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Topics - ladiva23

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Custody Issues / What paperwork should my dh file?
« on: Mar 17, 2012, 11:14:27 AM »
My DH is thoroughly annoyed with BM. So am I but I'm used to dealing with her idiosyncrasies.  BM failed to pick up SD1 from her after school program twice in two Weeks.  SD1 is released at 4:30 twice a week.  C/O from only 4months ago states DH picks up both kids  from school during his parenting time because of BM choosing pickup and drop off times to tell DH what he's doing wrong as a parent.  High conflict parenting, but can be modified upon mutual written consent of both parties. 

DH and BM modified agreement in person and have several text messages back and fourth regarding the modified pickup arrangement.  DH picks up SD2 from school on Fridays at 2 and BM gets SD1 from AS program at 4:30.

last week BM calls DH at 4:28 and says she's not gonna be able to pick SD1 up can he do it.  It takes 45 minutes to an hour to get to the kids school as she moved out of the school district so my DH calls me and asks me to get her.  I leave work and take a cab.  I get there at 4:58.  Principal says it can't happen again.  Mind you the reason SD1 is inn this program is because BM signed her up because she is inn danger of failing 3Rd grade.  Homework isn't getting turned in on moms days, its incomplete or wrong.  Promotion in doubt papers have already been sent home.  BM reached out to me (the person she despises the most at times it seems) and asked for my assistance.  I started a communication log for school, weekly progress reports etc.  grades improved.  Mom deviated from this in January...now promotion in doubt still stands. 

Yesterday, DH gets a call from school saying BM hasn't picked up SD1.  Again. I take a cab and get there at 5:27.  after school director is there addressing me like I'm BM "she's out of the program, this is the last time."  DH asks me to call mom she's doesn't call me back until 739.  Glad to know she was worried about her kid since no one called us to let us know she wouldn't be able to pick SD1 up.  I walked by the grand mothers house since she lives 3 blocks way from us and BM is parked outside.

This doesn't beat out July 2010 when she failed to pick SD1 from school for 4 hours and them when she realized it was I who had her... Filled a dv report with police that I kidnapped her child to cover her own rear end.

BM has also removed fathers name from school documents when she is the primary custodial parent and they both share legal custody.  The split went from DH having the EOW an after BM made unfounded allegations through ACS and other agencies... DH was granted 43 vs 57 percent arrangement.

Does he file contempt, or emergency ex parte temporary custody or an order to show cause?  He wants full custody of kids but is worried about filing the wrong paperwork like he did last time.  If this is just contempt then he won't file for emergency custody.  We just want 8yo SD1 to progress to next grade.  Also can't forget to mention now DH has C/O in place kids have only missed one day of school compared to when dad only saw dds EOW and they missed 19 days  and 14 days from school with no illnesses and 9 And 13 tardies the previous years

Second Families / Parallel Parenting?
« on: Dec 04, 2011, 05:01:51 PM »
Hello All!
DH and I have been reading up a lot on parallel parenting.  I agree that this works for our family and even may work temporarily with BM, but what happens when something done on our parenting time gets back to BM with only half the information?
As of right now, DH & BM are involved in high conflict parenting (and are at the disengagement bit) because of false allegations made by BM.
I am currently the third party used by both DH & BM to communicate issues concerning the children.   :-X
On one hand, I don't mind (if just to prevent issues that come up when two immature people parent children, but on the other hand I feel if I'm emotionally drained by dealing with a person that I am angry with.
Do you guys have any suggestions for how we can do this effectively?

Hello all,
Well its over, but it probably isn't really.  My DH was on the stand for all of 10 minutes back in October, and we've wasted three court dates since then, coming into court each time with documentation with all of her many wrong doings.
I guess the GAL, our lawyer, Judge and the respondent's lawyer didn't really want to go to trial, so they kept coming to us asking if we could work it out with PB.  We of course said "No."  We'd like for the forensic evaluator's report to be brought to light, which states that PB lied about almost everything and that she encouraged the children to lie about the sexual allegations.  The report also recommends full custody be awarded to both my DH and I.
Someone had a light bulb go off in their head and said that we couldn't proceed with the custody trial because a final order of custody was ordered in July 2009, and when we filed the petition in December of 2010, it had not been more than two years since the order was signed (it was at 1 year and 5 months that we filed the petition)  All the lawyers said unless there had been an arrest on the bio-mom, an ACS case with the bio-mom or drugs involved, 'no judge in their right mind would reverse an order of custody" based on what we had.
On a good note, we now see the kids every week and every 2nd, 3rd and 4th weekend even though it's only a 65% vs 35% split, where before he only saw the children 13% of the time (Yes fathers who don't press the issue of seeing your children more than every other weekend, you pay an astronomical amount of child support, and only see your children 13 or 14 % of the time that their mom does.  This is what you have been reduced to if you don't fight for them!)
I cry everytime I hear the decision repeated in my head.  I wish I had've know what I know now.  Our lawyer said a big part of the judge not wanting to see all of the evidence is because it was backwards.  For all of the crazy things she did, we should have taken it to court and filed a violation of a custody order on her right there and then when the events happened.  (1) When she moved for four months and refused to tell us.  (2) When she forgot the oldest one on the school bus, didn't pick her up for four hours, then filed a police report against me and DH for "kidnapping her". 
What hurts the most is that she, according to the abrupt disappearance of our petition for full custody, is giving a slap on the wrist and everyone assumes "Well, that's what a mother is supposed to do if her child tells her that."  A year of my life.  A year of these kid's lives.  Many years of undoing the damage that a vaginal examination and direct questioning about any kind of "contact" with their dad, will have on a 5 and 1/2 year old and 8 and 1/2 year old.
This is very sad.  I feel defeated in some way.  I want this to stop, but I know she will not stop.

Custody Issues / Time Limitations on Child Custody Trial?
« on: Oct 18, 2011, 12:35:35 PM »
Does a trial really drag on or is there supposed to be a time limit?
We began trial on October 4, 2011 and our lawyer was out sick today, so the next court date is November 23, 2011.
Remember, the same day PBFH filed to stop his visitation, my DH filed for full custody.
So while that part of visitation has been restored, we are now fighting for full custody.
Are there any websites that can assist my DH with practicing to be on the stand?
Our lawyer seems to always be unavailable.

Second Families / We talked for two hours yesterday
« on: Sep 06, 2011, 06:00:44 PM »
As you know, I tried to work out an agreement on CS with her due to my DH getting laid off.  I guess what aggravates me MORE about the CS stuff, is that we had a two hour conversation with BM right before I sent her the agreement, where we discussed a lot of the issues.

I don't trust her, at all, but I'm willing to call a truce.  I will never believe anything she tells me unless she actually does it, (you can see why I don't trust her, "Yes Diva, lets work on an agreement and stay out of the courts." -now we are going to court; "Hey, Diva, I dunno why we always have separate birthday parties for the kids, we should go half this year." but I get stuck paying the whole bill).  She told me that she's not a bad person, and she's never had a problem with me or any issues with me. I put her on pause. I listed everything she has ever said or did to me and she admitted it. Thank God she admitted it, but she also denied a lot of stuff that I have proof of, stuff that was verified by my phone company saying all sorts of racial slurs about my mixed race, that I'm only here to pay my husbands' bills and that I'll never be as good as her.

She says she prefers to discuss things with me rather than with my DH, but I just don't believe in her, I mean she caused all of this and then says "I'm tired of going to court"... I'm not saying she can't change, but I personally think with change comes consistency.  And its only been two days.  -__-

What do you guys think?

Pfft @ the PB!

My DH was laid off and so I reached out to this woman, even after everything she's put us through with the custody trial.

She agreed that we could come to terms without utilizing the courts.  We are in NYS where its 25% for two kids.  I told her two percent of zero is zero, she said she was tired of the courts, so I spent like three hours typing up an agreement with disclosure any everything.  I enclosed the CSSA annual obligation chart and she says:

"I'm going to meet with a lawyer to review" so I said that was fine.  She said she will review with a lawyer and get back to me.

She texts my DH tonight and says she spoke with a lawyer and advised her to let the court handle it.  SO much for her wanting to just deal with it like civilized adults.

I figured that she was going to do the switch, mostly because I'm convinced she suffers from SOME kind of delusional disorder...BPD maybe? So I had already typed up forms on my DH behalf and had him sign, mailed and delivered STRAIGHT to the courthouse.

Why am I so angry with her?  I should be happy because now, DH's obligation is only going to be $25.00 - $50.00 a month, and I clearly offered her $200 a month, plus 50% of incidentals, and health insurance on my HMO.  So its less money out of my pocket.  I should be happy right?  I tried to explain to her that because his unemployment was involuntary, and he was looking for work, and his annual support obligation was already low due to both a pay and hours cut two years ago, so his unemployment is worth squat like $184 a week, so he will definitely get a modification.

She doesn't get it or she doesn't want to get it, or she still likes going to court.  I think this is why I am so angry.  I know that once the CS gets modified that low, then she's going to ask me for assistance... but I will probably say no.

I'm getting a little bit more than peeved.

Second Families / Reflecting
« on: Aug 29, 2011, 08:14:37 PM »
Hi guys. 
I was just thinking of my role as a stepmom to skids.
IMHO, a stepparent is just that, a person who steps in from time when either parent is not around, or even when they are around - to assist in the nurturing and upbringing of that child.  All egos aside, its about the children.
We have just spent a month with DH girls, and I don't get how anyone, biological or not, could treat them the way that they have been treated.
They are sad to go home, but I feel like we might be more vested in that feeling than they are.  CO will go back to every other weekend, but I just miss them being here when I get off of work and just seeing what's on their mind.
Thanks for listening :)

Second Families / Grandparents saw the kids for two hours...
« on: Aug 22, 2011, 07:50:38 AM »
Hi all,

As you may or may not know, the grandparents to my SDs (5 and 7) supposedly told bio-mom (according to her of course) that they did not want to see or speak to the girls until the girls returned home to their mother.

That struck me as odd.  But its not really our job to figure out if bio-mom is lying yet again.

So I was followed into the grocery store by the grandmother - I mean seriously we live two blocks from them, so I always end up passing by their house to get to the main street of where we live-  I passed by her while she was sitting on her porch and then all of a sudden, she is behind me pushing an empty cart in the produce aisle.  She looks at SD2 like she wants to cry, so I tell SD2 "say hi".  They both wave to each other.  I think it was ridiculous that you haven't seen your grand kids in two and a half weeks and you only exchange a wave, so I take SD2 out of the shopping cart and tell her to give her grandma a hug and kiss.

Grandmother purchased a pack of cheese. - Random.

I tell my DH what transpired.  He says "its funny, because biomom has just text him saying she wanted to say hi to the kids."  He text her back to ask her to reconsider taking the kids to see their grandparents.  All of a sudden she says yeah okay.  After this whole e-mail exchange about "its their decision, and its not my fault they don't want to see the grand kids."  We have to wait until SD1 comes back from church with her aunt, so DH tells bio-mom he will call her in about 2 hours.

I suggest to him, that we should reach out to grandparents one more time.  And grandfather picks up the phone.  My DH explains to him, that he is not calling about drama, although he feels this "threatening letter the grandmother supposedly received is something invented by bio mom or her friends."  We just want them to see the girls, and grandfather says immediately, "can we meet at the park???"  My DH decided that they can hangout with the grandparents for two hours.

Bio mom text DH that she will be ready in 30 minutes to pickup the kids, and DH text back that they are already with grandfather.

Would it be wrong of us, during my DH's parenting time to deal directly with her parents?

Custody Issues / She LET us have parenting time???
« on: Aug 19, 2011, 06:30:04 AM »
This lady is off her rocker.

I know the advice given to me two weeks ago was to only contact BM in case of emergency, but on Saturday, I wrote to her to let her know it was okay to call the house sometimes for the kids, instead of making it into some kind of chore for the kids to call their mother. -Side note, we decided to have them call her every other day, because it was becoming redundant... "I think you should call your mom and say 'hi'."  "ummm... can we do it later? or I don't want to."  - left up to the children (5 & almost 8 -) they'd never call her.

Then, my DH text her yesterday so she could provide us with the correct number to the grandmother and father, whom the kids are with everyday prior to this month long visiting time.  BM replied "They will speak with their grandparents when they come back from your house."  Now, I don't know if this is the truth or a lie, because they g'parents have such a strong bond with the girls.  So I wrote her an e-mail and said "Its important for the kids to continue relationships with all adults that they love and who love them while being at our house." (I don't think we should live in this fantasy world of having the luxury to not have to interact with their family, and I wouldn't pin that on the kids either, that this is the way its going to be when you come to dad's house.) I asked BM doesn't she think all adults should put differences aside and have positive interactions concerning the kids and especially in front of the kids.

She replies "I put my differences aside a long time ago."  (WHAT!!!!!!! in March when ACS, Special Victims Unit and the Forensic Psychologist said that my husband did NOT sexually molest his daughters??????) She goes on to say "If that were the case, then I wouldn't have allowed the girls to have this visiting time with YOU and their FATHER."

Where's the I DIE button on this forum.  Is she serious?? I think she is.  I wanted to reply so bad, 1st of all sweetie, a JUDGE ordered that the father have makeup time with the kids, not you.  The only reason you agreed is because you thought that would be enough, and that he would drop the full custody suit, essentially allowing you to get off scottfree with your false allegation.  You were sorely disappointed when our attorney said "That's great your honor, we know the kids and their father are looking forward to making up missed time.  At this time, we'd like to move forward to trial for full custody." Your face fell, and you looked devastated. 

If she wants to be real, and if I had the emotional intelligence of a grade school child, that's what I would have replied back.  But I just wanted to share my aggravation.  She feels "uncomfortable" talking to my DH, because she lied about the sexual molestation, and now she feels like its easier to speak with me.  But I just feel like I'm so done with her pretentious, self-righteous indignation.

I don't have to deal with her, so I don't know why I feel so guilty if I DON'T keep her involved or keep her in the loop.

Custody Issues / I'm soooooo excited!!!!!!
« on: Aug 04, 2011, 09:09:20 AM »
I'd like to thank everyone that chimed in to our perilous plight!

Judge ordered make-up time, so we get the girls for a MONTH, and then EOW visitation after that, her lawyer didn't show up, so trial will begin the beginning of October.

What should we do to prepare for trial?

Thanks everyone!

Pages: 12
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