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Topics - NeverGiveUp

Pages: 12 3
1
Child Support Issues / What's it for? Child support that is.
« on: Dec 19, 2003, 08:01:35 AM »
I’ve searched this site but was unable to find an answer to this question.  My X is not providing my children with the things they need when they are with me.  My kids are telling me they need to go shopping for clothes to keep at my house when they’re there.  Isn’t that the whole reason I pay my X $1000/month?  Am I really expected to provide clothing for my kids when they’re with me as well?  I guess my question is a general, what obligations does the custodial parent have toward providing for the children?  Where is the line drawn?  The court defined my monetary obligation in strict detail.  They forgot to mention what it was for though . . .

2
Shrink Rap / I'm trying to avoid conflict, please help. Long
« on: Mar 03, 2004, 08:00:25 AM »
A brief intro followed by actual correspondence.  I am desperately trying to avoid conflict.  Please feel free to critique my end.  Thank you in advance.

. . .  
I’ve changed information that identifies anyone.  Everything else is verbatim.  I have repeatedly requested that my children not be left in the care of the person identified as “Unfit care giver”.  I have addressed this with my, X, my attorneys, my children’s GAL, the courts, and my children.  The person in question has been involved with narcotics, (I’ve presented proof to the courts) and is/has recently been on probation with CPS.  This person is a threat to the well being of even their own children.

The child1 in question of therapy was engaged in therapy when a TRO was taken against me by my X.  I’ve just received the child’s report card which indicates failure in one core class and border line in a second.  The teachers comments for second quarter where, “child is suffering emotionally and this is effecting performance”.  The lead in to the first corospondance was the X telling me child is doing fine.  A follow up with childs theropist indicates child has not been intheropy since the day we settled in court :-(

Child2 is in question of learning disability.  School has advised further testing since last year.  X has repeatedly agreed in court and then backed out afterwards.  During our forensic evaluation X agreed to testing this past fall.  It’s on record in evaluators report.

The interactions . . . It’s long and I understand if you haven’t the time.  The last response hasn't been sent pending critique.

-------------------------------------

Dear CP,  


I guess I don't understand “Child2”'s progress.  From reading her report card it seems she's fallen since last quarter not gained.  Mrs. “Teacher”s comments also seem to indicate an emotional problem.  I'll call Mrs “Teacher” and talk to her further.  I was unaware of “Child2”'s problems regarding riding the bus this past fall I don't recall her having those issues in the past.  I realize that “Child2” doesn't want to go to therapy but I think that's even worse.  She may be repressing something and I don't think that's good.  Ultimately it's our choice.  “Child2” shouldn't be thinking of it as punishment or something bad.

Regarding “Child1”'s education.  I agree that “Child1” needs more help.  However, when I spoke with “Child1” about the testing she was supposed to receive this fall, she mentioned that it never occurred.  Is this the case?  If so I think she should receive more testing as soon as possible to eliminate the possibility of a learning disability.  If “Child1” is suffering from something like dyslexia I'm not certain a private school is the answer.  As I mentioned last spring, there's a school in “place close by” that caters to gifted children with learning disabilities.  I realize that “Child1” is opposed to going but if we stand together on the issue she'll have no choice.

Also, it has come to my attention that “Child2” is occasionally being left with “Unfit caregiver”.  I realize that there are times when you may be busy and need someone to get the children on or off the bus or that “Child2” would like to play with “Unfit caregiver’s child”.  Just to let you know my schedule is very flexible and I can be there to get them on or off the bus with very little notice.  Also, if “Child2” would like to play with “Unfit caregiver’s child” I have made it clear to both her and “Child1” that I do not want them doing so at “Unfit caregiver”'s house.  In the future if you are unable to be there for them please let me know so that I can have the first opportunity to watch them.  If I can't be there then I understand you using someone else, or my parents are always available.  But as you know I am uncomfortable with the children spending time at “Unfit caregiver”'s house.  

I welcome the opportunity to discuss the children with you.

 
NCP

---------------------------------------------------------

NCP,
 
I would appreciate it if you would not patronize me in these emails.
 
You did not pick up the pieces around here from your participation of our inability to be humane about our divorce.
 
One of “Child2”s biggest issues emotionally was how you treated her on her birthday.. (I'm sure Mrs. “Teacher” will fill you in) She cried the whole day after her visit with you.  And, that wasn't the first and only time.   The end of the marking period was December early January.  And i'm hoping to see improvements.
 
As far as her having trouble taking the bus, she always needed to know someone would be on the bus with her every morning at "Old house". Why do you think I had to pick her up all the time and she came to work with me at :old job". She was always afraid and we discussed it many times.  She said she didn't know why she was afraid and that's when we brought her to "Old therapist(child went 2-3 times)".
 
 
And.  “Child2”s is not left a “Unfit caregiver”'s house because I can't watch them.  She plays with “Unfit caregiver's child” occasionally.. I think she was there once in the last month for a few hours after school while “Child1” was at afterschool activity.
 
As far as “Child1”'s testing.. it's scheduled for May or June.  Her grades are suffering because she's just LAZY.... I have to go to great lengths, including removing privileges so she'll get her stuff done.  I have removed phone and IM because she has been abusing the privilege and for the uncompleted math work.  
 
I'm doing everything in my power to make them the best they can be and I don't appreciate your always making it look like it's anything less.
 
Frankly, if we could even become civilized and work together when it comes to the children, that's when our children would have the best chance... Right now, they are lying to both of us about different things just to protect our inability to discuss them.
 
CP

-----------------------------------------

CP,

I’m concerned about the children and I’m expressing those concerns for your considerations.

I'm concerned about “Child2”.  Her grades coupled with Mrs “Teacher”s comments indicate to me that “Child2” should still be in therapy.  I'm asking that “Child2” go to therapy, I'm offering to transport her.

“Child2” has been left in “Unfit caregiver”’s care on several occasions.  I’ve made it clear to “Child1” and “Child2” that I don’t want them in her care ever.  I think I’ve made it pretty clear to everyone how I feel about this.  I agree that the children must be confused by the inconsistency.  I believe it enforces that there’s inconsistency between us and sets the foundation for telling lies.  “Child2” knows I don’t want her there.  When I find out she’s been there and then ask her about it, she lies to me.  I would imagine this causes her some level of anxiety.  Moving forward, I would prefer that they're not left in “Unfit caregiver”'s care for any amount of time and I'd like your support.

“Child1” was supposed to be tested last spring.  I argued adamantly in favor of this testing.  I was informed that “Child1” would be tested in the fall instead.  I was never informed that the testing did not take place.  I would like to be a part of the solution but I don’t see how that’s possible if I’m not being kept informed.  I disagree with your assessment of “Child1”.  If nothing else I believe she deserves the benefit of the doubt.  If she is in fact learning disabled then she simply can’t meet the expectations.

If there’re times that the children will be left alone or with someone else I would like to have the option to take them first.  Even if it’s only for a short time before/after school it’s time I can spend helping them with their school work.  Considering the close proximity of our homes I think the request is reasonable.  I would be more than happy to provide transportation.

NCP

3
Dear Socrateaser / GAL showing children court documents
« on: Sep 15, 2006, 05:48:02 AM »
SOC,

After not having seen my children for over one year I decided it was time to try one last time. Shortly after having my ex served, the children (15&12) were brought, by their mom, to see their GAL.  That evening I received a horrifying email from my oldest. The email made it very clear that she had been given the papers from the court to read and she was enraged.  The GAL never spoke to me, hasn't talked to me in 4 years, and told my children she was going to "take care of him in court".  I know these things because of a small miracle that took place the day after receihving my daughters email.  Without getting into the details, my oldest daughter and I have started talking and spending some time together. I can't help the horror I feel inside. I realize that family court is severely broken, but what is the meaning of promoting anger, hate, and aggression in our children toward one of their parents.

1)Why would a GAL do such a thing?  
2)Is this legal? If not, is it just another unjust act that we must contend with?

4
Dear Socrateaser / When the children give up...
« on: Dec 23, 2005, 10:11:41 AM »
Hi Soc,

It's been a long time since I've posted. I won't go into the history except to say I've been before the judge 2 times over the past few year, dismissed every time. Even when I had a report from a Master Social worker stating my ex was preventing me from having a meaningful relationship with my children.

Last June my oldest daughter (15) started getting into trouble in school.  Her teacher began calling me, so I tried to intervene. Instead of helping it blew up in my face and the child simply refused to come see me any more (a little help from mom who told her I was starting trouble and if she didn't get her homework done I would aggravate her life by taking her to court). Her younger sister, who sadly looks to her older sister for guidance, followed suit. Shamefully, I gave up. I would have fought the system till the end of my days but once my children looked me in the eye and proclaimed everything was my fault, I simply had nothing left in me.

With the exception of a few emails there's been nothing. I haven't seen or spoken to them in 8 long months. That goes for their grandparents, aunts/uncle, cousins, all who had great relationships with them. Sometimes in their notes they tell me how much they love me. But that's it. I religiously mail them, send them little things (Monarch butterfly’s in chrysalis, little trinkets, or details of happy experiences...) I live with the fear of what damage they may encure from all this.  Along with the echo of a court evaluator who once told me, "you must never give up", but failed to tell me what to do when the children did. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met many dads who are sharing the hell ride. My question:

1)What would you recommend as the path?
PS
I have written, talked to, and pleaded with my local officials to help us. Most blow spoke up my butt...

Happy Holidays to you and yours :-)

5
Dear Socrateaser / Failing school
« on: Jun 07, 2005, 09:57:00 AM »
I received a call from my daughters school last week.  Her teacher told me she was very concerned.  She tells me my daughter is in danger of failing classes, mostly due to incomplete homework assignments.  She also indicated that she would be willing to spend time after school to help her make up the assignments.  I contacted my ex and let her know what is happening.  I also offered to leave work and pick up my daughter after school to help make sure the assignments get done.  The response was, "You can ask her if she wants your help, if she says okay then you can help her."  This is such a dead end. My daughter is 14 and has told her teachers that she doesn't care anymore if she fails.  She has dyslexia and I believe she needs more one-on-one assistance to get through this.  However, I can't make her want to do it and if her mom won't support me in making it happen, then it just won't get done. The end of the school year is a few short weeks away. I have only one more weekend with her and I don't know that it will be sufficient.

1)I don't even know what to ask anymore.  I don't want the kid to fail and I know it will take a firm loving stance and willingness to provide the support she needs.  What can I do? I've been beaten up so many times by their GAL that I'm gun-shy. I know this isn't the proper format and my question is vague.  I'm a desperate dad that is struggling with idea of turning his back.  She needs help, she isn't asking for help and she's not going to accept it because she doesn't believe she can do it. There's a difference, that's why 14YO's still have parents.  What can I do?

6
Dear Socrateaser / Hidden Assets
« on: Apr 25, 2005, 01:19:33 PM »
Soc,

I have recently discovered a box filled with pre-divorce bank statements and expense vouchers submitted by my ex to companies she worked for prior to our divorce.  Upon further investigation I found a check my ex wife wrote to herself, from our joint account to an out of state account in her name. This account was never disclosed.  I called my bank and obtained monthly statements for the 2 years pre-divorce and this is what I’ve found:
-The expense vouchers add up to a large sum, ~50K.
-The expenses, usually for business travel, were charges to a credit card and then paid for from our joint account.
-I can find no evidence of these business expenses being deposited back into our account even though they were reimbursed by the companies.
-There was a large (8K transition) at one point from our account to an account in her moms name.

I suspect that the expense reimbursement checks were sent someplace else. Possibly the moms account, but no way of knowing for sure. There was a safe deposit box that she revealed but of course stated there was nothing in it (yea right).

Some relevant notes may be, the x began the process of purchasing a home before the divorce was complete. I’m sure there was a incentive to portray a good asset and credit standing to get financing. I’ve never seen this information though.

So my questions are:
1)It’s coming up on 2 years since the divorce was granted and signed by a judge. Is it too late to go after funds that were not disclosed?
2)If yes to #1 then we can drop the rest.  Otherwise, What can I do to get the information I need to prove this?  Can I have copies of the expense checks from the companies she worked for subpoenaed, and/or find out if they were deposited in another account?
3)Can I get a copy of the loan application she applied for since we were still married at the time? (The loan was granted)
4)I truly don’t know where to begin, anything you can offer would be a great help.


7
Dear Socrateaser / The "bigger and better" tactic
« on: Mar 25, 2005, 04:13:11 AM »
Typical situation.  Every time my children are excited about doing / going somewhere with me, their mom offers an alternative (bigger and better). Twice this year the children were invited by friends to vacation with them at specific times (In the past we have vacationed with these people and the kids had a blast).  Both times the ex offered an alternative vacation plan to take place at the exact time (bigger and better). The parents that invited the children are willing to put in writing that they did invite the children, at those specific times, and that the children were excited about going.

Also, my ex is planning on taking the children out of the state without informing me. She has further coached the children into deceiving me about the trip.  Specifically, they were told that if I found out they wouldn't be allowed to go. I certian that the tickets have already been purchesed.

1) Will the court consider these written statements as evidence that my ex is constantly thwarting my attempts at maintaining a relationship with my children?

2) If yes, is there a format that the written statements must have?

3) As a parent with joint legal, shouldn't I be made aware when my children are going to be getting on a plane and leaving the state? I would think that flight times, destinations . . . .

4) If yes to #4, is there some time frame for notification or can my ex wait until the last minute and then tell me?

8
Dear Socrateaser / If you already know . . .
« on: Feb 16, 2005, 02:40:26 PM »
Soc,

All things unequal. If I'm already sure I'm going to end up back in court.  Is it better to be on the offense?

9
Dear Socrateaser / When does it become contempt?
« on: Feb 14, 2005, 11:50:13 AM »
My ex is threatening, via email' to violate my court ordered visitation time.  Basically, she doesn't want to negotiate our current order,which doesn't allow for vacations' but has stated that she has already booked a vacation and intends to go.
1)When does this become contempt?
2)Are there any other charges that can me made or do I have to wait until the action takes place?

Thanks Soc

10
Dear Socrateaser / Vacations
« on: Jan 19, 2005, 02:31:23 PM »
Soc,

This is really childish but I simply don’t know what else to do.  A brief history.  Divorced 3 years ago with agreement for visitation of overnights once a week, afternoons once a week, and every other weekend Friday till Monday am.  The day the judge signed the decree my ex took out a restraining order claiming I was threat to the children.  GAL sided with mom and offered 3.5 hrs a week and every other weekend Friday till Sunday, if I agrees to attend therapy.  I was standing in a bit of a hole so I accepted.  Attended therapy for one year with therapist / social worker.  In that years time I would only communicate with ex via email (written).  Took emails to therapy with me.  I was denied special days like my birthday and all but 1week of vacation for the year.  7/04 I asked for increased visitation and a vacation schedule. It was denied.  I filed for custody.  GAL never met with me, never spoke to me, slammed me pretty hard in front of the judge.  Social worker swore out an affidavit stating that she found me to be a good father that deserved equal time with his children.  She went further to say that the mother was finding any excuse to keep the children from me and was not acting in the children’s best interest.  The judge declared that the statement was self-serving (did I mention they sent me there?) and threw out the case.  I get no vacation, no special days just the 3.5 hrs and ever other.  

The children were recently invited to visit friends during the spring break.  They were also invited to go away with friends of ours this summer. This is a blurb from an email the ex sent me:

“I thought I'd provide you with advance notice regarding the 2 weeks that I plan to take the children away”

The dates coincidently were exactly the dates the children were invited to places with me. Exactly one day later I got this one.

. . . ”Furthermore, you should not be discussing taking the children on a trip that is not part of the court ordered visitation schedule unless we've discussed it first.  The children should not feel as if they need to choose between trips” Our court order does not show alternating school breaks nor 2 weeks in the summer. . . .”

Now, the ex has already pumped the children up about taking them out of the state and then again out of the country for vacations.  I was never consulted and it conflicts with my time.  I can’t for the life of me see why I should do anything but try to stop it.

1)Can my ex get a passport without my okay? Can I stop her from taking them out of the country and if so how?
2)Is my ex allowed to pump up the kids about going away during my scheduled time without my consent (including purchasing the tickets).
3)Should I send notification stating that summer vacations are not part of the court order but I’d be more than happy to negotiate a new order?  I realize that I could squeeze a vacation out of this.  But only because she wants something this year.  Next year I’m back to squat.    

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