (proof that attendance clerk spoke directly w/her on 2 occasions). Mother never contacted DH about situation. DH spoke with counselor who said she had mentioned to mother back in November 2008 and again more recently that son seemed to be depressed. Mother said she would 'think about counseling'. DH finally confronted mother on phone about truancy and the counselor's concerns. Mother told DH that the issues were resolved now that son was back in school, and she 'might consider therapy for son.' At this point, son stopped ALL communication w/DH; then 2 weeks before Spring break son emailed DH saying that he was not coming and that he hated DH. Up to this point DH and son would talk/text each other 2-3 times/week. Mother says it's an issue that DH and son have to resolve b/t them; she's not getting involved.

Younger brother did come for Spring break and told us (he initiated this discussion) that brother had become a different person in past months - had lost his sense of humor, angry all the time, yells at mom and stepdad, best friend is a 'loser.'

DH's attorney has filed motion to have GAL assigned to ensure son seek therapy and continue therapy. Other filings include the non-communication issue. Waiting now for day in front of judge.