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Topics - Laily

Pages: 1
Second Families / At a loss
« on: Aug 28, 2015, 11:42:58 AM »
To begin with some background; My fiancé has two children, 9 and 11 - nearly 12. He and the children's BM have joint custody, but they live with the BM. Due to living a great distance apart (approx 18 - 24 hour drive) he gets the children on a rotating holiday schedule, and for broken up sections of the summer. ( 2-3 weeks here, 2-3 weeks back with BM, 2-3 weeks with us again, then back with BM before school starts). 

Things have never been... easy, shall we say, when it comes to communication between he and his ex. And for the past approximately year, both children have expressed their desire to live with Dad and me. This is increasing in frequency and  has been causing huge issues.  It has come to the point where we have to tell them not to bring it up around or to their mother because she has now started threatening to cut off any form of communication between the children and their father where she catches them bringing it up. (I.e: If its mentioned on skype, they will no longer be allowed to Skype.  Same for emails, texts, calls, etc)   When they mention it TO her, they are yelled at, and informed they will never be allowed to live with him, and if they keep talking about it their "father could get in huge trouble". 

They are now becoming more insistent at the end of each visit about not going back, it got so bad that last hand over, the youngest actually ran from his mother and hid at the train station. It took their father 30 mins to talk him down and convince him he needed to go with BM. He is also having consistent night terrors after this return. For the past week he has stated he slept in BM and SDs bed because he keeps having night terrors. He *never* has a night terror while visiting with us.

  The older child has stated to us, as well as CPS workers, that she is scared to talk about what goes on at home because "Mom is a powerful witch, and she'll know i talked, and won't like it"  She asks questions like " if i hide/run away/etc, do i have to go back" at the end of every visit.

He is currently in the process of trying to get visitation changed to longer periods ( mostly for summer ).  The BM is on the verge of losing the house they are in due to foreclosure, fiancé is waiting for that to try for a change of custodial parent since we aren't sure if we have enough without a major CoC to even have a judge consider it.   I guess my question is: does anyone have any insight or tips on what we can do before he tries for change of custody to prepare for it? 

And before anyone gets on my case about "being too involved". Please, don't. I do not speak to the BM at all beyond civil pleasantries at hand overs. I am not trying to step on anyone's toes. Just trying my best to help my fiancé get as much information as possible so he has a better chance at having custody changed. 

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