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Hello all.  I am getting married in 2 weeks to my wonderful fiance and I guess it's making his ex go crazy.  My ex has joint legal and physical custody with NEITHER parent having primary (mother used to be primary, but after repeatedly violating the CO, my ex was able to get her to agree to remove that designation from the CO last year).  My DSD just turned 3 and their visitation schedule is one week on, one week off.  Mother lives 5 1/2 hours away because she took off with the kid when they first split up.

We have had multiple issues with BM.  She has denied visitation 6 times in the past year and has repeatedly taken dsd for medical treatment without informing DF (even though in the court order it is spelled out that ALL medical treatment must be agreed upon by both parties).  After DF filed contempt against her last year for these violations, she falsely accused him of child sexual abuse, claiming her daughter's diaper rash was herpes.  Of course the test came back negative and everything was dismissed.  She then took dsd in for surgery without telling DF (tonsillectomy and adenoids removal). 

BM is court-ordered to give half of her tax refund to DF (the portion she gets for DSD).  She filed in April but continually refused to show DF her taxes or tell him how much money she would owe him.  He asked her about it every week for two months; every week she had a different excuse as to why she wasn't going to show him.  So he filed contempt against her now.  They had mediation the beginning of August.  In mediation they agreed to show each other their tax returns 3 days later and she was to pay a week and a half later.  Well 3 days later she shows up with her tax return but everything is blacked out and she refuses to give DF a copy that isn't blacked out.  He goes ahead and agrees with her amounts anyway because he's tired of arguing about it and wants it to be over.

Well a week later, we drive the 2 1/2 hours to get DSD (after confirming with BM that she would be there).  When we get there she tells us she's not coming (but insists she has the money ready to give to us).  DSD had had a red bump (that's been there for a month) on her back and BM decides that she thinks it is a medical emergency and wants to get it checked out the next day (she had already taken DSD to a dr. but wanted to get a second opinion).  She also mentions that she's concerned because DSD has red bumps in her privates (which had been there for three weeks - she sweats a lot so we think she just breaks out from sweating).  Of course she can't wire transfer the money to us because the cheapest place to do it is $90.  She promises that she's not keeping DSD for the whole week, just until Mon or Tues.  She then proceeds to ignore all of DF's texts and phone calls for the entire week.

So tomorrow is our meeting day and she's still not answering so we can only assume that she is planning on keeping DSD.  I thought that she may have filed another false abuse allegation, but she hasn't filed a TPO because we are still able to talk to DSD (we just have to call BM's family members to get ahold of her). 

We hired a lawyer to give us advice and write up the paperwork for us and DF will be filing for sole custody (with visitation for her, of course) next week.  He is also filing contempt for the denied visitation and requesting an emergency hearing to grant him temp. custody.  I posted on here before about how DSD was saying that her great-grandfather (whom they live with) was hurting her privates.  BM is *supposed* to be keeping DSD away from him but of course hasn't, and we're worried that maybe there was another incident with him and they are keeping DSD to try to hide it.

Is there anything else we can/should do? 

I know this probably isn't the correct place to post this question, but I'm putting here because the other post that it deals with is here (possible child abuse).

So the hearing for the protective order against the mom and great-grandfather is on Monday.  However, CPS still hasn't done the forensic interview because the caseworker they assigned to the case was on vacation this whole week.

Do you think that if we ask the judge to continue the hearing until after the forensic interview has been done, he will?  We don't want him to dismiss the PO just because we don't have 'proof' that anything happened when it's not our fault that CPS hasn't investigated it yet.

Or do you think the judge will go ahead and put the PO in place since that is CPS's recommendation?  I'm seriously having anxiety issues over this and DF is so distraught that he's doing everything he can to NOT think about this....

How much proof is needed to get a protective order actually put into place?

Background: Child is 3 and claims that step great-grandfather is touching her privates.  Mom lives with great-grandfather and great-grandmother in TN and Dad lives in GA with fiancee and fiancee's child.  Parents have joint physical and legal custody, no primary, with 50/50 time split (week on, week off).  Child has been taken to the hospital but there were no physical signs of abuse.  CPS wrote a letter saying that the child should stay in the care of the father since the mother lives with the alleged perpetrator.  Child is also claiming that she told Mom and Mom just told the great-grandfather to not do it any more.  Father was able to get a temporary protective order against both the mother and the great-grandfather.

The hearing is in a week.  The CPS investigation is still going on but they are taking their time (Mom made false sexual abuse allegations against the Dad about a year ago, so they may not be taking these allegations seriously).  Father also just filed contempt against the mother over financial issues so she is probably telling CPS that he is just trying to make her look bad before they go to court.  Child has not had a forensic interview but hopefully that will be done this week.

Mom will probably move in with her mom (grandma) in an attempt to get her visitation back.  However, grandma is a known drug abuser and has men in and out of her house all the time, along with a teenage son that has anger issues.  So this is not an acceptable alternative, IMO.  However, I don't think we can gather any proof of this before the court hearing.

Dad is also concerned about the fact that, according to the child, the mother failed to protect her.  He is worried that she will not restrict visitation between child and great-grandfather since great-grandfather is the one who pays all of her bills (Mom doesn't work or go to school).  He is also worried about the Mom trying to convince the child that nothing happened.  The child has brought up the incident 3 times over the past week so we have no doubt that it actually happened.

What do we need to do to get the judge to order only supervised visitation with the Mom? 

My DF (dear fiance) has joint legal and physical custody, 50/50 time split, with neither parent designated as primary.  He has had week on, week off schedule since dd was 10 Mos old (she will be 3 in August). 

In May of this year, he filed contempt against BM (birth mom) for denying visitations and for not consulting with him on medical decisions for dd.  A week after she was served the papers, he found out she was alleging that he sexually assaulted dd.  She had been sick with diarheaa and broke out really bad and BM was claiming it was an std.  Of course the std tests came back negative and DF was cleared of all allegations.

Now on to this year.  Things have gone relatively smoothly except we just had to file contempt charges against BM for not giving DF half of her tax refund that she received for dd.  When we picked up dd this Sunday, on the way home she was saying "Girls do it easy, boys do it hard".  We asked her what she was talking about and she pointed to her genitals.  We asked her who told her that and she said her momma.  DF pulled over to get gas and I proceeded to ask dd a couple more general questions (Who touches you down there - Daddy and Mommy, etc.)  I asked her if anyone had hurt her down there and she said yes, her papaw had (BM's grandfather, who they live with).  I asked her to show me how he hurt her and she took her pointer finger and said "This finger right here" and started rubbing her genitals up and down and said "That's not very nice".  I asked her if she told her mommy and she said yes and that momma said Papaw don't do that.

When we got home an hour and a half later, DF asked her similar questions and she told him the exact same thing and demonstrated it to him as well.  So we called CPS and the sent officers out and told us to take her to the hospital to get checked out.  There weren't any physical signs of abuse but the doctors said that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

So now we're having trouble because we live in a different state then BM.  Her state is the one with jurisdiction but they are not being very cooperative.  No one will call us back.  We're waiting to hear back from both CPS and the sheriff's office.  Our state wants to had dd evaluated by a forensic pyschiatrist, but they can't do anything until they get permission from her state since the abuse happened there.

We are supposed to take dd back on Sunday and we're worried that things won't be taken care of by then.  CPS here doesn't want dd to go back with BM because they are worried BM will try to convince her that what happened (if it did happen) didn't happen.  The doctor is going to write us a letter saying she thinks dd should stay here with us until the investigation is complete.  We can probably get a temporary protective order against the grandfather with that letter, but what about BM?  Is that letter enough to allow us to keep her or is there something else we need to do?  I don't think we'll be able to get a TPO against BM since she hasn't actually abused her.  But we don't trust her to keep dd away from the grandfather, especially since they live together.  She does have one other relative she could stay with (her mother), but that housing situation isn't any better since her mother has a history of drug abuse and always has random guys coming in and out of her house.

Does anyone have some advice for us?