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About three weeks ago you had helped me write up a motion to modify custody.  My ex and I agreed upon the change we just didn't know the process.  

Well after you helped me write the motion I found out that the state has an agreement form so parents that agree don't have to go to court but just fill out the form.  

I was able to just cut and paste the sections from the motion into the Agreement.  My ex met with me last Sunday we signed it all, had it notarized, and I submitted it to the court yesterday.

The clerk said we will get notice in 4 to 6 weeks.

I just wanted to say thank you for the help, and guidance.

Here is a little history:
My ex and I are divorced and have 50/50 custody, physical and legal.  I have residence for school and doctor, but because of how much more I make I still have to pay childsuport.  The divorce was done through New Hampshire and my ex and I still live in New Hampshire.

A little over a month ago my ex came to me wanting to change custody over to me.  She basicly only want to see the kids every other weekend.  We both agreed that this was a good change because the conflict and confusion.  We also have been practicing this new custody for almost 3 months now.

We want to make it a permenant order but we don't want to go to court and don't know what the procedure is.  We want to eliminate childsuport for me so I can use this money on the kids and she wants to eliminate having to pay for my son's before and after school program, he is in because of my work (I work 8-5 so he goes to a program that takes him to school and picks him up).

How do we make the change:

1.  Do we just need to rewrite the final stipulation to the changes we want to make and then sign it noterize it and mail it into the court?

2.  Do we need to go to court even if we both agree to the changes?

3.  If it is just drafting up a new stipulation do we need to also submit any other papers, for example finacial afidavid, and childsuport calculator.

My ex and I don't have the money to go through attorneys, so we wanted to do this on our own.  I have a our original final stip in a word doc so if it is just us rewiting, signing it, noterizing it, and sending it in I have discussed it with her and she is all for it.

Any help would be great.

I have just finished my divorce and now am trying to rebuild my life. I went to pull my credit reports to make sure that the ex was not tied to them any more and found four accounts that I had no idea about. I also found that they had my current address as the ex's address which I never lived there and my former address where I currently live.

I researched the accounts by calling the creditors and two of them took me off immediatly and told me to tell the credit agentcy to call to verify, the other two would not do a thing. All these accounts my ex opened in my name but her address and charged them up to max and let a credit collection agency close them. It has destroyed my credit.

I talked to my bank on what to do they told me to call the credit agencys and open an investigation of fraud because I never signed applications, receipts, or knew of the accounts. I have called the three major credit agencies and opened an investigation on the two accounts as fraud.

Now my questions;
What will happen now?
If they find these as fraud what will happen?
If they find these as fraud what will happen to the ex?

My STBX is fighting that I have to supply her with health insurance for the remander of her life or untill she getts remarried. We were only married for 4 years and she has always had a job but been on my insurance because she would bounce from job to job and never landed one with better insurance that mine. I have contacted my Human Resources department and they will not cover an ex-spouse they said the only option is for her to elect COBRA for 18 months.

Her attorney is saying there is a law in MA that prohibits employers from removing ex-spouses from health insurance but I don't know if this is true or even how to find this out. The divorce is going through NH my office is in MA but my employer is out of MI.

1. Does my employer have to do this if the law exsists in MA even though I am employed out of MI?

2. Is there a law in the state of MA that prohibits employers from treminating health insurance after a divorce is final?

Any advise would be great.

I have just finished my divorce and now am trying to rebuild my life.  I went to pull my credit reports to make sure that the ex was not tied to them any more and found four accounts that I had no idea about.  I also found that they had my current address as the ex's address which I never lived there and my former address where I currently live.  I researched the accounts by calling the creditors and two of them took me off immediatly and told the credit agentcy to call to verify, the other two would not do a thing.  All these accounts my ex opened in my name but her address and charged them up to max and let a credit collection agency close them.  It has destroyed my credit.

I talked to my bank on what to do they told me to call the credit agencys and open an investigation of fraud because I never signed applications, receipts, or knew of the accounts.  I have called the three major credit agencies and opened an investigation on the two accounts as fraud.

Now my questions;
What will happen now?
If they find these as fraud what will happen?
If they find these as fraud what will happen to the ex?

My STBX is fighting that I have to supply her with health insurance for the remander of her life or untill she getts remarried.  We were only married for 4 years and she has always had a job but been on my insurance because she would bounce from job to job and never landed one with better insurance that mine.  I have contacted my Human Resources department and they will not cover an ex-spouse they said the only option is for her to elect COBRA for 18 months.  Her attorney is saying there is a law in MA that prohibits employers from removing ex-spouses from health insurance but I don't know if this is true or even how to find this out.  The divorce is going through NH my office is in MA but my employer is out of MI.  Does my employer have to do this if the law exsists in MA even though I am employed out of MI?  

Any advise would be great.

I am going through a custody battle and need some recommendations.  Things have not gone the way my STBX wants so I think she is trying to play the deeper pocket game using her father.  I am getting finacialy killed and am scared that once I get a trial that I will not be able to pay for my attorney or PI to do their job.  I have a limited amout left and now I am getting hit with more finacial chanlenges.  My attorney wont let me make payments but my PI has agreed to barter my talents for hers.  My delema is that I just got stuck with the STBX old vehicle and receive repo notice if not brought up to date in the next two weeks.  I have tried to private sell, wholesale, and sell to a dealer, but I am running out of time.

Can my attorney just drop my case or is there something that prevents him from doing this as long as I make payments?

Any other ideas on how to get rid of this vehicle.

Hi guys it has been a while since I have been here.  Things were going smooth for the last year until just recently.  My problem is my ex has file for a change in custody.

I am the PC parent of a 4 year old girl and 7 year old boy.  the court orders have been this way for a year now, and she was the one to sign them over to me.  Now she wants them to change.  Her reasons, there are two; she tells the court because I am a jerk (3 page letter of why I am a jerk), she told me because she wants power.

Other delema I have since moved on with my life, as she needs to do.  I have met a wonderful woman that has 3 kids the same ages as mine, in fact they all go to school together and scouts.  The kids all love one another and us too.  Since she has found out about this my ex has been sending her friends around the town we live in to spy on us, even at church.  She has gone as far as to have her mother take the kids for a ride through our town so the kids could show her where my girl friend lives.

Questions;
1) How easy is it to change custody after it has been established, and the mother signed over the primary custody?

2) Is the court really going to care that I have a girl friend?

3) Is the court going to care that my ex is having me spyed on by friends and family and having the kids tell her where my girl friend lives?

I have court coming up in a couple of weeks?  It is just a 30 min trial to see if the elements have been met to have a triall to see if there needs to be a change.  I have an attorney, my ex does not.

My ex and I currently have a 50/50 split, with me having residence.  Her life has become out of control and she has relized this and the impact it will have on the kids.  The ex came to me yesterday wanting to make a change in custody so the kids will have a good stable life with me.  

I currently pay CS becuase I make so much more than her and if this change happends I need to at least get rid of owing her this money, so I can properly care for the kids.  I don't care if she pays CS, she doesn't have the money any way so why beet a dead horse.

To get rid of my obligation of CS I am guessing I have to have this change in writing.  So here are my questions:

Once in writing does it need to be submitted to the court, or is having it noterized be good enough if needed for court later?

If it does need to be submited can I do this alone to avoid attorney fees and the friction that may develop by her thinking I am trying to pull a fast one?

If I can do it alone what is the process and procedure of submiting this to the court?

Any other thought or concerns would be appreciated.  Thank you.

Here is a little history.  My ex and I divorce was final this last February.  The court order stated that she was to pay half of the kids school, school expenses, medical, kids counseling, co-parenting counseling, and obtain a $150,000 life insurance policy.  

The problem that I am having is that the ex has not made good on any of the above.  I have reminded her about the life insurance, and she tells me she will get it some day.  Now the kids counselor has come to me telling me that I have to pay for all visits because the ex has not paid for any of them and is past due over $250.  She told me that if she doesn't pay her soon that she will be submitting it to collections and that I am liable.  The counselor said to avoid this I either pay it all and bill my ex, or take her back to court.  The co-parenting counseling has ended also because the counselor has outstanding bills from the ex because she has never paid her either.  

The school has contacted me about four times now.  The first time they had told me that my son would not be able to partake in the kindergarten graduation because his mother has never paid the schools tuition and was over due $1,700 plus.  Then the school contacted me again telling me that the kids would no longer be able to attend if their mother didn't start paying and sign a contract to pay her past due.  The school contacted me a third time to tell me that if the past due was not corrected by the start of the new school year that the kids would have to go some where else, because they were having to chase the ex for the money and when they got it she would only give them $50.  The last time the school contacted me was last Friday to tell me that the ex has racked up another $400 plus and if she didn't pay the $400 plus by Monday that the kids would have to find some where else.  

Finally all the medical and school expenses.  The CO says that she is to pay half of all this.  I have had to pay all the medical bills, school events, and the ex has even neglected to take the kids to the doctor until they come home so I have to pay all co pays.  I have tried to collect from her on all this but she will not give me any of it.  I keep all receipts and make an itemized statement for her.  but now the bill is adding up over $300 in just these short months.

I don't know what to do?
I don't have the money to pay every one off for her, and I don't want to set up in her mind that she doesn't have to pay her portion because sooner or later I will pay.

How can I get her to comply with the CO?
Do I need to take her to court?
If I do need to take her to court what are my options on what to ask for?
Can I change custody because I am the one primarily taking care of the kids and assuring their stability, and safety? (I ask this last one because I know a lot of courts have changed custody when one parent will not comply with child support, or finances that deal strictly with the kids)
Any other recommendations or comments welcome.

I have finalized my divorce back in April.  Now I am dealing with clean up and life.  The problem I am running into is differences of opinions with co-parent counselor and me.  I wonder some times if she is bias.  Here are the two situations:

One visit we were to discuss the children's involvement with the church.  Just to let you know I was awarded 50/50 physical with my residence being the children's residence.  So now they attend the church in my town, school in my town, and doctors in my town.  The X has just decided that she didn't want to take them to church any more, and that she didn't agree with Methodist because she was catholic.  I had to prove to the counselor that this was bull because the X may have been confirmed catholic but always practice Methodist by showing her the old Methodist marriage license and baptismal.  But none of that mattered the counselor still questioned me heavily of why I wanted them to participate in church.  The X didn't get questioned on anything.  It made me feel as if I was wrong for wanting this for the kids and she was right with out cause.

The other is during another visit we discussed how if one of us could not watch the kids, because we were out of town or had to work late that the other should be given the right to watch the kids.  This was originally brought up by the X during another visit.  I brought it back up because lately the X has been working a lot of night and has had her mother pick up the kids and watch them all night.  I told her I felt that if this was a constant schedule with work that I should be able to watch the kids because the kids should have at lease one parent involved with them.  I told her that if this was only every now and then that it wouldn't be a big deal for grandparents to take over a night here and there, but the grandparent shouldn't take the role of a parent.  Back when my X brought it up the counselor thought this was a good thing but when I brought it up it was not reacted upon the same light.  The counselor instead questioned me constantly about the affect this would have on the kids if I was to watch them the majority of the time.  I told her that it can't be too bad if the majority of divorces end with only one parent spending the majority of time with the child and that at least this would bring a sense of stability into the kids' life, instead of never knowing who is going to be there.  My X never got questioned the counselor just thought it was a good thing when she brought it up but not when I did.

Some history; the X has had a lot of problems with the kids.  She has not developed a relation with them partly because she does not spend time with them when they are with her, and the other part is that she puts her self first and her needs so the kids are always put on the back burner when with her.  Some examples; her BF has two older boys that always beat on the kids but the X never stops this from happening in fact she yells at her kids when it happens making them feel as if it was their fault.  

I guess what I am looking for is some reassurance that I am not as wrong as I feel, and also your opinion if the counselor is being bias.  Any help would be great.

I need help to know what to do.  I have to keep this short because I am at work right now.

I am a my X and I have split custody with me having residence for school and other activities.  The CO states she was to pay me half of all joint children expenses (doctors, school supplies, school activities) and she was to pay half of the tuition for school (my town does not have public kindergarten).  She has only paid me $15 and still ows over $200 pluss I just got a call from the children's school telling me that she is over $1,400 past due on tuition.  Leaving the last payment back at the first week of April.  This will cause my Son not to be able to participate in his kindergarten graduation.  She has bounce a number of checks to me, the school, the kid's counselor, and to the co-parent counselor.  

My son and I have been working really hard for him to learn the seven song he was to sing at graduation, plus his teachers and class have been building this moment up for him.  I hate to see it all get shot down because his mother doesn't pay the people she is CO to pay.  WHAT DO I DO.

I know in this site there are places to recommend or discredit attorneys but I haven't found anywhere to recommend PIs.  I know a lot of you have used a PI or may be interested in a PI, but where would I post the one I used.  My case went through NH but my PI has worked in a lot of other states.  I know she has gone to FL, NY, MA, ME, VT, OH.

If any one is interested please let me know or if you know where I can post a referral please let me know.  She was a key factor in winning my custody.

Some of you may remember some of my postings, but I will give a little history just in case.  This all started a year ago when I filed for a divorce from my wife.  Just before I filed she had made a lot of threats that she would never allow me to see the kids again and then even tried to have a restraining order put on me by calling the police one night.  Lucky for me the cops saw right through her.  It has been a hard road I have had to hire two PIs, install nanny cams, record every phone call along with personal meetings, write a journal, had her attorney suggested to go in front of a professional conduct committee, and get people fired and arrested for illegal actions.

But after doing all this it has finally paid off.  It put me in a place where she no longer wanted to fight me but meet my demands.  We went to mediation this last Monday.  We spent the entire day there because her attorney wanted to get this settled now so when we went to the hearing today for a reduction in child support we could just present this instead.  They agreed to my terms and signed the agreement this morning.  When my attorney and I went into court (her attorney and her left after signing, and left the hearing up to my attorney and me) I had my final trial instead of the hearing to reduce child support and the judge approved the final stipulation.  Even though it was just I and my attorney the judge still made me take the stand.

Now I feel like a new man.  My custody is joint legal with 50/50 physical, but the kids have to attend my school district and if the mother moves more than 45 miles from my residence she will forfeit her physical custody time.  I don't pay any alimony, very little child support (I agreed to give her some even though are incomes are equal because she has racked up so much debt that she has had to move into low income housing and may have to file bankruptcy), and I didn't get stuck with any of her debt.  I feel like a million dollars today.  

My attorney said that he will take this as a win.  He told me after words that he felt this was the best out come we could have gotten; because when we had started I didn't have much if any hard evidence.  He said it was all my hard work, two PIs, and a ton of research that moved us from a very defensive position to being able to plan our future.

The judge was very happy that we could solve this during mediation, and she even gave me a hats off for how far I have come.  

I just thought I would share this high moment of mine with all of you, because if it wasn't for this site and a lot of your suggestions I don't know if I would have made it this far.  Thank you very much for all the support.

My attorney has just contacted me because he has found that my STBX attorney has broken two to three major rules of conduct in the state bar.  He is going to file a misconduct against him and since the STBX attorney has done this also to the court my attorney is making a recomendation to the court they file against him too.

If it is found that the STBX attorney has broken these rules of conduct how will this play out in my custody case?  

I just had my pre trial last week.  The STBX tried to pull a lot with the judge which ended up not winning any browny points with the judge.  At the end we found that the STBX has over tripled her income since the temp hearing.  We asked the judge for a reduction in child suport.  The judge said she couldn't hear it now at a pre trial but wanted us to file a motion and it would be taken care of.

The problem now is that we filed a motion the following morning from the pr trial.  The day I received a copy of the motion in the mail the STBX was not at work (this was a sheduled day and time for her to normally work).  I think the STBX has quit her jobs so I will have to continue paying as much as I do in child suport.  

Questions:
If the motion is granted for a reduction what will the court do if she has quit these jobs just after the motion?
Will the court look at this a suspicious behavior since the STBX was happily emploied before the motion and then emediately after the motion quit her jobs?
Is there any way this will work to my benefit later?

I have a pretrial hearing coming up next week.  I don't know what takes place at the pretrial and am a little scared of what may happen.  I have had a PI working on the case and the PI had the STBX arrested for leaving the kids in a unattended vehicle while shopping (kids 3 and 5).  The police department exposed my PI to my STBX and now my STBX is calling the police left and right to report suspicios vehicles even though the PI hasn't worked the case in over two weeks.  My attorney even got a call from a state trooper about all the reports.  My PI says that they need to come to the pretrial hearing with me because the STBX and her attorney will most likely try to pull something there and try to get the kids taken away from me or restaining orders.

My questions
What goes on at a pretrial hearing?
Can the STBX and her attorney pull anything at the hearing or is it to just evaluate time for trial and evidence and witnesses?
Is it a good idea to have the PI there?
What can I expect and do?

I need some advise.  One thing that I have been faced with is the decision to move back to the state where the devorce is going through.  Just before the temp custody hearing I moved closer to my office which is located in a neighboring state (the judge still awarded 50/50 custody with my move).  I did this to limit travel on the kids, because my place is close, school is close, and the activities are close.    The only thing that is a drive is extended family and the BM.  The drive is about 70 miles may be less to BM.  Now that we are preparing for the final hearing my attorney is asking if I am moving back up.  I don't know what to do.

If I move back up that will increases my travel time and time away from the kids.  The arguement seems to be that if I live close to my office that puts to much distance between the kids and the extended family or family suport network.  Is this something the court puts a lot of ephisis on when deciding whats in the best interest of the kids is how far they are from grand parents.

I would like to stay where I am.  I have worked hard to build a stable life for the kids and a suport system for myself and the kids.  I don't want to have to move again and start all over building what we have now.  Any input I would apreciate for this is a hard decision that I have to make.  

I am preparing for a pretrial and one of the things that I know I will be up against ids that the STBX says that she spends a ton of time with the kids.  Realisticly she only spends one day a week and only a couple of hours at best then,  with the kids the rest of the time is spent with a babysitter.  She is currently working three jobs from 6:00 AM to 10:00 PM.  My attorney says he can't supiena the STBX work records but I need to prove that the STBX doesn't spend time with the kids.  How?

Also what can I expect at a pretrial hearing?

In the state that this custody battle is going through the law on phone recordings is that it is inadmissable unless both parties give permission to be recorded.  My kids have been making a lot of comments to me on the phone of how the STBX tells them they can't talk to me on the phone, they are to just say hi and by, amongst other things.

My question; If I record my children and I on the phone can this be used as evidence, because I am a legal guardian and I give permission to record myself and the kids?  Also do you think this information would have an impact on the ruling as an attemt of PAS?

I have been dealing with this attorney from the beginning of the process, but lately have had some concerns "is he going to get the job done".
1.  Some of my concerns:
2.  Seems to feel intimidated by STBX attorney.
3.  Seems to be intimidated that the GAL has now been apointed as a marital master.  Very unsure of croos examination.
4.  Keeps pushing to negociate
5.  Seems to flip flop alot
     A.  When we found more evidence of neglect he was fired up to get STBX arrested, Ex-parte, and CPS.
     B.  When it all went down he then wanted to back down and just see what CPS had to say and himself not file a report.
     C.  The n when I took my youngest to the doctor for discharge from the genitals, during the initial inteview with the doctor the doctor asked; did I know of possible sexual asault, and do I have concerns with care giving.  I answered I didn't know of any sexual asault but did have concerns of neglect from STBX.  My attorney flipped that I said that to the doctor he said I should of said nothing.

Any info would be great.

I have been trying to keep my kids safe from my STBX neglectful ways but I now don't know what else to do.  I have proof of the neglect to the kids and even on the most recent the police came and gave her a sumins.

I have contacted child services and my investigator has contacted child services but they don't seem to be not that interested.  Child services said to me that they just need to educate the STBX, but I have proof of a patern and even in the past intervention it never changed.  My attorney says I need to be more demanding of child services but this is the second report made this year on the STBX and the first one the worker tried to get me to give up my right and marked up her report saying that I was just vandictive when I wasn't the one who even made the complaint.

What do I do my kids are in danger and I feel as if my hands are tied by the system.

When I started on this process the courts aproved a GAL to the case.  The court ordered that the parents split the cost 50/50.  I have noticed through out the process in the itemizations that the STBX has never paid the GAL.  The GAL report has been submitted and I have received the last itemization and it still showes that the STBX has never paid their half.

How does the court view this when we go for our final trial?

The GAL did not use the full retainer.  Since the court wanted the parents to split the cost 50/50 and I paid my half up front will the court order the STBX pay the remainder or will the court order to pay half of the total and then I will get reimbursed a portion of my retainer?

During the intermin I had set up a nanny cam to video the neglect of my kids by my STBX.  And now I have a investigator to document actions outside the home.  My question is how substancial is all of this evidence going to be in court when right now it is a 50/50 and the GAL is recommending a 50/50.

Nanny cam shows hours on end of my STBX leaving a 2yr old and 4 yr old unattended even points where the STBX sleeps for 3 to 4 hours leaving the kids alone running around the house.

The investigator has video of the STBX leaving the kids in a running vehicle for 5 to 7 min while the STBX goes into stores to shop and talk with friends.

I also have picture of bruises around my 2 yr old's now 3 yr old neck from when she rang her neck.  The 3 yr old had told the counselor what happened but it was never reported to DCYF.

What is your opinion on if this will help my case?

I have a question about a sertain alligation my STBX keeps making.  She keeps sending e-mails to me and her attorney making statements about my driving while the kids are in the car with me (this is the only negative thing she has to say about me with the kids).  If this all goes to court will the judge take these alligations as a serious threat to the kids or will the judge think this is idiotic.  The aligations are that I drive to fast with the kids in the car (75 to 80 MPH on the interstate) when I am just going with the flow of traffic and never weaving in and out of trafic.  Any comments would be apriciated, thank you.

I am having prblems deciding on what to do about negotiations.  My attorney is recomending coming up with a sitpulation for my STBX but I am not sure about doing this.  My attorney says this is the best way to handle it because a fight in court will deminish any co-parenting possiblity for some time because of the resentment it can cause.  He says the court room will get nasty.

I am having a couple of problems with this.
1.  My STBX and her attorney are not acting as if they are even reseptive to negotiation.  That they will only except their way or no way (their way is sole custody with a retraining order so I can not communicate or see my kids).  Right now the temporary order is a 50/50 split.  I don't know if it is worth the time, money, or agrevation to develop a stipulation to then just have them tell me to pound sand.  Also I am woried that a negotiation would be used against me in court because I am going for primary physical with joint legal.

2.  It seems like most of the important things to me in the stipulation I would have to sacrifice to make it appealing for her to agree upon.  My attorney recommens to let the kids attend her school district where she currently lives in but specify the district and not have one parent with domicile.  The problem I have is that she has already tried to get the kids to call her new lover daddy and almost moved in with him (which is in a different town and this would explain why the STBX put my son in a private school agaist my will instead of a public school).  I know as soon as this is over she will try to move in with him and try to move the kids school district and we will be right back in court.

I am unsure of what to do.  Part of me says to fight to the end and the other part says do this as noninvasive as possible.  The GAL came out recommending a 50/50 split but if we go to court can that be turned down agaist me.  I would be ok with his recommendation with an adjustment, the kids attend public school in my district and changing how the week is split so I can spend more time with them during the school week to make sure their school work is done (as of now my STBX does not help my son with school work and he doesn't hand it in).  I am just unsure of the possiblity, if I do go all the way would I be able to walk out of court with at least the GAL recomendation or altered as I stated above or at best primary physical with joint legal.

Any input you could give to help me make a decision would be greatly apriciated.  Thank you.

During the process my STBX has infriged on my rights when it comes to education.  She went behind my back and enrolled my son into a private Catholic school.  She hid this from me till about two weeks before the school started (only found out really because my son said something to his counselor).  I brought this up the the GAL (who did not seem concerned with this), I have sent e-mails to the STBX disaproving the school, and requesting information.  I never received anything from the STBX and then heard my son was participating in a fund raiser.  To check the valitity I called the school at whick time I found out about an open house that was going on in just a couple of days.  I went and talked to the teacher.  The teacher had told me that the STBX explicitly told her not to give me any of my son's school work even though I am a joint legal custodian (my attorney had to get involved but that didn't even change the school's position).  

Now all I have for documentation is my journal of events, e-mails I sent, and the letter my attorney sent to get the school to involve me in his education.

My questions:
Will this documentation be any where enough to show the court her inability to co-parent?

How do courts perceive parental practices that tries to eliminate one parent from a major decision, and practice in the childs life?

My children are not of the Catholic faith and the STBX does not practice religion at all.  How much of an impact will this have?

I am new to the web site and have been trying to read as much as possible.  My divorce has been going on now for 8 months and my STBX is now getting extreemly nasty that the evaluation has been completed.

She is constantly making alligations that I am mental unstable, interigating the kids and the sitters.  Through out the eval her story was the opisite untill the very end when she found out through the GAL that I have pictures of bruises that she had left on my dauter from when she rang her neck and hit her in the back.  How do I fight these alligations?  I have talked to my attorney and he said they wont hold up because it is a he said she said, but is this true or am I in for it because I am daddy.

Another thing is she is now trying to turn my kids agenst me because the eval did not come out and say the mother should have primary custody (it recommended an joint equal time).  She has had a hard time convincing my son but I can see a difference in my daughter.  How do I prove that she is practicing PAS?  Do I need to get an expert witness and if I do what field should they be an expert in.

Any info would be great.  Thank you.

This is the first time posting on the father's board; I have finalized my divorce back in April.  Now I am dealing with clean up and life.  The problem I am running into is differences of opinions with co-parent counselor and me.  I wonder some times if she is bias.  Here are the two situations:

One visit we were to discuss the children's involvement with the church.  Just to let you know I was awarded 50/50 physical with my residence being the children's residence.  So now they attend the church in my town, school in my town, and doctors in my town.  The X has just decided that she didn't want to take them to church any more, and that she didn't agree with Methodist because she was catholic.  I had to prove to the counselor that this was bull because the X may have been confirmed catholic but always practice Methodist by showing her the old Methodist marriage license and baptismal.  But none of that mattered the counselor still questioned me heavily of why I wanted them to participate in church.  The X didn't get questioned on anything.  It made me feel as if I was wrong for wanting this for the kids and she was right with out cause.

The other is during another visit we discussed how if one of us could not watch the kids, because we were out of town or had to work late that the other should be given the right to watch the kids.  This was originally brought up by the X during another visit.  I brought it back up because lately the X has been working a lot of night and has had her mother pick up the kids and watch them all night.  I told her I felt that if this was a constant schedule with work that I should be able to watch the kids because the kids should have at lease one parent involved with them.  I told her that if this was only every now and then that it wouldn't be a big deal for grandparents to take over a night here and there, but the grandparent shouldn't take the role of a parent.  Back when my X brought it up the counselor thought this was a good thing but when I brought it up it was not reacted upon the same light.  The counselor instead questioned me constantly about the affect this would have on the kids if I was to watch them the majority of the time.  I told her that it can't be too bad if the majority of divorces end with only one parent spending the majority of time with the child and that at least this would bring a sense of stability into the kids' life, instead of never knowing who is going to be there.  My X never got questioned the counselor just thought it was a good thing when she brought it up but not when I did.

Some history; the X has had a lot of problems with the kids.  She has not developed a relation with them partly because she does not spend time with them when they are with her, and the other part is that she puts her self first and her needs so the kids are always put on the back burner when with her.  Some examples; her BF has two older boys that always beat on the kids but the X never stops this from happening in fact she yells at her kids when it happens making them feel as if it was their fault.  

I guess what I am looking for is some reassurance that I am not as wrong as I feel, and also your opinion if the counselor is being bias.  Any help would be great.

I posted this on the custody board but was recommended to post this on the fathers board also.  Hope this can help some of you by giving you some insperation of what the fight is for.

Some of you may remember some of my postings, but I will give a little history just in case. This all started a year ago when I filed for a divorce from my wife. Just before I filed she had made a lot of threats that she would never allow me to see the kids again and then even tried to have a restraining order put on me by calling the police one night. Lucky for me the cops saw right through her. It has been a hard road I have had to hire two PIs, install nanny cams, record every phone call along with personal meetings, write a journal, had her attorney suggested to go in front of a professional conduct committee, and get people fired and arrested for illegal actions.

But after doing all this it has finally paid off. It put me in a place where she no longer wanted to fight me but meet my demands. We went to mediation this last Monday. We spent the entire day there because her attorney wanted to get this settled now so when we went to the hearing today for a reduction in child support we could just present this instead. They agreed to my terms and signed the agreement this morning. When my attorney and I went into court (her attorney and her left after signing, and left the hearing up to my attorney and me) I had my final trial instead of the hearing to reduce child support and the judge approved the final stipulation. Even though it was just I and my attorney the judge still made me take the stand.

Now I feel like a new man. My custody is joint legal with 50/50 physical, but the kids have to attend my school district and if the mother moves more than 45 miles from my residence she will forfeit her physical custody time. I don't pay any alimony, very little child support (I agreed to give her some even though are incomes are equal because she has racked up so much debt that she has had to move into low income housing and may have to file bankruptcy), and I didn't get stuck with any of her debt. I feel like a million dollars today.

My attorney said that he will take this as a win. He told me after words that he felt this was the best out come we could have gotten; because when we had started I didn't have much if any hard evidence. He said it was all my hard work, two PIs, and a ton of research that moved us from a very defensive position to being able to plan our future.

The judge was very happy that we could solve this during mediation, and she even gave me a hats off for how far I have come.

I just thought I would share this high moment of mine with all of you, because if it wasn't for this site and a lot of your suggestions I don't know if I would have made it this far. Thank you very much for all the support.