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Topics - eagleeyefam

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Long story as short as possible. BM/BD joint legal, joint physical with BM being primary physical. BM lives in Cali, BD lives in Idaho. Schedule is set for 1 week a month in Idaho with BD. Child is 2 1/2. Courts did not recognize his age as "tender" on the fact that a child needs both parents in life. 1 week a month is set until  mediation rolls around again and discussion of extending time is discussed. (hence court on Monday)
One catch to all of it. Dad pays 100% of travel. Mode of transportation will be agreed upon between the parents. If mode of transportation can not be agreed on, then an airline ticket must be purcahsed. Ahhhhh the loophole for BM. BM refuses to ever let BD pick up the child via car. It's flight and flight only. Flight to pick up, flight to return. And now that the child is over the age of 2 that's 3 round trip airline tickets a month. BM pays nothing. No big deal. Driving is a fraction of the cost.(travel clause is one major reason there is court monday)
One time BD was in Cali planning to return to Idaho with child for his scheduled week, which was agreed upon months prior. BM refused the time based on the fact BD was not flying back to Idaho with the child. Child is not allowed to ride in a car with dad according to BM
So this trip, BD flew to Cali, picked up son. Flew back to Idaho. Explained to BM since court is Monday and child is to be returned Saturday, then we will leave for Cali a day early in order to make sure child is returned to BM on Saturday.
BM FLIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has now threatend to hold in contempt based on the fact the child was returned to her via car and not flight. HUH!!! The child is returned!!! Is there some mystical magical powers awarded to BM after a child gets off a plane? If so there are a bunch of moms missing out!
and the nightmare begins. BD will be held in contempt for returning the child at the court appointed time, just not by BM's instistant flight. hmmm. I don't get it.
BM can get away with denial of custodial time, be absolutely uncooperative with anything, lie in court, but BVD returns the child as ordered to and he's the bad guy? Explain this to me!!!
BD has 4 different contempt charges ready to file but has chosen not to. BD does not want to hinder BM's life in any way. BD is a fair man but gettign stomped on for being the nice guy. He is a great dad. For a year and a half now the child has been coming to Idaho to spend 1 week a month with dad. Each trip has been a fight with BM. And they justget worse with each month. They wer enever married, paternity established, even a judge has told her to be more agreeable. Until that order is changed for the travel she will fight. I just don't get it.

Father's Issues / Father facing a losing battle
« on: Sep 22, 2009, 12:19:00 PM »
OMG I am so sorry this is so long.

July 07 child is born-they never married. In Sept 07 DH's job transfered him back to Idaho from Cali. Great for me and him to finally get back together. Friends and more for 4 years by then. BM nad DH agreed on 600 a month and when SS turned 1 he could come visit in Idaho. No papers signed.
Sept DH gets back to Idaho, october flew down to Fresno to see SS. BM was a bitch. November they go to the self help place to file paperwork legally. BM freaks out at office yanks SS from DH's arms and storms out because DH would not agree to her having sole custody and him only being allowed to visit on her terms. December we gather all the money we can to get a lawyer. Find a great one give retainer and sent al the stuff she needed for the custody papers. End of december get the packet back and the check stating we were 300 bucks short. So we resent everything again with the correct amount.
Feb 09 rolls around and DH gets papers showing BM now has sole custody and DH is ordered 1187 a month in CS. Our attorney filed against that. April 08 judge sets aside those court papers and they are now null and void. CS case is on hold until the next hearing.
June 08 mediation. ok, DH doesn't agree to anything so we are going to court.
August 08 show up for court to get this all settled. Our judge is gone, there is a fill in judge. Both parties agree to postpone until the next month when they can have the original judge that will also preside over any future issues.
Sept o8 judge orders joint legal joint physical 1 week a month with dad in Idaho. DH pays 100% of travel. 685 a month in child supoprt. Back dates the support order to birth. DH is credited everything he has paid directly to BM. The agreed upon 600 only lasted 4 months so there was a 13,000 chunk added to back CS.
October 08 DH tried to pay CS. The order has not been set in CS services yet. We have to wait.
Nov 08 finally able to pay thru DCSS. DH does. A week later gets laid off. Tries to modify the support. What a hassle. We finally get the modification in Sept 09!!!!!
DH has not been paying the full amount each month because we just can't afford it. They do get 418 bucks a month. That's 30 of his income. PLus he pays 600+ a month in travel for these damn airline tickets. We are filing BK. This has ruined us financially.
Sept 09 go to modification hearing. BM lawyers up and it turns into a custody battle. Judge says move on and come back next month after the custody hearing we already have set for the objection to the most recent mediation hearing. Judge did jump BM's ass about the travel and that she needs to be more accomodating about it considering the circumstances. But judge doesn't order anything. Only postpones until end of october.
Just got off the phone with DCSS> DH called them to apologize for the court hearing. They had it all in notes! Even how uncooperative BM was being and how rude her attorney was. Does say that DH complied with everything DCSS had asked for and that he is making monthly payments but not the full amount. Does have it in notes that they believe DH should be compensated for the travel expenses.Lady tells DH he is ok but that there has been an order made to suspend his license for back child support. DH explains the high amount. Lady says she understands, but becasue it is a high amount of back CS it is enforceable. Even tho he pays monthly amounts. We have been trying to modify this for almost a year!
So DH is waiting for a call back from DCSS to find out if we can fight this. BM refuses to let DH drive with SS for the exchange. He has to fly to Cali, meet BM pick up SS then fly back with SS> That's 600 minimum each month. WE have yet to spend the minimum, the least we have forked out so far is 728It's only 218 to drive.
We were just in Fresno DH started his visitation on the 19th BM refused to allow SS to leave Fresno with SS in the car so she denied the visit. If DH would have bought the plane tickets then she might have let him leave for the week. So now that we know about this enforcement order I'm pretty sure BM is the one pushing it.
We can bring BM up on 3 different possibly 4 contempt charges. I'm so pissed at this woman right now.DH is crushed again. These past 2 days have been so hard on him. All he has ever wanted was to have a family. Part of the reason we couldn't make things work a few years back. I can't have any more children. He met this woman she ended up pregnant, I told him to stay in Cali and make it work withher. Well it didn't work. Yes DNA says SS is his. Bm is a horrible woman.
So now if DH gets his license suspended we are screwed. He is the primary parent in our home for the other 3 kids. (my kids) He is the one driving to appointments, games, school, whatever. Son of a monkey this is going to screw us BAD.
He has followed every letter of the CO, has jumped thru hoops to be with his son. We even looked into moving to Fresno but the unemployment rate is outrageous. He applied for so many jobs there but hasn't got anything. Idaho is his home, hell it's our home. Both born and raised here.
I am so sorry now I'm rambling. I'm so mad for my DH right now.

Thanks in advance for any and all ideas
I'll try to make this short. It's joint legal joint physical mom having primary. dad gets 1 week a month. child is 2.
Clause in court order states "if parties can not agree on mode of transportation then an airline ticket will be bought. father pays 100% of this"
Ok. Child turned 2 in july. Dad has child 1 week a monoth. Flys from Boise to Sacramento and picks childs up, returns home to Boise with Child. The next weekend flys with child to Sac drops child with mom then flys home to Boise.
It is always fly. BM refuses to allow transport to be done by vehicle. REFUSES.
Now the child is 2. He needs his own round trip ticket. Each 1 week is now a total of 3 round trip tickets to be purchased. Unless you live in a cave, you know the cost of a round trip ticket is outrageous, let alone 3 in one month.
The drive will be 3 hours for BM to meet in SAC, then 7 hours to Boise. 10 hours all together.
Now we just went thru mediation and wanted to change the travel. the medator didn't change anythign in the papers so dad filed an oblection so some changes can me made when we go to a judge. MOM is now mad!!!!
Child is scheduled to be with dad starting saturday. mom sent an email stating the trips are now to consist of the ticket for the child as well as for the father. Thta's going to be almost $1200 for this week visit.
Mom is resuing to allow dad to pick up the child in Sac on saturday unless the travel is done by plane.
What can dad do????????????????????
The court is California based.

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