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I am posting this here  as I am not certain where else I can post this, as it would  interupt the free flow of conversation.   

I am upset that a poster has belittled my contributions to this site, and has insinuated that I am a newbe...etc....

I am a NALA certified paralegal, I do know how to find, and have even been taught to interpret what the laws mean in real time.  However, since I was certified over ten years ago, I have been plagued with people that wanted free legal resources at my time and liberty.  And, honestly, there is rarely any follow through.

I am more than willing to assist a person that is really interested and invested, however, I am not willing to feed into what I preceive to be more drama....I need for people to engage and do some of the dirty work prior to sticking my neck on the line with my job & my family....

If I do not fit the profile of this community I am more than willing to stop posting and take my support and assistance elsewhere....

Regardless... I believe that you are doing a service and for that I wish you all the best....

Here are a couple of links that I would strongly encourage  book marking for future use.





http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_divorce (http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_divorce) 

http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/category/family_law (http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/category/family_law)

Cornell also has resources on other legal topics as well....

Hopefully this will assist some with their legal endeavors and efforts 

K

Again, I am on a rant, or should better say another vent session....

Husband and I each have children, yet none together... we share a Yorkie    probably the best we could do together with our differant veiws.

My kids are soon to be 27, 23, & 21, youngest two still in college: PH.d program & Honors undergrad.  Oldest graduated from college (BA+some grad work) and has been gainfully employed and independent for two years.

His are almost 22, and just turned 20.   Youngest is is now a junior in college- to her credit she is a very hard worker and is on track to graduate with her class, with Honors, and oldest is now completeing his senior year at yet another junior college, Golf school, (he did three years at a two year school and finished with a 2.0 gpa and no degree)

Husband and I,  share few common beliefs regarding parenting, as such we have fought over the years over styles and techniques, not to mention outcomes.

Has any one else experienced this?

How do you deal with it after the kids are all of "age"?

I feel like I am not able to talk about my children's progress or accomplishments, due to his child's lack thereof.

When my kids were growing up we posted all report cards on the refirgerator, mine as well as theirs, however, his kids were not posted because there grades were not as high, and it might make them feel bad.

I know that we are not suppossed to say we love our own children more, but I would be lieing if I said otherwise, however, that does not mean that I do not love my step children.

Does anyone else go through this?

Thank you for reading, and thank you more for responding!

Venting....about step-children, I know that my post topic is ugly, it is ugly to me as well, and I am ashamed of myself that this is still such a thorn in my side after all of these years.

My husband & I married 11 years ago, I have 3 children, he has 2, both of us were non-custodial parents, however, I had a 50/50 spilt with my ex- with condictions; each had to stay in local school distict, each had to suppot the children  while in they were in our care, and we spilt costs of the extras; sports, band, etc.,  as long as we did that, no money changed hands.    My children were also told by their father that not visiting with me was not an option.

My husband's ex did not see the value of co-parenting, and as such her children were her custodial property, and treated as such, and their father was the money train. 

Not visiting with dad was an option .

Our kids are 20, 21, soon to be 22, 23, & 27, and the youngest  has been out of our house for the two years, (all of the kids are in college- save oldest who has graduated)...

Husband & I have always gotten along well: when no kids are involved, yet throw the kids in the mix and there is likely to be trouble.  Life for us this last year has been great!  We sold our 5 bedroom house downsized and really are very happy...until.. kids....

He has an issue with my kids when they are home, very spoiled, yet capable and responsible (so says mom), I just have an issue with his for never being around, until they need something.

Husband and I have have differant expectations where kids are concerned, saving grace here is that we never had any together...LOL... instead we share a Yorkie...

Okay back to the vent....husband's daughter called tonight, she wants to get a room off campus next year....basically it will be a "Dad will you co-sign the lease..." and all that goes with it. Son did the same thing.. ( dad paid for him to for three years at a two year college.. still no degree so no he goes to a golf school down south.... another two year program, but, this is really what he wants to do...he is now over 21)

The child that called tonight is the same Daughter that told her father less than a month ago that her college costs were not her RESPONSIBILTY, she really did put it in capitals letters too... She is also the same kid that sent him an hate filled e-mail last fall telling him that her mother's ex-husband was more of a father to her than her own father was (they were married for less than 5 years)

So I say to charming husband... "well what will you do after she turns 21 in April?"  (This is the same man that has been telling everyone that will listen that he will be getting out of prison when darling daughter turns 21....)

He turns and says to me "I can rememner when your kids did not want to be part of a family!" 

Okay my oldest son did not want to come to our house when he was about 16, however, both dad & I informed him that was not an option in his life and he soon got over it.

My husband & I no longer share financial accounts over the stress and stife that goes with a "blended family."

So, I really do not care what he does for his children, as I do what I feel I need to for mine. 

The issue for me is when is it okay to support his right to stand up for his own rights and when do I just shut -up and say nothing?

Thanks for letting me vent!

To all of the dad's out there, have a wonderful weekend! 

You might be the most important thing in your child's life! (I read studies on a daily basis that support that notion!)


Have a Great WEEKEND!!

K

[major custody and support issues]

Husbands two children are 21 & 20 (11/87, & 4/89) both are still in college.  Child support obligations end at 21 in NY, and unless your court orders indicate an agreement to pay for post secondary college expenses the courts cannot order you to pay after age 21.

Husbands children have always lived with their mother after the divorce, with dad having visitation; major custody and support issues plagued his relationship with both his ex-wife and as a result his children.  His daughter has had little contact with father, short of Christmas and birthdays.  Step daughter stopped coming to our house all together. She was too busy to go see dying and devoted paternal grandfather even though the trip was arranged during dad's summer vacation visitation period; and she made no contact with her own father for his birthday and father's day even. 


She goes to college out of state, and all though she is frequently back in the area dad does not hear from her.

Last year her mother took dad to court again in a support issue, requesting additional money for child support and that college expenses be allocated to each parent.  ( You member that you have to becareful for what you ask for....)  Dad was paying $660.00 every two weeks all and $5,000.00 a year for college tuition for each child, as well as 80% of non covered medical expenses, (dad & I carry the medical, dental and eye insurance.)

Mom's real beef was that I am primary for insurance reasons as NY is a coordination of benefits state. 

There is a trial and husband is ordered to pay $178.80 per week for daughter when she is home from college, pro-rated to $58.15 per week, and then 68% of college expenses for daughter, starting with the fall 2009 school year, as well as 100% of medical costs.

She goes to college and mom continues to send my husband e-mails and crazy bills, and demands that he transport step daughter to her doctors appointments and do a major part of the transporting back and forth to college, which is a 4 hour drive each way.   

Recently my husband receives a bill for summer tuition,  a little over 4k, for one summer class to be taken at the college, dad pays. Then receives another e-mail from his ex-wife that states that he owes additional money.   Husband calls the college and is told that he owes another 2k, plus a $50.00 late fee, as daughter is also taking an internet class this summer.

My husband is most upset about the late fee and contacts his daughter, and leaves her a voice mail, he wants bills mailed to him, if he is going to be responsible for them, etc.

Step-daughter send him an e-mail: "I am not responsible for my college costs....you can call the college to get information if you kept your bills...." on- and on. Dad writes her back and tells her he is making it her responsibilty as she is the one going to college, etc.

Dad can afford to pay college costs becasue we have 5 kids between us, so we had to plan ahead, and live well with in our means.  Issue is that his ex-wife has the daughter taking out student loans to cover mother's share of expenses, so she is of no help, and husband feels torn as to whether or not he should continue to assit his daughter after she turns 21, when she does not appear to appreciate what he is doing now.

Has anyone else experienced this type of situation? Any thoughts?

What are the arrows that I see under some users  names?   Is there a spell checker built into this program?

How  do you get and loose karma?

Thanks