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Topics - CuriousMom

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Custody Issues / School Schedule
« on: Oct 28, 2014, 08:14:49 AM »
Years later I'm back here for some help.
We currently have a 2/2/3, never really worked for our son for several issues but now we have reached kindergarten and it really is not working.  My son is exhausted, it has already been noticed by his teacher and his pre-school has noticed it for years.  Problem  now is he no longer gets naps to help catch  him up.  My son mentions that at school sometimes he almost falls asleep, has trouble paying attention, etc.  He attributes it to kindergarten but it is really starting at dad's.  I get a 5 year old wreck for a few days that I rush around and try to catch him up on some sleep as best as possible.  Keeping in mind I have asked several times (very nicely) if dad could please have our son in bed around 8-8:30 at lastest and I know sometimes that is difficult, but he needs it.
Son goes to school in my district, before and after program is in my district (both are literally less than 1 mile away from my home) and dad lives about 15 minutes away in a different district.
Proposed a school schedule to dad which of course was refused.  I really don't know what else to offer during the school year.  I asked that he be with with me Sunday - Thurs so I can have him in bed at the same time every night.  Dad can take him one evening or 3 evenings, really doesn't matter but he would need to be home by 7 to get ready for bed, etc.  Offered any in-service days and scheduled breaks during the school year to dad to keep him overnight instead since he wouldn't have to go to school the next day.  EOW - Sunday evening I would want to pick him up at 7pm so we can get back home and ready for bed.  Offered week on - week off summers with the start/end of those dependent upon when school year begins/ends. 
Any one have any other ideas or input on a schedule during the year?
When my son role plays he always says, "it's 10:30, time for bed!" Assuming this is coming from dad's, and probably about the time he's getting to bed given his exhaustion level.
I've consulted my attorney and we're working on gathering some observation documents from his teacher and his before/after daycare to support a new schedule.

General Issues / School District Issues
« on: Jul 05, 2012, 11:56:33 AM »
Looking for any insight / ideas when it comes to the custody schedule for parents in seperate districts.  We currently reside in different districts so we still have to make that decision.  Right now mine is the better of the 2 but that's always subject to change.  Our son currently attends daycare in my district which also provides before / after school care for school-age children - hoping to keep him in my district for this reason, too.
Current CO is 50/50 and includes issue of extra-curricular activities but nothing else.  I'd like to approach the subject later this year.  Assuming if dad can provide the transportation the schedule would remain (and vice versa if he ends up in Dad's district).  Or is this something that should change once school is relevant?  Or change as child gets older, if he has issues with grades, homework, etc.

Custody Issues / Fair custody proposal?
« on: Oct 21, 2009, 12:36:18 PM »
Sorry this is so long – have a custody trial scheduled within the next week, just waiting for confirmation of the actual date.  So far, schedule has been decided by either a conciliator or the judge.  Last conference with judge resulted in dad’s 2nd insistence on a trial – so judge is giving him one.  In the interim, I received 1 “non-negotiable offer.”  The one prior to this offer came with the same letter that went to the judge requesting a 2nd pre-trial conference.
A little background – father has been laid off/collecting unemployment since 10/26/09, however running at least one business under the table, disclosed a 2nd self-employment venture at the last conference (judge didn’t know about 1st business).  Please note, money is not my issue or drive – and yes, I do receive CS that is spent for the child.  My lifestyle has not changed due to this extra money.  He also has never participated in anything pre-birth things or basically after and up to this point.
2nd to last offer/demand (came with letter to judge) – he’s going to ask that he provide daycare 5 days a week, keep EOWknd, plus wants 2 overnights a week.  Last offer/demand changed to 2 overnights a week, 2 days a week he provides day care (same day as overnight), keeps his EOWknd but on that Friday he can pick our son whenever he feels like it.
His ultimate goal is to eliminate CS and show he has more time on paper – basically he’s one of those people that are just out to “win” regardless of what it pertains to (he’s a quantity guy, not a quality guy).  Morals, honesty and responsibility aren’t his strong points.  Sorry – had to vent for a sec on that one J.
He currently has EOWknd, 1 week he has M/W from 8-5pm (falls on same week as his weekend) and the opposite week he has M/W 4-7pm.
My offer is as such – and asking everyone’s input on the fairness of my proposal.  He retains M/W 8-5pm every week, retains EOWknd with current pick-up/drop-off times. Current holiday’s etc. remain the same.  No longer week on week off in summer, but each parent reserves the right to 1 week uninterrupted vacation during the summer, i.e.sometime during the months of June – August.  This week cannot infringe on the other parents holiday.  This week has to be disclosed to the other parent by March 31 (or something like that) and then the travel arrangements, etc. 2 weeks prior to departure.
Reality is, my son goes to bed by about 8pm anyway – so his 2 day visits pretty much equal to what I would have at night (meaning quality time, not quantity).  Once his arrears are paid in full, I would agree to have CS reduced to just daycare/medical expenses since this is provided by me/employer.  There is no reason that I should have less time with my son because I work outside the home – although I also have the option to work from home, but being realistic – you can’t do both during the day, it’s almost impossible.  I did it for 4 weeks after my maternity leave was over.  Plus – 2 home businesses….he has to work and sleep sometime.
I am the one who provides all of the medical care, he’s been to 1 doctor’s appointment (out of about 7 I think), the rest have infringed on his vacations (he told the judge he had just sat down for dinner so he couldn’t make a few…he left out he was 5 states away) so he didn’t go.  I pick up my son sick more often than not – meaning he should have seen the doctor over his weekend, or at least called the doctor.  Etc., etc.  His job stability is unstable, I have a fantastic private babysitter and my son loves it there.  I don’t want to lose my sitter’s and this provides a stable schedule for everyone.
I also wanted to ask that he pay my costs this time, worst I can be told is no.

Child Support Issues / Seperation of Child Support and Family Law
« on: Oct 13, 2009, 07:43:12 AM »
This might be a stupid question but I needed some clarification.  I've read posts that in some states CS and custody are seperate entities and in some states they are combined.  I've also read posts that judges ordered CS to be PIF or adjusted up or down- I can't remember which type of state those posts were in.
I'm in a state where they are considered seperate, but do they ever overlap?  Can a judge order CS be paid as part of a court order in a custody matter?

Custody Issues / Ex insisting on a custody trial again
« on: Aug 17, 2009, 07:12:06 AM »
Has anyone (and I'm sure someone out there has :-) ) had the issue of the other parent parent insisting on a custody trial?  We already had our pre-trial conference back in June '09, while his attorney insisted it go to trial, the judge got quite angry with her since he had already told us that wasn't going to happen almost as soon as we sat down.
A week ago I received another request that he is demanding a custody trial and we are scheduled for another pre-trial conference in 2 weeks.  None of our circumstances have changed and the final order has only been in place for a little over 2 months.
Also, would it be worth while that if it does go to trial I request that my ex be responsible for my costs (since he keeps insisting this trial takes place)?  I'm thinking the worst the judge can say is no.
Thanks :-)

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