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Topics - Lady Tremaine

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Second Families / Update RE: A Step's Death
« on: Dec 22, 2011, 05:32:59 AM »
We had court. This is awesome! Fiancee's ex told her attorney that she didn't have a close relationship with my mother. She also told her attorney that apparently my honey told her in August that he no longer wanted to see his daughter. Our atty laughed & said, "I have a whole stack of papers proving other wise on both accounts." The stack of papers he's talking about is Facebook posts, texts, & emails.

When my honey went in to discuss visits etc, his ex & her husband were denying everything. No visits, no contact, she doesn't need to be part of his life etc. Finally they settled that we will see SD on Christmas day at 5pm & we will have her until the 29th. Then starting 1/6 we get her E/O weekend until our next court date. My honey said that I would be doing the pick ups & drop offs. His ex said, "NO, she is NOT to pick up sd b/c she's the reason we're where we're at right now!" Our attorney said, "She's the one that works the hours that will allow p/u & d/o's at a reasonable time." THE END!

Granted this is just a temp order. It's still SOMETHING! We will get to see SD for 4 days for the first time in 4 MONTHS!

We also got a gag order put on everyone. NOBODY is allowed to discuss the court case w/ SD. My honey is now on SD's facebook, has her phone number, etc. This is all stuff that her mom NEVER wanted.

Obviously we're a little nervous because we're unsure of what she's been told, what she's heard etc. So far, via fb & texts w/ sd, all is looking ok. We're still getting the I Love You's & the I miss yous! This is SO important!

The only sad part is that my children will be with their dad all but about 1 day while sd is here. In a way it's good, she will get her dad & I's full attention. (She normally does) But this will make it even better. Hopefully calm any fears she has.

While she's here, if she wants to, we'll be visiting my mother's grave so she can say goodbye to grandma. I am undecided if I will allow her to see the videos yet. The 2nd video I'm pretty sure I won't for a while. It's rough to watch. The first one, my mom looks good & it's directed completely at sd. I will have to feel her out & see if she's 'ready' for it or not. Obviously I don't want to cause any undue stress, heartache, or sadness on her!

Lady Tremaine

Second Families / A Step's Death
« on: Nov 23, 2011, 12:36:41 PM »
I'm going to try & make this short.. long drama filled posts are sometimes hard to read!

My Fiance' & I have been together for 3.5 years. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. Over the past 3 years my sd has bonded with my mom. I have pictures of them together, when she was upset or sad, she would go talk to my mom. My mom loved this child just as though I would've had her. Sd's mom knew this & even conceded that they had a good, special relationship.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. My mom had been battling cancer. She lost her battle 11/16/11. We found out on 10/30/11 that my mom's oncologist hadn't been exactly honest & that while he was telling us that her cancer was the size of a thumbnail it was actually 3/4 of her lung. When he said, "It's grown just a tiny bit, the rest is pneumonia", it was really her whole lung.

We contacted fiance's ex after 2 days, asking for us to get sd so she could say goodbye to my mom. The answer was this, "Due to facebook drama that has nothing to do with you, you can't have her." What it really was, was we are filing for custody b/c  sd's mom is refusing us all contact w/ sd, changed sd's phone number, has blocked us from any way of contacting sd. Not to mention mom can't keep a valid license, she talks derogatorily about us, is married to an alcoholic & just wishes fiance & I would go away. We are not.

My mom passed 1 week ago today. We knew that getting sd was slim, however we tried. My mom's visitation was Monday, funeral was yesterday on my mom & dad's 39th wedding anniversary. BM's excuse was, she can't miss school because she's not BLOOD. Then it was, "Sucks that an unfit, drunk mother has control doesn't it?" My honey replied with yes it does. He didn't lose his temper or anything. Just simple yes & no answers. She replied with, "AWWWWW" Of course being a smart ass. My honey let it be.

Yesterday morning we had a friend coming to my mom's funeral. She knows sd & her mom & texted her to make sure that she didn't have a change of heart. Needless to say she didn't. She said, "My attorney told me that it wasn't in sd's best interest to come to the funeral because they are not blood."

I have stayed out of this. I plan on staying out of this. I will give my .02 to my honey, but it's up to HIM to decide what to do. I have 3 children of my own & while I have an amazing relationship w/ sd, I have to focus on them right now. All 3 of mine are in counseling & have been for 2 years preparing for the death of my mother. Last night I asked my daughter's counselor for books to help my sd with this. She is not allowed to openly grieve for my mother. She is not allowed to speak about my fiance & I or our children.

This all started, because my honey wouldn't sleep with her. This was after she admitted to having an affair with her husband's best friend.


Anyhow my mom made 2 videos for my sd. I told my mom when she made them that chances are they would end up in court. Even in my mom's state she said, "Use them, you get that baby & bring her home." Broke my heart.

I don't know if I needed to vent or if I'm looking for advice, although advice would be welcomed. lol!

Ages: SD 13, My daughter, 12 (almost 13), my son 9, my daughter 8.

SD & her mom live in WI, Fiance' & I live in IL.

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