About a year ago I found out my husband was seeing another women. I begged him to call it off, to consider our children, our vows, the 12 years we had been together. He refused, he said that he felt that we were just friends going through stuff together. To make it worse he said that he never really wanted another baby, he just thought that it would make me happy, our youngest was 6 months old at the time. It was devastating to say the least. So I told him that I was going to leave and move to back home to my parents house in NY. We lived in FL.
My brother was coming to help and I wanted to give at least 2 weeks notice to my job. We stayed for another 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks were the worse weeks of my life. He would come home, take his dinner in the room and watch TV, while I took care of the kids, feed, bathed them, read stories and put them to bed. Did all the dishes and got things ready for the next day. Then before the girls would go to bed he would shower, changed, put on a ton of colon and all but skip out the door. he took the car seats out of his car. He had no intention of taking or picking the kids up from daycare or doing anything with them. Last fathers day he blew us off, he wanted to go take his girlfriend somewhere for her birthday, he couldn't even go to breakfast with them for Father's day.
We left in the beginning of July last year. Less then 3 weeks after we left he moved his girlfriend into our house. Shortly after he did that, he called me and said that he missed me and the girls and wanted to move the NY with us. I wanted to forgive him, I wanted to make it work. I told him it needed to be over with her. He said she didn't have anywhere to go, but she was mad and was going to move out soon. Basically he just made me the other women. I second guessed my decision to try and work it out over and over again. Finally one day he called me, he'd been drinking and told me he couldn't break it off with her and he wasn't going to move with up to NY.
Since we left he has not seen the girls, he has not been up to visit them. He Skypes occasionally. It used to be about once every 3-4 weeks. My kids are very young 1 and 3. The older one does recognize him, but she doesn't ask for him or ask were he is anymore.
He filed for Divorce including a parenting plan in FL in January. He told me about it after he did it. I asked him then to back off and let me file custody in NY, Jurisdiction falls to NY we had been here for 6 months, I asked how could he do that, he refused the answer me he said it was in the agreement. I just got the agreement at the beginning of June and he's rushing me to sign it or make a few changes and "get it over with". The agreement if all to benefit him. basically it looks like he went into the lawyers office and said "I want a divorce, but I don't what to pay child support". I told him a few things that I didn't like and he said "I didn't know it was in there" .....
I've been so stressed out about this, I've read the agreement several times, tried to come up with a response and changes that we both can live with ... you know do the right thing. And he hadn't even ready it... or he's lying. Either way, it makes me feel like he has wasted my time and his, and also that he couldn't even put enough thought into it to make sure it was something we could work with. I did take it to my lawyer and he said this is a "packet of crap". He said it would have to be totally redone to make it work.
He asked for a list of everything that I had an issue with and I made him one. He immediately flipped out and told me that everything I had a problem with was ridiculous and he told me that if we couldn't come to an agreement it would become a contested divorce and the girls and I would have to move back to FL. Again we've been here for a year, technically NY has jurisdiction and he shouldn't have filed custody in the first place. My kids are happy here, I'm a far better person here with my family. He knows that. I took it as a threat. He tried to tell me that it's the law, again he's either lying or has truly bad information.
After all this and his attitude I just don't know how I could ever send my kids to be with him. He had no interest in them before I left and has made no effort to see them, he hasn't bought one pair shows, one diaper, not one shred of clothing nor provided one meal. When we talked about money he said that he was going to walk away from the house and let it go in to foreclosure. He wants it in the agreement that he gets them every spring break, summer vacation (2 days after school lets out until 7 days before school is back) and every other Thanks Giving and Christmas. That doesn't seem to be outrageous but he can't tell me what he would do for Childcare (he's only making minimum wage), he just tells me "I'll take care of it" ..... I don't know how I would ever survive sending them to be with him. I'm worried about how much time he get to take them. I've read what a regular long distance visitation is, but in those situations, things seem to be good between the parents and the children have a relationship with the father. My kids don't have that.
My brother was coming to help and I wanted to give at least 2 weeks notice to my job. We stayed for another 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks were the worse weeks of my life. He would come home, take his dinner in the room and watch TV, while I took care of the kids, feed, bathed them, read stories and put them to bed. Did all the dishes and got things ready for the next day. Then before the girls would go to bed he would shower, changed, put on a ton of colon and all but skip out the door. he took the car seats out of his car. He had no intention of taking or picking the kids up from daycare or doing anything with them. Last fathers day he blew us off, he wanted to go take his girlfriend somewhere for her birthday, he couldn't even go to breakfast with them for Father's day.
We left in the beginning of July last year. Less then 3 weeks after we left he moved his girlfriend into our house. Shortly after he did that, he called me and said that he missed me and the girls and wanted to move the NY with us. I wanted to forgive him, I wanted to make it work. I told him it needed to be over with her. He said she didn't have anywhere to go, but she was mad and was going to move out soon. Basically he just made me the other women. I second guessed my decision to try and work it out over and over again. Finally one day he called me, he'd been drinking and told me he couldn't break it off with her and he wasn't going to move with up to NY.
Since we left he has not seen the girls, he has not been up to visit them. He Skypes occasionally. It used to be about once every 3-4 weeks. My kids are very young 1 and 3. The older one does recognize him, but she doesn't ask for him or ask were he is anymore.
He filed for Divorce including a parenting plan in FL in January. He told me about it after he did it. I asked him then to back off and let me file custody in NY, Jurisdiction falls to NY we had been here for 6 months, I asked how could he do that, he refused the answer me he said it was in the agreement. I just got the agreement at the beginning of June and he's rushing me to sign it or make a few changes and "get it over with". The agreement if all to benefit him. basically it looks like he went into the lawyers office and said "I want a divorce, but I don't what to pay child support". I told him a few things that I didn't like and he said "I didn't know it was in there" .....
I've been so stressed out about this, I've read the agreement several times, tried to come up with a response and changes that we both can live with ... you know do the right thing. And he hadn't even ready it... or he's lying. Either way, it makes me feel like he has wasted my time and his, and also that he couldn't even put enough thought into it to make sure it was something we could work with. I did take it to my lawyer and he said this is a "packet of crap". He said it would have to be totally redone to make it work.
He asked for a list of everything that I had an issue with and I made him one. He immediately flipped out and told me that everything I had a problem with was ridiculous and he told me that if we couldn't come to an agreement it would become a contested divorce and the girls and I would have to move back to FL. Again we've been here for a year, technically NY has jurisdiction and he shouldn't have filed custody in the first place. My kids are happy here, I'm a far better person here with my family. He knows that. I took it as a threat. He tried to tell me that it's the law, again he's either lying or has truly bad information.
After all this and his attitude I just don't know how I could ever send my kids to be with him. He had no interest in them before I left and has made no effort to see them, he hasn't bought one pair shows, one diaper, not one shred of clothing nor provided one meal. When we talked about money he said that he was going to walk away from the house and let it go in to foreclosure. He wants it in the agreement that he gets them every spring break, summer vacation (2 days after school lets out until 7 days before school is back) and every other Thanks Giving and Christmas. That doesn't seem to be outrageous but he can't tell me what he would do for Childcare (he's only making minimum wage), he just tells me "I'll take care of it" ..... I don't know how I would ever survive sending them to be with him. I'm worried about how much time he get to take them. I've read what a regular long distance visitation is, but in those situations, things seem to be good between the parents and the children have a relationship with the father. My kids don't have that.