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Ironically, I have been discussing this issue of Soc's message board.

I am in Illinois and my son turns 18 this December but graduates from high school next June.  My decree does state which ever happens last.  

What I was looking for was legal guidance to extend the support past graduation.  Before you all jump down my throat, it is not for me.  I am looking for his father to help his son with college.  

Our son has mild form of autism and other learning disabilities and school has been extremely difficult but he has made it through with mine and his step-father's help.   He does want to go to college but he will not be able to work and go to school full time.  He has been unable to find just a summer job because of his difficulties with multi-tasking.

I know many custodial parents just want that free money to continue but there are cases where the "child" needs help.  I don't care if he sends the money directly to him or the school.  But he certainly cannot support himself and his father is very capable of helping.

I also have two stepdaughter 18 and her 4 month old and a stepdaughter 14 living with me.  They were kicked out by mom both within the last year.  We receive no support at all.  Is it worth going to court?  No because she doesn't have the money.  Trust me, my husband actually bought a count-down clock until the date he stopped paying child support.  And in our case, the mother used the money on herself and nothing towards the girls.  So I have been on that side where you can't wait until that support stops.  Ours was a big chunk of his pay.

But when a parent is capable, they should be required to help.  You don't stop being a mother or father when they turn 18.  And his father certainly has the means to help his son.

Does anyone know of any cases where the non-custodial parent has been ordered to support the child past 18 if attending school?  What county was it in?  I am in Kane County.

Since the BM refused to every follow the agreement and supply medical insurance information to us, we have no idea which is superior.  I do believe ours is.  My question was to find out if they were committing any kind of fraud and could be prosecuted.

Regarding the custody mod, we fought BM in courts for 3 years to get custody of both daughters (now 15 and 20) and had everything well documented.  BM worked for best lawyer around and somehow the evaluator, although admitted both would be better in our care, still stated there was not enough to warrant custody change.  The oldest called DCFS, started a case and the BM's husband got scared because he is a teacher and gave the BM a choice:  Him and their one year old or the daughter.  BM chose them and asked me to bring clothes and shoes and pick her up.

She has tried to contact daughter and daughter has refused to communicate with her.  The courts, in our opinion, could possibly send her back which would again put her in harms way - in our opinion.  In three years, we are hopefully done.

This is for Illinois:  

Stepdaughter, at the age of 13, was asked to leave by BM/CP 18 months ago with nothing, not even a coat on her back in January in Chicago.  There has been no contact between BM and stepdaughter and no legal intervention.  Sepdaughter wants nothing to do with BM (long history of emtional/physical abuse but courts found in BM favor).

The BM's current husband carries medical insurance and has attached it to our medical insurance for payment of anything our insurance does not cover, i.e. copayments, etc.  Consequently all co-pays, etc. we pay are reimbursed directly to BM's husband - which they keep.

Question #1:  Is this legal?

Question #2:  How can we get the husband's insurance disconnected from ours?   (Our insurance company says they cannot do it)

Yes it is a sensitive subject and it shouldn't be as long as it is about the children and not revenge.  And yes, loans aren't the end of the world.  But if it doesn't need to be, why start them out that way.  He doesn't want to be a doctor he just wants to be able to support himself and a family one day.

My husband and I personally believe that if capable, college exspenses should be split three ways (father, mother student).  My son's father is certainly capable as many non-custodial parents are and they should be responsible for helping their children beyond 18.  I am not sure where you live, but I do not know any 18 year olds that I would consider an adult.  Especially from divorced families because some have lacked the guidance of one or the other parent.  In my case, my son has had other hurdles and a father who is abusive and therefore has had a stressful relationship with his son.

In today's environment, you need some sort of education past high school whether college or trade school.  I do not believe that parents should fund it all while the child parties at school.  I also believe the first two years are at community college and then in-state college.

I have put money away for my part and I have ensured that my son has some put away from gifts, etc. for his.  All I am asking is for his father to pay his fair share.

Unfortuntately as many of us custodial parents know, unless there is a legal document stating the non-custodial parent should help, it won't happen.

Times have changed and this magic number of 18 just does not fit any more; at least for the children.  I don't need the help, he does.  I wish you and your son well.  It sounds like you have been a good parent to him.

I appreciate the comments and I can understand after looking back at my post that it would appear (as many ex-wives do) that I am trying to stick it to his father.  There is nothing further from the truth.  I do not want the support, but want it to go to our son.

I am also a step-mom with a 19 year old SD who moved in a year ago (after being thrown out at 17) and a 14 year old SD who moved in back in January (after being thrown out at 13) and the oldest's 4 month old living with us.  I have experienced the BM from hell in the last 8 years in and out of court.  She has no contact with either girls and helps in no way.  Sadly, we like it like that because it is more stable for the girls.

My interest was to find out if Illinois had provisions for the children over 18 from divorced parents, receiving additional financial help from their non-custodial parent (male or female).  I have put him into the co-op program for senior year and they are going to help him find a job.  I plan on checking on scholarships and/or grants; however, due to his disabilities he will need to go to a special college that has special aides to assist.  I also plan on him taking courses over the internet which I believe is a great tool for him to get assistance at home.  

I do believe, however, that he does have two biological parents and I don't believe a parent's responsibility (whether financially or not) should stop at 18.  Since many non-custodial parents believe they are done at 18, what options does that give their children?  They should be given the same opportunities they would have received had the marriage stayed in tact.  Would have had to take out loans?  Of course not.  

Obviously it should be based on each case's particular circumstances but there should be provisions to ensure that both parents help their children financially (because you cannot force someone to be there emotionally).

Thank you again.

I reside in Illinois.  My son will be graduating next June and hopefully going on to college.  The concern is that he has been in special education since the age of 4 and was finally diagnosed two years ago with PDD - NOS which is a form of autism.  This has totally explained his quirks and learning disabilities.  He does wish to go on to college, however.  He has been unable to find a job.  He is up front when interviewing and advises them of his difficulties.  I suspect that is why he has not been hired.  Although his father has been paying his child support regularly (he is a federal employee - which is very strict in this area), he has never been supportive with our son when it comes to his learning disabilities.  Consequently I have dealt with it myself which included quitting a high paying job with the Federal Government in order to take care of him when he was younger.  

My concern is when he graduates and the child support terminates.  I have been saving in order to help him with college expenses but I do not see a way for him to help with the expenses and be able to handle the schoolwork.  I have been paying his car payment and car insurance for over a year which his father has refused to help even though his salary is in the triple digits.  The divorce decree states that support terminates upon high school graduate and that college expenses may be awarded depending on the parent's circumstances.  My questions are these:

1)  Does Illinois allow for child support to extend past the age of 18 (or after high school graduation)?

2)  Does Illinois allow for child support past graduation when the child is unable to support him or herself?

3)  Does Illinois allow for college support?

Although his father is most likely retiring next year also, he will have his federal and military retirement which will be in the triple digits also.  

4)  Can support still be awarded if the non-custodial parent is retired?

5)  What options do I possible have to help support my son based on his need?

6)  Can health insurance and reimbursement for health costs continue due to his diagnosis?  (He will be on medication and under a doctor's care for the rest of his life)

7)  How soon shoud I begin negotiating this with his father?

Thank you in advance.

Hi back!  Glad to hear you have a temporary in place.  Our BM refuses to agree and keeps it hanging over the 14 year old's head.  We don't have the resources right now to go back to court because we are also supporting the 18 year old who will be having a baby in the next 3 weeks which we are also guardians of.  But it is good to have all of us together safe.

Good luck on getting the child support and keep in touch.

Here is a short version of the background.  Attempted to gain custody of SD for 18 months.  BM worked for the lawyer and they used their evaluator.  Evaluator agreed BM had moral issues and was unstable but kept residence with BM and shortened extended visitation with BF during summer.  Made no sense.  BM came in with request for interim legal fees from us (she wasn't paying any) and fees for her lawyer to prepare evaluator for trial.  We paid the $6,000 for Evaluator.  Judge agreed.  We decided to drop it.

Two weeks later Department of Children and Family Services was called about the situation there (not by us) and contacted BM.  BM and Stepfather went off the deep end, physically assaulted the SD and eventually the stepfather told BM that she had to choose between him and their baby or SD.  Mother told SD to go live with father and that she was choosing stepfather and baby.  I was told to come and pick SD up.  She was not allowed to take anything with her, not even a coat (Chicago in December)  I was told to bring her clothes.

We are taking her to the orthodontist, doctors, dentists, we have changed our work schedules to transport her to and from school (different district).  We have purchased everything she needs.  She has had no contact with mother since 01/28/05 except for a few emails.

We also have her 18-year old sister living with us who was asked to leave two weeks before her 18th birthday.  She is 8 months pregnant.  She has had no contact with mother since July, 2004.

We are registering SD for high school tomorrow (in our school district).

Due to a clause in the parenting agreement that stated child support was abated after living with father continuously for more than 30 days, we went to court and finalized the child support last week.

Here are my questions:

1)  Since the SD is 14, can she refuse to go back to mother's home if the mother starts to push it (in Illinois)?  (lawyer stated she could)

2)  Is the BM responsible for her portion of medical bills if the parenting agreement stated that the father was?

3)  Since the BM has not once contacted the BF and has moved and changed cell phone numbers without telling us, does this constitute abandonment?

4)  Since the BM and stepfather had charges filed the weekend they twisted the SD's arm to take our cell phone away from her, why can't we get a copy of the police report (police states it has to do with SD being a minor)?

5)  Since stepfather is a high school teacher, is he required to tell the school he is employed at, about police reports and DCFS?

6)  SD is currently in counseling to deal with BM's behavior.  Are we required to tell the BM who she is seeing if the SD has requested that we not tell her?

Thanks.

Thank you for your quick response and I am sorry about my posting errors.

We did file a police report and the police officer, after talking to mom and stepfather, stated she had a right to hit her because she was being disobedient for not giving up the phone.  The police officere also told daughter that the next time she ran away, he was going to call social services and put her in foster care and her father would be in trouble for giving her these ideas.

DCFS told daughter, when visiting with mom, that mom had a right to correct her (hit her) and that the "mom" should call the police the next time the daughter will not do what she is told.

The daughter is will to testify as long as she is living with us.  When with mom, she is afraid of her (long history of emotional and verbal abuse).

We had a custody evaluation but the evalutor, even though he agreed mom was living immoral life and unstable, recommended custody stay the same but all should go into counseling.

We are now fight ex's lawyer who sued us for BM's legal fees because BM won't pay him.

Mother is now stating she was only letting daughter visit with dad.

1)  Can we still use that she asked her to leave to gain temporary custody even though she will deny it?

2)  How can we stop her from grabbing her at school because she has legal custody?

3)  When you said "file a police report" did you mean about BM and stepparent hitting her or about the daughter being asked to leave?

Thanks again!

  Dear Soc,

My husband's ex told their 14 year old daughter (after she ran away and DCFS was called on mom) to go live with her dad. The mom, who is CP, called me and said to bring over clothes and come pick her up. The mom sent her out of the door with a stuffed animal and gym clothes (no coat, not personal items, nothing).

What brought things to a head is that BM and stepdad twisted both daughter's arms back and BM slapped daughter in order to take away cell phone we had bought daughter in case she needed to contact us.  BM does not allow daughter to have private conversations.

Mom had packed up her room and put everything in boxes. This happened 15 days ago. Mom has called two times since telling daughter she wasn't changing custody but just letting her visit dad. Daughter will not talk to BM and BM has not talked to my husband.

We also have her pregnant 18 year old sister (who mom kicked out one week before turning 18) living with us. She is seeing a psychologist for all the emotional and verbal abuse her mom put her through. We are, of course, continuing to pay child support.

Quick background: We filed for custody 18 months ago but pulled out in December for numerous reasons. Daughters hate BM who is on her 4th husband and has bipolar episodes. The 14 year does not want to return home. We have the school counselor and social worker on our side.

We are now in a routine and our daughter is happy and adjusted.  We are in Illinois. Joint Parenting Agreement states after 4 weeks child support can stopped.

Our lawyer is stating that there is nothing we can do and that when mom decides daughter needs to go home, we have no recourse. We would like to go in for emergency temporary custody because the mom told her to get out and live with dad.  We expect to hear something when the four weeks are up because BM cannot survive without child support.

1.  Do you think we should talk to another lawyer?

2.  Is there anything you can think of that we can do to keep our daughter with us where she is safe?