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Topics - stressedoutmom

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Visitation Issues / And just when I thought things were going well
« on: Jul 05, 2012, 01:16:41 PM »
I haven't posted in quite some time.  My DD is now 6 and her BF didn't want to have anything to do with her until she was 3.5.  I'm sure some of you remember that there were some bumps in the road along the way and some of you were helpful in pointing out some of my flaws and when I was making a big deal of petty little things.  I need your opinions again.  I was with some mutual friends yesterday and found out a lot of information about the BF.  Most of it I don't care about but there are a couple of things that put up red flags.  Apparently BF was dating 4 different girls at once.  I don't care.  He is a grown man and can do what ever he wants.  He has introduced all of them to DD.  And since 2 of the 4 are no longer talking to him it has caused some issues with DD because she had formed friendships with the kids of one of the girls.  And she doesn't understand why she all of a sudden can't play with those kids.  I knew that DD was playing with these kids but didn't know BF was dating their mom because once again, I don't care and its not my business.  When its DD's time with her BF then that's there time together and unless she is reporting a safety issue (which she hasn't) I don't really get involved.  In the course of finding out all of this stuff yesterday it was also brought up that BF had threatened to kill himself the threats were to the point that the police had to be involved.  That is the part that I care about. I don't think the police EPC'd him.  It makes me have nervous to have her around him of he is making those types of threats.  The other part that concerns me is that one of the girls may move in with him.  She is divorced and has 2 children of her own that she does not have any custody of.  I don't know why she does not have custody of her children but it makes me nervous to have my child around someone the courts have deemed should have have custody of her own children.  Like I said he is grown and can do what he wants.  I only have concerns when it comes to DD's safety and well being.  I know what the friends tell me is all heresay and may or may not be true.  But if BF was threatening to kill himself and the police were called there should be a police report.  I'm just trying to figure out if I have any options.  I'm just looking out for DD. 

Visitation Issues / Thinking about moving
« on: Feb 28, 2011, 09:10:16 AM »
Hi All,
I am hoping that you guys can do what you do best and help me see things from all sides and bringing up things that I haven't thought of.  Here's the situation:
My father passed away unexpectedly about 3 weeks ago.  I'm working through my own grief issues, trying to help DD work through hers and trying to make sure my mom is ok all at the same time.  My parents live about 45 minutes away from where I live so I've been doing a lot of back and forth.  Not only do I worry about my mom emotionally I worry she will not be able to make it on her own financially.  My parents were together for over 30 years but were never legally married so she does not get any of his railroad retirement.  Nebraska does not recognize common law marriage.  I don't get it either since I am too old to be his dependent.  My mom has a $10/hr job and I worry about her being able to make ends meet.  So I have been thinking about DD and I moving back home to help out.  My entire family lives there so it would also give DD a chance to see her cousins and extended family more.  My issue is that BF lives in the city I currently live in and I'm not sure moving DD 45 mins away from BF is the right thing to do.  Right now DD and I live 6 blocks away from BF.  Our decree says that I can move anywhere with in the state and he can't do anything about it.  Just because he can't stop me doesn't mean its the right thing to do.  He has really been wonderful through the past few weeks with cancelling and rescheduling visits sometimes at the last minute.  He and I seem to be working together really well right now.  Now that my dad is gone BF is the positive male role model in DD's life and I hate to take her 45 minutes away from that.  I know that 45 minutes is nothing compared to the distances some of you travel to see your kids.  And its not far just far enough to make things inconvenient.  I think that in order for us to make it work, BF and I would both have to be committed.  I question how committed he would be when it would require more of an effort.  I would like to think that we could make it work but he didn't want to put in the effort at Thanksgiving so I'm a little skeptical.  Our decree says that we split Thanksgiving day.  So I suggested that since DD and I were going to be at my parents house that BF and I meet half way in between for pick up/drop off.  BF said he didn't want to do that because by the time he picked BF up and took her to his mom's and then had to leave to meet me to drop off they wouldn't have much time together.  I wasn't sure what that was about because I suggested we meet at 2 in the afternoon plus DD didn't have school the next day so I was leaving the drop off time totally up to him.  So I'm hesitant in thinking that we could make it work.  I really want to do what's best for everyone.  DD will be starting school in the fall so she will have to make new friends anyway since none of the kids at her preschool will be going to her kindergarten.  I'm not making any decisions now but its definately something I am thinking about.  And I would never do it without talkiing to BF first.  But I'm sure there is something I am not thinking about and you all will help me to see it. 
What are your thoughts??
Being in the sandwish generation where you have to take care of your kids and your parents sure isn't fun.

Visitation Issues / First visitation
« on: Nov 09, 2009, 03:20:23 PM »
I need some help and I'm hoping that some one has been through something similar before.  I have a 3 year old daughter.  Her father and I are not together and haven't been since pregnancy.  During my pregnancy I tried to keep him involved by iniviting him to doc appts, etc.  I was induced and tried to get him to be at the hospital for the birth but he was not interested.  After she was born I again tried to get him to see her. 

I got tired of trying and told him to let me know if he wanted to see her.  We ended up getting attorneys involved and got child support established.  During that process I had my attorney draw up and include a parenting plan so that if he decided that he wanted visitation later we would not have to go back to court and fight about it.  Now that she is 3 1/2 he has all of a sudden out of the blue emailed me that he would like to start seeing her.  I suggested that we sit down and talk before that happen and he has an excuse for every time that I suggest. 

Our parenting plan is pretty specific about how many visits he has to have before he can ever be alone with her, etc.  I am not worried about her safety while with him.  He is great with kids.  I just don't understand how you just wake up one day and decide that you want to be a parent now.  My daughter sees other kids' dads picking them up from daycare and at their soccer games, etc.  My daughter told me on several occasions that she doesn't have a dad.  This is from her reasoning in her head not from anything that I have told her. 

When she says this I do tell her that she does have a dad and that he just doesn't live with us and she usually changes the subject after that.  How do you introduce a 3 y/o to their dad who has never been there? 

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