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I've posted before.  Same case involving my daughter.  The BM and step dad have been getting my daughter to lie to counselors and police.  She is 9 yrs old.  Basically, they were mad as hell that I got joint physical and legal custody.  Before that they caused massive problems.  After that, they have done their best to get me out of my daughter's life.  They made false allegations about 6 months ago in court.  I represented myself and was unable to counter their false allegations.  They have now filed a motion to get me removed completely from my daughter's life.  The BM alienated the court ordered psychologist who removed herself from the case without seeing my daughter.  A parental coordinator was ordered but the BM got round it and persuaded the judge at the next hearing to appoint someone who would only act as a family therapist, thereby leaving her unaccountable in accordance with her wishes!  The BM continues to deny parental time more than 50% of the time like they did before.  I have police reports but the judge didn't punish her before and probably won't this time.  The child is told to tell the cops she does not want to go with me or is scared.  With the new motion they are claiming my child is at risk physically and emotionally when she is with me.  They have not set out the reasons why.  Those reasons are known only to them.  They will of course give the false reasons in the hearing and because I don't know what the allegations are, it will be difficult to defend myself.  Of course I guessed they had been getting my daughter to tell whatever lies she was told to during the past several months, as they did previously.  I have now received a letter from cps which states that I am the perpetrator of an incident that took place several months ago, that I was found guilty and that the child is at very high risk in future of mental abuse from the perpetrator and that the case is closed.  It names me as the perpetrator.  This will be used in court to help the judge decide to remove me from my daughter's life.  I have no idea what this date refers to.  First off, I have not mentally abused my child ever.  But how can CPS be informed of an incident by one parent and find the other parent guilty.  The remark about my daughter being at very high risk in future will cause my rights to be removed.  And yet I know nothing about what has been alleged.  I have heard all sorts of stories about cps and know they can't be trusted.  I also know they get it wrong and usually blame innocent parents of wrongdoings whilst leaving children with abusive parents.  This is the current case.  The step dad has injured my child.  CPS believed the BM and the step dad when I reported it.  And they forced my daughter to lie to CPS about who caused the injury which my daughter told me afterwards.  Now CPS have found me guilty of mental abuse but they haven't contacted me.  They have not investigated but just taken the BMs word for it.  The BM is on a mission to remove me totally.  She was mad that I reported the step dad for breaking my child's bones and this is obviously "revenge".  The incident of which I am accused is alleged to have taken place only a month after I reported the step dad for physical abuse.  And I did that purely to protect my daughter.  Does anyone know the best way to deal  with cps in a case like this?  CPS has also postdated their letter to me to make it appear that it was sent to me two weeks from now!
It doesn't sound like I have a chance at the hearing later this month! 

It would be very helpful to get some input on this one thing.  After lots of problems with an unqualified and nightmare counselor the court ordered a PHD.  Long wait to get the BM to comply.  Then a specific PHD is appointed in a subsequent hearing.  The BM fails to take the child to the first appointment.  I had left a previous voicemail with the PHD stating that I would like to arrange to see her to discuss the case.  The day of the missed apt, the PHD calls and leaves a voicemail stating that she is sorry she cannot speak with me or see me.  She says her first duty is to her client and that her client is the BM.  Ironic really, since it was my research and me that put her name forward!  She says she understands my concern but she cannot due to ethics and law, speak to me unless the BM signs a release, which she is unwilling to do.  It is obvious the BM told the PHD the same story she tells everyone else.  I don't know the story because it makes everyone unwilling to speak to me, but I am guessing its the same old story to everyone.  The BM does not want me to have input as she does not want a PHD knowing the truth of what is going on.  The BM takes over like this with any professionals involved in the case and stops me having a voice and more to the point, stops them knowing all the terrible things she is doing to the child, preventing visits and so on.  This ensures she can continue to lie and have professionals back her up as they believe her and due to our great family court system it works for her.

I would have thought a PHD or any sort of counselor would need to hear from both parents in order to know what is going on so they are able to help the child.  I wondered if its normal for PHDs or counselors to have allegience with the mom and refuse to see the dad.  To me it seems unethical but I am wondering if its normal.  Any imput from others with experience of this would be very helpful as I am preparing for court.  Many thanks

Hi, I've posted before on this issue concerning my daughter and the BM.  The BM had got a "counselor" twisted around her little finger and got my daughter to lie to her, so the counselor could repeat the lies in court without it being considered hearsay and to a large extent it worked.  But the judge did order that the child see a PHD.  Due to the BM's further contempt it took four months and another court appearance to get my child to a PHD.  The BM (surprisingly) agreed to the PHD I had chosen.  I picked someone I thought would not be so easily duped.  A totally different sort of person.  Well, what has happened is, the BM has duped this PHD to the extent that the PHD refuses to see me or listen to anything I have to say.  I had assumed that both parents would visit the PHD and explain things from their own perspectives.  I have compelling evidence of what has been going on, which I won't go into detail about here.  But the PHD refuses to see me or listen, even though it is my child too, and even though I picked this PHD.  If this continues, the child will be told to lie to this PHD, in fact she probably already has.  And the BM will get a qualified person to testify this time, to the same sort of thing as the other counselor paroted.  The BM is a classic narcissist and is totally convincing, true to type.  I would have thought qualified psychologists would be aware of this characteristic and be open to speaking to the other parent incase the first parent was a narcissist, as obviously the psychologist may not recognize that one parent is a narcissist immediately.  I have to pay 50% of the psychologist fees - a 50% contribution towards my own sabotage and demise!  This is a nightmare situation and I have to find some way to overcome this for the sake of my child's welfare.  Any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this would be much appreciated.

I posted previously on the recent situation.  Summary: BM (ex wife) beat my son, who ran away and wanted to live with me instead of the BM. I filed an ex parte motion for an emergency custody order which, after an administration fiasco, was granted. I then filed a further motion for full custody and submitted an affidavit and some evidence to give clear reasons to back up my motion.  The judge did not read my motion or the affidavit.  He also said both motions were filed incorrectly.  The judge didn't see the reasons why I felt custody should be changed.  The ex lied.  She kept custody.  Courts are a farce, imo.

Now even though its normal practice to get joint custody, I didn't get joint custody of my son when we divorced about 13 years ago and perhaps nowadays I would have got joint custody.  My ex is mad as hell that I filed a motion recently because she is one of the many "unaccountable types".  To her mind, its OK to beat a child and heaven help anyone who says otherwise!  Although the judge refused to see the motions, the ex did see it as I was duty bound to send her a copy, hence her anger because I was trying to hold her accountable.  The judge told us we must go away and work out some house rules for the child and submit them to the court.  I had to pursue this with the ex and she finally met with me and handed me the meaningless rules she had written down.  She was very hostile.  I pointed out the rules should be better/different.  Made no difference.  The ex has always been spoiled and got her own way and is very hostile to anyone who doesn't cow tow.  So, bottom line is....I am wondering what I can do. 

First off, the clerk filed both my motions for me.  I had to pay almost $150 for each motion.  Surely if they were misfiled it would be down to the clerk?  I wonder if clerks purposely misfile motions filed by pro se litigants as I know how much lawyers hate pro se's.  It seems like everything is done to discourage anyone from filing a pro se motion.  If a clerk filed it, how can I ensure it's filed correctly?  Or are they all just lying?  I just don't know what to do on this issue.  (The court where I recently filed motions on my other child never claimed I misfiled them).

My son is temporarily swayed in favor of his mom - presumably some bribes have been going on.  Once the honeymoon period is over, the BM will treat him badly again.  He's a good kid but intimidated by the BM and her extended family.

Because of the apparent bias of the court and the hostility of the BM, I don't think I have a good chance of getting joint custody but wondered what others think?  I am currently unemployed but that will change in the fairly near future.  I have a house and I'm a good single dad.  The BM has had many husbands whom she has taken to court for domestic violence.  Does anyone know how I can get those records and whether they are available to a lay person?  I also need to get hospital records on my son but am not sure if I can subpoena them.  The hospital told me they have been forbidden by the BM from releasing my son's records.  If I could get hospital records and arrest records, would I have a decent chance of getting joint custody?  The BM lives within 8 miles so if there was joint custody it would be the best possible solution, since total custody appears out of the question.  The BM has a wealthy family who are also totally unethical, to put it nicely. Oh yes, and the BM is now preventing me from picking my child up from school, which I have been doing for several years.  The CO names his previous school and is therefore not able to be used to enforce my visitation rights.  The BM is also demanding that I pick my son up 4 hours later than I do currently.  She has full custody.  She's a control freak and she lies and does whatever she needs to do to ensure she stays in control.  Meanwhile, a judge claims I misfiled two motions, when I don't think I did, if they were misfiled at all it was the clerk who filed them once I paid the fees.  It's like judges ignore me because (a) I am currently acting pro se; and (b) I'm male. I am not sure what to do about all this, in the circumstances...

Due to recent injustices with both my children, I am feeling rather defeated, in terms of having any faith in the court system.  But if I could get joint custody I would very much like to.  I need more rights in order to protect my child because he is going to need more protection once the BM reverts to her normal MO with him.

I wonder if anyone can help or advise with this one.  Previously I posted about my younger child.  This is about my older child who was beaten up by the BM recently.  The BM smashed up his room and cell phone too.  To cut a long story short, my child got to my house and did not want to return to the BM.  I waited over a week before filing an exp parte motion for emergency custody so there was time for him to change his mind.  He wants to live with me and I filed the ex parte motion last week with my affidavit and my son's affidavit attached.  I looked up the laws on this and I know the judge normally sees the person filing the motion the same day and issues a temporary custody order if appropriate.  The judge was not there and was away till Monday.  This week I phoned the court and was put through to various people who claimed they had no knowledge of the motion.  I went to the court and spoke to various people in the appropriate depts and they claimed to have no knowledge of the motion.  The last clerk I spoke to said my copies of the motion meant nothing and they could not find the original motion that I filed last week.  Outcome: someone in that courthouse tipped off my ex wife (BM) that I was in the courthouse.  I went to pick my son up from school but the BM was there with cops flaunting her custody order.  The cops told my son if he went with me they would arrest me so he went back with his mom.  When I tried to phone him later the BM refused to let me speak to him.  I know the BM is now probably going to file an EPO to keep me away from her house and she will do everything she can through the courts to get the custody changed as this will be her typical MO.  She has now said she will make sure I never see him again.  I did nothing wrong here, I just took my child in who'd been badly beaten.  I let him speak to his mom.  I gave him time to decide what he wanted to do and there was no pressure from me.  But yet now I might lose him.  The fact that emergency custody order was not issued and my motion "lost" in the court, means I was in breach of the custody order.  Does anyone know if there is anything I can do over what happened in the court?  If I go to the judge he will probably say what the clerks said, that without the original nothing can be done.  I paid the filing fee of almost $150.00.  But it didn't get filed.  Or if it did, it was destroyed after I filed it by someone in the courthouse.  I am acting pro se as I cannot afford a lawyer at the present time.  Any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated.

I've posted before on this case and it finally went to court this week.  To summarize, the BM has prevented me from seeing my child consistently since the JCO went into effect 20 months ago (and before on previous JCOs).  She brought people with her who were banned in the JCO.  She was consistently late between 30 mins and 2 hours.  She only let me have 3 days vacation time this year instead of 28 days.  She physically attacked me.  The list goes on and on.  The BM filed a motion earlier this year asking for parental exchanges to be reversed, but she never kept to the exchanges ordered on the JCO anyway.  Basically, she was trying to get the court to agree to what she was already doing, against the JCO.  She wanted me to attend counseling claiming I have mental problems and wanted me to sign a HIPPA release.  When I filed a counter motion and another one for contempt (denied parental time, lateness, not agreeing holiday schedules, etc) the BM really went to town.  The BM got my child to tell the "counselor" (who is not licensed) various lies, such as that I am mean to her, that I hit her, that I say terrible things about her mom, that I told her that her mom will murder her and how she will do it, etc etc.  I did not become aware of this until mid summer, when my daughter told me about it, but it had happened since I filed a counter motion in the Spring.  We went to a hearing in mid July and due to the amount of evidence, and the number of motions filed, the judge scheduled a new hearing for this week.  The BM was angry that she didn't get her way easily that day.  So two days later, on the Friday of a scheduled parental weekend, she did not inform me she was bringing my child and ignored my requests for confirmation that she was on her way.  After waiting 1.5 hours, I eventually had to go out with my son briefly.  What the BM did was take my daughter to a drug store near my home and call for a police escort.  When the officer arrived, she produced a bag of vomit claiming my daughter was sick at the thought of spending time with me.  She got my daughter to tell the officer that I told her that her mom is a famous murderer and will murder my daughter and that I locked her up in a hot room with no food and that I am mean to her.  This all happened almost two hours after my daughter was due at my home.  The cop left a voicemail message which I received when I returned shortly afterwards and when I spoke to him later he told me some of what had happened.  I found out the details later when I requested police records.  The following Monday the BM filed a motion to the court requesting supervised visitation on the basis that I speak "inappropriately" to my child and then she stated the alleged murder story.  It was the most ridiculous motion anyone has ever seen.  It was almost like a joke, if the potential repercussions were not so serious.  I recently discovered that there were 120 pages of police reports filed by the BM.  All total fiction of her building a fictitious case against me.

While we waited for the hearing, the BM continued denying visits.  Then my daughter arrived one day with her finger in a cast.  The BM infomed me her little brother broke her finger but while she was with me my daughter told me her step dad did it.  I have that on video.  I did what I could on this issue.  CPS were involved.  The BM and husband denied it, of course.  The BM rehearsed lies with my daughter so she told the CPS what the BM wanted her to.  I had taken my daughter to the apt and my daughter came out saying she lied to CPS.  My daughter also told me her mother rehearsed what she should tell cps with her and I have all this on video.  I filed a motion anyhow to get this on record.  It was a tricky situation and I did what I could with it.  Because I dared take my daughter to the hospital and the CPS person, the BM stopped me seeing my daughter from that point onwards and I have not seen my daughter since.

So, now to the hearing this week.  I represented myself pro se as I had no other choice.  The BMs attorney is a sleaze.  My previous attorney warned me he is evil so I knew I would have a rough time.  I am used to questioning people from my previous job so I did pretty good in questioning the witnesses.  I won't go into all the details here, but I got some things out into the open about the BM that I had wanted the court to be aware of for some years, because the BM went on the stand and I was able to cross examine her and get her to admit she had been in rehab many times and had been addicted to drugs and alcohol. (She still is, and I know what is going on but am unable to prove it yet).

Now to the worst part...the "counselor" was the BMs star witness.  I had reported her to two governing bodies earlier this year so she doesnt like me.  She had denied me access to my daughter's records even though the JCO states I am entitled to have them and her behavior caused me to file complaints because she had been unethical on other matters also.  So the "counselor" told a tale of how horrible I am.  She claimed I called her and demanded the records and called her a whore.  Total lie.  I had after weeks of stalling become very assertive but I would never say something like that and didn't so I was shocked by that accusation.  Anyway, with the help of the attorney, the "counselor" rambled on and on and quoted from her notes, saying all the above things and more.  She was claiming I treat my daughter badly, and that I have said all the things the BM told my daughter to tell her.  She went on and on and would not stop.  I cross examined her and got her to admit to calling the BM 3-4 times a week and meeting her in parks on her days off for sessions.  I asked her if it was possible that the BM had coached my daughter to say those things and surprisingly she said yes it was possible.  (I am guessing the only reason she said this was because another counselor who knows her and my daughter, informed the "counselor" that my daughter was lying, and she knew that other qualified counselor was going to be a witness).  I brought up the multiple relationships ruling which the "counselor" denied any knowledge of and brought up the fact she could not be unbiased when she is treating not only my daughter but the BM and the BMs two other kids.

I had video evidence of my daughter saying in detail how the BM makes her lie to the counselor and the cops and the cps.  But the judge ruled it inadmissable.  I brought the other counselor, my witness, to the stand.  This counselor had viewed the video so I was able to get the contents of the video onto court records by asking the counselor questions.  The counselor came across as an experienced and expert witness in comparison to the other "counselor".

Although I questioned the step father, nothing could be proved although I did cast considerable doubt upon him.  The judge ruled that it was an accident.

The judge kept allowing the other side to present hearsay evidence and all my objections were overruled.  When I presented evidence that was not hearsay the other attorney kept claiming hearsay and most of his objections were sustained.  The judge knows that attorney and I felt the whole thing was very biased.  The judge said she would issue an Order in a few days.

I have the Order.  The BM was granted her wish of reversing pickups and drop offs.  Many of the points on my motions were overruled in the Order itself.  The BM did not get her way with the HIPPA release or enforcement of counseling for me.  BUT, I was found guilty of talking inappropriately to my child and the Order states that if I talk inappropriately again, and it is made known to the court, the court will revoke my visitation rights.  And "visitation" is undermining in itself as I have joint legal and physical custody, although no one would know it by the way I am denied my rights on parental time, and other things.

The way the Order reads, it is giving a green light to the BM to continue telling my daughter to lie to the "counselor", go back to court and get rid of me.

So, I have a huge dilemma.  How do I protect myself?  How do I prove I don't talk inappropriately to my daughter?  Bearing in mind this judge will not allow video evidence, how can I prove what I say and do not say to my daughter?  I can't afford to pay someone to stay at my house from Friday to Sunday to be a witness.  Any ideas or suggestions would be very welcome.  This is currently my biggest concern and I believe it is a huge one.

I got no make up time.  The BM was fined $100 for being late.  That was her only punishment.  Due to the reversed parental exchange arrangements, there are going to be massive problems.  The only positive thing to come out of it was that the judge ordered a parental coordinator which I had requested and she ordered that my daughter sees a PhD psychologist.  Already the BM and her attorney are creating problems concerning agreement to and arrrangements with a coordinator.  I would not want to discourage anyone from acting pro se.  But I do believe the judge was teaching me a lesson for having the nerve to go into court and represent myself.  I also think I was at a disadvantage as a pro se litigant as I was not able to refute their allegations or present my side of things.

The court clearly favors liars.  All a person has to do is get someone to tell another person a bunch of lies and then have that person repeat the lies in court.  And the accused party is not allowed to present evidence that would prove his innocence.  There was not a grain of truth in the BMs accusations via the counselor.  It was all hearsay but they got round the hearsay rule with the "counselor" on the hearsay exception of allowing a witness to quote from regular notes taken in the execution of their duty. The cop clearly was in breach of hearsay rules but the judge allowed it.  The cop did not appear to believe the story but he had to repeat it.

I showed by way of a witness (a cop from animal protection), that the BM filed a false claim that I had broken my dog's leg. This cop testified that she found there to be nothing wrong with the dog and that it was well cared for.  This showed the BM does make false allegations to the cops about me.  But that didn't stop the judge believing the BMs murder story allegations.  The judge did not order supervised visitation but she punished me with threats of revokation of my rights to see my daughter.

I was completely set up.  There was no evidence.  They got the cop to repeat what my daughter told him re the murder story and that was hearsay.  And they used the "counselor" to repeat lies (and add some of her own!).  So I was set up on hearsay evidence and false claims.  And the BM was rewarded for doing this by having an Order state that if I continue to do this, and it is made known to the court, that all my rights will be revoked.

Do I have faith in the system?  Absolutely not!  I don't think anyone could or should expect justice in family courts.  Whether or not there is justice is down to a proverbial roll of the dice, imo!

I have posted before on the same case.  But I have just found out my child's step father has broken her finger and threatened her if she doesn't lie about this and other things to help the BM win at the hearing, he will break more of her fingers.  She is too frightened to tell anyone but me so I am not sure if she would tell a doctor.  If she would, I would automatically get temporary custody.  My dilemna is, if that were to happen, is it likely a court would award full custody if I applied, when I have recently lost my job?  It means my income is drastically reduced but it also means I would be home to care for her full time for the moment.  It would also mean more of my income would be available for her upkeep as I would not then have to pay the BM child support, which I am currently doing.

The BM is doing all in her power to restrict my parental time and will then be trying to get full custody.  The hearing is in a month or so.  There are no grounds, it is all based on lies and they are coercing my child to tell lies to the appropriate people to get the results they want.

Going this route of temporary custody is high risk in case permanent custody is refused and my daughter would be returned to the BM and abusive step father.  The BM is lying about the injury to protect the step father.  I have my daughter this weekend and must decide as soon as possible.

Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Does anyone know if a lawyer (or lawyer from the office of) attorneys that acted for someone in the past, can then act for the opposition against that person?

The lawyer representing my child's mother in the current and ever more hideous case, owns the firm of lawyers, two of which acted on my behalf in the past.  They have access to my files from a prior divorce. 

Does anyone know if the court could be motioned asking for this firm of lawyers to be removed from the case on the basis of the facts mentioned?

This lawyer does have access to my previous files.

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I "forfeited" my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed "hearsay", whereas with the aid of the "counseler", the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

I read on this forum somewhere that law students can often help with the preparation of a case.  I contacted the law tutors at my local university and they said students don't help.  I have prepared court motions which I will be filing with the court, but it would be helpful to enlist the assistance of a law student if that's possible.  I have joint custody and have a court date in 6 wks concerning the BM's depriving me of parental time, and disregarding the Court Order.  Perhaps a university wasn't the best organization to approach.  Would really appreciate any suggestions.....

Thanks
Heston

I've tried downloading the PTT without success.  Although the note at the top of the page says its now obsolete, it also says it can still be downloaded, but I am unable to download it.  I can't afford the one suggested at parentingtime.net either.  Am preparing a contempt order for several violations, the most significant being denial of parenting time and wondered if anyone knows of an alternative, either free or less expensive than the one at parentingtime.net.  Or a way to use the PTT. Thanks in advance!

Hi, I've posted a couple of times, but am going to provide more background this time, as I really need some help and opinions on a current legal situation and maybe some background information will be helpful.

The BH ended the relationship before my daughter was born.  She is now 8 years old and there have been problems throughout.  The BH is a narcissist.  She may also have other conditions but narcissism is predominant in her behavior.  She's impossible to reason with, likes to pretend she is a good mother and is an expert at playing the victim.  She has a problem with accountability and avoids it at every turn.  My daughter has been forced into taking the adult carer role and is always worried about her mom.  The BM is an alcoholic who gets forced into rehab every so often but is still drinking.  She has also used many substances.  I am not sure if she is currently, but her behavior suggests she might be.  I am not sure if I need to go into too much detail, but perhaps you get the picture

We first had a visitation order.  Visitation was regularly violated.  When I went to pick up my daughter, the BH and her relatives would do or say things to cause my daughter to be hysterical.  As she got a little older she would tell me about the threatened punishments or the fact her mom told her she was taking the other kids to my daughter's favorite places and how she wouldn't be able to go, because she was going with me.  Every trick in the book was used and I had to take a screaming child who took a long time to calm down, but once she did, she had a great time with me.  At this point, she was too young to refuse to go.


The BM moved out of state and I couldn't find her for a couple of years.  She moved back and I went back to court to get another order.  Basically, pickups were arranged at a restaurant my daughter liked, so she would look forward to the exchanges, but still the same tactics were used to upset her.  The BM would bring various parties to assist in making my daughter upset.  I followed the court orders to the letter, always arriving on time or early and returning my child on time.  The BM does not want me to be a part of my daughter's life and neither does her husband.


Finally, I got joint legal and physical custody.  It cost me about $15,000 for all the legal work.  A psychologist was involved in setting up the new JCO, who was aware of previous problems.  Amongst other things, the JCO ordered that the BM should bring my child to my house for exchanges, because this would give my child the message that if her mom brought her, it was OK to visit.  Of course the BM didn't like this, because she was then unable to upset my daughter in the same way.  There have never been any problems with my daughter being upset when she is brought to me and it works perfectly.  I then return my daughter at the end of the weekend.  The BM does always bring her 45 minutes or more late, and always blames traffic.  She could easily leave earlier or use another route and I have suggested both but it makes no difference.


The BM has violated the JCO on many points, for instance vacation time.  She refuses to cooperate on dates no matter how early in the year I provide convenient dates for me.  There is no cooperation and I have never had vacation time so far.  If visitation is missed due to ill health or whatever, she breaks the JCO by not permitting make up time if I cannot do it on the dates she specifies.  She also puts a time limit of just a few weeks during which she states I must do the make up time and if I can't do it, she says my chance of make up time has expired.  In other words, she rewrites the JCO whenever she wants. There is a lot of alienation going on, which is also prohibited in the JCO.  There are a good many other points that are blatantly ignored.


The JCO stipulates my daughter should not be exposed to smoke as she suffers from ear infections and asthma, but she arrives at my house with her hair and clothes smelling of smoke.  The BM smokes and so do others in her residence.  When I mention it in emails, the BM claims it's me exposing my child to smoke, even though I am a non smoker.


The BM has now filed a motion.  She wants the drop offs changed so that I pick my child up at her place.  The BM claims if I pick up my child the exchanges would be more "timely", when the only reason they are not timely now is because she doesn't allow time for bad traffic.  She sometimes takes my daughter to other places after picking her up from school, and leaves whatever place it is too late to get her to me on time.


If she gets her way, it is a big step backwards as we have already tried what she is now suggesting and it didn't work for the reasons mentioned.  We tried exchanges outside a restaurant and outside a police station.  Every time, the mother has caused massive problems.  As long as I go to her place, she will cause problems.  Before lodging the motion, the BM said my daughter couldn't see me unless I went to her place and collected her.  Knowing what her tactics are, I didn't do as she requested and said we should stick to the JCO.  I found out shortly afterwards that if I had gone there, I would not have got my child as she had been told she couldn't see me that day.  So the point of the motion and the request for me to collect my daughter at her place is so the BM can cause my daughter to say no, she can't come with me, and cause scenes.  She usually takes video clips or photos when I return my daughter and I am sure she would love to create scenes so she can video and photograph my daughter crying and refusing to leave with me.


I am representing myself this time.  I have a ton of evidence.  The JCO stipulates we must only communicate by email so I have thousands of emails.


I am thinking it might be a good idea to file a motion for contempt of the JCO to show how many points she has violated and also a counter motion to the one the BM has lodged.  Some of the points cross over.  But if I just respond to the motion the BM has filed, I won't be able to address many other really relevant issues.

Assuming it's appropriate to file two separate motions, I am now trying to prepare them and gather all the information for court.
I am thinking that because I have previous CO's and none of them worked, this history will show that no matter what is ordered, the BM won't follow it.  It will also show it's a step backwards to something that previously failed.  I am trying to work out arguments to succeed on this particular point.

I wondered if anyone has any ideas on how to convince the judge, arguments to present, etc.  And whether anyone knows about filing two motions at the same time, and whether a counter motion is possible or do I just respond to the motion filed by the BM without submitting a counter motion to it, as well as a motion for contempt. Thanks in advance.

Hi, I've posted before on the same subject but this is a new development, so under a separate heading.  I already typed this and hit post, but it didn't go thru, so if for any reason a simlar post appears later, my apologies in advance!

The current situation is that I have joint physical and legal custody but my child's mother has residential custody.  The current CO was created specifically to deal with previous problems.  It is set up so if the mother abides by the rules in the CO, the parental exchanges, etc, will go more smoothly and be less problematic for my child.  It's a CO that was painstaking and involved a lot of thought and effort and aimed specifically towards the wellbeing of my child.

The mother has largely disregarded the major points set out in the CO.  Always late, very hostile.  I could go on....

I have masses of emails and other proof of flagrant disregard for the CO and it's taken me a while to gather it all together and categorize it.  There are so many points that have been breached.  I intended filing a complaint to the court for contempt.

Before I could do it, the mother has filed a motion.  And this is to get things court ordered in reverse of what the current CO says.  Basically, the mother is asking for the total reverse of what's in the CO.  So, transportation would be the total opposite of what's in the CO now.  And it's what the mother has been doing anyway, with her blatant and continual disregard of the CO.

The mother has also prevented me from seeing my child many, many times.  If I respond only to the current Motion lodged by the mother, I am not sure I will get the opportunity to bring this up.  Preventing me from seeing my child is even more serious than the disregard of the conditions of drop off, etc.  But the current Motion doesn't touch on this subject, naturally, so I may be unable to address it.

I wondered if anyone knows whether it's legally OK to lodge a motion for contempt.  And a separate motion to address the issues in the motion started by my child's mother.  If it is possible to do this, I could address the frequent lateness, the denial of parental time, the failure to respond to CO email comms regarding visitation, etc, etc in a motion for contempt.

If I can only respond to the points in the current Motion, I fear the mother will get away with all of her contempt for the current CO, and possibly even get her proposals put into a new CO.

It would be a crying shame if she was allowed to disregard the current CO, consistently since implementation, and then approach the courts and be granted a new CO, granting her requests, because it would in effect be condoning all she has been doing.

I realize judges don't take the time to read through lots of stuff.  I may have to represent myself, so would sure appreciate advice or suggestions from anyone else that has been in a similar situation.

Thanks

I'm a dad with joint legal and physical custody. I have a court order that is very specific due to the mother causing so many problems.  She still disobeys the order whenever she likes.  I requested info on my child from the counseller.  I have every right to the info but the counseller told my child's mother as well as refusing to provide the details.  I went to the supervisor and after much persistence, the counseller said she would release the records but she has told my child and her mother that I will have the records.  Consequently, I have been denied my parental time for almost a month because my child's mother is mad. 

Does anyone know if there's a law against a counseller informing the other parent about my request?  I know they are not required to, but need to check if there have been any laws broken.  Would really appreciate some input, if anyone knows the answer.  Thanks.

Heston