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Hello there,

Many of you know my back story... if you read through my old posts you will get a clear picture of the situation at hand.

To sum it all up, I am a custodial father of my two sons, age 5 & 7. Their mother died in May 2011 from metastatic sarcoma. She had left the family when the children  were 1 & 3 years old, and since then it had been a terrible ordeal anytime our family had dealings with her. She was hardly in their lives during her life... she abused her body and in the end refused to have the life saving surgery to remove the tumor that had been growing in her foot.

When she did have visitation with the children she would often pawn them off on her mother, the children's grandmother. She was an older version of their mother and talked negatively about myself and the children's step mother in the children's presence. She would spoil them rotten. Ultimately, the children loved going over to her house, because it meant no rules, junk food and video games all day. They would come home saying they "didn't like daddy" or that "grandma said you're a bad man" or that they wanted to live with her instead of me. They were often witness to domestic violence when they were at their grandmother's house, as she often fought with her boyfriend and the children's mother, when she was around.

When the children's mother died in May, their grandmother refused to let either myself or my wife (the children's stepmother) to come to the memorial service. She said she would pick the children up from me and return them to me after the service. I refused. Weeks went by, their grandmother pleaded with me to let her to continue to see her grandchildren. She would call constantly, leave text messages and voice mails demanding to see her grandchildren. She sent a relative to our house to talk to us about "the rules" of letting them see the children.

The children don't see that side of the family anymore. Neither of us parents, can see it in the best interests of the children. Recently, however, our 7 year old has been commenting to teachers at school that he misses his grandmother very much, but he won't speak of it at home. We have explained to him before, why his grandmother isn't around anymore, but he is taking it very hard. We don't quite know what to tell him beyond what we have already. . The children were not close to their mother, and therefore no tears were shed at her passing, but the fact that they don't see their grandmother seems to trouble them. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas, or have been in similar situations please let me know.

Thanks as always,
FF

*sigh* There is always something new to report...

Today my five year old told me that he has a BB gun at his grandmother's house, which he received as a christmas gift.

I called my ex wife and she explained that she authorize her mother and mother's boyfriend to buy him this gift. I find it a little disturbing because my five year old still lacks certain social skills along with realizing what sort of damage a gun can do. He is in kindergarten! and can't even tie his own shoes or ride a bike yet... and he has a BB gun! Not only does this upset me because he is WAY too young, in my opinion, for a gun, but this is a tradition passed down through my family that the father teaches his son how to shoot, WHEN HE IS OLD ENOUGH AND UNDERSTANDS THE CONSEQUENCES AND SAFETY PRECAUTIONS.

Can anything be done? I don't want him near a gun at such a young age. Not to mention, if he ever talks about this in school, I am just waiting for that parent/teacher conference because my son is talking about his gun to the other kindergarteners.

Can I restrict his grandmother from allowing him to play with a BB gun?

~Fatherforever

I recently received information that my ex wife's boyfriend may be involved in drug activities (ie dealing etc.) I am the custodial parent of our two sons ages 3 and 5. I am worried about their living situation when they are at their mother's house as her boyfriend now lives with her as well. I don't know what they are being exposed to. I am worried if something were to happen with the boyfriend when my children are around, that CPS might get involved and they will be taken by the state.

I am afraid of what could happen if CPS gets involved, especially now that I have knowledge of her boyfriend's background. Apart from that she isn't a good parent, doesn't feed them properly, no rules, etc.

I need some info on what I need to petition the court to setup a time when they can be over there when she has the children and get a good idea of what kind of situation they are in.

Is this something that needs to be done through a lawyer or can I do this myself to get things started. I am really concerned with this new information and hope that I can get some peace of mind and clarification.

Thanks!

~Fatherforever

My Ex Wife owes several liabilities from our divorce, namely a computer she bought shortly before she left. She has not paid anything towards the balance and now it has gone to collections. The rest of her liabilities are her own personal credit cards, I took on all other debt to get her to sign the parenting plan I designed (hence I have the children, don't care about paying that extra money!)

I was looking through my divorce decree today and found a section called "Hold Harmless Provision". Which states as follows:

"Each party shall hold the other party harmless from any collection action relating to separate or community liabilites set forth above, including reasonable attorney's fee and costs incurrred in defending against any attempts to collect an obligation of the other party."

Does that mean, since she refuses to pay it, I can't hold her in contempt for what she does owe? I have been balancing all the other debt well, but this one slipped into collections, because it was her liability not mine, but now it is on my credit report.

Can I take her to court to get her to pay?

~Fatherforever

To give a little introduction, I am a single father with primary custody of my two boys (ages 3 and 5). My Ex Wife is unemployed and currently on disability after being treated for cancer up through September of this year. My Ex does not provide any financial support to the children. Our parenting time is split 75% to 25% throughout the year, she sees them about 15% in actuality.

My girlfriend was doing some internet researching and came across the "Right of First Refusal" and it has me a little worried that my Ex wife may try and modify our parenting plan to include that; more so as a smack in the face to me, not because she actually would want more time with them.

She is unemployed, like I said... spends most of her time partying with friends and hanging out on myspace for most of her day (she is 27 years old). I work 40 hours a week in construction and I take the boys to daycare every morning with my sister in law and my 5 year old catches his bus to kindergarten from her house.

I have heard that many unemployed women get ROFR in their plan and are able to have their children while the primary parent is working, but if that was the case then with the time me Ex would spend with them at work, wouldn't that make her primary?

I am scared to think what would happen if my Ex files for the "Right of First Refusal".

She refuses them about 10% of her visitation time, she doesn't feed them adequately, lets them stay up till they pass out from exhaustion, does not keep up with basic cleanliness nor does she often change them out of yesterdays clothes when she has them for her overnights. She talks poorly of me around them (have had several documented incidences of Parental alienation), exposes them to some pretty dodgy people, drops them off at her mother's some of the time, and yet still complains that she should be able to see the children when SHE wants to. The children, themselves, have no respect for her as an authority figure, never listen to her and always come back to me wound up and unmanageable to the point that it makes me hurt inside when I have to discipline them after being with her lack of discipline for a while. I am afraid for my children if she decides to file for ROFR.

My girlfriend and I have been documenting everything when it comes to her and her time with the children. Would a good record of bad behavior be enough to quell any chances on getting ROFR modified into our parenting plan?

~Worried... Fatherforever

[refuses]

Hello,

My Ex Wife and I separated in February 2008. She left me and the children (two boys, 3 and 5) for a guy she worked with. She saw the children about 4 times a month, only on weekdays. (Her weekends were devoted to partying with "friends"). She never would follow the parenting plan set up. Unfortunately up until 6 months ago, I haven't been keeping track of what days she had them, didn't have them, refused them, etc. The parenting plan was setup for her to have them from Friday to Monday the first week, and Tuesday through Friday the next week alternating back and forth.

When our 5 year old son entered kindergarten in September 2009, our visitation schedule changed to a school schedule. She is to have them every Wednesday after school through Thursday morning and every other weekend; giving her a possible 8 overnights a month.

Unlike most other visitation issues I have seen here, and searched for elsewhere... the visitation issues is not one parent keeping the children from the other. My Ex wife actually refuses to have the children for schedule time in lieu of other obligations, be that... her boyfriend's birthday weekend, or parties or when she is sick and doesn't feel like taking care of them. She pawns them off on her mother alot. When she has other things scheduled, the children take a back seat in her life. She will agree to have them and the next day she changes her mind. I have stopped telling the children when "mommy" is coming to get them, because half the time she doesn't come. It's heartbreaking to see them cry about the fact that "mommy didn't come get us", over and over agian. If it was up to me, I would love for her to realize she doesn't want children and give up her rights, but she is hurting the children by not having them when she is scheduled and that is hard to deal with.

My question is this... If I brought her to court for continued refusal of the court ordered parenting plan, what would possibly happen? Would they just give her a slap on the wrist and tell her to follow the order? I am hoping to file for sole custody late in 2010, how much sway would her lack of following the parenting plan do for my case?

Thank you.

~Fatherforever

 Hello again,

I have a question and it may be very specific to the issues with my ex wife so I hope this will all make sense!

I have primary custody (75%/25%) of our two young boys (ages 3 and 5). My ex wife was calculated to pay $445 in child support, but that was brought to zero, using the residential creditin our divorce decree last year (2008). She doesn't help pay anything. She has been on disability (she was diagnosed with cancer beginning of the year, ended chemo in September 2009) since late last year. What would be the steps I would need to take to get child support?

1. Can I go to social security office and get guardianship of the children's disability benefits through her SSN? or is that something she would need to do? (and I know she wouldn't do it!)

2. Or do I first need to modify the order to show she owes support, and go through DSHS?

3. Or do I need to modify the order and then go through her disability?

And some people have mentioned in other discussions about getting disability for the children through her SSN, but what exactly must be done in order to achieve this? I mean is it legal to use her SSN to get benefits for the children without her permission? I don't know what route to take... especially since she is on disability, her child support would be $25 per child, since she makes under $1000 a month (according to Washington state law).

Thank you all for your help.
~Confused... Fatherforever

My ex wife was diagnosed with cancer beginning of this year, January 2009, she under went chemotherapy and radiation and finished in September 2009. She said she had gotten some legal advice on the subject of the Parenting Plan. She told me that due to her medical condition, the parenting plan was "null and void".  She stated that she does not have to help pay for anything, and can schedule to see the kids, when she wants to. I have physical custody (75%/25%). She hardly sees them even when she IS scheduled to have them. She hasn't paid for anything far before getting cancer. I am looking to modify our child support order beginning of 2010 and put in a contempt motion for the unpaid child care she has refused to pay. She doesn't have a job and has been sitting on disability for the last year... am I even going to be able to get financial help from her going through court? This is really getting bad, she left me with all the bills from our divorce and doesn't pay a cent! (yes, not a cent), since she left. I am barely making it from paycheck to paycheck raising two young boys on my own. Any advice will be appreciated.

Thank you.
~FF

Hello again,

I need some ideas for writing up a demand letter for unpaid child care. I want to send an formal letter, before filing a contempt of court. Anyone have ideas on a good layout? What it should include, etc.?

Thanks for the help.

~Fatherforever

I have 2 sons (ages 3 and 5) that live primarily with me (75/25%).There mother has refused to pay her court ordered child care of 35.2% forthe children's babysitting. I have been keeping a record of all themoney I have been paying towards their child care since end of June andI am trying to collect as much information on what needs to be done tofile a contempt on her for not contributing financially. She is noteven obligated to pay child support and this is the only thing she hasto contribute to. I feel that if the tables were turned and thechildren lived with her, she would have filed for child support so fast.What do I need to do in the state of Washington to file a contempt ofcourt? Is this something I would need an attorney for? Or can this becompleted myself.

Thanks in advance for your help.

~FF

Hello,

I am a father of 2 sons (ages 3 and 5) I have primary custody of the children (75/25%). About 6 months ago, my ex wife filed for food stamps and included the children in the amount she was to receive. She doesn't have primary custody of the children, but went ahead anyways to get more food stamps for herself. On my next pay check DSHS had garnished my wages for child support, for her! I was able to get it taken care of by calling my lawyer and having her straighten it out, but it cost me about $600 in the long run! Is it fraud on my ex wife's part to even be including the children when they don't live with her? It has been so long now, but is there anything I can do? It cost me money to fix the problem and she hasn't once used her food stamps towards buying anything for the children.


Thanks in advance for your help.

~FF

I have 2 sons (ages 3 and 5) that live primarily with me (75/25%). There mother has refused to pay her court order child care of 35.4% for the children's babysitting. I have been keeping a record of all the money I have been paying towards their child care since end of June and I am trying to collect as much information on what needs to be done to file a contempt on her for not contributing financially. She is not even obligated to pay child support and this is the only thing she has to contribute to. I feel that if the tables were turned and the children lived with her, she would hav filed for child support so fast. What do I need to do in the state of Washington to file a contempt of court? Is this something I would need an attorney for? Or can this be completed myself.

Thanks in advance for your help.

~FF

Hello,

I am a single father with primary (75/25%) custody of my two son's (ages 3 and 5). My ex wife is very unstable, she refuses to help pay for child care costs, denies the children for her visitation time with them, alot! and today called me asking for the children's social security numbers. She says she wants to take out life insurance policies on both of them so that if they die, their burial costs will be covered. We have joint decision making in our parenting plan, but I find nothing in there about life insurance decisions. This is making me feel ill...

Thanks in advance, any advice is appreciated!