Hello, I am the NCP (Father) and my son is 14 and a Freshman in HS. To give a synopsis, my son recently and very bravely, came forward (March 2012) with having been sexually abused at the hands of a family friend. This traumatic event had occurred on several occasions at the friends residence and once at my new house (where I currently live). My son had suffered this abuse for almost two years starting when he was just barely 12 years old. The perp has since been arrested, is in custody and is awaiting trial.
My son was seen by a psychologist to help him work through this ordeal but he stopped going about two months after coming forward. In his words, he thinks he can handle it on his own. My son suffers from ADHD as well and is medicated to treat it when he remembers to take his meds. He has just started going to another counselor to talk through his issues but that takes time and won't solve the immediate problems. His mom, the CP, emailed me recently and told me that he missed an unexcused day of school and said that this isn't the first time it's happened. I took it upon myself to call the school and they informed me that my son has missed the equivalent of 16 school days all unexcused absences, 12 of them consecutive days.
I have been in contact with the school, to which they respond that they can't keep him there if he wants to leave. The county he lives in doesn't have Truant Officers and whatever system they have legally obviously isn't very effective. My son has since been smoking cigs and pot and drinking on occasion. He has ran away for a couple hours, usually around the time I am there to pick him up. When I find him, he says he was afraid to face me. My question with all of this is how can I effectively discipline him when he is over for visitation, when his mother seems to be allowing this behavior? Last weekend, I took everything away from him when he came over (actually told him not to bring anything). He had no ipod, no guitar, no money, just the clothes on his back and told him it was his punishment for being truant. We had a few nice talks, he listened when I spilled my guts about his skipping school and smoking. He since went back to his moms and has skipped school yesterday and today and most likely will tomorrow too.
Do I just let it take it's course? I can't just let him get away with it and treat him like it hasn't happened but in the same sense, he doesn't seem to care what I think. I did get out of him that his excuse for not going to school is that it's "boring". I told him he needed something to fall back on in case his dream of being a rock star falls through, his response was "If I have something to fall back on, then I won't try as hard to achieve my dream"
Please help, any advise will be considered.
My son was seen by a psychologist to help him work through this ordeal but he stopped going about two months after coming forward. In his words, he thinks he can handle it on his own. My son suffers from ADHD as well and is medicated to treat it when he remembers to take his meds. He has just started going to another counselor to talk through his issues but that takes time and won't solve the immediate problems. His mom, the CP, emailed me recently and told me that he missed an unexcused day of school and said that this isn't the first time it's happened. I took it upon myself to call the school and they informed me that my son has missed the equivalent of 16 school days all unexcused absences, 12 of them consecutive days.
I have been in contact with the school, to which they respond that they can't keep him there if he wants to leave. The county he lives in doesn't have Truant Officers and whatever system they have legally obviously isn't very effective. My son has since been smoking cigs and pot and drinking on occasion. He has ran away for a couple hours, usually around the time I am there to pick him up. When I find him, he says he was afraid to face me. My question with all of this is how can I effectively discipline him when he is over for visitation, when his mother seems to be allowing this behavior? Last weekend, I took everything away from him when he came over (actually told him not to bring anything). He had no ipod, no guitar, no money, just the clothes on his back and told him it was his punishment for being truant. We had a few nice talks, he listened when I spilled my guts about his skipping school and smoking. He since went back to his moms and has skipped school yesterday and today and most likely will tomorrow too.
Do I just let it take it's course? I can't just let him get away with it and treat him like it hasn't happened but in the same sense, he doesn't seem to care what I think. I did get out of him that his excuse for not going to school is that it's "boring". I told him he needed something to fall back on in case his dream of being a rock star falls through, his response was "If I have something to fall back on, then I won't try as hard to achieve my dream"
Please help, any advise will be considered.